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[Aslandus]

I have built more bee hives, more bees = more honey = more mead = more happy

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Oh right, more bees also means more stings... Walk it off guys, it'll get better!

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AND I'M STILL WAITING ON THAT GOLD THRONE!!!! THIS WOODEN CHAIR IS NOT FITTING FOR MY POSITION!!!

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-Melbil Febrigoth, Mayor

Hey, that was a very nice artifact wooden chair made by a dwarf possessed, you'd better not break it!
-Ber Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

That's a nice chair, if you don't want it, put it near the entrance to the meeting hall so we can all use it. Also, there's no way there's enough plants on the island to support that many bees, get rid of some of those nests!
-Dishmab Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Metalsmith

I'm writing all this stuff down, all the future leaders of this fortress will know about how you try to lead after you've been booted from leadership!

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-Melbil Febrigoth, Mayor

When you retire, you'll be doing the same thing buddy.
-Ber Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

You said it, baby killer
-Dishmab Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Metalsmith

As if you didn't have any problems, or should we bring up the axe-wielding psychopath again?
-Ber Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

I'm not writing any more, you guys resolve this amongst yourselves, and GET OUT OF THE RECORDS CHAMBER!!!
-Melbil Febrigoth, Mayor

[Ekaton]

Your story is simply Awesome! Can't wait to read more!

[Aslandus]

Assuming the peanut gallery can keep their ideas to themselves, I should be able to finish this report in peace:
First off, I've realized that these unlabelled levers are a safety hazard, we've got a lever that could flood the fortress when the resivoir is filled now, and as mayor, it's my job to make sure that doesn't happen...

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This should work, but my backup plan is to name some random peasant "Bridge" or "Flood," kill them, then carve a memorial slab of them to place next to the levers
-Melbil Febrigoth, Mayor

Nice spelling, mayor, I'm so glad we have someone of your quality leading us
-Dishmab Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Metalsmith

You want to have authority in this fortress again Dishmab? here:

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You're the new captain of the guard, now everyone can come to you with their problems and I don't have to watch for trouble 24-7 anymore.

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THESE F***ING HORSES!!!!!!! THEY KEEP TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER OVER PATCHES OF GRASS!!!!!
-Melbil Febrigoth, Mayor

Does this mean horse meat is going to be on the menu in the near future?
-Ber Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

I don't plan to, they're still good for milk even if they are a bunch of dicks to each other. Plus, even though our bookkeeper hasn't done any work on the stocks, I can tell we have plenty of food

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I should probably stop using her office to write reports, but it's so much easier having all the writing supplies in the same place...
-Melbil Febrigoth, Mayor

You never told her to improve the stocks did you? She won't do anything unless you tell her to... Maybe I should've told Ber about that, since she's the one who appointed her in the first place...
-Dishmab Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Dammit...
-Melbil Febrigoth, Mayor

[peregarrett]

This gets more fun with every new chapter. I'm enjoying reading this, thank you!
Name some random peasant after my nickname, please. (Not that one who gets to be crushed under bridge)

[Timeless Bob]

Rumrusher put together a little DFHack script that makes slabs to spec. If you want to use that, go check out the pages... er, wait, I'll just go get the DFFD page...
http://dffd.wimbli.com/file.php?id=8398

There ya go - it's called "advslab"

[Aslandus]

Name some random peasant after my nickname, please. (Not that one who gets to be crushed under bridge)

Behold, you have been turned into a random fisherdwarf helping to flood the fortress with fishy food product:

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I cannot vouch for how long it will be until you get eaten by a weretapir, but I will avoid intentionally killing you...

[Aslandus]

This was an eventful season:
First someone went into a fey mood, just the thing to start every good report

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It's a craftsdwarf workshop, so it could be anything from a magic crossbow bolt to a spikey lead goblet. I hope her baby paid attention, making random crap's going to be his life when he grows up.

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Then all these guys show up so they can leave in time for the next ocean freeze... In other news, I decided a few months ago to increase our defensibility further by digging a moat... but I forgot all about the one-layer deep passageways we have in this fortress...

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Going to have that area walled off and the ammo stockpile moved... Oh, the liaison's here, this shouldn't take too long...
-Melbil Febrigoth, Mayor

Don't talk to that guy! He just wants to make us request goods so they can sell them to us for even more!
-Ber Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

Tell him the monarch's lover is an elf and his mother is a hamster!
-Dishmab Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

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Lets see... We need to grow more pigtails since we're not getting any imports of clothing and the stuff we have keeps decaying... We should probably have some rock nuts too so we can grow more quarry bushes for soap, the tallow won't last forever...
-Melbil Febrigoth, Mayor

Nooooo!!! All of our honor as an independent island is besmirched!
-Ber Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

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Oh, Ber, turns out we have more male horses than we need, and since the horses seem intent on beating the other grazers and each other to a pulp, so we actually are adding horse meat to the menu:
-Melbil Febrigoth, Mayor

Called it!
-Ber Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

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Oi! Merchants! It's easier if you go AROUND the lakes rather than across the tiny land bridges! Or better, come in from the east next time, so you don't have to run a lap around the entire map to get to the entrance!

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We have several bins of finished goods right next to the trading post, so it won't take long for US to set up... also it lets us get rid of these hives which we made too many of... may as well sell these masterwork stoneware jugs too, they should bolster our exchanges a bit...

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Dammit! Not again!
-Melbil Febrigoth, Mayor

I can already guess what your nickname will be, "Flood Bringer" Febrigoth
-Dishmab Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Hahaha, and you thought you didn't need advice on this stuff!
-Ber Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

You know what, I'm legally changing your names to your nicknames, we'll see how funny it is then!

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-Melbil Febrigoth, Mayor

Whatever you say "Flood bringer," My authority as captain of the guard means I can make your new nickname official too

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-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Dammit, Anyway, I still have no idea what the moody dwarf is making...

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Whatever it is, it's taking a lot of material...

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A RING?!?!?!! How the F*** do you fit all that stuff on a ring?!?!?! That was about 2 Urists of ore, enough for at least 8 ingots, plus a log and several gems!

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On the bright side, at least our stocks are in order now...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

[Aslandus]

Time for the report of things going on:

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Oh yes, another horse to replace the one we killed... if the maulings continue,this guy's not living long....

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Our broker finally stops sucking up booze and gets to the trade depot so we can get some resources

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Whoa, wait, prices? values? we actually get to see where the value is concentrated? Hiring a broker was the best decision I've made so far!
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Hey, I'm pretty sure I'm the one who hired him, thank you! Also, my foresight is why everyone is in such a good mood all the time!
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

That's why your backup nickname was "Statuequeen"

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-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

ANYWAY! First we traded for some metal in exchange for some grungy worn out clothes, albeit made of good material

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Then we traded for some more animals, because that's what this fortress needs, more animals

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It also gave an excuse to get rid of those dozens of trade goods we've been making out of wax and bone to get the stuff out of the stockpiles... And getting good deals is much easier when you can see what you're paying...

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We have tons of booze, barrels of the stuff, but dwarves are still getting thirsty, so they must just be lazy about drinking...

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If you're going to get attatched to your weapon, it may as well be a hammer heavy enough to crush a bronze helmet...

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Someone messed up the order forms and now we have a wall built on our wall... I feel like there's a joke here...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Yo dawg, I heard you liked walls...
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

[Movie]

I love this story! Could you please dwarf me? my preferred nickname is maelstrom

[Aslandus]

I love this story! Could you please dwarf me? my preferred nickname is maelstrom

Maelstrom sounds like a military nickname, so I made you an axedwarf currently working as a fisherdwarf due to the lack of any threat...

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While this may cause you to die faster than some other dwarves, the lack of any threats warranting of military action means you probably won't be seen until we start seeing forgotten beasts

[Aslandus]

Time for another report of the various hijinks and tomfoolery going on in this madhouse...

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First, the ocean froze again, really hoping we can get this water supply going before it thaws, so we won't have to worry about it any more...

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next layer:

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We have searched high and low for these caverns that are supposed to get all the stuff we need, I'm beginning to believe they don't exist...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

They are real I tell you! They showed us the caverns during the instructional meetings on how to run a fortress...
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

I've been meaning to ask you about that, I never heard of Mountainhome having an instructional course on running fortresses, in the past they've always just sent the settlers off to work things out for themselves...
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

We can discuss hallucinations later, now we're talking about events!

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Finally finished negotiating with the outpost liaison, he kept complaining about how our fortress was a pain to get to and how we were hard to negotiate with and how I kept writing reports in the middle of our discussion...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

While this seems like a problem very relevant to you, I still need to finish writing down the import agreement, mayor...
-Udib Atheleddud, Outpost liaison

Quiet, I'm not done here yet. We finally finished the flooring for the walls, now for the fortifications...

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STOP BRINGING YOUR PETS ONTO THE WALLS, THEY ARE ALWAYS IN THE WAY!!!!!
May as well check out these engravings I ordered made in the living area...

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Oh yeah, that first winter didn't go so well did it?

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Wait... wasn't Nil one of the dwarves who went insane and died during Ulolbesmar's reign? How... exactly did you get the job of leader again?
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Not my fault! It was a complete accident! I was elected leader after she went mad, I didn't just put on the leader hat when nobody was watching *shifty eyes*
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

 

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Also, it appears we've been spelling the name of this place wrong the whole time, it's actually Boltplanks, not bothplanks...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

That's what makes getting here so hard, the tunnel from mountainhome dug about a year after you guys started this place makes the trip easy, but it's hard to navigate when it says "Boltplanks" on the map, but all the documents say I'm headed to "Bothplanks"
-Udib Atheleddud, Outpost liaison

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Oh, and I'M STILL WAITING ON THAT GOLD THRONE!
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

[Aslandus]

Apologies about the month long hiatus, I have had a full schedule for February and most of March...

[Aslandus]

We've finalized the trade agreement with the outpost liaison, so we should have everything we need when the next caravan comes along...

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A deal was made

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A meeting, concluded
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Are you turning into a poet or something? Knock it off, and have you found the caverns yet?
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

No, we have not found the caverns yet...

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I'm still not convinced they exist, and now we have more stone and gems than we'll ever need... If only we had some actual iron here, we could outfit our entire militia in steel...
Also, CAVVVIIIIIEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!

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WHY WON'T THEY JUST DIE ALREADY!!!!!
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

What's so bad about cavies?
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

Don't give me that, I'm pretty sure you're the one who ordered them put in there to begin with..._{so useless, yet they multiply so fast}

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Lucky we have the brewers working constantly to keep the booze flowing, I doubt anyone can work on this island without a strong drink...

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Also, seems like nobody ever wants to use dwarven syrup for anything, maybe if it was closer to the kitchen they would grab it...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Food shortages are the last thing we'll have to worry about in this place, we're having more trouble storing this processed food than keeping it stocked...
-Aban Letmosdural, bookkeeper

Wait, what's this?

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Seems we've got another possession... On a craftsdwarf, so that artifact's probably going to be leaving with the next caravan...

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Whoa wha- HEY! We need that glass furnace! It's the only one we've got!

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Oh, naturally you need glass, which we can't make because YOU TOOK THE ONLY FURNACE WE HAVE!!!!
Better order another one built:

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Annnndddd... It's done, let's see the product:

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Iiiiit's... a ring... why did it only take you a handful of raw glass and a chunk of wood when the last dwarf to make a ring used more than enough material to fill a minecart?

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And after thousands of dwarf-hours and hundreds of stone blocks, we've finally finished the aqueduct, now we finally have clean water inside our base, perfect for washing wounds or getting the floor muddy
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Or flooding the entire base from the deepest pit to the giant bowl you've made with those walls aboveground... Your nickname now has two meanings, let's see if you manage to make it three before you retire...
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Dammit Captain, don't you have work to do, like figuring out who the hell this guy is?

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-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

If nobody reports it, it's not my job... why don't you send you militia to chase him off if he's bothering you?
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

I'm not paranoid enough to send an entire militia squad after a single guy, he's probably just fallen behind from the last caravan...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Actually, I think that's a lady-dwarf
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

[Aslandus]

Well, since everything seems to be going well, lets check in on our favorite game: What are the homocidal horses doing?

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How does that even? What does it grab with? Bah, I can't explain it...
Started moving stone from the very large room our miners are still clearing out...

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Hopefully this minecart and track will speed progress... I don't care if my advisers say it's not working properly, the haulers are doing fine, so we'll let it run...

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Minted a few coins, which is kind of pointless since everything here is communal...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Oh yeah, I forgot our civilization's symbol was a book... I wonder if it has anything to do with our obsession with recording even very mundane events...
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Here I thought I would be able to get through ONE report without you chiming in...

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Anyway, I believe this can be put to use teaching our militias to block by sending dozens of tiny coins bouncing everywhere.
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

By the way, what the hell did you do to the entrance?

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The yellow, gray, and blue has to be the most garish thing I have ever seen...
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

Yeah, I should've checked the colors of the rocks before ordering they be used for the fortifications...

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But it's good enough for those guys!
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

[Aslandus]

You know what?

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I am tired of waiting for this throne, I'm going to clear the request in case I want something else...

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It appears a baby beat the hell out of a raven, and threw it in a cage... after breaking its spine... I won't even give it a chance to die naturally

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We appear to have a lot of "gigantic" ravens, but they are still ravens, so they're still puny compared to anything else

Let's see what's on for today's episode of "Useless crap with Urist McCraftsdwarf"

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Survey says it will be another ring, made out of a single piece of pocket lint...

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The minecart track has been simplified, because apparently we DON'T need a stop at every turn...

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Made some coins out of lead, and someone put pictures of the king on them...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

Not many people know the king, but I heard about when he was crowned, the moment the world was generated they asked "Hey, anybody know what we should do?"
Then the soon-to-be-king said "Start building?"
And then there were cheers from the crowd and a crown was placed on his head... good times...
-"Psycho repellent" Ulolbesmar, retired expedition leader, Captain of Guard

ANYWAY:

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took almost 3 days, but this guy has finally started construction
and he's made:

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A bracelet... with a tribute to the mayorial throne on it... well, at least it isn't another ring...

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More migrants arrived, but that's almost a nonevent by this point...

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Oh Armok, what happened here? Looks like a minecart accident, it was bound to happen eventually, but I assumed it wouldn't start until it started being automated... the guider must have abandoned it in the middle of guiding to go eat fish or something and it fell back down... better check the victims...

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Oh dear, a baby got killed by the cart...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

HAHA! I'm not the only one who's killed a baby now!
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner

You shut up! I didn't order the minecart to crash!
Wait, someone's alive...

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With several bruises and a broken skull, but alive none the less. It's a good thing we have a fully stocked hospital already...

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Another dead, this may not go over well in the next mayorial election...
-"Floodbringer" Febrigoth, Mayor

You kidding? You wouldn't have one anyway Mr. I-need-a-gold-throne
-"Babykiller" Zuglarrulush, Retired Mayor, Miner