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[Toaster]

So saying, Mr Arcy walked out of Miss Villar’s summer mansion and into the nearby wood, and shot himself.

o_o
((What just happened.))

((It's that violent onanism acting up again.))

[monk12]

((I, for one, am eager to learn whether Mr. Arbury shot himself fatally, or if he's gonna show up at the next ball with a gimpy leg))

[GreatWyrmGold]

((Why would anyone shoot themselves nonlethally? I mean, I don't understand why people would shoot themselves lethally, but it seems even stupider to half-arse shooting yourself.))

[Tiruin]

((I love how everyone confuses Mr Arcy and Mr Arbury...))

[monk12]

((I love how everyone confuses Mr Arcy and Mr Arbury...))

((Damn their confusingly similar names!))

((Why would anyone shoot themselves nonlethally? I mean, I don't understand why people would shoot themselves lethally, but it seems even stupider to half-arse shooting yourself.))

((For sure, he wouldn't have intended to miss, but it's fairly common to botch the job, due to various degrees of incompetence and ingrained survival instincts. That article quotes only a 90% mortality rate for self-inflicted gunshots, and really, in an RTD all you have to roll is a 1, so the rates must be even higher.))

[GreatWyrmGold]

((Oh, right, RtD. "[1] Mr. Arcy tries to shoot himself, but he accidentally hits a nearby pigeon instead of himself. Several days later, he discovers that he somehow inherited several million pounds due to this event."))

[lawastooshort]

Heuheu, thank you for the excellent discussion. I am waiting for Errol to post, but as I pointed out to him I will update my other game first. Unfortunately I have two jobs taking up more time than I imagined (i.e. the lunch times I used to write in) (at least for a couple of months or four) and had visitors all weekend and then spent two hours last night pretending to be a border guard instead of updating the other game. Plus family stuff. Don't even have any exams to blame

[Errol]

Then, uh, run after Mr. Arcy, and pay him some respects out of shock.

[lawastooshort]

Sorry everyone, been slightly delayed by my clumsy and longwinded attempts at making a d&d character on the fgr forum. I could have probably done several updates in the time it's taking.

[monk12]

OnO

[Tiruin]

Is that an emoticon? It looks like a really short 'oh no!' note.

...Hope you're doing ok la! D:

[monk12]

It doubles as both!

[lawastooshort]

Chapter One – The First of Many Balls. Turn Five.

...Get up to Mr."Regular" Arbury and explain myself!

In Miss Villar's splendid ballroom, Miss Alessa Thain came to a sudden and, considering her age, rather belated realisation.

I have wings she noticed, before coming to the logical conclusion: English or not, I don't need a chin!

Miss Thain waddled gracefully after Mr Arbury and his lovely floppy red hair, unafraid to deepen the terribly profound hole that she was barely aware she had already excavated. He turned upon hearing the lovely pitter patter of her tiny feet, and she took a deep breath. She didn't know if this was the man towards which divine providence had pointed her, or with which divine providence intended her to spend her life, but she did know that this awful situation was not entirely her fault. He was just as appallingly indifferent at dancing as she; it was not only her fault that Mr Pinkerton-Smythe's jacket had been lightly touched.

"Mr Arbury! I'm sorry for what I've done." she started, and it was a good start. There was also a good start to her speech's reception, for Mr Arbury stood and listened, with a sad compassion wincing at the back of his eye like an imprisoned eel. "Please come back! You don't dance well, but that doesn't matter! You do know how to apologise!"

…"Miss Thain," he began, though so beset by the emotion of this apparent miracle was Miss Thain that she barely heard him speak, "Miss Thain, I am terribly sorry. I have also been most irregular. Let me take it upon myself to right this monstrous wrong-doing. I should perhaps offer to beat myself senseless like yon wretched peasant, but, instead of what might be right, when we have the pleasure of meeting again at such a splendid ball, please, I beg you, do me the honour of giving me the first dance?"

And then, without a further word, he walked over to one of Miss Villar's astonishingly expensive bureaux, thumped it discreetly with a frightful force and, grimacing in pain as he did so, left the ball.

It had, he thought, looking back, been quite a success.

Mr Arbury likes you more!

sitting down at the pianoforte to play a jolly waltz.

Leaving so precipitously, Mr Arbury was not afforded the unique pleasure of hearing Miss Catherine Fantail's attempt at enlivening the mood following Mr Arcy's apparent passing.

"Oh," she cooed, in her stiffest voice, "You simply must hear me play!"

…She sat down at Miss Villar’s pianoforte, and confidently gave several keys a surprisingly deft plonk with her lovely wingtips. A rather dreadful sound escaped, and Miss Villar rushed up, fanning herself urgently and apologising for the poor quality of the pianoforte and, in particular, of the awful eejit that must have tuned it last.

Shouting with the great natural authority inherent to the English lady, she summoned a nearby peasant, and administered a quick beating in the absence of the piano tuner who, it soon transpired, had returned to the bleak North to care for his exceedingly ill mother. Miss Villar promised to herself that she would deliver a thorough beating to the felon once the wretched mother had finished passing away and the imbecile son returned.

Luckily much of the gossip that this poorly tuned pianoforte had spawned was rapidly nipped in the bud, for nearby a ladypigeon was, it seemed, having some kind of ungodly fit.

succumbing to a timely fit of the vapours.

"Oh my goodness,” cried Lady Katherine Montagu, feeling a little tired from her own peasant beating, and somewhat unwilling to commit herself to the step of a second dance with Mr Pinkerton-Smythe. Doing so would have been tantamount, in the eyes of the other handsome young men about, to a provisional acceptance of marriage, the violation of which would most probably have led to hopefully bloody and violent duels.

"It seems the exertion of that peasant-beating has quite overcome me!" she continued, glowing inside at the attention the entire ballroom was showering upon her this evening. "I fear I may faint!"

…It was at this unfortunate moment that Lady Katherine forgot how to feign fainting, remaining steadfastly on her feet, unable to close her eyes or collapse to the floor. She did, indeed, look so puzzled that those nearest her thought that she might be suffering from a – it was well-known – extremely dangerous and often explosive pigeonstroke, but she soon regained her senses, if not her ability to fall over, and instead started blushing.

”Oh. Or perhaps not. I say!"

Mr Arbury likes you slightly more!

Miss Arcy likes you slightly more!

Miss Villar likes you slightly more!

Reverend Halfton likes you slightly less!

Then, uh, run after Mr. Arcy, and pay him some respects out of shock.

There was some tut-tutting, there was some congratulating: the reactions of a roomful of English gentlefolk to a ladypigeon resisting a fit of the vapours is a difficult thing to predict. Some admire the phlegmatic stoicism; others feel a proxy shame that a lady of breeding is not able to freely express herself via that most ladylike of procedures: the faint.

It seemed that Lady Rosanne Meyerschmidt-Cripeton was one of the latter types. As soon as Lady Montagu failed in her attempt to collapse to the ground, Lady Rosanne fled the room, obviously and enormously moved.

She ran out, feet tipping and tapping through the undergrowth, rushing after there from whence it seemed a gunshot had so recently echoed.

…Lady Rosanne Meyerschmidt-Cripeton, stumbling through the undergrowth, came across a nearby wood, and searched for a nearby corpse; alas, she was unsuccessful, and after several minutes’ hunting she sat down on a nearby rock, and wept a little.

CHOOSE YOUR LADYLIKE ACTIVITIES FOR THE WEEK!

Spoiler: GM notes (click to show/hide)

 

...Hope you're doing ok la! D:

Just massively overworked!

Spoiler: Lady pigeon 1, Lady Rosanne Meyerschmidt-Cripeton (click to show/hide)

Energy: 50/50

Spoiler: Ladypigeon 2, Lady Katherine Montagu (click to show/hide)

Energy: 30/30

Spoiler: Ladypigeon 3, Miss Charlotte Fantail (click to show/hide)

Energy: 30/30

Spoiler: Ladypigeon 4, Miss Alessa Thain (click to show/hide)

Energy: 30/30

[notquitethere]

All a'flutter with excitement from the ball, Charlotte Fantail's only thoughts are of the next one. She spends hours thinking about what bonnet to wear and fervently speculating on the possible dancing partners she might have the pleasure to step with. In anticipation, she spends most of the week practicing her dancing, hoping to fascinate high society with her poise as well as her plumage.

Spoiler: Questions for GM (click to show/hide)

Do we only attempt one ladylike action in a week or several? What's an average stamina cost for an action? Can we pick activities not on the list?

[lawastooshort]

Do we only attempt one ladylike action in a week or several?

You can schedule, at the beginning of the week, any two of: a ladylike activity; a visit. The visit will be from an NPC: the choice will be randomised with a weighting according to NPC preferences i.e. you are more likely to get visited by someone who likes you (unless of course, say, someone has a score to settle with you and wants to come and verbally beat you like a peasant). So two activities, or two visits, or any combination thereof.

What's an average stamina cost for an action?

All activities cost ten Stamina, except those that don't. Reading, for example, is, even for a ladypigeon, quite unstrenuous, and only takes five. One might think Accountancy to be similarly undemanding, but it is incredibly tedious, so alas it takes ten. So all except Reading take ten, in fact. Oh, and Resting, which restores (d4+1)x10 Stamina.

Can we pick activities not on the list?

I was going to say, gosh, no, but I have decided to say, gosh, yes. You may pick one activity per week which is not on the list. Caution! It must be something ladylike or ladypigeonlike. It must be something feasibly nineteenth century (yes, I will take into account the fact that there has been a nuclear apocalypse across the Channel). And I will interpret in an ad hoc fashion the Stamina costs and the potential risk/benefits of said action. Be reasonable and it probably won't go terribly wrong, unless you roll a 1. And even then, you're not going to end up naked, vomiting, and on fire - this is my sensible game.