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[Travisplo]

Can we ask the elves to wait for our battle until the guys come to take Oscar are gone?

[Weirdsound]

Chapter 1: Garden Gambit

Turn 14

+1. Gronk,Ignacio, you're both good golems. you deserve a boon.

"Yay! Gronk likes big boons!"

+1 Chemistry between Urist Mc Dwarf and Gronk!

"There is only one boon to give though... And it's not... nice to make empty promises to morons just to earn chemistry with them."

-1 Chemistry between Urist Mc Dwarf and Ignacio!


Also note when battle over: Will a Elven Rapier benefit Ignacio? And is the other one better for Ithan then his knife? I drouth the armours can fit the golems, but Ithan may be able to.

"I could... do better with a rapier. It does d6+2 damage, which likely more than what I can do with my... scrawny hands. Gronk would do a tiny bit more damage with a Rapier as well, but he'd be sacrificing his... ability to throw Haymakers."

"I guess a rapier would assist my damage as well, but I best hold onto my knife. I know abilities and spells that call for a proper ritual knife exist, and that I may land one sometime."

Ignacio and Gronk: Go beat up the Cat Catchers! Your burly stone bodies will crush them.
Ithan: Summon a swarm and use a ration to embiggen it. Swarm everyone!
Oscar: Burn Elf. Cheesecake's Puff of Flame idea sounds good.

"Hehehe! Gronk like beat things up! Comeon Iggy! Lets go smash stuffs!"

"...Right behind you. Even I look to be a match for this lot!"


"The Golems move east, cutting off the cat-nappers. They won't be able to reach Oscar without smashy through a pair of walking sandstone walls or going around and provoking AoOs!"

"My turn! You bastards should not have all packed so close together! Buzzit Rekeeeech! Crawler Buzzit Zith Oldom!"


"Ithan holds an elf ration aloft, and a small swarm of locust forms around it! The bugs eat the offering and multiply exponentially before launching themselves at the elves to the north! For a brief second all the foes to the north are hidden under a black cloud of bugs! After a few moments of ravenous biting, the locusts all drop dead and fall to the ground. When visibility returns, all the targets still stand. It is clear that Ithan produced a natural 1 on his damage roll, yielding a minimum damage of 4 to all the green clad elves and the easternmost jackal! The Jackal to the west escapes the 'blast radius' unscathed."

"I'll pick off the one on the stump! Meewlllllll! Rhahisss!"


Oscar hurls a puff of flame at the elf standing on the stump! It hits the bastard super effectively and deals five damage total! The treehugger has been reduced to a smoldering corpse!

+7% Quest Success Rate!

The escort does her best to hide behind some trees.

Now the baddies get to move. The elf standing on the log and the injured Jackal cast their respective healing spells, and return to full HP!

One of the still injured elves moves south, notches an arrow, and fires at Gronk! The arrow finds its target with an attack roll of 11, and deals 2 damage to the golem!

The last elf also readies an arrow, and shoots right through the tree at the escort! Its unmodded attack roll is 18, so the arrow finds its mark, inflicting 6 damage to the poor girl!

The unharmed Jackal moves forward and casts lesser healing on the elf behind the tree, restoring him to full HP!

The first cat-catcher bolts foward, ignoring all danger to try and reach Oscar! He procedes to provoke 3 AoO from Gronk and two from Ithan! Perhaps luckily for the elf, Gronk's first attack is enough to kill him straight up with an attack roll of 15 and a damage roll of 7!

Gronk has Decapitated the Cat Catcher with a single swing of his massive sandstone fist!
+7% Quest Success Rate!

The remaining Cat Catcher decides that provoking a barrage of AoOs may not be a good idea, so he instead decides to smack Ignacio, the less intimidating of the golems, with his noose-on-a-stick. His attack roll is a natural 20, and his roll to confirm adds up to 17! Critical hit! Luckily his weapon sucks, and his crit only deals 2 damage, but it does leave a nasty crack running down Ignacio's cheek!

"My face! ...My beautiful face! This calls... for vengeance! By the very moon and stars, I swear the academy will fall at my hands, and its facility will all suffer terrible deaths!"

"Wow... I'd complain that you are being petty, but any distraction to the academy is a good thing for me!"
----

Party Information and Bestiary:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Current Notes:

Quest:
Odds of Success if Flare Gun is fired now: 30%

Quest:
Escort HP: 12/18
-0 Rooms have passed since picking her up.

Ithan:
-11/13 HP
-Has cast summon Naughty Tentacle once this dungeon
-Has cast summon Cherub once this dungeon
-Has cast summon Hellhound twice this dungeon
-Has cast once from his necklace

Oscar:
-5/5 HP
-Has cast Fire Aura once this dungeon
-Has cast Puff of Flame twice this dungeon

Gronk:
-3/7 HP

Ignacio:
-6/8 HP

Lil'Gronk:
-5/5 HP
-Has cast Lesser Healing once this dungeon

Battlemap:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Hey! This map is a bit zoomed out, so I have put Halo's around the creatures for easy identification.
-A black Halo is a party remember
-A blue Halo is an escort quest objective
-A yellow Halo is a baddie

(The Elf Near Oscar is at 3/7 HP. All other remaining baddies are at full HP due to healing shenanigans)

Town/Dungeon Map:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Key:
Your Current Location is the little Antman!
The Skeletal Dragon marks a boss room!
A Fire represents an altar to an elemental god!

There are stairs hidden on this floor somewhere!

---

Can we ask the elves to wait for our battle until the guys come to take Oscar are gone?


"You know, I was honestly half expecting somebody to suggest something like that, and I was going to let it work, but I was way to deep into rolling the turn to go back by the time you brought it up. Keep up the good suggestions!"

[nuclearwhale]

Ignacio: Get sweet, glorious revenge on the Cat catcher.
Gronk: Provide backup for Ignacio. If Ignacio manages to kill the cat catcher on his own, start moving for the elves.
Oscar: Use thunderclap. I would say use puff of flame, but its our last use this dungeon.
Ithan: Summon a Naughty tentacle as close to the elves as possible.
Escort: Move further away from the elves.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Look on the bright side, Ignacio. You will have quite an impressive scar there. Once we get some mortar or something in the crack, the mark won't be terribly prominent; you can point it out to boast of your accomplishments, but it won't impair your looks. It'll probably enhance them. It's hard to see now, but trust me: A bit of care, and that will end up being a "badass" scar, not an "ugly" one.
Get revenge anyways, though. They'll give you worse if they live.

Ignacio: Get sweet, glorious revenge on the Cat catcher.
Gronk: Provide backup for Ignacio. If Ignacio manages to kill the cat catcher on his own, start moving for the elves.
Oscar: Use thunderclap. I would say use puff of flame, but its our last use this dungeon.
Ithan: Summon a Naughty tentacle as close to the elves as possible.
Escort: Move further away from the elves.

+1

[Skyrunner]

Go team!

[Cheesecake]

Ignacio: Get sweet, glorious revenge on the Cat catcher.
Gronk: Provide backup for Ignacio. If Ignacio manages to kill the cat catcher on his own, start moving for the elves.
Oscar: Use thunderclap. I would say use puff of flame, but its our last use this dungeon.
Ithan: Summon a Naughty tentacle as close to the elves as possible.
Escort: Move further away from the elves.

+1

[Weirdsound]

Chapter 1: Garden Gambit

Turn 15

"Look on the bright side, Ignacio. You will have quite an impressive scar there. Once we get some mortar or something in the crack, the mark won't be terribly prominent; you can point it out to boast of your accomplishments, but it won't impair your looks. It'll probably enhance them. It's hard to see now, but trust me: A bit of care, and that will end up being a "badass" scar, not an "ugly" one.

Get revenge anyways, though. They'll give you worse if they live."

"When you look at it that way... I guess it isn't so bad. I guess a scar will help establish me... as a gentleman badass. I just need to figure out how to keep Don Gronk from telling the world that I got it from a twerpy elf with a cat catching stick... repeatedly and at every given opportunity. But that said I did swear revenge... and I am a golem of my word!"

+1 Chemistry Between GWG and Ignacio!


"Also, I just noticed I let you take a critical hit after giving you an ability that grants immunity to crits. So I'm giving you a hitpoint back Ignacio. You keep the scar. The players talked about it so it is cannon."

"...mierda."

Ignacio: Get sweet, glorious revenge on the Cat catcher.
Gronk: Provide backup for Ignacio. If Ignacio manages to kill the cat catcher on his own, start moving for the elves.
Oscar: Use thunderclap. I would say use puff of flame, but its our last use this dungeon.
Ithan: Summon a Naughty tentacle as close to the elves as possible.
Escort: Move further away from the elves.

"You have wronged me, and I demand SATISFACTION!"



"Ignacio's attack roll however is a 4. He fails to get any satisfaction as his attempted bitch slap flies wide to the elf's left."

"Silly Iggy! You smash elf like this!"


"And what a demonstration Gronk puts on! With a natural 20 on the attack roll, and a 14 to confirm, the Golem unleashes a massive critical hit punch that blasts a huge hole through the chest cavity of the Marlon Brando impersonator!

The Cat-Catcher looks down at the gaping hole in his torso, slides off of Gronk's arm, and slumps over dead!"
+7% Quest Success Rate!

"See! You do just like that and elf get dead."

"...Mother of god."

"Yay! You did it Gronk! You killed the bastards who were trying to capture me! Now to deal with those bastards who are trying to kill me. Cover up everybody! Meeeeeeeeewwwwwlllll Hiiisssssss!"


"An eardrum rending crack echos through the air! Ithan and all the hostiles take a maximum four damage!

One of the elves drops dead of a heart attack upon being startled by the sound!
+7% Quest Success Rate!

"Sunofabitch! Owwww! Dammit Oscar!"

"Player's orders. You should follow yours."

"Dammit Player! Qua pace stulti scio monstrum! Possis dicere letalis attractio!"

-2 Chemistry between Ithan and nuclearwhale!


"A portal anchoring a naughty tentacle appears on the chest of the dead elf on the stump! The otherworldly monster at once lashes out at the Jackal to its west! The attack roll is a natural 8, but the summon's attack bonus of 5 allows it to get around the Jackal's AC of 12! It deals 4 damage!

The Naughty Tentacle wraps around the jackal and quickly snaps its neck!

The escort runs east and ends up next to the golems!

The baddies move!

The southern most remaining elf fires an arrow through the trees at Gronk! His attack roll of 14 is enough to yeild a hit, and the arrow inflicts 6 damage!

Gronk suffers critical damage and disolves into a pile of sand soaked in magical essence!"

"Don Gronk! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! *Sniff*"


"...Tragic. Still two baddies left to move however, so no time to mourn.

The northernmost elf casts tree drag in an attempt to have a distant tree to the south rip the Naughty Tentacle from its anchor portal! The Tentacle chooses to resist, so the tree must make an attack roll to drag it.

This roll is a natural 1. A critical failure! Ohohohohoh!

A vine emerges from a tree on the south end of the map, wraps around the Naughty Tentacle and begins to pull! Suddenly the entire creature the tentacle was attached to is squeezed through the portal onto the mortal plane! It is big, and looks quite powerful and cross at the enemy!

The Greater Tentacle Demon acts at once, first lashing out one of its nine limbs at the elf who was rude enough to cast the spell and drag it from its home! The attack roll is a 21 and the damage roll is 6!

Elven Symbiote Aspirant is tossed high in the air, and splatters into a red smear upon landing!
+7% Quest Success Rate!

The enraged demon then attacks the remaining elf with another tentacle! The attack roll is 18 and the damage roll is nine.

The Greater Tentacle Demon reaches a tentacle into one of the elf's bodily orrifices, and rips out several vital organs!
+7% Quest Success Rate!

The demon then moves to finish the job by attacking the final Jackal! The attack roll is 26 and the damage roll is 10.

The Jackal is squashed and flattened by a thick tentacle of otherworldly density!"

"Ho..."

"ly..."

"...fuck"


"Alright. Lets deal with the aftermath of this one. Several orders of business here.

1. Gronk's untimely end brings the number of useful party members back down to four. This means no more group inventory, so you have to decide who gets to carry what out of the loot from this battle and the items currently in group inventory.

2. You loot the southern most Symbiote Aspirant, Both Cat Catchers, and Gronk's remains. You could try looting the others, but that would bring you uncomfortably close to the massive demon who could likely end the whole party in a single round.

Loot:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

x2 Animal Catcher Nooses
x2 Official 'Elven Academy Goon' jackets
x3 Elven Veggie Rations
x4 Catfood Rations
x1 Bow
x10 Arrows
x1 Hunting Knife
x1 Ziplock Bag of Unknown Mushrooms
x1 Pile of Magically Charged Sand
x1 Small Obsidian Golem Core [Damaged]

3: Ignacio has leveled up again! Y'all got a choice to make!

Level Up!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Ignacio has Reached Level 3!
Ignacio has Gained 4 HP!
Ignacio's Melee Attack Bonus has increased by 1!

Choose one of the following!
-1 Slot for a 3 Use Per Dungeon Earth Spell
-Ability: Construct Amorality (Ignacio takes .5 damage against Holy, Unholy, Chaotic, and Lawful damage)
-Ability: Elemental Protection [Sandstone] (Ignacio takes .25 damage against Fire, Air, and Earth damage, but takes x2 damage against water.)
-Ability: Grief-Stricken Motivation (Ignacio gains an attack bonus of +4 and a damage bonus of +2. This ability vanishes upon leaving the current dungeon, unless the players torment Ignacio to keep him grieving longer.)

4. You have cleared three rooms, so it is eating time! Lil'Gronk and Miss Kuhscheiße need to each a ration each! Ithan and Oscar can get by on foraging, but may eat a ration if you want them to. Ignacio has no need or ability to consume carbon based food. Choose who eats what!

5. It is likely that shenanigans relating to the above housekeeping items may keep the party in this room for another turn or two, but you might as well pick a direction to travel in next in case you are all ready to go right away.

----

Party Information and Bestiary:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Current Notes:

Quest:
Odds of Success if Flare Gun is fired now: 58%

Quest:
Escort HP: 12/18
-1 Rooms have passed since picking her up.

Ithan:
-7/13 HP
-Has cast summon Naughty Tentacle twice this dungeon
-Has cast summon Cherub once this dungeon
-Has cast summon Hellhound twice this dungeon
-Has cast once from his necklace

Oscar:
-5/5 HP
-Has cast Fire Aura once this dungeon
-Has cast Puff of Flame twice this dungeon
-Has cast Thunderclap once this dungeon

Ignacio:
-11/12 HP

Lil'Gronk:
-5/5 HP
-Has cast Lesser Healing once this dungeon

Battlemap:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Town/Dungeon Map:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Key:
Your Current Location is the little Antman!
The Skeletal Dragon marks a boss room!
A Fire represents an altar to an elemental god!

There are stairs hidden on this floor somewhere!

[Skyrunner]

Ability: Elemental Protection sounds good.

[Cheesecake]

I thought the Grief-Stricken Motivation would've been nice, but I can't stand Ignacio having to suffer anymore, so +1 to Elemental Protection. ((Doesn't Ignacio already have Construct Reliability?))

Lil Gronk + Miss Escort: Eat Burrito Rations

Ithan + Oscar: Forage while Oscar eats Cat food rations

Loot:
Cat Food goes to Oscar
Ithan and Ignacio equip the Jackets
Ithan ready the bow and arrows
See if Ithan can dual wield; if he can't, give it to Ignacio
Give the golem core to Ignacio. Maybe we can reconstruct him.

[escaped lurker]

... aren't we forgetting something?

First Order of Business - May I point out the treasure-chest sitting in the eastern corner, and that Ithan should be more than able to fly there, should the trees count as an obstacle? Well, I'l do so either way... ;З

Hand over the Bonus Loot, Weirdsound. Pronto!

Get the team nearby on standby thou - knowing our DM, it very well might be trapped.

[scapheap]

Don't forget to wield the rapiers, Ithan and Ignacio

[anailater]

Ignacio, I'm sorry, if you want to talk about it, we're here for you.

[Weirdsound]

((Doesn't Ignacio already have Construct Reliability?))


"Oops. The reduntant ability choice has been removed and replaced in the previous turn. I'll give Cheesecake a double vote for a future turn for catching my screw-up."

[Grek]

Oh, man. Gronk. He didn't deserve to go out like that.

[nuclearwhale]

Sorry for your loss, Ignacio. If I had known that the elves were going to shoot Gronk, I would have used a different game plan. Think we can get a favor from Issac to bring him back somehow?

We should eat the turkey rations. Since we cant eat it in battle, it's unlikely to be something temporary. Therefore, we should get whatever prize is inside as fast as possible.

As for the loot:
Ignacio should get an Elven academy goon jacket, for whatever small AC boost it gives. He should also get Gronk's remains, to either bury or keep. He should also hang on to the shrooms just in case.
Ithan should get the bow and arrows, to give the party some other means of viable long range support.
Oscar should get the other Elven academy goon jacket, to destroy as he sees fit.
Rations can be held by whoever, and I dont really care what happens to the rest of the loot.

Ignacio should learn the earth spell upon leveling up. We need more spellpower on this team, because frankly, we are starting to run out of spell uses this dungeon.