Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Robot Parade Leader]

If you would all be so kind as to help me out with some stuff, I would really appreciate it. Please don't quote this or be mean to me.

I keep hearing something along the lines of, "It isn't how many times you fall, it's how fast you get back up." I'm having a real hard time getting back up. I know everybody has to deal with this. I may not be dealing with it very well, and I'd like to deal with it better. I don't know who has it worse, and I don't think I want to compare scars with others, because it won't help. I just want to focus on getting better. How do you deal with serious stress and cope well?

This is rather difficult for me to post. I've been under  ton of stress lately.

*I've recently had major problems eating (keeping food down, etc), have (in a bad way) lost 35 pounds (I've gained maybe 10 or so of that back).
*I can't really stomach very much soda or heavier food anymore, so I'm drinking a ton of tea.
*I keep having obsessive, intrusive thoughts (not hearing voices or anything, but rather replaying past events or possible future concerns over and over again in my head).
*I know I am good at what I do, but I have been unfairly told I am not and it's really undermining my self confidence.
*I've withdrawn socially.
*Within about the past month or so, everything seems to grate on my nerves and I don't know why (I handle it well by ignoring it but the cat meowing or somebody trying to talk to me never bothered me like this before.

Honestly, the obsessive thoughts appear to be the biggest problem (I think). I don't know if they're the root of the problem or just an expression of it. I'm sort of paralyzed with fear to do anything at the moment. I realize I have to do certain things to make my life better. I want to do them. I try to do them, but then I get scared for some odd reason with a paralyzing fear. I've read about stuff like that but I never thought fear could be paralyzing until now. Sure, maybe fear of some physical thing might stop somebody in their tracks, but I'm afraid of doing pretty much anything right at the moment (I know, that's weird).

I'm spending too much time being haunted by thoughts and memories from old experiences and I know I need to use that time constructively instead. Stress is really starting to get to me, and I know I need to do a better job coping with it. I know I need to be ok with who I am (I am not comfortable in my own skin). I know that doing things constructively will help me out much more than worrying about things (in terms of stress and actually getting things done).

Any advice would be greatly appreciated (reasonable advice only please).


P.S. So far I'm trying some very basic yoga ("Downward Dog," apparently). I feel kind of silly doing it.

[Tiruin]

I'll ask something first before anything (other than 'Please don't drink lots of soda, or at all..really, those things are filled with sugars):

Those statements in the *s seem more like effects rather than causes. Do you know the core reason why you're stressed or feeling like such? Do you think, in any way, that those people who speak ill of you determine who you are instead of who you know you are by your capabilities and personal empirical evidence? [which is directly related to self-esteem]
Do you think too much (to the point of giving priority to trivial stuff, like the last part about the..cat and all?) that you're annoyed by those which you sense? ...Wait, restating: Did you try to find out why those things grate on your nerves?

[Caz]

First, see a doctor to make sure everything's ok with your body. Losing that much weight is pretty bad. Make sure your diet is healthy - lots of vegetables, legumes, minimal processed sugars etc. Too much caffeine could be increasing your anxiety. Keep off drugs and alcohol. Try to exercise every day (even brisk walks are fine, but whatever you enjoy), and meditate for maybe 15 minutes a day. Make sure you're getting enough quality sleep.

That's all the general advice that's good for everyone. I'd also say to do something you enjoy and take a day off from the stresses of the world and worrying. Go to the seaside, hike through the forest, see an opera, whatever floats your boat. Things will get better, probably.

[Drakale]

Might be entirely unrelated, but too much tea, like more than 6 cups a day, is actually hard on the digestive system and kidneys and may cause some issues.

On the stress side, I personally deal with it with physical activity, it's the only thing that works for me.

[Shakerag]

Alcohol and escapism.  It's been keeping me alive for the last decade.

[LordBucket]

I feel like information is missing from the OP. Why are you stressed?

If you want simply general advice, I would suggest you spend a month away from people and distractions. Go camping by yourself. Not at a park where you'll run into other people. Go camping in the desert or a national forest. Bring a tent, clothes, soap, water and food, but leave behind all distractions. No books, no cellphone, no computer, no games, no drugs, no alcohol, no music, and don't listen to your car radio. Bring nothing "to do" that will distract you from being alone with yourself. Just you. Spend a month completely isolated from humans and human distractions.

When you return, you will be unphazed by the affairs of mortals.

[Robot Parade Leader]

Those are effects rather than causes. In simple sum, causes include but are not limited to: little to no social interaction, messed up work and family situation, etc.


As for, "Do you think, in any way, that those people who speak ill of you determine who you are instead of who you know you are by your capabilities and personal empirical evidence? [which is directly related to self-esteem]," yes. One of the problem I have is taking some things personally, but to be fair, some things are personal. I don't believe the criticism is deserved or well founded on anything, but it's hard get that and take it to heart. I know I'm good at what I do. I know I've done good things. I know I haven't ever gotten into trouble, etc. The problem, I think, is that the mind doesn't have a natural filter to other people being mean. It's hard not to take insults personally sometimes. I realize doing so is never constructive; I do not want to do so, and I am having trouble letting things roll off my back.

I do think too much sometimes. I over-analyze things. I have paralysis by analysis sometimes. Fear.

I do not do drugs, or drink. I try to exercise as well. So at least there's that. I'd like to see a doctor but I don't believe that's feasible at present.

Sadly, I've been isolated for a bit and I'm somehow afraid of getting involved in pretty much anything. I realize I have to do things. I'm afraid to do things. I'm unsure, but perhaps I'm afraid that I won't be able to handle stress that come from doing things. I don't know if that helps or not. Lately, everything seems to get to me, whether it should or not.

As for the cat. It's a cat. Meowing is pretty much a thing that's gonna happen. I don't know why it recently has become a pain, because it shouldn't be (no more than usual).

[martinuzz]

You just said you do not drink. That is good.

That being said,

go sit with a good friend, and drink until you're way too drunk.
Make sure your friend does not drink that much.
Someties, getting completely wasted on booze, like once a year, can really bring out underlying issues that you are not aware of / blocking.
Ask your friend the next day, what you ranted about, and who knows, you might find something you can work with, to get rid of your stress.

Do make sure your friend knows what you are trying, so you don't accidentally scare him away in a drunk rant.

[Robot Parade Leader]

I ... don't think getting drunk is gonna do it? Also isn't that kind of a bad idea? I don't know.

[ChairmanPoo]

It's a horrible idea, particularily in the circumstances.

[Bauglir]

Yeah, getting drunk is a poor plan. If you've got a close friend to hang out with, that can be its own help, but on the other hand it sounds like a lack of social contact is part of the problem here.

I'd definitely recommend cutting back on the tea, or at least switching to something herbal or otherwise decaffeinated. Rooibos seems to be a good substitute. See if you can drink more water than other beverages.

As for the paralyzing thoughts, meditation may be an option. Take some time, maybe 15 minutes, to sit back and experience those feelings. As much as you can, strip them of context. Sit comfortably, breathe deeply and regularly, and focus on something material (an object, a pattern, a rhythm, basically anything but your own thoughts) until you feel calm. Then move on to thinking about your fears. Don't think about how you're going to overcome them, and don't worry about how they're impacting your life. Keep your mind off the meta. Focus on the fear itself. Remind yourself that it's okay to be afraid. Fear is a part of who you are, and it's a part of who everyone is. There is no shame in being afraid. Examine the fear, just as you might examine the pain of an injury or the humor in a joke. Take the lesson the fear is teaching you, which may be that there is no lesson here at all, and remember that the fear is just a part of you. You are more than fear. You don't need to avoid it, you don't need to distract yourself, and you don't need some mighty wellspring of courage. You are all that you need.

Or something like that. I expect that whatever thought patterns work for me will be different from you, but basically I would try to grapple with your emotions in a context where there's no external pressure. All that you need to worry about here is what you're feeling, not how it's going to affect the rest of your life. You can deal with that some other time. It's a different problem.

[Grek]

Drive out to an isolated location with nobody within 2 miles of your car. Go alone and pack a lunch. When you arrive, get out of your car. Take a deep deep breathe and hold it for as long as you can, then make as loud a noise as possible. Scream if you feel like it, or shout your name. Cuss out all the people who've been giving you a hard time, whether they deserve it or not. Yell anything that comes to mind. Try roaring like a bear at your car.

You will feel much better after doing this!

[Araph]

From what I've interpreted from the OP, I can only offer a few suggestions that have worked for my in similar (maybe? I don't know exactly what the root cause of your situation is) circumstances.

1) Do something physical. Running is my personal outlet. Actually, outlet isn't the right word, since it's not a 'this thing helps me vent stress' type thing. The high from running (or another physical activity) automatically makes you feel better, and you can BS yourself into feeling better by knowing your doing setting to better yourself (doesn't matter how much or little you're doing for this, as long as you can remind yourself you're doing something).

2) If you're fixating on things from the past or paralyzed by the thought of potential things to come, start a project. Once again, it doesn't matter how big or small it is, just do something that will fill up free time and occupy your attention. Try something literally constructive, something that makes a product. Being able to look at something and think 'I made that' is pleasant enough to give you a goal, which in turn helps you get into whatever you're doing more. That may be more specific to my personality, but it's still a possibility.

The first is applicable in pretty much any negative mental state, but the second might not be so prevailing. It won't make things worse, at any rate.

As someone who has had problems with not being able to let go of past and stressing over the future, know that it does get better with time. Find things to focus on and you'll get through this.

[Eidolon]

This is rather difficult for me to post. I've been under  ton of stress lately.

*I've recently had major problems eating (keeping food down, etc), have (in a bad way) lost 35 pounds (I've gained maybe 10 or so of that back).
*I can't really stomach very much soda or heavier food anymore, so I'm drinking a ton of tea.
*I keep having obsessive, intrusive thoughts (not hearing voices or anything, but rather replaying past events or possible future concerns over and over again in my head).
*I know I am good at what I do, but I have been unfairly told I am not and it's really undermining my self confidence.
*I've withdrawn socially.
*Within about the past month or so, everything seems to grate on my nerves and I don't know why (I handle it well by ignoring it but the cat meowing or somebody trying to talk to me never bothered me like this before.

I do these when i get stressed too. Are you actually regurgitating the food? You seriously just need to force yourself to eat if you aren't, it's unpleasant as hell but you gotta eat man. In general, you need to force yourself to take control of what you can. Other people are telling you to do something physical and i agree with that, I opt for lifting heavy weights but i'm not gonna get started on a rant with that. You could also pull one of these when you're alone http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAwCdjccRjM and maybe you will feel so ridiculous afterwards that your problems will feel smaller (i wish i was joking).

edit:

*I know I am good at what I do, but I have been unfairly told I am not and it's really undermining my self confidence.

Who is telling you these things? Being angry at unfair criticism is almost better than letting it crush you emotionally. Usually at the end of the day i can set aside my anger much easier and do what i need to do. Defense mechanisms exist for a reason.

[Robot Parade Leader]

Well, I don't think drinking is the answer.

I am trying to meditate; it helps some. Driving is not really so much of an option that I think would be constructive.

I would like to do a smaller project just for me. Maybe a game/world-building matter. I'm not sure.

It seems lots of people have been telling me I suck, and after reviewing things, they are patently wrong. I need to become more steadfast and resilient in the face of people being negative and attempting to make their problems into my problems. I need to get better at not letting people get to me. I am depressed by several negative people.

Good so far, please keep em coming.

Edit: Seeing doctor. I am incredibly thankful for this, because I didn't think I could manage that.