Dude, that is completely and utterly awesome (the Fun kind of awesome) 
The curse of the RNG is upon ye! Well personally I've never had a fort live long enough to have stuff like that happen, and I've never even bothered to look at the relationships closely until I started this. I am hoping to start unearthing weird stories like this once I get to playing my fort again though. Once I have an accurate view of all the family lines, there's bound to be Fun stuff popping up here and there soon. I'm getting pretty anxious to continue play again now that I'm starting to notice all the weird relationships going on; luckily I'm almost done with this. 
I don't think it's just the curse of the RNG - I seem to have a knack for putting dwarves in stressful or dangerous situations. Plus, occasionally I like to put them through trials. For example, I've created a vampiric marksdwarf squad, to be eternally stationed on the walls - the Ancient Granite, a guard that never sleeps, eats or drinks, renowned throughout the dwarven mountainhomes and human towns, and dreaded by the elves, succubi and goblins. Oh, as a bonus, there is no way to to the battlements, adding an extra scare factor ("How did they get up there?"). And yet, despite there being no access, they disappear once a month, at which time the fortress entrance is sealed. The thing is, I'm pretending that their, ah, "condition" is a secret, known by only a few dwarves.
I created a challenge that a dwarf must attempt to become a member; they must pass through an arena of sorts, hidden behind one of the walls in the guardroom. One of our masons deconstructs the wall, enters the peparation area with them, then reconstructs it exactly as it was. The challenger is given a glumprong (is that the name of the tree found in evil bimoes?) shield and either a mace, sword or spear, made of our finest bronze and are without armour. They must make their way through a room full of armed and armoured goblins, before moving on to a room of trolls. After they kill them, they move into the "mini-boss" room, which contains a horde composed of both of them. Then they enter the "checkpoint" room through a waterfall, full of legendary food, drink, furniture and engraved walls. They stay there for a night. Then they are ushered into the second set of chambers, where they are greeted by whole zombie goblins, rezzed by our resident necromancer (after visiting our great fortress, he remarked on the quality of our pressure-plate controlled cages, and decided to stay). After that, they enter a room of zombie trolls, also having all of their limbs. Then, (you guessed it) a room of zombie trolls and gobbos. Then they enter the final preparation chamber, which has similar facilities to the "checkpoint". They stay there for a night, and are outfitted in masterwork steel and given a steel version of their weapon, of the same quality as the armour, They then enter the "boss room", the last room before their reward.
It contains the resurrected corpses of all the enemies the gladiator has slain, plus two undead dragons (one of whom is skeletal). Also, several "missing" dwarves are found zombiefied. Oddly, so to are the partners and children (and a few grandchildren) of the Ancient Granite members, when all had seen those dwarves laid to rest in the tombs reserved for heroes and their relatives. Elf and human corpses, too (the last time we killed humans was about 30 years before this, whereas we still butcher gobbos and elves). Lastly, there is the head of a forgotten beast, slain 237 years ago by one of the first settlers. If they manage to kill all their opponents, one of the walls in the room suddenly comes down, and in there is a hospital with the fort's best medical staff on hand. Once they have been healed as best they can, the overseer himself (me) checks the dwarf for any lasting injuries. If they can still hold and shoot a crossbow, they are washed and given access to their reward. Those that can't... well, they
did go "missing" several days ago.
The champion enters a small room, masterfully engraved, with a well containing water with a red tint. They wonder "Is this it?" But suddenly, the floor behind them rises up, sealing them in there. They stay in there, railing against the people who locked him up. And slowly but surely, he gets hungry and thirsty. There is nothing in the room but the well. Eventually, they succumb. Then, a section of the wall falls down and there, behind a fortification, is the commander of the Ancient Granite. She informs the prisoner that they will be placed under her command, after a certain period of time, dismissing any questions they have, saying that after the waiting period, all will be revealed. The fortification is covered by the sudden rising of the fallen wall.
And so they wait. After a time,
another section of the wall hits the ground, revealing a passageway. The new recruit realises that the wall was in fact a bridge. They walk down the hall, only to be greeted by a group of dwarves. The overseer, mayor, queen and the commander of the Ancient Granites are present, as are the leaders of each of its regiments. Strangely, the Militia Commander is absent. The warrior is informed that they now a vampire, a creature of the night, and explain all that that entails. They are to be placed into a regiment that has an opening. It is revealed that the battlements are accessed via a wall, that the mason assigned to this area constructs and deconstructs as necessary. Once a month, they are "fed" dwarves, whose corpses are then placed in the challenge arena, to be resurrected to fight the next potential recruit. It is revealed that the tombs of heroes are not tombs at all; rather, they are places where slabs are placed, to prevent the "missing" rising up. The bodies of the heroes whose tombs are to be slabbed are placed into the tomb, then given over to the necromancer at a later date, who will make them suitable for execution duty. Any dwarf that is "inconvenient" is deposed of this way, as are excess prisoners. The Militia Commander is unaware of all of this, as he must believe that the mountainhome is a pure place, intolerant of dark magics and supernatural creatures.
Also, all living relatives of the new recruit are led into a room where they are bludgeoned to death and ressurected to combat any who think themselves worthy of being a member of the Ancient Granites. Yet the dwarf is not informed as to the fate of their loved ones, although they probably realise that they're dead.
And so, the Ancient Granites await the end of time, everlasting as the stone for which they are named.
I tried to remain in character for most of that. If you want the OOC explanation, just ask. And yes, dwarves have gone insane as a result of this more than once. The worst cases are when the new recruit goes mad. It sucks, having to kill vampires
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Topic: Dorf Genealogy a.k.a. I have no life (Read 15600 times)