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Author Topic: Anger issues  (Read 1958 times)

miauw62

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Anger issues
« on: December 02, 2013, 03:10:07 pm »

So yeah, I've pretty much always had anger issues to some extent. I'm easy to anger and I'll start to cry and try to hit people and even spit on people etc etc. Generally make a fool of myself. Whenever I'm under stress, I tend to cry, too. It's one of the main contributing factors to the fact that I'm so scared of interacting with people that I don't know.
I just want to do anything about it, but I really don't know what to do.
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LordBucket

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Re: Anger issues
« Reply #1 on: December 02, 2013, 03:45:34 pm »

I just want to do anything about it, but I really don't know what to do.

Several options:

1) Avoid situations that induce anger
2) Avoid people, so that when you get angry at least you don't make others suffer or embarass yourself
3) Find a creative outlet. For example, when you get angry...paint. Or play music. Or write. Whatever.
4) Find a non-creative outlet. For example, get a punching bag and when you get angry, beat up on it.
5) Find a sexual outlet. When you get angry, have sex. Some girls like that.
6) Accept the situation as it is.
7) Repress it. Bottle it up inside until it destroys you instead of anyone else.
8) When you get angry externalize your awareness and observe yourself as an outside observer, detached from the experience.
9) Acquire enough power and influence over your personal life that you are able to make things happen the way you want to, such that situations that would induce anger aren't things that happen to you anymore.

Vector

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Re: Anger issues
« Reply #2 on: December 02, 2013, 09:52:53 pm »

10) Learn to use your words and express your anger in a way immediately productive to the situation.
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MetalSlimeHunt

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Re: Anger issues
« Reply #3 on: December 02, 2013, 10:01:31 pm »

Speaking as a man of great anger, I use it for power. If you wish to adopt this strategy, you must develop very high self control. When I am tempted to let loose, I try to keep in mind the scale of the universe and the logical irrelevance of my actions in the big picture. No matter how angry I am one day, I can just be not angry later.

Not sure what to do in regards to the crying though, as I have not cried out of anger since I was a small child.
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Azthor

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Re: Anger issues
« Reply #4 on: December 02, 2013, 10:41:49 pm »

While I cannot give you a truly solid answer, as I do not know you anywhere near enough for such (and this kind of subjective analysis is already flawed enough in the hands of a skilled professional, even more so in mine), I do have a suggestion: strive to second guess yourself, no matter how much you may feel wronged by the situation. I tell you this not so that you may try and immediately prove yourself wrong in the source of your anger, nor that you may review its consequences in the heat of the moment, for both are highly unlikely.

Appealing to the logical irrelevance or soundness  of said anger are merely two of many means of coping with an ultimately irrational feeling, one that may derive radically different reactions from individual to individual and wholly taints one's subjective rationality. What this suggestion does, however, offer you, is a chance to interrupt the cycle of self-pity and rage that often ensue and scale into the outburst you speak of. If you are giving in to physical violence, or suffer emotional outbursts to the point of crying, odds are you've overblown the situation.

While that may not be the case at times, and those times do exist, it is only once you've accustomed yourself to doubting your impulses that you may actually conceive of, not mastering them, for that will never truly happen, but rather, withholding them. Ultimately, one stands to lose more emotionally by giving into the impulse than by delaying it, so one may re-approach the topic more reasonably at a later date. Try and rein in the righteousness of your anger, lest you come in the wrong.

That said, do excuse me for any undue assumptions I may have made.
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Imp

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Re: Anger issues
« Reply #5 on: December 02, 2013, 10:50:45 pm »

Martial arts classes, if the teacher is skilled, can be very useful for gaining self control and calmness (and about 50 other vital life skills).
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LordBucket

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Re: Anger issues
« Reply #6 on: December 03, 2013, 06:37:14 am »

Appealing to the logical irrelevance or soundness  of said anger

If this works for you, great. But personally I find that attempting to logic away anger is like trying to explain to an oncoming train that it really would be better if it didn't hit you. It might be in both yours and the train's best interest to not hit you, but all the reasons in the world won't have any affect on the train.

DNK

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Re: Anger issues
« Reply #7 on: December 03, 2013, 07:29:43 am »

Probably see a psychologist. Web forum not the best advice for mental disorders.
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Tomcost

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Re: Anger issues
« Reply #8 on: December 03, 2013, 07:56:37 am »

Martial arts classes, if the teacher is skilled, can be very useful for gaining self control and calmness (and about 50 other vital life skills).
Including how to punch throats. That always helps. :P

4) Find a non-creative outlet. For example, get a punching bag and when you get angry, beat up on it.
I dissaprove of punching things when you are angry. Even less a punching bag, that can hold sand or another substance that may be harder than it seems.

Anger-->not self control-->Badly aimed punches-->Bad positioning of your wrists-->Broken wrist
                                                                                                              ^
                                                                                                              |
                                                                                                         More anger


Anyway, my first advice would be to don't let it burst out. Then go to the gym or do stuff to get you tired. Then you won't have anger anymore.

As a long-term solution, I feel that we lack enough information to help you in that. Maybe you can elaborate more?

Gamerlord

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Re: Anger issues
« Reply #9 on: December 03, 2013, 08:21:43 am »

Whatever you do, don't let it build. If you keep anger bottled up, sooner or later it'll turn inwards and then you've got a fuckton of psychological problems.

Jelle

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Re: Anger issues
« Reply #10 on: December 03, 2013, 09:08:46 am »

Get an outlet, it's not good to let it build up till you can't hold it anymore. Don't make a habit of it though, work on avoiding getting angry in the first place. Self controle discipline rationalizing it meditation take your pick, just don't bottle it up (unless you have no choice).

Having a  temper is normal (still something to work on ofc) but hitting and spitting isn't. Best get some help with that, the professional kind.


Anger-->not self control-->Badly aimed punches-->Bad positioning of your wrists-->Broken wrist

I can attest! Not the anger part, just the badly aimed punch part. Who'd have thunk it the middle hand bone of your pinky can't handle to much force, hehe.
« Last Edit: December 03, 2013, 09:34:24 am by Jelle »
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Jelle

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Re: Anger issues
« Reply #11 on: December 03, 2013, 10:10:07 am »

If memory serves you're from Belgium right? Can't shake the feeling that I know who you are.
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Shook

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Re: Anger issues
« Reply #12 on: December 03, 2013, 10:19:23 am »

I can confirm from personal experience that bottling up anger is a bad idea, but it IS, technically, an option. I too have problems with a really bad temper, although fortunately there aren't nearly as many things in my life that tick me off now.

Also, i too used to cry when i got angry, but that was before puberty had hit me full force. Testosterone gradually made my anger change from "wah i am angry >:'c" to "i will fucking murder you this instant if you don't stop pissing me off" (after which they'd typically try to push me over the edge), although i fortunately haven't ever injured someone in blind rage. But anyways, if you're around the age i think i vaguely remember, then you'll at least grow out of the crying part. Then you just have to try not acting physically to your anger, as a first step. :v
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Azthor

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Re: Anger issues
« Reply #13 on: December 03, 2013, 12:51:30 pm »

If this works for you, great. But personally I find that attempting to logic away anger is like trying to explain to an oncoming train that it really would be better if it didn't hit you. It might be in both yours and the train's best interest to not hit you, but all the reasons in the world won't have any affect on the train.

You may have misunderstood me, my statement was precisely to that effect. Rarely is appealing to reason a viable immediate option, hence why I claimed it to be, ultimately, a coping mechanism in the aftermath, as opposed to an actual deterrent to the outburst.
« Last Edit: December 03, 2013, 12:54:35 pm by Azthor »
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miauw62

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Re: Anger issues
« Reply #14 on: December 03, 2013, 01:55:25 pm »

I just want to do anything about it, but I really don't know what to do.

Several options:

1) Avoid situations that induce anger
2) Avoid people, so that when you get angry at least you don't make others suffer or embarass yourself
3) Find a creative outlet. For example, when you get angry...paint. Or play music. Or write. Whatever.
4) Find a non-creative outlet. For example, get a punching bag and when you get angry, beat up on it.
5) Find a sexual outlet. When you get angry, have sex. Some girls like that.
6) Accept the situation as it is.
7) Repress it. Bottle it up inside until it destroys you instead of anyone else.
8) When you get angry externalize your awareness and observe yourself as an outside observer, detached from the experience.
9) Acquire enough power and influence over your personal life that you are able to make things happen the way you want to, such that situations that would induce anger aren't things that happen to you anymore.
1) Probably not. It'd be hard not to go to school (or, to be more specifically, escape all the bullshit that gets flung at me there)
2) Because of 1), not really possible.
3) Writing could work? I'm not really in a state to be creative at those moments.
5) I'm 14. (aka I wish)
6) Probably not.
7) That's what I try until it becomes too much.
8) ...Maybe?
9) Nope. Social anxiety tends to prevent that.

10) Learn to use your words and express your anger in a way immediately productive to the situation.
As I said (but probably too vaguely), when I'm angry, I'm RAGING. I really can't think rationally. I just can't.

Martial arts classes, if the teacher is skilled, can be very useful for gaining self control and calmness (and about 50 other vital life skills).
I feel pain very easily, it just doesn't seem like the sort of thing for me. I'm also weak as fuck and can't even do push-ups properly.

-snip-
I can usually bottle it up until it goes away, but sometimes I just can't take it anymore and I burst out.
I don't really do sport anymore since a while. I really can't think of something that I would actually want to do. I've quit swimming because it got too competetive and running because of my ankles. (And also because I suck at it because my feet aren't in line with my knees).

If memory serves you're from Belgium right? Can't shake the feeling that I know who you are.
I doubt it, because I'm 14. But if you still think you know me, you could PM me if you want.

-snip-
I'll try my best, I guess. Just something I'll have to keep in mind, to try and not act on it.
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Quote from: NW_Kohaku
they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the raving confessions of a mass murdering cannibal from a recipe to bake a pie.
Knowing Belgium, everyone will vote for themselves out of mistrust for anyone else, and some kind of weird direct democracy coalition will need to be formed from 11 million or so individuals.
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