Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Atnegam]

Alright, I'm just gonna force myself to post this before I regret it.

I think I might have some issues regarding stuff like depression/anxiety/etc. Like I'll be fine most of the time but there are these times where I just randomly feel all down and it basically gets to the point where I'm just sitting there with a feeling of emptiness deep down and I just want to "stop trying with life". Now, before you get all worried, I don't mean suicide. I just mean like I have these overpowering urges to just sit and do nothing a lot, maybe faceplant into something. Shortly after I get those feelings I get other feelings of self-loathing where I basically scrutinize everything about myself and this just further pushes me to want to just stop trying at things. I can't stay committed to anything because I always feel like I suck at everything I try to do and I feel like I'm just wasting my time even trying. I've read advice before that I should treat myself as I treat others, but honestly I never have been able to bring myself to do that. No matter what, I always hold myself to some impossible standard for some reason...

Somewhat related to that, I've also recently been dealing with some anxiety issues and from that I think I may have gotten some symptoms of insomnia. I feel like I'm always constantly worrying about something and that I should be doing something else with my time. It stresses me out a ton and I think it sorta fatigues me a bit. Throughout the day I feel really tired all the time yet when I go to bed I lay awake unable to fall asleep because I can't stop thinking about things (self-loathing as described above, anxiety, or sometimes random fears of death.) I guess its also worth mentioning that recently I've noticed I've been skipping meals as well because I just don't feel like eating much anymore. I basically find that I eat something small for breakfast mostly just out of routine in the morning and then later I look at the clock and see its 2 and just say, "Meh, dinner is coming up soon so I'll just eat later." And I basically do that until 9 or 10 at which I force myself to eat something at least.

It also probably doesn't help much that I don't really tell or show any of this to anyone. At most I might make note to someone that I'm sorta tired or sorta hungry, but its sorta in a joking manner because I sorta feel in the back of my mind I don't want to worry them too much. Mostly my attitude seems to others like I'm either happy or just tired. I think it may just be I don't want to worry people as I've said before or some other reason. I don't know really, I just bottle up a lot of stuff even though I know it's bad.


Anyway, sorry for the incoherent and poorly structured walls of text. I just felt like I needed to throw some of this stuff out there because I've been feeling sorta bleh for awhile. Thanks for reading and sorry if I made you feel obligated to read everything...

[Vector]

Okay.  Have you tried running every morning, before you do anything else, or writing in a journal?

[Atnegam]

Uh... No and no. Not to be rude and just shut down your suggestion, but I am a horrible runner. I considered going to the pool in the gym nearby and swimming in the morning though because I swam in high school but I've never gotten around to doing so...

On the note of the journal though, what kind of stuff would I write down?

[Vector]

Well, I'm also a horrible runner.  I can barely get around the block without needing to stop and wheeze, but it's something I have to do every day because I have congenital depression and anxiety, and getting a good start to the day really helps.  I also try to eat a breakfast that has the "four categories"--protein, starch, vegetables, fruit--every day.  So, a fried egg, a piece of toast, a glass of milk, a little bowl of vegetables (smaller than the palm of my hand), a little bit of fruit (maybe half a banana).

In the journal, write down anything that comes to mind.  Like your feelings here.  Things that went well, things that didn't go so well, your feelings, aspirations, whatever.  I used to write a lot of cheeky notes "to my biographer" or things like that.  Your frustrations, your secrets.  It's sort of like an emotional "pressure valve."  You vent your steam and then you move on with the day.

[Atnegam]

I can try to write in the "journal" maybe by basically just randomly writing in notepad files. Still though on the running and now eating thing, I sorta feel like I don't have enough time in the morning to do that and I would be just miserable if I forced myself to wake up earlier. Sorry

[Vector]

Then pick another time, like the early evening.  Exercise clears the mind, relaxes the body, and will help you sleep.  I'm not going to say it's your only option, but a lot of the other options are not exactly pleasant.  Also, try to stop eating so late.  That wakes your mind up and will make it much harder to sleep.

[Xantalos]

I can't really say anything here other than 'at least try what Vector says, she's good at this'.
Also, hope you pull through this.

[Atnegam]

Yeah makes sense now that I think about it, and I'll try to get out and do stuff more. Thanks for the help! If other people want to leave suggestions to that would be well appreciated...

And thanks Xantalos too

[pedrousz]

I'm having the same kind of problem. Try to find someone that you can talk about, I don't know about you, but I never talk about my feelings to anyone and when I try feels so much better, maybe the journal have the same response, I never tried it actually.

If you are eating just crap food I think you should make a blood test and find if you dont have anemia or something else (seriously, anemia put you waaay down).

I'm trying to be a little more proactive, cleaning my house, staying a little more at the sun, etc. Usually people bother me more than help, so find people that make you feel better, not those fuckers that cant stop talking. Go to the bookstore!

Last week I went to doctor and he gave me antidepressant, it sucks, but I'm at this for like 6 months or more.