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[Owlga]

I don't know if I should actually be posting here but Janet did so well.

I'd been diagnosed with Antisocial personality disorder by most psychiatrists I've seen. Since I have all the outward emotional affect of a brick, though I do FEEL them. I just don't express them. It's really annoying being told I'm not really feeling what I know I'm feeling because I can't express it outside of just words.

A more competent psychiatrist gave me a mostly clean bill of health. Outside of me having stress issues.

[GlyphGryph]

I was diagnosed with bipolar after attempts to treat my depression with medication sent me off the deep end and very nearly ruined my life and at the very least lead to the most miserable months of my existence.

Mostly because the bullshit psychiatrist I was seeing was an idiot and refused to actually believe anything I tell him. God I fucking hate psychiatrists - I've seen a number of them now, and if a good one exists I've certainly never met one. Even when they aren't pushing meds, they seem to know how to press every single button in a 15 minute session to leave you miserable for weeks afterwards.

The research psychologists have been okay, since I do enjoy donating my time and body to science - generally spend a lot more time caring about and concerned about my wellbeing than the psychiatrists did.

Ultimately, though, I've found I'm best off staying away from the meds and the doctors. If I do have bipolar, it's effects are pretty slight so long as I'm not exposing myself to medication known to exacerbate it's effects.

[lue]

I hope it's OK to post if I've never even so much as sought a diagnosis for anything...

Spoiler: Itnetlolor (click to show/hide)

Oh right, I lost count as to how many times many teachers thought I should belong to a 'special' class because of my "disorders". Disorders my ass, according to my post, I was just being lazy through and through. I knew the material well enough, the homework and their teaching methods were just a hassle I would rather sleep through or draw in the middle of class past, not to mention, I knew the crap the gifted kids had to put up with, so I played dumb for a good portion of my educational life so could make friends a bit easier, and not have as much crap to deal with extra-curricularly; if that's not a sign of being (at least street-)smart, I don't know what is. Not to mention, as much of a retard I was assumed to be, because I didn't know how to tie my shoes at the time (I'm not kidding, I was judged by that BS of a test; I come from a large family, so learning how to do so took a bit longer than usual for me.), I was still the fastest reader amongst the class (out loud; and to the point others reading so slowly made me want to slam my head into the desk, and this was since kindergarten), even though my comprehension sucked due to a lack of motivation and interest (only grades that sucked were the classes that bored me to death; the slow-ass readers were also some cause for blame as well).

Considering all of the above, I wonder why acting didn't hold my interest (seeing as I utilized my patheticness to my advantage, hid an alternate reality for at least a decade, and am also a quick learner with means of adapting to crowds rapidly)... Oh right, social bullshit and dealing with people, fans, and politics; not to mention the workloads. Kinda figured that's why I accepted being a loser so well. It seemed to be a current I moved along with more easily, or was more fitting to my brilliant, but lazy personality.

Sounds a lot like me, though fortunately I never felt like I had to shield myself from people who'd bully smart types. I've never been good with doing work that doesn't interest me in some way, so in retrospect it's no surprise that I miserably failed at the IB program.* I just have an extremely hard time doing boring stuff, no matter how important it is I do it. If I can't muster up some personal interest, it's only getting done poorly, if at all. (It's why I eventually failed English in the second-to-last semester of high school, and had to make up for it with two English classes next semester. Thanks, overly-ridiculous credit requirements for a subject that means jack outside the world of literature!)

Strangely, although I always feel incredibly nervous about any public event, whenever I had to give a presentation in school I always turned out far, far better than i hoped. So acting probably would be fun for me, after I get past the stage fright .

Let's see... socially, my general lack of motivation, esp. towards the end, prevented me from making many or close friends. Also, in middle school I had issues with reading when people didn't want to converse with me anymore, in part because I rarely talked with anyone. I'd say that's a classic sign of Asperger's, were it not for the fact that I've since learned to pick up on those cues. I also still find it physically impossible to purposefully look someone in the eye for any reason ever. If/when I notice it, I just have to look elsewhere. I know it'll make me look disinterested, but it just can't be done.

So, I guess I'm being weird then . I've found a total of three mental issues that I've oh so reliably self-diagnosed myself with, because they explain various annoying quirks of mine. You should know though that I'm suspicious of magically having three disorders, so I only keep them in mind as another way of describing what I see myself having problems with.

I do wonder why Bay 12 has so many people with disorders, though.

You won't get an unbiased answer in this thread .

Me aside, this looks to be an interesting topic of conversation and I hope it goes beyond "here's what's wrong with me." PTW, if you will.

Me too, I think it's just natural for everyone to start with their issues in this type of thread. I'm certainly up for non-personally discussing various issues.

*For you who know about the IB program, read below

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I took the full diploma, because secretly I'm an idiot.

I never so much as touched my EE. It took intervention with the Coordinator just to get me to pick a subject, almost a year into the year-long process we're given to do the thing.

IAs held some mystical power to keep me from ever doing one. Whether it was being stuck on an idea for the experiment, or running into computer problems, or old-fashioned laziness, they never happened. The only one that did happen was because my teacher for that subject bugged about it for months with threats of an F in the class.

CAS never happened, because that requires a simultaneous change in all of my exercise habits (not that terrible to change, really), my sociability (especially for the Community Service portion), and my motivation.

So nothing came out of it ultimately, and the IB can go die in a whole for all the shits I give about it.

[Itnetlolor]

I also still find it physically impossible to purposefully look someone in the eye for any reason ever. If/when I notice it, I just have to look elsewhere. I know it'll make me look disinterested, but it just can't be done.

I have the same issue, except compounding it with my schizophrenia, I get the strange feeling like I can see into their soul. It's a weird feeling. It puts me off from looking into someone's eyes when I talk to them.

To purposely look into someone's eyes for me would be to intimidate or for affectionate reasons (seeing into the soul takes on more meaning; similar could be said with the prior).

[RedKing]

I also still find it physically impossible to purposefully look someone in the eye for any reason ever. If/when I notice it, I just have to look elsewhere. I know it'll make me look disinterested, but it just can't be done.

I have the same issue, except compounding it with my schizophrenia, I get the strange feeling like I can see into their soul. It's a weird feeling. It puts me off from looking into someone's eyes when I talk to them.

To purposely look into someone's eyes for me would be to intimidate or for affectionate reasons (seeing into the soul takes on more meaning; similar could be said with the prior).

Ditto this. Unless they're a person close to me, I have to consciously will myself to look someone in the eye. And the amount of willpower required is draining.

I also have something of what Owlga mentioned, in that I just don't show emotion the way most people do, at least for some emotions. I can show anger and happiness pretty readily, but sadness or especially sympathy are really tricky. It's not that I don't feel sad for them, I just can't bring myself to wallow in grief on behalf of someone else.

[scrdest]

I don't know if I should actually be posting here but Janet did so well.

I'd been diagnosed with Antisocial personality disorder by most psychiatrists I've seen. Since I have all the outward emotional affect of a brick, though I do FEEL them. I just don't express them. It's really annoying being told I'm not really feeling what I know I'm feeling because I can't express it outside of just words.

A more competent psychiatrist gave me a mostly clean bill of health. Outside of me having stress issues.

Antisocial? Are you certain? Antisocial is more or less what's traditionally known as socio-/psychopathy: superficial charm, irritability, lack of empathy and remorse, manipulativeness... you don't seem like any of these.

If anything, with the description you give it sounds more like Schizoid or an ASD of some sort.


Since I don't know who to quote, @eye contact:

It isn't weird that maintaining eye contact is difficult. It's a powerful social signal of connecting with someone, implying some sort of proximity. That's the whole point, of it, really. When you're talking with someone, you can imagine eye contact as a cable transferring emotional reaction, for example - it's not the sort of intimacy you want to display to strangers.

Staring is a different story, it's a dominance signal when met with a counter-stare and a 'THAT THING IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME (for whatever reason)' signal when it's not. But again, try this on a random stranger and you'll creep them out.

I could ramble on and on, because there's a lot of subtleties most humans pick up at a subconscious levels, but eh, whatever.

[Owlga]

Antisocial? Are you certain? Antisocial is more or less what's traditionally known as socio-/psychopathy: superficial charm, irritability, lack of empathy and remorse, manipulativeness... you don't seem like any of these.

The thing is the people I talked to were sure I was just jerking them around since what I was saying didn't line up to anything for them. Since I kept saying I felt this, I felt that but I never showed it. And the closest thing they got from me as visible emotion was when I started getting frustrated and how I talk changed a bit because of that. So all three I saw assumed I was just having fun with them and trying to get some kind of different diagnosis.

I honestly don't know what's actually going on with me. I'd say I'm emotionally repressed but it's not that I don't FEEL the emotions. I just can't express them for others, just for myself. It's hard being married and not being able to share in my wife's happiness or sadness in a way she can see it.

Eye contact though? I can do that and keep it held for way, way longer than almost anyone can stand. Might be another reason I got that diagnosis since I tried to keep eye contact the whole time so they'd take me seriously, turns out that bothers people.

[scrdest]

Antisocial? Are you certain? Antisocial is more or less what's traditionally known as socio-/psychopathy: superficial charm, irritability, lack of empathy and remorse, manipulativeness... you don't seem like any of these.

The thing is the people I talked to were sure I was just jerking them around since what I was saying didn't line up to anything for them. Since I kept saying I felt this, I felt that but I never showed it. And the closest thing they got from me as visible emotion was when I started getting frustrated and how I talk changed a bit because of that. So all three I saw assumed I was just having fun with them and trying to get some kind of different diagnosis.

I honestly don't know what's actually going on with me. I'd say I'm emotionally repressed but it's not that I don't FEEL the emotions. I just can't express them for others, just for myself. It's hard being married and not being able to share in my wife's happiness or sadness in a way she can see it.

Eye contact though? I can do that and keep it held for way, way longer than almost anyone can stand. Might be another reason I got that diagnosis since I tried to keep eye contact the whole time so they'd take me seriously, turns out that bothers people.

Oh right, I double-checked, the magic word is 'alexithymia'. It's fairly useless in itself, it's like telling someone whose head hurts 'you have a headache', but it could come in handy if you want to read more about it.

[Pnx]

I honestly don't know what's actually going on with me. I'd say I'm emotionally repressed but it's not that I don't FEEL the emotions. I just can't express them for others, just for myself. It's hard being married and not being able to share in my wife's happiness or sadness in a way she can see it.

Eye contact though? I can do that and keep it held for way, way longer than almost anyone can stand. Might be another reason I got that diagnosis since I tried to keep eye contact the whole time so they'd take me seriously, turns out that bothers people.

What you're describing sounds exactly like some of the primary symptoms of asperger's syndrome, they're also symptoms myself and several other forum members have described having.

[Thecard]

I have ADD (also known as ADHD without hyperactivity, because redundant contradictions cancel each other out, right?) and social awkwardness, primarily due to ~10 years of self-imposed isolationism.
I'm also pretty smart, and am in the 98 percentile with my IQ score. 46 percentile working memory though, which is kinda shitty because I don't retain as much as I could.

I think Bay12 has so many people with various social/mental disorders because we tend to utilize internet forums as a method of human interactions without the pesky social aspects.

[Thecard]

Oh, they are different. But for some reason, they want to remove "ADD" and just have either "ADHD" or "ADHD without Hyperactivity". I mean, my brain is hypercharged for warp speed, but my body is dead.
Unless I'm talking to someone. Then, my brain slows down and my body wakes up, and I feel good again. It's weird, I dunno. It kinda sucks though, because I have some trouble with socializing. I'm afraid to make myself part of a group, I always need an invitation of sorts before I don't feel like they all hate me.

[misko27]

ADD here, with massive attention and time management problems. I should be doing something right now.

I have ADD (also known as ADHD without hyperactivity, because redundant contradictions cancel each other out, right?) and social awkwardness, primarily due to ~10 years of self-imposed isolationism.
I'm also pretty smart, and am in the 98 percentile with my IQ score. 46 percentile working memory though, which is kinda shitty because I don't retain as much as I could.

I think Bay12 has so many people with various social/mental disorders because we tend to utilize internet forums as a method of human interactions without the pesky social aspects.

Similar. I have a amazing memory when it feels like it though. I just have a inability to study.

My Sister has Aspergers, ADD, and quite possibly a couple other things.

[lue]

I've always been under the impression that ADD would be better named Attention Mismanagement Disorder (AMD), and then have a with/without hyperactivity modifier. Does that name jive with your experiences, those who are confirmed to have ADHD-(H|C|PI) ?

I have ADD (also known as ADHD without hyperactivity, because redundant contradictions cancel each other out, right?) and social awkwardness, primarily due to ~10 years of self-imposed isolationism.
I'm also pretty smart, and am in the 98 percentile with my IQ score. 46 percentile working memory though, which is kinda shitty because I don't retain as much as I could.

I think Bay12 has so many people with various social/mental disorders because we tend to utilize internet forums as a method of human interactions without the pesky social aspects.

The socially awkward by self-isolation and really smart bits sure sounds a lot like me. It's not like I was embittered by crummy social interactions (that I'm aware of affecting me, at least) or anything, so it's always been kinda weird.

In the interest of that "hopefully this won't just be us stating our problems for the record" sentiment expressed earlier, I have a question: Asperger's has become a popular (self-)diagnosis as of late. For those of you who have (someone in your life with) Asperger's, are there any novel lights you can shine on what that's like?

People find it attractive specifically because of the way it can excuse them being a jerk socially. I already know it's so much more than just being a jerk, but if there are any ways you can highlight exactly how the social part of Asperger's affects the one with it and those around them, differently than if the, er, "afflicted"* were just a jerk, I think that'd be helpful. Because the symptom lists you may find aren't always designed to explain it.

Spoiler: Aside (click to show/hide)

(As an aside, that link to a symptoms list contains this:

Have a formal style of speaking that is advanced for his or her age. For example, the child may use the word "beckon" instead of "call" or the word "return" instead of "come back."

Context, my dear website. You should mention age is not the only determining factor for expected speech patterns.)

*Christ, there isn't a good word to put here. Afflicted? Patient? Victim? Please don't kill me for my unavoidably poor choice of words.

[Thecard]

Well, one of my friends has Aspergers, I think. She's never told me that, but our moms are friends, and so I think my mother is probably correct (her dad has it, as well). She's incredibly quiet and nice, though. She generally seems very shy, and doesn't talk much at all, so I haven't seen or heard her be a jerk or anything.

I've always been under the impression that ADD would be better named Attention Mismanagement Disorder (AMD), and then have a with/without hyperactivity modifier. Does that name jive with your experiences, those who are confirmed to have ADHD-(H|C|PI) ?

Heh, I think so. I have an attention span, it's just a mile wide.

[misko27]

In the interest of that "hopefully this won't just be us stating our problems for the record" sentiment expressed earlier, I have a question: Asperger's has become a popular (self-)diagnosis as of late. For those of you who have (someone in your life with) Asperger's, are there any novel lights you can shine on what that's like?

People find it attractive specifically because of the way it can excuse them being a jerk socially. I already know it's so much more than just being a jerk, but if there are any ways you can highlight exactly how the social part of Asperger's affects the one with it and those around them, differently than if the, er, "afflicted"* were just a jerk, I think that'd be helpful. Because the symptom lists you may find aren't always designed to explain it.

Spoiler: Aside (click to show/hide)

(As an aside, that link to a symptoms list contains this:

Have a formal style of speaking that is advanced for his or her age. For example, the child may use the word "beckon" instead of "call" or the word "return" instead of "come back."

Context, my dear website. You should mention age is not the only determining factor for expected speech patterns.)

*Christ, there isn't a good word to put here. Afflicted? Patient? Victim? Please don't kill me for my unavoidably poor choice of words.

Massive inability to take a social lesson, remember it, use it. The basics do not get through. Usually, the sort of subtle social cues conversation relies on, but sometimes more obvious things. A tendency to "obsess" with one particular thing, and then go all the way for weeks and weeks with it. Weird speaking things; she said "Calniflorida" for years simply because it sounded funny. Largely ignorant of how she looks and smells. I asked her just now and she said, well, a bunch of unrelated things, but she compared looking in peoples eyes and messages from them to a illiterate man looking at a book; not seeing what others see, seemingly irrelevant things lead to meaning.


She can be a very, very annoying person, hard to understand with a tendency to ramble. I've been the adult-in-charge of her most of my life, and I can sometimes still be shocked by how poorly others understand her, as I have gotten used to her eccentricities. Often, when wondering about things, she asks me questions that prompt me to inquire how she feels, unaware that I can tell from her questions that something is wrong. She is terrible at lies, and actually almost seems to be mocking my intelligence at times.


At first blush she is pretty much totally normal, maybe poor at speaking, but no one you would assign a mental health issue to. The more you speak with her, the more the inconsistencies of language and social decorum pile up, the more you notice a problem.