Just a funny short story based on true events with added flavor. Please forgive the English mistakes and sorry if the mild language offended you. I also plan to add drawings latter on.
A place that we can call home... Home you say? We don't need such thing and neither will we strive for such a place.
Unless you can call a rock that touches the sky a place like home. We prefer the term fortress but I guess that is because we are always prepared.
Hard life being a dwarf, I tell ya. Everything, I mean everything is out there to get you. Like the time my second cousin's friends sister's late uncle who died during his bath from a giant sponge that "collapsed" on him.
No, no... Don't feel sorry for us now. We actually call it "Fun!".
Besides the sponge deaths our fort was successful and growing. We were and the brink of great discoveries. When my buddy, Grugglesmoggen, came rushing in to tell me that there's a weapon that he discovered that us dwarves won't be able to pick up. That's "Bullsit!" I replied. (No, you can't say we have foul language.) Now dwarves are confident in their strength and they'd rather die than back out. We are a prideful race...
Being the buff dwarf reliable team leader I am, I decided to show the rest of the dwarves why I am the leader. So I shoved him aside and dusted off may hands and walked off to the location of this weapon. To my amazement as I stood at the front gate to see that there was no weapon but rather extremely large amounts of ice. Well.. That wasn't there before. "Where's the weapon eh?" I asked. "In the Ice's hand." Grugglesmoggen simply stated.
"Men, we are having nice cold brew tonight but first we've got to go fetch ourselves some ice!" I said with a smirk. Never has our fort been defeated and never has the thought crossed my mind. It was a pretty usual day Ice giants with giant weapons, trying to destroy our fort for no reason. First time I've seen a ice giant but then again it's always something different. Dwarves running to their positions and preparing all defenses... This... Is what we lived for! I quickly went to go look up these creatures in the ancient archives. Apparently they are called frost giants and all I got under the tactics section was "Good luck"?!
No one wanted to admit it but the fight wasn't going well and we were over powered. It didn't look like we could harvest this ice for our drinks... Things were looking very bleak...
As some might know, ice's weakness was heat so in the midst of battle in attempt to defeat the ice giants, Grugglesmoggen decided to melt the ice by peeing on it.
"Grugglesmoggen you ducking idiot! The cold drinks! The nice cold drinks!" I yelled and ran towards him to stop him. But everyone else knew that melting the ice was the only way and some dwarves were already getting there torches lit because they saw that Grugglesmoggen melted a rather minute bit of ice... Okay, Okay let's drop the nice cold drinks, but even if we melted them the ice giant's consisted of way too much ice, It would flood the fort if we were successful in melting ice. But then again how does one defeat ice? With no resolution... With in minutes our first line of defenses were defeated and I wasn't getting a nice cold drink any time soon.
Before they could reach our brewery I decided it's best we all fall back to the meeting hall. And all the other dwarves obeyed because I was the leader, you could say that I was the mayor and just liked that every one followed my orders. I was holding up in a VIP bunker with some nobles. Which was worse than being outside with the ice giants. Luckily there were no ☼platinum thrones☼ around otherwise I wouldn't been alive today. (F.Y.I - nobles weren't the calmest type of dwarves. P.S - It's amazing how just a status change can change your personality)
So the militia was dealing with the issue upper hand. So I thought that I wouldn't need to stay in here long enough to be killed by a noble or long enough to want to commit suicide. But strangely enough a minute passed... and then another... Before you knew it 4 minutes have passed and the militia haven't dealt with the ice giants. Thought that at least the best of the best of us dwarves could handle some large amounts of ice that had killing intent.
But instead they served to delay the ice giants... And sadly not for long they were almost completely wiped out. I could tell because since everything went silent. The ice giants massacred their way towards the meeting hall. Don't ask me... I have no idea what ice giants would have meetings about so I have no idea why they were on their way here. I could hear because of the sounds of giant ice steps... Yes that does sound weird. First of all how the duck can ice walk in the first place. In fact why is ice attacking a mountain in the first place? While I was mind boggled by the thought the doors were suddenly busted open by the ice giants. Luckily my good old faithful body guard the leader of the militia was there and he decided to jump right in front of them to hold them off while we tried to escape and Wolfcrow, second in command followed right behind him to help out. But before I attempted to escape, I queried him on his weapon's where abouts. His mint condition weapon. Mint condition you say? No he doesn't go through a lot of weapons in fact he has had that weapon from the day he was born. Us dwarves don't have baby toys such as rattles and stuffs instead we'd swing around an axe or something in that line. Now Wolfcrow took good care of his weapon because of his bad habit of forgetting it behind and thinking that any problem can be fixed with his fists. Yup, I've always told Wolfcrow that if he ever wanted to get promoted to the top he must at least remember his weapon.
Instead he was forced to continue as my body guard since the leader of the militia was pretty occupied.
"Doesn't this remind you of Attack on Titans in a way?" Wolfcrow commented with a smirk. "Except we don't have those mechanisms to get around quickly... In fact why haven't I funded that?" I replied We had such city short legs and running to get away was sure city. Normally Wolfcrow would come together and exchange our intellectual options after every Attack on Titans episode. It was a very big thing and I'd normally book the entire meeting hall for such event.
Eventually we pick up some survivors a long the way, it was now survival of the fittest and those you couldn't keep up were left behind. That bustart, Grugglesmoggen, wasn't any where to be found. That's what you get for peeing on ice, could of been sitting with a nice cold beer but who the duck drinks beer with dis water. Sorry for my language but I'm just so dissed off. But there's no time for emotions now since we are too busy having "Fun!".
Things were looking grim... In a effort to motivate the small crowd I said a small sentence of motivation. "We aren't going to die today, not over my dead body!" Then I stepped forward and accidentally on something, took a look down and then looked back up. "Or over this half dead body..." The view wasn't pleasant nor was the smell. Everything that was scattered over the walls and floors was indistinguishable. We came out there bathed in blood but this is normal... Yes it is normal for a dwarf to move on and leave what is left behind for there is no time to mourn.
After days of traveling we came across a hippie caravan (Note: Hippie = Tree huger = pointy ear bastarts) With no time to rest and with no supplies, we had no choice but to prey on them. We even dropped our weapons to lose as much dead weight as possible. Before we ambushed the caravan we put all we had together in a circle to make a plan to go about attacking this caravan. Obviously rush in with out thinking was always plan A but this time we can't afford to lose one dwarf and we need to annihilate the hippies with the least amount of effort. I took out my weapon of choice, a lighter, great if you vs hippies in a forest. Wolfcrow with his fists, Huh with his manbeard (They say his beard weighs more than himself), Hoodlump with her tiny attack lizzard, Procer just drank a bunch of monster energy drinks, Ace the one and only with a weapon since he refused to leave it at the fort, he'd rather bear the weight and die with his big asz sword than be able to run faster with less weight and lastly ArchAngle which I have no idea what he has with him except that I know he lost his shoes and his money.
Together we will get back on our feet and have a bigger and better fort than before...
We named our new fort after the death of our previous fort, "Hollownightmare"
Credits'
Clogs' Malignantescort -
Expedition leader'
Wolfcrow' Trumpetgame -
Militia Leader'
HuH' Thiefthin -
Miner'
Hoodlump' Seversteel -
Brewer, Cook and Farmer'
Procer' Glazedrool -
Lumberjack and animal trainer'
ArchAngle' Paperblame' -
Mason and mechanic'Ace[/i]' Bowimmortal -
Carpenter, Farmer and GemcutterMeph -Epic mod creator of ☼Masterworks☼
Author
Topic: Hollownightmare [Humorous DF short strory] (Read 895 times)