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Author Topic: Lonely....So lonely  (Read 2881 times)

zimluura

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Re: Lonely....So lonely
« Reply #15 on: November 13, 2013, 08:52:14 pm »
I used to be kinda girl-shy too.  To get over it I made a concentrated effort to talk to more women...lots of women, all ages, if I was attracted or not.  Just people I'd meet in day to day life.  The easiest way to talk to people is to listen well to what they're saying, and ask questions about relevant details.

Confidence will come with more conversation.  Never mind rejection, each time you get rejected it hurts less.  It actually becomes sortof cool (she may have said no, but you were brave enough to ask).  You also learn to guard your heart and not get emotionally invested in someone prematurely.  Think about this: it's very very unlikely you'll end up with this girl for the rest of your life, so don't think of it as something you have to perfectly engineer.

Exercise can help you with your willpower, but it can be _crazy_ hard to get in the habit of it.

Oh yeah: quit all the self pity. 100%.  Cold-turkey.  Right now.  At least in the presence of the ladies.
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Vector

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Re: Lonely....So lonely
« Reply #16 on: November 13, 2013, 11:27:33 pm »
Quote from: Shook on November 13, 2013, 03:41:29 pm
Can't remember who it was, but it was some awesome person on this forum that has mentioned this tactic more than once.

that would be me


Yeah, OP!  Go for it.  It might work best if you think "my goal is to make this girl feel good," not "my goal is to make this girl go out with me."  It's much easier to do these things smoothly, when you're thinking from that point of view.
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"The question of the usefulness of poetry arises only in periods of its decline, while in periods of its flowering, no one doubts its total uselessness." - Boris Pasternak

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PkGamer

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Re: Lonely....So lonely
« Reply #17 on: November 14, 2013, 05:04:37 pm »
And guess what?Now my brain has suddenly decided that love is a bad thing and being single is better.It has decided that I already have enough crap to do with studying, my hobby and my friends.So it seems my brain wants the easy way out but I still want to get a girl but now that tiny voice is saying LOVE IS EVOL(EVIL) instead of the usual I DONT GIVE A CRAP ABOUT MY LIFE mixed with a bit of GET A FREAKING GIRL.So yeah my mind is now being ripped up into what I could say is like a civil war against my conscience and my subconsciousness and my thoughts and any other crap that may be hiding in there..........
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Darkmere

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Re: Lonely....So lonely
« Reply #18 on: November 14, 2013, 07:06:37 pm »
K. Well when you actually want to sort things out and want to move past the melodrama and rationalizations, my recommendation of "saying hi" still stands.
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Vector

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Re: Lonely....So lonely
« Reply #19 on: November 15, 2013, 12:56:57 am »
Okay... you want to get a girl.  What were you planning on doing with her?
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"The question of the usefulness of poetry arises only in periods of its decline, while in periods of its flowering, no one doubts its total uselessness." - Boris Pasternak

nonbinary/genderfluid/genderqueer renegade mathematician and mafia subforum limpet. please avoid quoting me.

pronouns: prefer neutral ones, others are fine. height: 5'3".

PkGamer

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Re: Lonely....So lonely
« Reply #20 on: November 17, 2013, 02:51:42 pm »
Really?I don't have an idea what I was planning to do with her.I thought it would just roll along once I actually managed to get one.....Hmmmm yeah...It seems that it is in fact a good question....Yeah...Well I met her this weekend.Like always said hi made a couple jokes, she laughed once or twice.Yeah...No progress.Felt pathetic for the rest of the day for not asking her something to...turn friendship into something more....Yeah.I suck.Well I don't suck while I do suck.If you get what I mean.Also wondering.Anyone knows any good cardiac /aerobic exercises that I can do inside without going outside.I go jogging and for hikes now and then but I don't think that's doing it.For quite a tall person my metabolism sucks (must be all the sweets I ate earlier on in life).Not fat but also not fit but also not thin...Basically average but I want to get fit and get a routine or something so I don't end up having a heart attack by the age of 50/60 (I love crisps...more than her sadly).Also on my current fitness I can do a couple of chin ups in a row and also more than a few push-ups.Also being fit is attractive makes you more attractive so that's always a plus :D.
I want her....Even if I don't know what I'm going to do with her....
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Vector

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Re: Lonely....So lonely
« Reply #21 on: November 17, 2013, 03:27:06 pm »
Quote from: PkGamer on November 17, 2013, 02:51:42 pm
I thought it would just roll along once I actually managed to get one...

Nope.  Also, I don't know what you're saying you want it to just "roll along to."

OP, romance is something personal, though our culture keeps trying to tell us it's something universal.  Something you should have a good idea of before you get in relationships--whenever possible--is what the relationship constitutes.  Just saying "okay, now more than just friends" doesn't mean anything, you know?  If you mean "I just want someone to kiss on," then that's one thing, and if you mean "I just want someone to write romantic poetry to," that's another thing--and both of these can constitute relationships.  Part of maturing into relationships is getting yourself a really clear idea of what you're looking for.

A lot of friction in relationships is caused by a lack of communication about what people want, often because they're feeling hopeful and they don't want to discover, right off the bat, that things won't work out for them.  I've declined multiple men because I won't go out with someone who doesn't have any other friends, period.  Another man I broke it off with because he was looking for a year of fun before going back to his old girlfriend, and I sincerely loved him.  Another because we saw each other every day and he made his declaration via email.  I've got little tolerance for cowards.  Other women think they're cute.  There is no formula to love but to love.

This isn't something where you need to find the right combination of behaviors, like the perfect key to a lock.  You be you, and find someone who wants that, and who you also want.  If you've got some unhealthy shit going on, then you should probably work on that--like, I dunno, being abusive or dishonest or manipulative.  But otherwise, folks are diverse in their needs and desires, and that's part of the beauty of it.

If you want a girl, then you've got to know what that particular girl wants, and whether you sincerely want to be that person--or better yet, already are them.  Not all women like muscly men.  I, for example, prefer men on the androgynous/feminine side and find men who are into muscle-building a gigantic turn-off.  You be the best you that you can be, and then worry about attracting the wimmenz.
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"The question of the usefulness of poetry arises only in periods of its decline, while in periods of its flowering, no one doubts its total uselessness." - Boris Pasternak

nonbinary/genderfluid/genderqueer renegade mathematician and mafia subforum limpet. please avoid quoting me.

pronouns: prefer neutral ones, others are fine. height: 5'3".

PkGamer

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Re: Lonely....So lonely
« Reply #22 on: November 17, 2013, 03:36:10 pm »
Quote from: Vector on November 17, 2013, 03:27:06 pm
Quote from: PkGamer on November 17, 2013, 02:51:42 pm
I thought it would just roll along once I actually managed to get one...

Nope.  Also, I don't know what you're saying you want it to just "roll along to."

OP, romance is something personal, though our culture keeps trying to tell us it's something universal.  Something you should have a good idea of before you get in relationships--whenever possible--is what the relationship constitutes.  Just saying "okay, now more than just friends" doesn't mean anything, you know?  If you mean "I just want someone to kiss on," then that's one thing, and if you mean "I just want someone to write romantic poetry to," that's another thing--and both of these can constitute relationships.  Part of maturing into relationships is getting yourself a really clear idea of what you're looking for.

A lot of friction in relationships is caused by a lack of communication about what people want, often because they're feeling hopeful and they don't want to discover, right off the bat, that things won't work out for them.  I've declined multiple men because I won't go out with someone who doesn't have any other friends, period.  Another man I broke it off with because he was looking for a year of fun before going back to his old girlfriend, and I sincerely loved him.  Another because we saw each other every day and he made his declaration via email.  I've got little tolerance for cowards.  Other women think they're cute.  There is no formula to love but to love.

This isn't something where you need to find the right combination of behaviors, like the perfect key to a lock.  You be you, and find someone who wants that, and who you also want.  If you've got some unhealthy shit going on, then you should probably work on that--like, I dunno, being abusive or dishonest or manipulative.  But otherwise, folks are diverse in their needs and desires, and that's part of the beauty of it.

If you want a girl, then you've got to know what that particular girl wants, and whether you sincerely want to be that person--or better yet, already are them.  Not all women like muscly men.  I, for example, prefer men on the androgynous/feminine side and find men who are into muscle-building a gigantic turn-off.  You be the best you that you can be, and then worry about attracting the wimmenz.

One of the best pieces of advise I got.I  think I should just...tell her what I feel....................................yeah.
Tell her what I feel.That's...a..good idea I guess.Yeah...I already know I'll fail once and once again in asking her...Probably meaning to ask her but instead making small talk and stuff...Well...thats life...And I gotta live it...So...
I cant do this.Crap.Freaking self pity......I should just get a hang of myself and just ask her.....Yeah this is gonna suck...
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Shakerag

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Re: Lonely....So lonely
« Reply #23 on: November 18, 2013, 03:13:57 pm »
Oh for fuck's sake.

PkGamer, focus on what you know about this other person.  You do know things about this person, right?  Focus on an interest you both may have in common.  Use that as conversation starter.  Go from there. 

"I see you're reading 50 Shades of Grey.  I love that book too!  What do you think about character so-and-so ... etc." 

There you go, foot in the door.  Use that as a way to find other potential interests in common.  If you find that you have very few interests in common, or that the interests that you both hold in high regard the other doesn't care for very much, then any relationship will very likely not last long or be terribly happy. 
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PkGamer

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Re: Lonely....So lonely
« Reply #24 on: November 18, 2013, 03:33:01 pm »
Ok just one more thing...
Say I want to ask her out or something.I have realised idk where and stuff.So I'm pretty determined by now but where would I take her out?Note I live quite a distance from her.
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Hubris Incalculable

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Re: Lonely....So lonely
« Reply #25 on: November 18, 2013, 04:11:06 pm »
Quote from: PkGamer on November 18, 2013, 03:33:01 pm
Ok just one more thing...
Say I want to ask her out or something.I have realised idk where and stuff.So I'm pretty determined by now but where would I take her out?Note I live quite a distance from her.
We cannot give you any concrete suggestions unless we have intimate knowledge of your area, but I think a cafe or an inexpensive (but not cheap and unhealthy, i.e. McD's) restaurant wouldn't go amiss.
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Shakerag

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Re: Lonely....So lonely
« Reply #26 on: November 18, 2013, 06:33:44 pm »
Quote from: PkGamer on November 18, 2013, 03:33:01 pm
Ok just one more thing...
Say I want to ask her out or something.I have realised idk where and stuff.So I'm pretty determined by now but where would I take her out?Note I live quite a distance from her.
Someplace where you think she would like to go?  She likes art, go to an art exhibit.  She likes nature, go to a nice park/garden/etc.  Any festivals/local events going on?  Museum? 

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PkGamer

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Re: Lonely....So lonely
« Reply #27 on: November 19, 2013, 02:52:10 am »
Well thanks.Chances are I'll never same her.But there's still that 1% chance when I feel the moment is fine.....
Thanks, your pathetic friend PkGamer...
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LordSlowpoke

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Re: Lonely....So lonely
« Reply #28 on: November 20, 2013, 06:00:58 am »
i'm just going to chime in to say i am both surprised and lightly nonplussed that no daki or anything alike has been suggested thorough this entire thread

carry on
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