Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Xanmyral]

Fezz looked up at the mention of possession with almost a look of humor and confusion breaching his face, unsure where that came from. Thinking on it though, it... Might seem that way he supposes. But he knows that's not it.

"I'm not possessed; I can promise that, heh..." He attempted humor, but it sounded flat and forced.

"You may be right about the extreme reaction but, well... I don't think that's it. I don't feel scared... I don't feel angry... When I get like that I feel... Strong." The word almost held a bitter taste. "I feel... Good. Manic. Excited. Confident. Powerful. Great Like I could do anything. More alive. And I can't describe how much that scares me."

The scholar wanted to pause, to shut up, but he couldn't keep quiet now. "I wish I could say that I'm possessed, I wish--I really wish I could say that it's something beyond my control... But I don't think it is. Even if it doesn't feel like it, I can... Feel myself going through the motions; I can remember everything I do with clarity that disturbs me. I know the exact facial expressions of everyone I kill; I remember every sound; I recall every smell, every sight, ever tactile feeling."

Fezz let out a long held breath as he took his free hand and leaned it against the table; leaning his head into his palm as he stared in shock at admitting all of this, both to them and himself. "I'm weak."

[SeriousConcentrate]

Leo sat next to Fezz, still holding his hand between his own.

"It's not weak to seek help, Fezz. I do admit that I am worried at how this state affects you, but I believe that that isn't who you are."

"It is... good to remember those things. To remind yourself that there are real consequences to warfare. But it is also important to remember that life is conflict, and no one has gone through it completely peacefully. Even I, though I do not harm my foes, enable my allies to continue fighting until my enemies fall. I am not entirely innocent whether or not I have wielded a sword in my life... and I am at peace with this, because I believe that what I am doing - what the people I choose to be my friends are doing - lessens the amount of suffering in the world."

"There is no such thing as peace in the world, but this is such a thing as peace of the heart. This state you describe... it is useful in safeguarding your life, and that of those you care about, and it only happens when you are forced to fight or die. It is a frightening trait, yes, but not one entirely without merit, and it is a part of you even if you don't like it. I want to help you understand it, control it, be at peace with it. Do you trust me, Fezz?"

[Xanmyral]

Fezz was silent as he thought about what Leo had said. He was silent for a while further as he looked down at both of his hands, the books, then both Leo and Grifen around him, before settling back to staring at his gloved hands.

"I..." The scholar was silent again, taking a deep breath and exhaling it slowly. His voice was still calm, but it was at a more familiar tone and volume. "You're right. It's just... Hard to think about all of this."

Fezz couldn't help but be struck by the oddity of the situation. He imagined talking to his brother many times before, the different ways it could play out or what the subject could be. This was not one of those many imagined situations. He found an odd, situation-defying humor in it that he couldn't deny.

"I trust you."

[SeriousConcentrate]

Leo nodded, breathing a sigh of relief. They had cleared the hardest hurdle; from here, complete acceptance would be up to Fezz, but Leo would do whatever was necessary to help him along.

"I'm glad to hear you say that. I want you to know that if you need someone to talk to, you can come to me... or Grifen."

The priest glanced at her, indicating she should say something supportive too, before continuing on.

"The hour is late, and it would be best to begin meditation in a more clear state of mind. Come see me when you're ready to begin tomorrow, and I'll teach you some of the things I've learned in Ironmill."

He finally released Fezz's hand, choosing to fold his own on the table for now.

"I think it might help if we got to know more about each other, as well. Is there anything you'd like to ask me about, or Grifen, if you want to talk too, that is."

[Sirus]

: "That's right, you can talk to me whenever! I might not know anything about this meditation stuff Leo's talking about, but if ya just need a friendly shoulder and an open ear you come to me. Heck, I'm free right now; looks like Sheila's gone to bed."

[Xanmyral]

"Thank you Leo. If you think it will help I'll try my best. To be honest I didn't really know what to do about... All of this. I guess I was running on the assumption that if I ignored it, it might go away, but that wouldn't of helped anything." Fezz nodded to Leo, then turned to Grifen. "And thank you Grifen. I doubt I would of looked for help even if I realized I needed it. I guess traveling alone for a while puts the silly notion in your head that you don't need help with anything."

[SeriousConcentrate]

"None of us have all the answers. Many times, it is best for people to work together to find them."

"You mentioned you've traveled alone for awhile. It's good to be self-sufficient. If you don't mind my conjecture, you were traveling to further your studies. What's your area of knowledge?"

[Sirus]

: "Oh, I dunno. Being able to live on yer own is helpful, but I think it's better to travel with others. Then when ya find out ya need meditation or whatever you have folk to turn to."

[SeriousConcentrate]

Leo nodded to Grifen.

"I've never tried being on my own. I grew up in the slums with my parents, of course, and in the poor side of town everyone knows everyone. And then when I left for Ironmill, I was always with the brothers and sisters - learning, doing chores, that sort of thing. I didn't even set off by myself. I left the monastery in the company of Maible and Sakura, who were there to recruit a healer, and we met up with Efa and then Sheila not too long after."

He smiled to himself. It had been a rather enjoyable month, all things considered, traveling with those four. And Grifen, Roderic, and Fezz seemed like nice people to know. Tacey he knew little about, and Elenore... best not to dwell on Elenore.

[Sirus]

: "Yer a lucky man, preacher. I've been forced on my own twice now and each time was plenty awful. Thankfully the time I've spent with friends and family make up for it. Out on the ranch we're all one big family by blood and marriage, and we ain't the only buncha folk livin in the plains. There's almost always someone to turn to fer help."

[SeriousConcentrate]

Leo considered that.

"I assume before you joined that caravan with Fezz and Roderic was one of the two times. Would you like to tell us about the other one?"

Leo indicated his twin with his hand. This sounded like a good way for the three of them to learn a little about each other and bond, which was important for any group that wanted to stay together for any length of time.

[Sirus]

Grifen paled and looked down at the floor. She dearly wished she had just kept her mouth shut, but once she started talking it was kinda hard to stop.

: "...I'd rather not." She unconsciously gripped her left elbow as she spoke softly. _{"I don't wanna relive that again. Not today."}

: "Uh...what I mean is, we're supposed to be helping Fezz out with his serious stuff, not my silly stuff. So uh, quit slackin preacher." Even to herself it sounded like a desperate attempt to change the subject, but she hoped that Leo would back off regardless.

[SeriousConcentrate]

Leo closed his eyes and held up a hand, palm toward Grifen, to indicate he understood and wasn't going to press her to talk about things she wasn't comfortable with.

Judging from how she touched her arm, I would wager that incident is the cause of her wound...

[Haspen]

The night comes and goes.

At the morning, the entire party is rushed onto the horses as Matilda joins them. There's no sight of Leymont, however, and Matilda kept silent.

And then they rode straight to the Mirr. The riders weren't stopping for more than it was needed.

They have reached the capital city of the Duchy by late afternoon. Wherever Matilda's presence was announced, the gates were opened, guards stepped aside, and moat bridges were lowered.

They were brought to the very castle of the Duke, and through the corridors and old halls, they have entered the Office of the Duke.

A man in shiny cuirass and cape was sitting behind the desk. His posture and clothes were dignified, but the face betrayed his age and problems that laid heavy on his shoulders. Beside him stood a man in Riemondian armor and with similar, old face. At the other side of the desk a young man in black, Imperial armor was sitting, with short blonde hair.

All three turned from papers on the desk toward the door when the mercenaries, with Matilda in front, stepped inside.

"Matilda! My dear child, it's been a while!" Duke Mireos stood up and moved toward Matilda, as she took few steps and bowed gently.

"Father." She straightened up. "Am I coming at the wrong moment? You seem to be busy."

"No, not at all, we're actually finished. You will be one of the first people to be notified that Mireos and Riemond, at last, are one Duchy. Lord Neuthart just signed the papers, with Imperial Captain, Reinhard Eul here as a witness." The blonde officer of the Empire gave a brief salute.

"Father, first of all..." Matilda nodded behind her, toward the mercenaries. The Duke looked behind her daughter, blinked and then smiled.

"Ah yes, your bodyguards. Mercenaries. Do not worry, your loyalty and bravery will be repaid shortly. Guards, take them to the guest's quarters and let them rest. They should be given food and drinks if they request them. If any of you have any urgent, personal requests, please, feel free to speak, but make it brief."

[Sirus]

Grifen stepped forward, awkwardly curtseying.

: "Excuse me yer dukeness...lord...sir. Could one of yer people show me to the stables? I wanna -- I mean, I would like to check on my horse."