Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[IamanElfCollaborator]

86. Pay in pounds of flesh or blood.

[Dorsidwarf]

87: Pay with a huge wad of £50 notes, then run screaming out of the store giggling about MY MONKEY DEMON CONTRACT PAID OFF

[Eotyrannus]

88. Put giant 'ASDA' stickers over all of the 'WALMART' signs.

[IamanElfCollaborator]

88. Put giant 'ASDA' stickers over all of the 'WALMART' signs.

88a. Put giant Tesco's stickers over all of the Walmart signs.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

75a. Test firearms using people as targets.

Dude. Not funny.

But you were fine with the post about kitten corpses and hippo feces. I mean, it's like not there's an end-cap display with neatly-arranged kitten corpses. You'd have to make those yourself!

[Lord_lemonpie]

89:Taking your pet elephant with you.

[GreatWyrmGold]

75a. Test firearms using people as targets.

Dude. Not funny.

But you were fine with the post about kitten corpses and hippo feces. I mean, it's like not there's an end-cap display with neatly-arranged kitten corpses. You'd have to make those yourself!

1. I don't remember that.
2. There is a fine secondary line between "atrocious" and "absurd". Shooting randomly in Wal-Mart doesn't cross the first line. Kitten corpses and hippo feces crosses both lines. Shooting people in Wal-Mart only crosses the first.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

90: Stand in front of the greeter and continually greet them back whenever they try to greet anyone.
91: Set up graveyards using the lids to big storage containers, writing the names of destroyed local businesses on them with markers.
92: Sneak into the employee section and break the punch-clock.
93: Dress as a giant smiley face and barrel down the aisles knocking over pricing signs.
94: Take a big roll of Clearance stickers and apply them liberally to items throughout the store, expensive or not.
95: Borrow a flathead screwdriver from the tool section and begin opening paint cans, stacking them in a triangle. When discovered and challenged, knock over the triangle of paint cans toward the aggressor and flee in the opposite direction.
96: Move organic produce into the non-organic section and vice versa.
97: Collect pricing tags and signs, explain that you're just comparing to see if the prices are the same in all the departments.
98: Pull the breaker so the store's power shuts down.
99: Continually do the walmart cheer that employees are compelled to do, but with a grim face and dirge-like.
100: Clean their bathrooms.

[GreatWyrmGold]

91: Set up graveyards using the lids to big storage containers, writing the names of destroyed local businesses on them with markers.

Nice one.

101. Bring in a large number of children you are babysitting to the toy section. Encourage them to play with all the toys there.

P.S. 10% there!

[IamanElfCollaborator]

102. Take a jar of 'free samples' of cheese and attempting to leave.

[RangerCado]

103. Try to play a prank on some random people! (True story, a guys has a playlist of pranks he pulls in Walmart.)

[LeoLeonardoIII]

104. Using only products and tools at the walmart, gathering free samples from throughout the store, prepare an entire meal.
105. Gear up with sporting goods for protection and then brave the electronics section, site of the greatest number of violent attacks during Black Friday.
106. Enter and exit repeatedly.
107. Bring your old clothes you no longer want and hang them on the racks. Make sure you put them with the right sizes!
108. Wear your worst stained and hole-riddled clothes, do not bathe for weeks, bring a dozen screaming filthy children, and wander the store talking on speakerphone and eating food you haven't purchased yet. Wait, they won't turn you away, that's probably 40% of their clientele.
108. Bring your busload of elderly nursing-home residents on a field trip! Make sure their meds are pinned to their sleeves. Offer no additional supervision, except attempting to herd them around so they're evenly-distributed throughout the store. Spend the rest of the day listening to dubstep in the electronics section.
109. Prepare all the Chia pets so the buyers get a head start.
110. Dress in the employee outfit, stick on a supervisor badge or whatever they use, and begin calling people in for overdue employee reviews. All 5-stars, excellent work, I'm putting you in for a raise. Actually process the paperwork and send it to corporate. At the end of the day release the manager from the stockroom and as he's stripping off the duct tape, give an ominous warning that "whatever happens in walmart, stays in walmart."
111. Deploy all of the "wet floor" hazard signs.
112. Strategically use movable end-caps to block off aisles in an attempt to capture as many customers as possible. Observe their behavior from above with a clipboard.
113. Loop various episodes of South Park into the CCTV system so it's impossible to spy on the customers and track their movements and buying patterns using the facial recognition software.
114. Bring a cartload of goods into the bathroom. Explain that you don't want anyone else to grab your savings.
115. Insist that coupons from other stores should still be honored, despite expiration dates and foreign language/currency.

[IamanElfCollaborator]

116. Use Not Always Right as a checklist.

[LeoLeonardoIII]

When you get to the register, take as long as possible:
117. Keep adding things to the belt from your cart or the impulse-buy shelves.
118. Ask for price checks on items, even ones that you got from the impulse shelves right next to you.
119. Pay with a check, oops, I made a mistake let me write a new one.
120. Pay with coins, oops, not enough coins. Also I can barely count so I need to repeat from the start.
121. Pay with foreign currency.
122. Pay with a transit card or library card.
123. Ask to remove items from the bill and have them reshelved.
124. Do you sell firewood? Yes, please have them bring some. Oh silly me, I need two bundles. Did I say two? I'm so sorry, I need twenty!
125. After all, this firewood looks pretty wet. What was the process used to season it?
126. Let me check my smartphone, I might get a better deal on that at Costco.
127. Hold on one second, this call is really important.
128. Also all of these texts.
129. Do you have a pay phone? You do? Great, can you bring it to the checkout line? I don't want to lose my place.
130. WHERE IS MY CHILD (several tense minutes of searching later) oh right, I don't have children.
131. Can I trade you this check in exchange for part of the bill? Oh. Can I cash it here before my purchase then?
132. This milk has been out of the cooler for too long. Can you send someone to bring a replacement? Good, you're back. I'm not sure about this yogurt either.
133. Do you have an egg-testing light?
134. I need a scale to make sure I'm actually getting 96 oz. of cereal here. I know how you people work, counting the weight of the bag.
135. Hold up I need to check my blood sugar.
136. Do you have a jewelry section? Can you wait here while I go look, and when I come back you can handle my jewelry purchase here? What if I take all this to the jewelry section, can they handle the whole purchase? I don't want to use my debit card twice because it wears out the magnetic strip.
137. I need to test this deodorant. Hmm. I can't tell, do you think my armpits smell better? Well I don't think so, can you have someone put it back?
138. Do you have any recipe ideas for this watermelon? Yes it's in two halves, I thought I wanted only one half but after cutting it I decided I wanted a two halves. Of course they don't fit together! I cut two and took the best half of each.
139. Ask the cashier various hypothetical questions such as, if you were on a deserted island and there was only one walmart section, which walmart section would you want to work at forever because you never went to college?
140. Ask for employment papers. Fill them out right there. Oops I made a mistake, can I have another set?

[SOLDIER First]

141. Attempt to stab someone with a banana.
142. Attempt to stab someone with a pool noodle.
143. Attempt to stab someone with a strand of spaghetti.
144. Throw watermelons at white people and yell, "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!"