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[Aslandus]

 MINOTAUR!!! Oh Armok, We're all going to die!!!

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(yeah, that's totally what he looks like, don't bother comparing him with what that werebeast looked like earlier)

No wait, we have protocols for this kind of thing...

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Civilians to the underground, we'll get this done!
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

OH ARMOK DID YOU SEE THAT MINOTAUR!?!?!?

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Gah! It just killed some kid who got left outside!
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

What the hell are you doing here? Get your squad and get out there!

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You're captain of the guard!

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Well... that was anticlimactic... darn, I kind of wanted him to get stuck in a cage trap, we had such a lovely place in the middle of the dining room for him:

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We'll just have to live with having that boring dog in an amazing cage instead...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

[Nail]

Great you're continuing! I really enjoy the narration with the previous mayors butting in.

[Aslandus]

Well, it took some doing, but I finally managed to convince the medical dwarves to look at the injured patients... Literally had to tell them to stop doing anything besides eating, drinking and helping the patients do the same...

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Patient 1: Led Rakustdakas , broken leg, needs one of everything, and a crutch

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Patient 2: Ast Tulonunal, Broken arm and broken skull, needs everything on the arm, but does not need to have her skull cleaned or immobilized (She is so lucky she's unconscious for this).
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Anyway, to more pressing matters! We have made steel coins!

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When the caravan comes, we'll break them up and melt them down to make dozens of steel ingots!
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

I'm still skeptical of your logic on this, I don't think you fully grasp the concept of conservation of mass...

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Also, the wildlife seems to have vacated the island again, in case anyone else was concerned...
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

What the hell are you guys talking about? I think a supply of meat is the last thing we need to worry about, we have fish coming out of our ears, and the last time we were attacked a single military dwarf ended it in a single blow...

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Okay, I know I asked the doctors to diagnose the patients, but I didn't think they would diagnose them 5 times between treatments... I think we've established that the guy has a broken arm...
Got some more migrants, I'm not going to bother scribbling out another sketch of them entering, they walked in from the other side of the island where apparently there's a giant tunnel leading to mountainhome or something... It's not a big surprise anymore...

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Rakustdakas has left, he can now work hard for another 2 years before he inevitably dies of infection...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Hey, we're doing the best we can over here!
-Kadol Stagshilmistem, Chief medical dwarf

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And Tulonunal has left the hospital

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Aaand she's also got infection, I think we need to move the soap closer to the hospital...

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Oh, that's very helpful, cassiterite, we can make tin! we now have the same situation for bronze as steel, we've got everything we need except the one part we could actually use...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

[Nail]

Soap? SOAP?

[Aslandus]

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A fey mood has begun! Surely this one will prove worthwhile!

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Craftsdwarf workshop, well it can be fun to hope...

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What the hell? Why do we still have this wagon? All the wheels are broken and it is just sitting there
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Feel free to remove it if you want, I just never had a reason to tear it apart
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Meh, it's fine, just curious...

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It appears that someone woke up their spouse with a bucket of water...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Are things really that boring that you're writing down that you found a bucket of water in someone's room?
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

Yes, I also got some new engravings in my throne room:

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I'm not entirely comfortable having that engraving staring at me when I'm holding meetings...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Now you know how I feel about those statues!
-Urist Kivishsezuk, Woodcrafter

Why don't we just invite the entire fortress into my office while we're at it? I'm joking, don't actually bring everyone in here

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The caravan's here, we shall get all the goodies

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Also, it's an excuse to get rid of all these honeycombs and stoneware hives we have lying around... plus a few barrels of prepared food... I'm actually wondering if they have enough stuff to buy all of our wares
Wait, wasn't there some kid having a fey mood?

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Oh, he needs bones. As it happens, we have a homicidal horse or two we're not using right now...

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Now lets check up on what else is-

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Oh dear...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Vampires, weretapirs, minotaurs, the mythical creatures are coming out of the woodwork to attack this place...
Should I list this as "murder" or "theft of blood"? I'll go with murder...

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Oh hey, we already have an accusation...
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Better appoint a hammerer and set up a jail area

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-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

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Aw, she's got a husband and 4 kids... And I'm not sure sending a legendary hammerdwarf with a silver warhammer is the proper punishment for a first offense... Jail time it is!
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Really? Well, you're the captain of the guard, so it's your call...

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Oh come on, we just found out about the vampire, but apparently the caravan knew they were here months ago, look at all these barrels of blood! I think vampires prefer their blood warm, but maybe next time...

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And done, got about three tons of cloth and silk, metal, and a couple of bags which we seem to be low on constantly
Oh, the artifact's done now:

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It is an amulet with a picture of itself on it... Is that kid sober or something?
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

[Aslandus]

Okay, before anyone says anything, I tried to prevent it, but it has happened

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The flood has arrived
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Once again, the floodbringer lives up to his name
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

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Also, we accidentally drained the dwarves' favorite fishing spot

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It has finally happened, we have found weapons grade metal ore... it's only copper, but that's enough to make bronze and get some armor that's worth a damn

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GOLD!!!! glorious gold! turns out I could've had a gold throne, we just had to dig more

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Liaison's here, okay, let's see about these imports

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Wait what? We don't have to just be some random in the middle of f***-knows-where? Let's do this!

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Recommendation for baron? Let's see... may as well send babykiller back into office.
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

First, I don't care it is my new name, f*** you
Second, why would you recommend me back in power?
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

Let's see, you're an ex-mayor, and you've already proven a decent leader, you don't already have an important job, and you like backpacks
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

I'm not sure what that last one has to do with anything, but sure...
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

Now time for imports!

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Get us some iron and steel, plus some jugs so we can use some of these honeycombs... may as well get some pigs too...
*Some time later*
Not much happening...

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May as well watch this raven try to avoid being shot by our militia...

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Bahahah! It got stuck in a random cage trap after being shot in the wing...
May as well tag the other one while the militia's suited up...

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Wait, what the hell?

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Why do we have this many piles of fire clay? Are they collecting 5 chucks for every collection job or something?

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Oh no! We're under attack by hordes of rabid coins! We never should have trusted them!
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Did I forget to tell you about the new training room? We throw coins at soldiers until they cry...
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

I should be surprised at the incredulity of that plan, but I've stopped being surprised by stuff like this...

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Oh great, we've got a ghost kitten now too, coins pass right through it!

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Well, if there was any doubt about the fishery worker being a vampire, it's gone now...

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Some might say that is too many coffins, but if Dwarven legends are true, a leader must be prepared with enough coffins to bury the entire population of a fortress at any given time... plus their pets...

[Iamblichos]

This thread is just pure unadulterated Money.

[Nail]

A fishery worker and a vampire. Now that is evil

[Aslandus]

Wait, what is this?

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Apparently this Cerol Beristrath predicted the Minotaur's arrival... let's check some other works to see if we can predict future events...

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Nope, nothing else particularly interesting...

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Unless we get destroyed by a giant fire breathing snail...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

It would be the most appropriate way for this place to fall, unless you feel like flooding it yet again... Anyway, if you talk to Cerol:

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She's still alive and well, currently doing menial tasks because we haven't ordered 500 statues made yet
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Maybe I will, but right now we've got other things to do

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Well, the caravan has finally packed up all the stuff we sold them and is on their way

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This giant hole over the reservoir is a safety hazard, we should cover it...

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The beach flooding was getting a little out of control, but that should help

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Oops, dammit, I hope that doesn't cause any problems

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Dammit, the reservoir is emptying into the base

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Oh come on, two floors?
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

THE FLOOD BRINGER STRIKES AGAIN!!!!
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

At least you haven't gotten kicked out over your incidents...
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

I'll get that cleaned up soon... oh great:

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A boar has gone wild in the middle of the base, this needs to be dealt with before it starts affecting production...

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Granted, pulling our elite soldiers on a lone boar was probably overkill, but it worked...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

I found a rat in the residential area, should we alert the elite guards?
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Oh, shut up

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The first death in our fortress that wasn't due to an accident or violence, truly this is an event worthy of song... And it appears the production requests are coming through:

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They want us to make tools, backpacks, and cut gems... well we can do that, we'll be flooded with honeycomb, jars of royal jelly and cut gems by the time the next caravan comes by...

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With the cloth from the last caravan, we've begun full production of clothes
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

We don't have to wear these tattered old rags we were wearing when we moved to the fortress anymore? HUZZAH!!!
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

In other news, we've dug a deep death pit to slay beasts with the power of gravity, but it must be tested

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Another homicidal horse gives its life for !!science!!

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Success, we have removed all the limbs and the head
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

If you want to kill the horses so badly, just butcher them, save the death pit for stuff we can't butcher, like say Vampire dwarves...
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

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We've finally been declared a barony, with Zuglarrulush as Baroness
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Cool, where's my free stuff for being a noble? And when do I start running the fortress
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Baroness

You don't actually run the fortress, but you can make mandates and bans of export to make stuff you like, like say backpacks...
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

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In that case, no more exporting high boots!
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Baroness

Sure, anyway someone JUST made a SHOCKING DISCOVERY

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After carrying the severed head all the way to the stockpile, they figured out that the horse was dead... but that hauler will have company in incompetence:

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Dobar is going to feel like such an idiot when he realizes the track was finished ten seconds after he started carrying that cart to the 36 staircases reaching the bottom of the death pit...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

[Aslandus]

Well, better see what's going on in the fortress...

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(I've switched to imgur for uploading pictures, it appears to smoosh the pictures a little, but it doesn't require a subscription like imageshack did)

How the hell did that kid get injured? Maybe he was in that accident earlier and didn't pass out fast enough to be in the first round of wounded... I'll be honest, I feel a little out of it...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Have you been drinking properly? We can't have our mayor getting lazy because he refuses to grab a barrel of longland beer
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

I miss having mead, but there's no more space on the side of the screw press to write requests for more honey... Wait, didn't I hire a manager earlier? Maybe she could get the order through...

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order placed, now we wait for it to be finished, then lovely mead will flow once more!

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Oh, that's just amazing timing, I'm sure this gem cutter will give us a very useful item

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Well, that workshop won't be available for awhile, but at least construction started immediately

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Apparently whatever this guy is building only needs a single chunk of lapis lazuli...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

They must've heard your prayers that the moody dwarves don't eat up all the fortress' resources to make useless trinkets, they're only taking a little bit to make useless trinkets!
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

The thought fills me with hope and horror in proportional amounts

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The clothier has been working tirelessly for almost a week now, and is still empty of clothes, I can only assume because they keep getting snatched up by the endless supply of dwarves in need of new clothes

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We've got loads of quivers though

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Dammit manager, you have ONE job, can you put off drinking for one minute to tell some other dwarves to do their jobs?
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

No, I've been hauling stone for two years and NOW you want me to do legislative work? Let me ease into this... Also, my name's not "manager"
-Zuglar Tosidlular, Manager

Fine, fine, but get to it after that drink

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I knew dimple cup spawn were small but I didn't know you could fit 20 of them into a single dish, especially considering the cooks can only fit a maximum of four anchovies into one of those roasts...

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Our baroness now has everything she needs to sit around and demand shoes like a true noble
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Not fair, you know dwarven nobles do as much work as any other dwarf... exactly the same amount of work for much higher demands...
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Baroness

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The crafting is done, it has made... a spiked grate... well, at least it's something we could theoretically use...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

See? all your prayers have been answered! Now, I've got to get back to chasing these ravens you keep telling my squad to get rid of...
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Sure, you do that

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The doctors have finally seen fit to examine this kid's broken arm, here's to hoping he doesn't die of infection
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

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Oi! I'm getting to writing this work order, how do you spell "honeycomb"?
-Zuglar Tosidlular, Manager

It is literally written in front of you, how do you not know?
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Well excuse me, Mr. Mayor, but it's a little dark in this one-by-one hole you gave me as an office... and done, the workers should get started soon...
-Zuglar Tosidlular, Manager

Excellent... Oh, that's just great

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A new epidemic among the livestock, from the makers of "homicidal horses" comes "starving buffalo," well I'm not letting this one become terminal, I'm issuing orders to slaughter all of them...

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Dammit... apparently that fishing chamber Ulolbesmar ordered built so long ago has finally killed her...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

I guess I'm the new comic relief then... would saying "The floodbringer strikes again" be considered crass?
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Baroness

Dammit, I really need some mead right now
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

What about "all your prayers have been answered!"?
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Baroness

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(The punchline is that he actually prefers bumblebee mead)

Press faster dammit!
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

R.I.P.
"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

[Aslandus]

We've been digging a bit...

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(downloaded GIMP image creator, much easier to make good stuff than MS paint, still rocking the laptop touchpad though)

It appears Ulolbesmar wasn't that crazy after all... well, she was crazy, but she wasn't wrong...

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Better get an outpost going here, nothing like an underground archer tower to make you feel paranoid; Wait, why is that guy hauling stone from all the way down here? It's like 100 z levels underground, can't you just grab some stone from the stockpile right next to your masonry workshop...

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Some kind of weird moss growing on the sand now...

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someone finally found the dead captain, apparently "Nobles never die" is enforced by demoting them into pawns upon their deaths...

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There's plenty of water in this cavern... but we already have tons of water
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

All the better to flood the base with
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Baroness

Ah forget it, this report's done, I'll write a new one if we find anything interesting here...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

[Aslandus]

I noticed the posts were getting a bit long, I'll try to break it up better so it seems a little less eclectic... Maybe it'll give me more time to draw pictures rather than just posting screenshots...

[Aslandus]

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Okay, replaced the captain of the guard, having no justice system doesn't seem like a good idea... He's just some random farmer...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Excuse me, mayor, but the uniforms on these soldiers are atrocious
-Logem Luslemnomal, captain of the guard

What?
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

They look like a bunch of civilians with weapons and shields, we need to get them some proper equipment, I'm getting on that now

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Nautilus shell gloves and boar bone boots might not save them from much, but it's better than having them losing their hands and feet
-Logem Luslemnomal, captain of the guard

Well then... I guess I'll leave you to that... Oh dear...

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Looks like the vampire has gotten out, we can't just let her wander around, she'll eat ten people after being stuck for so long!
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Don't worry, we'll deal with it
-Logem Luslemnomal, captain of the guard

Fine, lets see where she's going...

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Look, she just ate someone!
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Well, we already know she's guilty so we can just convict her now...

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Now to come up with a proper sentencing... 200 days in prison sounds about right
-Logem Luslemnomal, captain of the guard

WHAT? NO! UNACCEPTABLE!!! SHE MURDERED AT LEAST TWO DWARVES!!!
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

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Fine, 201 days
-Logem Luslemnomal, captain of the guard

That's it, I'm going to have to play dirty aren't I?
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Excuse me mayor, I'm wondering why my throne room is a glorified storage closet in the back of the residential hall while you have a grant artifact throne with a statue lined entryway...
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Baroness

Hold that thought, Baroness

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Locked into a tiny room, nothing to  worry about little vampire

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Pardon me, sir, could you pull that unlabeled lever in the memorial chamber?
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Mayor, I'm not sure whatever you're doing is within your jurisdiction...
-Logem Luslemnomal, captain of the guard

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BAHAHAHAHA!!!! TAKE THAT, BLOODSUCKER!!!

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Looks like she managed to get one more victim before I trapped her, but she's dead now...
What did you say, Baroness?
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

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(she's supposed to look scared, my person drawing skills haven't gotten much better)

Nevermind, it's not that important...
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Baroness

[Aslandus]

We may have had a few accidents in the advanced training training room...

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Someone got their teeth knocked out, now there are two soldiers in the hospital
-Logem Luslemnomal, captain of the guard

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Well, at least our doctors are more on-call than they used to be...

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Dammit, the crossbow militia's captain broke his trigger finger...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Actually, these crossbows have whole hand triggers, they don't need a trigger finger to operate them...
-Logem Luslemnomal, captain of the guard

Well, that's good, let's see the damage on the other soldier...

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Not too devastating, I think that guy's right handed too, so he'll just have a looser grip on his shield...

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Dammit, get out of here, you slackers, before the doctors decide to practice surgery on you!

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-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Oh dear...

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the doctors were too slow, the captain of the militia left before treatment was done!
-Logem Luslemnomal, captain of the guard

Well, hopefully someone else will drag him back to the medical ward when he goes to sleep...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

[Aslandus]

Let's see what fun adventures await our fortress today!

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Siome kid went into a mood, this will be... dull

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Apparently we're missing something... let's see, wood, stone, bones, we should have plenty of those... Oh, we're out of leather...
Who will be sacrificed for the glory of artificing?

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Let's mix it up, instead of a horse we'll send this mule to the slaughter... It's not like he's contributing anything else to the fortress

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It's an oak figurine... Apart from the enormous amount of materials put into it, it seems to be pretty standard for artifacts around here... wait a minute...

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This kid's two years old! How does she know about all these events? They happened before she was born!
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Well, some of us actually talk about the past, unlike you who just writes it down and never mentions it again unless something almost exactly the same happens!
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Baroness

It's just the creation of the fortress and ascension of the king, I'm pretty sure everyone capable of speech knows those happened
-Zaneg Domasasrer, Dwarven child

That doesn't explain how you know the monarch's name or about the amulet made shortly after you were born...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

I'm not a vampire, if that's what you're implying
-Zaneg Domasasrer, Dwarven child

Whatever, this report's starting to veer too far off topic, Floodbringer signing out
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor