Greetings, friend!
Nice to meet you! My name is Father Mikhail and I am a travelling missionary of the Krasnoyarsk Orthodox church of the Third Revelation. It's a nice job - I get to travel a lot, of course, see a lot of places, meet a lot of people, learn some new languages, maybe even a thing or two from people wiser than me - and of course, plenty of fresh air! Can't be bad for a man of my age, eh? So please, if you have any concerns, I am here to adress them. I may not be able to get you rich quick, but you are feeling down, unhappy, angry, jealous or anything at all other from what you want to feel, I am just the man to talk to! And perhaps I could even convince you to begin worshipping the man who is responsible for the lack of hellfire and brimstone in your life, don't you think? Don't worry if you don't see my point in the end - Jesus will love you all the same. And if, perhaps, it's not you but other people who you are worried about, I still can help. I may not look tough, but these old bones still have enough life left in them to perform an exorcism or two, maybe even convince a ghost that he should not be afraid to cross into the afterlife.
Whatever you problem is, as long as it's spiritual, this man can help you!