Larry has the sneaking suspicion that this idea has proven to be as much of a bust as anything he's tried to date and thus he wiggles his lips disapprovingly, using them to sense vibrations on the air as he makes an escape, his friend
Halesey following closely behind. Thus the two drugged wizards cheese it, and run mostly blindly along the streets of the town until well past the radius of plausible deniability. Taking a moment to catch their breath, they take stock of the situation.
Firstly, Halesey's snazzy suit is now absolutely slathered with cocaine, as is Larry's decidedly more casual outfit. Secondly, Larry's lips seem to have grown to roughly four times their previous size and twenty times their previous length. He can split them apart vertically now, to boot! Halesey seems to have a similar problem, with his cheeks having become purplish, veiny flaps with what look like intestinal villi making disturbing patterns on his entire face and hands. Larry also is no slouch in the dermatitis department, though his reaction to the cocaine seems to have made him slightly more lumpy and pulsating than his friend.
The conclusion is clear - they're a bunch of freakshows, and the slight cocaine high that distracted them from this revelation appears to have worn off already despite it having been only fifteen minutes or so. Halesey checks his watch and realizes that he only has about an hour or so before he should be at Chez Ronardo's for his date, an event that seems decreasingly likely to go in anything approaching his favor. On the other hand, between Halesey and his friend there seems to be about half a kilo of monster coke gathered, so who knows what the next hour may bring?
* * * * *
Dave is getting the feeling that magic isn't quite getting the message he's trying to send it. Perhaps alternate methods of capitalization will help?
"i will beaT you! you caNNoT DeNy me my birThrighT! bow beFore my will! RAISE ME DISTURBING UNDERGARMENTS!" he screams drunkenly, trying to invoke the powers of the storm.
[Dave's affinity roll: 5-1+1]
It appears that magic does indeed appreciate radical capitalization, and flurries of underwear begin to erupt from the mouth of Dave's clown, twisting and whirling around him in all the colors of the rainbow, each pair more provocative than the last, all moving in a single powerful updraft! Dave feels himself get lifted off his feet and thrown upwards! Trouble is, a series of intermittent throws is all it is, and the storm does have quite a limited range. So he's not exactly up in the sky yet! But he's pretty high up, though. Enough that a spot of latent acrophobia in him seems to be asking him if being this high up is the best of ideas, really.
* * * * *
Eta, guessing she needs to make sure Lois has a good start in life, tries to remember if there are any shops open at this hour she could get, say, some croissants from, and remembers one in particular that might aid her - a bakery of some kind she passed on the way, located on a streetcorner not too far off from the hotel. Stepping in, she finds it almost empty but for a girl with a copious amount of facial piercings who must be the salesperson, judging from the uniform, behind the counter and a rather fat individual in a suit who appears to be snacking on a donut right in front of said counter.
Little does she know that this is no ordinary fat man in a suit, but
THE DUNKER himself! And he is currently in the process of ascending to donut heaven by, sensibly enough, eating some donuts.
[THE DUNKER's mind roll: 4+1]
And as Eta watches the fat man seemingly seize for a moment from sheer delight, she is most unaware that said fat man is busy dodging the most colorful and flashy of lasers in his mind! Quite successfully for a man of his girth, it should be noted, but nevertheless ultimately without permanent success, which would be saddening if it were not for the way the god from the donuts seems pleased with that result as well.
1. Breath of Poisonous Underwear
2. Render Chimney Undetectable
3. Teleport Swan
Watching you dodge is freaking hilarious. Keep at it! Have a spell.
And suddenly, just as Eta is becoming transfixed by the completely oblivious visage of the fat man, he jolts back to reality, looking very pink in the face suddenly. The girl, who seems to have been carefully watching him, looks rather pleased.
"So yeah, now that that's been proved to work, I-" she begins, but then notices her new customer.
"Oh! Uh, hello, lady. Can I interest you in anything? A magnificent donut, maybe?" she asks of Eta, her tone suddenly changing.
* * * * *
John, knowing that it's all or nothing here, puts on his face of maximum boldness.
"You will of course, notice, that all of them immediately pointed at me. A non-cow. This can only mean one thing, really," he says, pausing for dramatic effect.
"They're all guilty.""Shock! Shock and indignation!" the other cows begin to clamor, but the inspectocow silences them with threats of violence. John merely nods and closes his eyes in a way he's seen geniuses on TV do sometimes.
"You see, they must have all committed the crime together and then chosen one of us non-cows as the scapegoat. The reason why they chose one of us is simple. They couldn't take on of their ranks, because then the group cohesion would fall away and the scapegoat would ruin the entire plan to save his own skin. Pointing out to one of us was the best solution, as we are part of the 'outside' group. They are probably hoping you are a speciest who would blindly take the word of the cows over that of a human. Possibly this is to cover up an even larger crime, one that the victim was about to confess. You will, of course, notice that my two non-cow companions are pointing to only one cow, this is because he must be the actual murderer, while the others simply stood by and let it happen," he explains, then opens his eyes and looks earnestly at the grand inquisitor before him.
"Ergo, from the overwhelming evidence, it seems this is one big murder conspiracy set up to rid themselves of the victim and make you look stupid by having you arrest the wrong person. What's the punishment for the murderer and the punishment for the accessories, by the way?"The inspectocow seems to think on this a few moments.
"You present a compelling case, Mr. Watson! But there is the matter of you being coated in the hot viscera of the victim, the ground having a rough shadow of you where the viscera was stopped from exploding by your presence, and the fact that your knife is stained with the blood of the victim. Good try, though! To the brig with you!" the inspectocow says, and the other mancows cheer as John is suddenly pulled into the chair he is currently sitting in, disappearing from sight before Trey can manage as much as an
"Oh shi-"Moments pass, and he is equally suddenly spit out on what feels like a wooden floor - opening his eyes seems to confirm this impression. Expecting the worst, John looks up, and spots something possibly expected - a square-rigged mast with two additional sails tied to it, and behind him seems to be one more mast with an additional sail. Quite the authentic-looking sailboat he seems to have found himself on, apart from the fact that the masts look somewhat spotty and covered in fuzz, and that there seems to be a grassy patch on deck with a long-necked cow grazing on it a few steps away. The place is absolutely littered with nets and rope, and there appears to be a ladder leading below decks. Beyond the deck one can see... nothing at all. Not even darkness. Just... nothing. It's very strange to look upon, really.
Author
Topic: The Forgotten Art: Approaching the Nexus (Read 272226 times)