Tiruin:
I get a niggling feeling about her
It's possible you -always- will. Always. There's an 'evil' called up by games of this sort, at least potentially. I have a lot of 'potentials'. Not 'potential' - potentials. I 'could be this, could be that' quite easily. I'm a transmute, a metamorph, inside myself. I'm a fractured mind, a multiple personality. And an eager mirror, you show me you and I'll show you 'you' right back. Despite that, I'm highly functional; I can easily hold a job for years, easily complete classes, easily remember where I live, where I parked my car and what I've said I'd do each day, and I conscientiously learn and obey the laws and rules of what I must or choose to participate in (rules of a game, laws of the land.... the difference is only in punishment for breaking any, and how likely each is to be enforced). What I might not be is the same 'person' over time, heck, most of them time I'm probably better described as a crowd. And some of the crowd is exactly the sort that people meet once in dark alleys, once because there isn't exactly a chance for twice after that once. It's quite useful to be so for me - after all, one of the best ways to survive meeting one of those people who hunt the alleys is to have in your head a small pack of that sort of people. It's worked for me at least.
..Though I did not like the note on 'scum, please kill me!' -- it didn't come off as goading back then. Something to refrain from saying, if town or scum. I..would probably not want to discuss how that works with me as I guess the effect others would interpret it as is subjective, but..as a player, I don't think that's a reasonable way to say stuff (despite it being a rant) :s
I guess it belongs in the category of 'rant'.
For now only those who are Scum know if I was Scum or Town when I said this:
Scum, should you not be totally idle and ignoring this thread; we're going to N2 (maybe). You've got a night kill. Be merciful. I think I'm suffering more than anyone here. Do me a favor, mmm? End my pain. Removing me as a living player: if the game does not get cancelled, that is the fastest way out of this game for me.
However I will tell you, now and later (should you ask again) that what I said was not a 'goad' in the sense of a challenge, a dare, a trick.
I was not talking to Town, other than that both Scum and Town read this thread.
Town reading it or not was inconsequential to me. What I typed was not a goad, it was a request. I meant every word I typed. I meant every word I typed above it too.
I almost cannot bring myself to express or explain my emotions remembered as I recall that post. To say that this game has 'Effed with my head' in more ways than one is accurate - I'm choosing not to try and explain what I felt then, and why.
Some of it's older than this thread anyway, older than some of the people who play here. I have a dark past, I've faced a lot of 'bad tricks'. This game seems to touch certain things in me, certain ways some people play seem to affect me 'more than you'd think'. That's not all bad.
Possibly because I almost reflexively open my mind to try and reach to the other players to 'better understand each'. I may or may not imagine I have reached them - but I sure have opened my mind.
It's closed for my own good, most of the time. Hostile touch is hostile.However, there's players with class too. I'm pretty much a mirror, long as there's some good to reflect too I'm not going to head off to any major psychological extremes.
So, about a reasonable way to say stuff, or something. What I -meant- was 'I am done with this bleeping game. My last nerve has been cut, my last hope has been dashed, I'm done feeling betrayed and I'm done seeing the rule spat on. Get me out of here. Now.'
It's about two-three small steps away from saying 'bleep this game, bleep these players, bleep the time I wasted here, bleep the bleep I tolerated from the bleep I played beside'. However, I don't agree I was ranting. I do however possess close to 0 tolerance of bullying, and it's an odd circumstance indeed that involves me tolerating, at any time and in any way, observation or interaction with such. If it's on TV, I turn the TV off. If it's in a story, I close the book. If it's in real life, be me the target or not, I -stop- the bully, sometimes scaring them
severely in the process.
And perhaps, to you, there's no right way to say what I intended to say, which was, literally and sincerely within the limits of this game - 'It's time, I'm ready, I'm done. Kill me.'
...Y'know I am in favor of what Imp's proposal is given that notion (player is favoring to be replaced due to probably external factors).
just cancel the game, do role flips, open the chats
*eyeroll* Now you're just teasing, right? I haven't -stopped- being in favor of this game ending. I feel some weird 'something', guilt maybe and confusion certainly about Kleril thinking that ending the game would be -cheating-. Bizarre. Incomprehensible. Except he was the player that talked about faith in me and all the rest he said.
Kleril, I ain't god and I'm too newbie to even be good. This is a real -mess- to try and sort through and even down to only -two- to pick between I'm not sure I can find you a win.
Otherwise I don't understand 'cheating' as a result of 'the game should have been stopped a long time ago'. But I can say that I've learned enough that I don't think I'd work to off a player such as yourself on a D1, even if we looked at each other and 'it happened again' - that player walked off with their trust and mine and I walked off with my suspicion and theirs. Or whatever the heck happened that weird time back on D1. And for sure I'm not going to 'hit' people like yourself that hard again in these games. Other people not like yourself, maybe.
Imp: Have I missed anything which you'd like to ask me?
Sort of. But that's because I haven't asked it yet.
Aha. Here's how I'll ask.
Explain to me your 'mindset' when you joined this game, what your intentions were then. No really - what did you intend to do in your play, both D2, early D3, mid D3, and late D3. Explain to me too now your 'mindset' as you play this game, what your intentions are now.