Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Sprin]

This is the tale of a young dwarf on a quest for glory!
What is written here is translated from one of the greatest hero in the age of legends.

Chapter 1: YOLO

Now I know what yu are thinking "Hes not werin' clothes and isss prolly drunk." and my answer to that is YES I am aaa tad bit tipsy but its not my fault im left with only a pair of boots a couple gloves and a cap with a nice yellow racing stripe! Its just the ale at this village is SOOOOOOOOO expensive I had to litrally sell the shit of my back.
THE PANTS on the other hand was a tacticle choice on my part, im not gana get into detail but it may have had to do with a dark elf laide riding a staff.

anywho ima now in this random town in the middle of ARmok forsacin noo were so maybe Ill go and maye find some job to do and make a little title for me self.

Now after waking around for a half n' hour I find that this heer viladge is abandon. Unless yu call a bunch of rot corpse on the ground.
It hasto be said tho its cold here, Ii mean the booze even froze when I walked outside so Im gana head south tellI find somethin' a lil' warmer.
Turns out it gets colda wen hedin' ssouth so I change my derection nrth.

The battle with the boogey men

It got dark real quick until night came and I hard som crklin' in da bush over there. ad asif out of noo were bogeys men poped out and surrounded meh! I readeyed my club and bgain batin the shiit out of them.
There wer at least tree of 'em an they all had a crvin for me bones but nooo I was gana take dem out before they got meh. The first tride to reach for me but I hadbutted him in the armpit and bashed left big toe seperatin it from his main body making the poor devil collapse in pain a screamedat deh top of meh longs "YOLO!!!" ad charge at them head first. now I assumed th one with te horns was the leader and bit him on the arse sinkin me teef into his flesh. Now apparently one of thre friends washiding In the bushes and leaped out when my teef wer clasped onto der bosses arse and leaped at me but I slamed me club through his brain (wall stil bitting te arse of the boss)
Arge one of the bastards came from dee bush and naild a good one on meh soo I releashed my teef from thy booses arse and smashed his skull in. Out numbered I manovered north for my quest but the boogy mans kept leaping at meh but I bashed them one by one. but they wernt leaving soon and they outnumbered me infinit to one! The oods onle slight aginst meh on a normal day but that lluky shot had meh in a daz.
moore an' moore came and me strength was fading but I wont  alow the devils to kill meh!
Losing hope and sustaining massive injury I kept meh guard up and stood. Ready too face the devils who wanted meh! but the gods doont want meh dead heer! A pack of wolves came and knawed on the boogey mans wall I stumbled to regan meh footin.
Quickly I made it to a small town an' collapsed in the nearest inn. Broken te inn keeper took meh in as Iwas unconsios after that battle but the gods doont want me dead yet...
Now aperently the "inn" I was staying at was some a ingle mother with two small lil' girls

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Who just saw a naked male dwarf covered in blood with gruesome wounds and strange black gunk all over him

I thanked them for their nicness and left out the front door into town, now its time for meh to get a joob.
Now wall stroolin' thru town I found a man in need of some help. He stared at meh for a wile and thught I was perfict for he job.
"We think one of our own is a vampire but we are scared to confront her would yu be soo kind as to comfront her?"
to which I replied "YUS I SHALL DESTROY YOUR DEAMON FOR YU" and bulted out the door!
me cmfronted the deamon "YU FOWL BEAST SHALL DIE" and she leaped toward me but with a swift bash to thee brian and down she went and the citizens  cheared for my deed!

[Sprin]

Place holder

[Sprin]

accidental post

[Karnewarrior]

...Whut.

Why am I laughing so hard.

Beodwarf.

You need to go into more detail. You're still waay to succinct. Add in some stuff the game doesn't simulate. And maybe calm down a little on the misspellings, which are good for flavoring Beodwarf's batshit insane adventures but are being laid on like My Immortal come again here.

[Orange Wizard]

I dunno, I think it adds a certain level of... character. Which is to say, this is utter madness. More so than usual, might I add.

[Larix]

Good luck with this project! How nude exactly is this dwarf going to be? I played a fully nude dwarf twice, with no clothes, no weapon and no shield. I had a backpack and carried a stone in each hand, mainly to avoid running around grabbing creatures with my fearsome prickle berries (if you're barehanded and pick up anything, it always goes into the hands as "weapon") and to allow fast butchering.

I grinded up dodging with harmless stuff for basic survivability and did pretty well against standard quest enemies up to night trolls, just biting, kicking and wrestling. Anything horse-size and above was a chore, because it was un-wrestleable and breaking their bones while standing up was completely impossible with kicks and punches.

Without grinding, you'll need to use a shield or accept a high risk of early death.

Edit: as to the writing style, the "drunkness" provides nice flavour but can quickly become tiring. If you're in doubt, better to tone it down or just stop the deliberate mis-spellings altogether.

[Sprin]

Now Beodwarf only wears a hat backpack water skin boots and some gloves. I plan to make him wear a cape if I ever find one. I use no shield which is why he got hurt so bad by the bogeymen, he plans to get some revenge very soon.

[Sprin]

So there be I in the town of some name or another wondering about the bogymans that attacked meh in the night. Me thought other travelers be attacked by the devils, me thought maybe me should do a lesson to them sssoo I waited tell night on the outskirts of town for them to attack again.
Now waiting I got a bit borde and had some fun with the bog frogs in the area. Out of the bog mist LURKERS, kreepy things be lurkers but me had to fight. FIVE lurkers surrounded me, me had to be carful not to be surrounded like when the bogeymans came. Quickly tey rushed toward me but a quick bash and I broke ones arm and bit the others nose off. The blood tasted a bit boogery but it was no time to be samplin' delecasys!
One by one they tried but my club flew true the monstors were dead in seconds! A victory for meh skill to be raised those silly boeymans will fear meh tonight!

[BlackMuffin]

Alright, you owe me a new set of kidneys.

[Sprin]

There be I waitin` for the bogeymans to get meh revenge for scratchin me club.
I sat under a tree and drank deeply from meh flask, and ate a bit of freshly chopped lurker kidneys.
The sun fell below the valley and dusk was upon me, slowly I searched for the bogeymans. I heard nooo cracklin'. I made meh fire and rested. Around thee munes highest point, I heard the craklin'...

[9joseph9]

I will be looking forward to more

[Sprin]

After falling off the radar and forgeting about one of my greatest creations. I will be trying to get the Beodwarf story doing stuff again.

[Sprin]

But nooo the craklin was not of boogmans! It was of Botlulmin! The fishy bandit!
"gulp gulp gulp" he spoke but idle threats are nothing for meh! I raised my club and attacked.
Me struck fishyman in the face sending him in the daze and bashed is chest with meh club tell it got stuck in his chest "Gulp gulp gulp!!" he beged but the evil fishyman will not harm no  dwarf or pointyear anymore! I grabed the fishyman's eye and riping it off and pushing my club into him and twisting it. Fishyman no like but is powerless to stop meh! I break his arm "gulp gulp gulp" he continues to beg and I answer his prayers a strike to the head nocking him out along with his spinal colum. Finally after bashing him again n' again the skull shaters the final blow shall vanquish my foe. The fishyman died. I'm ready for the boogymans!

[TalonisWolf]

...Whut.

Why am I laughing so hard.

This. Soooooo friggin much.

[Ruhn]

This story am truly grateness, sir