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[Nirur Torir]

*Knock knock knock*

You've been trying to find peace for decades, but no matter how inhospitable an area you find, they always come bothering you. Adventurers, stray children, fool princes, even the occasional bureaucrat. Your current house is in a tiny mountain valley, only accessible through a dangerous cave deep in a chaotic enchanted forest. You're pretty sure your skull enchanted to warn off trespassers is still functioning.

*KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK*

It wasn't enough.

*KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK* *KNOCK-KNOCK* *KNOCK*

You set your favorite teacup down on the table, open the door, and glare at the man (prince?) behind it. His lackey is standing in your patch of Moonshimmer flowers. The ones that aren't even near the door, and the one currently-harmless plant in your garden.

"-And so of course I immediately knew that the charming and beautiful Esmeralda," your glare intensifies at the blatant lie, "should be my first choice for magical aid. I implore you for any help you could give in my quest to defeat the wicked dragon and save my beloved. You would, of course, be richly rewarded."

You ponder your choices as he stares at you like an ugly puppy. You could just hand him a cursed item, but your magic works best when it feels the target deserves the effects. If he fails a difficult quest, you could zap him with an especially cruel creative curse, and maybe keep even one person away in the future .. but if he succeeds, you'd have to give an equivalent boon or your magic would be sulking for weeks.

[Armok]

> Just give him some random trinket to feed the dragon that'll make all it's fire to ignite at once. (Don't bother mentioning it'll take out half a county or so of surrounding countryside as it explodes.)

[GiglameshDespair]

Enchant his armour to make him invulnerable to all kinds of fire... except dragonfire. Demonstrate this ability with the fire in your house to prove it. Then send him boldly off.

[aattss]

If he's successful, then we're richly rewarded.

Let's give him an item that increases his effectiveness, but over time (preferably by the time you're rewarded) drains his soul and causes a mass of negative emotions (i.e. paranoia, strictness, rage, sloth, et al.) Ideally, the drain of his soul will offset the cost of making the item useful, and we'll be rewarded once with material gains and then again with infamy to keep people away.

Edit: This will also be helpful because if the king's bad enough, he'll cause turmoil, revolts, and depopulation, which would further decrease the amount of people we have to deal with. Alternatively, people might become desperate and offer us even more money to help them overthrow the king, allowing us to play both sides.

[Weirdsound]

If he's successful, then we're richly rewarded.

Let's give him an item that increases his effectiveness, but over time (preferably by the time you're rewarded) drains his soul and causes a mass of negative emotions (i.e. paranoia, strictness, rage, sloth, et al.) Ideally, the drain of his soul will offset the cost of making the item useful, and we'll be rewarded once with material gains and then again with infamy to keep people away.

Edit: This will also be helpful because if the king's bad enough, he'll cause turmoil, revolts, and depopulation, which would further decrease the amount of people we have to deal with. Alternatively, people might become desperate and offer us even more money to help them overthrow the king, allowing us to play both sides.

I like this. Make the item a necklace with seven charms, and curse it to be impossible to remove once put on. Inform him that each time he takes a charm off the necklace he will permanently lose his entire capacity for one of the Seven Virtues but will gain superhuman strength, stamina, and speed for seven hours.

[aattss]

If he's successful, then we're richly rewarded.

Let's give him an item that increases his effectiveness, but over time (preferably by the time you're rewarded) drains his soul and causes a mass of negative emotions (i.e. paranoia, strictness, rage, sloth, et al.) Ideally, the drain of his soul will offset the cost of making the item useful, and we'll be rewarded once with material gains and then again with infamy to keep people away.

Edit: This will also be helpful because if the king's bad enough, he'll cause turmoil, revolts, and depopulation, which would further decrease the amount of people we have to deal with. Alternatively, people might become desperate and offer us even more money to help them overthrow the king, allowing us to play both sides.

I like this. Make the item a necklace with seven charms, and curse it to be impossible to remove once put on. Inform him that each time he takes a charm off the necklace he will permanently lose his entire capacity for one of the Seven Virtues but will gain superhuman strength, stamina, and speed for seven hours.

That's a more solid idea, but I would recommend doing what kyubey did and not mention the negative side effect while telling the technical truth.

[Weirdsound]

If he's successful, then we're richly rewarded.

Let's give him an item that increases his effectiveness, but over time (preferably by the time you're rewarded) drains his soul and causes a mass of negative emotions (i.e. paranoia, strictness, rage, sloth, et al.) Ideally, the drain of his soul will offset the cost of making the item useful, and we'll be rewarded once with material gains and then again with infamy to keep people away.

Edit: This will also be helpful because if the king's bad enough, he'll cause turmoil, revolts, and depopulation, which would further decrease the amount of people we have to deal with. Alternatively, people might become desperate and offer us even more money to help them overthrow the king, allowing us to play both sides.

I like this. Make the item a necklace with seven charms, and curse it to be impossible to remove once put on. Inform him that each time he takes a charm off the necklace he will permanently lose his entire capacity for one of the Seven Virtues but will gain superhuman strength, stamina, and speed for seven hours.

That's a more solid idea, but I would recommend doing what kyubey did and not mention the negative side effect while telling the technical truth.

We should at least hint that there will be costs. Otherwise the magic might feel we are tricking/scamming the victim and might not work as well.

[GiglameshDespair]

Do that. Tell him there will be a cost, but don't elaborate.

[Nirur Torir]

[quot]Enchant his armor with mundane fire immunity. The enchantment will slowly damage his soul, and, should the dragon eat the armor, explosions will result.[/quot]
Perfect! Dragonfire tends to break enchantments anyway. The explosion shouldn't reach city-destroying levels, but it will certainly destabilize the cave. ((Ninjas!))

Give him a necklace with seven crosses. It cannot be removed once used. Each cross removed permanently renders one of the seven virtues anathema to him, but grants him supreme strength, stamina, and speed for seven hours.

You usher the price and his squire inside, serve them tea in the guest tea-room, and enter your basement ritual chamber. After three potions, a ritual involving Latin chanting and the burning of a moderate amount of difficult-to-grow herbs that can only be harvested four times per year, the necklace is completed. You return to your guest to find a jagged hole in the magically reinforced window. A sheepish-looking minion tries to hand you two filthy coins that might be silver. You throw him the necklace to the prince and grab a frying pan. The prince grabs it with fumbling hands, while his companion drops the coins to the floor as they flee the premise. You shout after them while waving the pan: "Seven feats, seven prices. Use only in dire need; beware the Shadow."

That's settled.

You point to the mop leaning against the wall, which begins cleaning the mud covered floor, and walk warily over to the window. It smells faintly of brimstone, and the broken shards are nowhere in sight. You're out of replacement windows, it's nearly impossible to get them all this way without magic, you can't make more with magic, and transporting them with magic results in a broken window virtually every time.

You frown at the figures retreating back into the cave.

[Weirdsound]

Board up the broken window for now. Tend to the garden. Check in with whatever monster/familiars/sentient artifacts you keep around.

[Nirur Torir]

You walk out to your shed to claim three boards, a hammer, and a few nails. As a magical servant isn't worth the effort, you board up the window by hand. Twenty minutes later, it's done, but the new addition does nothing for the decor.

You once again walk outside, and follow the path back to your shed. The hammering chased off the birds, and Ink, your orange striped cat, glares at you from his perch in a tree. You begin muttering about the directed incompetence of princes in annoyance.

After a few hours of gardening to cool your nerves, you decide to observe the scrying mirror for more threats to your solitude. The twenty piece Tower of Hanoi puzzle will need to be reset in person at some point, but you'll get around to it later. The kobolds are mourning their losses and trying to add even more traps. The cave wyrm will need a few days to recover from its wounds, but should be fine. The Flarethorn roses outside are hacked up, and will need a few weeks before they're blocking the entrance again.

Further afield, the local enchanter's guild is trying to expand their outpost in the forest. You think they're trying to harvest its essence. That woodsman is attempting to abandon his children in the forest for the fourth time in two weeks. The barbarians in the south are mustering for another attack on the Republic of Tyral. The Kingdom of Myuli, to the northeast, is having a violent succession crises, you'll probably be seeing someone begging for you to solve that soon.  The Empire of Doves in the northwest has a minor dragon infestation. They were probably why that prince was visiting.

You shove the wheeled free-standing mirror away and rub your head. You just know that multiple parties are planning to drag you into their mess.

[GiglameshDespair]

Think of additional traps and barriers we could set up.

[aattss]

Attempt to employ the child abandoned by the woodsman as an assistant and/or sacrifice.

Attempt to put a curse on the enchanters attempting to invade and drain our forest. Make it so that those who go into the forest fight among each other for their own greed for more land.

[Weirdsound]

As for the children, if the fairy tale is anything to go by, it is their stepmother who is trying to make their father abandoned them. Get rid of her and they have no reason to bother you again. I'm sure if she is trying to get rid of children, she deserves the worst of our magic.

After checking to make sure we have a hansel and gretel story on our hands, approach the woodcutter's house. Approach his wife and ask if she would be willing to sell her children for ageless beauty. If she agrees, have her sign a bill of sale and then turn her into a statue that will be beautiful forever. Keep the bill of sale, and don't tell the woodcutter or his children that we have it; we can use it to our advantage later.

[Urist Mc Dwarf]

As for the children, if the fairy tale is anything to go by, it is their stepmother who is trying to make their father abandoned them. Get rid of her and they have no reason to bother you again. I'm sure if she is trying to get rid of children, she deserves the worst of our magic.

After checking to make sure we have a hansel and gretel story on our hands, approach the woodcutter's house. Approach his wife and ask if she would be willing to sell her children for ageless beauty. If she agrees, have her sign a bill of sale and then turn her into a statue that will be beautiful forever. Keep the bill of sale, and don't tell the woodcutter or his children that we have it; we can use it to our advantage later.

+1 to this and everything else except using the child as a sacrifice.