Perhaps taking a joke too far, but eff it, I'm half asleep by this point anyway:
Forumite: Will you solemnly promise and swear to govern the Peoples of the Dwarf mode Discussion, Adventure mode Discussion, Suggestions, Gameplay Questions, Community Games and Stories, DF Modding, and the many child boards of them belonging or pertaining, according to their respective laws and customs?
High Lobster: I solemnly promise so to do.
Forumite: Will you to your power cause Law and Justice, in Mercy, to be executed in all your judgements?
High Lobster: I will.
Forumite: Will you to the utmost of your power maintain the Laws of Bay Twelve Forums and the true profession of the Forum Rules? Will you to the utmost of your power maintain in the Right to play Dwarf Fortress in headache inducing ASCII Graphics, as established by law? Will you maintain and preserve inviolably the settlement of the Church of Toady One, and the doctrine, worship, discipline, and government thereof, as by law established in The Forum Guidelines? And will you preserve unto the Moderators and Posters of Bay Twelve, and to the Forums there committed to their charge, all such rights and privileges, as by law do or shall appertain to them or any of them?
High Lobster: All this I promise to do.
Then the High Lobster arising out of his/her Chair, supported as before, the Adamantine Sword being carried before his/her, shall go to the Specially made Thread, and make his/her solemn Oath in the sight of all the people to observe the premisses: laying his/her right hand upon the The Quote Button in the great Election Thread, and saying these words:
High Lobster: The things which I have here before promised, I will perform and keep. So help me Armok.
(Yeah, I'm sure there were more appropriate oaths to feebly modify, but Oh well.
)