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[Thecard]

I was pretty good friends ('least, I think I was) with this one girl, last year. I don't have any classes with her, and I only really see her in the hallway once. I don't really do much after school, because I have no idea what normal people do in their spare time. Also because I've never been invited to anything with people (the two reasons are sorta intertwined).

Anyways, I wasn't sure if she'd forgotten about me or something. But, on Friday I saw her one of her friends sitting at the football game; I finally grew some balls and just sat down and talked to her a bit. I think it went well. In any case, she hasn't forgotten about me or anything.

But --and this is where the "advice" part comes in-- I don't really know if I should invite her to do something or what. I feel like that's probably the typical thing to do, since there isn't really any other way we'd hang out together; I just don't know what, or if it's even a good idea.


And since Bay12 is renowned for its vast collection of social adepts, I figured I'd ask y'all before I ask any meatfriends. Because, y'know, anonymity in case this post sounds really weird or something.

[Darkmere]

Eh... just ask if she'd be interested in hanging out and catching up sometime. Another sports game, some kind of food, or coffee or something. I guess the advice is "don't over-analyze or worry, just be straightforward and ask."

[Scriabin]

Eh... just ask if she'd be interested in hanging out and catching up sometime. Another sports game, some kind of food, or coffee or something. I guess the advice is "don't over-analyze or worry, just be straightforward and ask."

I'll echo what Darkmere said. You don't really have anything to lose, if she wants to see you -> awesome! In the other case nothing has changed.

[freeformschooler]

Warning: surprising amounts of people are non-coffee-drinking heretics, so inviting to coffee is not a guaranteed win!

[Tiruin]

I was pretty good friends ('least, I think I was) with this one girl, last year. I don't have any classes with her, and I only really see her in the hallway once. I don't really do much after school, because I have no idea what normal people do in their spare time. Also because I've never been invited to anything with people (the two reasons are sorta intertwined).[...]

I am thoroughly intrigued by why the 'what normal people do' is such a common variable in these cases :S [Hint: There's no such exact method of what people do..or what 'normal' people do, if normal = the everyone else.]

Anywhoo, I'm forwarding FFS' note--I don't drink coffee at all.

Try this:
> Spend active time with her. Doesn't matter the activity. Talk. Study together. Find common interests perhaps.

[Thecard]

I'd like to spend more time hanging out with her, I'm just not sure how exactly to do it. It was much easier last year, when I had a class with her.

I'm thinking I'll probably invite her to a church gleaning thing. One of our mutual friends goes to my church, and he asked her and some of her friends last year, so its probably something she might enjoy.

Anyways, thanks for y'all's input so far. It's mostly stuff I've heard before, but hearing it said in response to my situation gives it more credibility for me. I think sometimes I have to get hit over the head with something before it'll really stick there.


And I don't drink coffee either (nor, to my best recollection, does she), so that probably would be a bad idea, huh?

[gimlet]

You're allowed to order tea, water, fruit juice, or whatever floats your boat.   Interpret stuff too narrowly and you'll lock yourself out of a lot of promising ideas...

[Darkmere]

You're allowed to order tea, water, fruit juice, or whatever floats your boat.   Interpret stuff too narrowly and you'll lock yourself out of a lot of promising ideas...

Thank you. I was wondering if people were just intentionally ignoring when I said "coffee or something." Next time I'll bring out an encyclopedia and make an exhaustive beverage list.

[freeformschooler]

I'm just speaking from my experience of saying "hey, you want to go get coffee" and then getting the story about how, sorry, he can't because coffee killed his parents. Maybe "want to go grab a bite/drink" would sound better

[Urist McScoopbeard]

Warning: surprising amounts of people are non-coffee-drinking heretics, so inviting to coffee is not a guaranteed win!

coffee is the devil's brew meh lad. Tea is where it's at!

[gimlet]

Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance - if that happens so frequently, be ready with a list of consumables (and suitable places where they can be purchased and consumed).   But if, after you've offered "Tea - I know a  little shop that does a great tea service?"  "Juice?  There's an awesome juice bar right by the park?" "Milkshake?" "Cider?" "Egg cream?" "Sarsparilla?" "Yerba mate?" "Tapioca bubble tea?" "mexican fresca?" "Coconut water?" "Mango lassi?" "Air mata kucing?" you still haven't gotten a positive response, then it's not the drink type, it's you.  Or she's the world's pickiest drinker, a definite danger sign...

[Thecard]

The biggest obstacle here is really that I don't have many opportunities to talk to her, period. I pass her in the hallway once, and she's talking to someone (and I don't think she'd want me to interrupt in this case).
I really should try to get her number or give her mine.

[Tiruin]

How's about making opportunities instead of waiting for them to pass you by? You're both pretty good friends, so either I'm not getting the full scenario or that I'm thinking that you could easily just greet each other when you see each other. A simple wave or something would be good too.

I really should try to get her number or give her mine.

Good idea.

[Thecard]

We're good enough friends, and we do greet each other when we pass by. The problem is that I don't really get to hang out with her; I only see her when I'm passing her and her friends in the hallway. I'm kinda scared to interrupt, in large part because I don't know her other friends that well.

But yeah, I'd like to hang out with her, and the biggest obstacle is my own social anxiety. Every day, I've been getting more confident. I need to just take a bit of a leap of faith and try to exchange numbers or invite her somewhere.

[Vector]

I wouldn't do the number first-off, because that's very easy to misinterpret.  Plan a small event with some other people and invite her, and then do number/cafe/etc.