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Author Topic: The Forgotten Art: Approaching the Nexus  (Read 272578 times)

Xantalos

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1245 on: April 10, 2014, 03:40:31 pm »

((Whoops. Meant to put a 4 there.))
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Pancaek

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1246 on: April 10, 2014, 04:10:58 pm »

"Allright, guys. Theres that prick being attacked by yetis. He's got some right disgusting magic, though. How do you guys think we should handle this?  Do you think you could hurl your fridges all the way up there?"
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lawastooshort

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1247 on: April 10, 2014, 04:17:46 pm »

right disgusting magic"

((my favourite kind))
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Harry Baldman

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1248 on: April 11, 2014, 11:15:53 am »

Dave, after pondering for a moment the silly question of why he would ever choose any spell other than Storm of Distracting Underwear, rejects the silly notion and accepts the great responsibility of taming elemental tempests of undergarments. And with that done, he guesses he can try some science!

[Dave's affinity roll: 1-->3-1]

"STORM OF DISTRACTING UNDERWEAR!" Dave screams, outstretching his pasty hand to the heavens powerfully and beckoning the power to overtake him! The night sky clouds up a little, and suddenly a lightning bolt shoots down from the heavens, striking Dave square in the hand, an event that is met with more screaming and wiggling on his part as magical fire courses through his body until settling squarely into his groin region. Fearful of what may happen next, Dave closes his eyes and inadvertently mutters a prayer to one of the lesser-known gods of the furthest realms of human thought before clenching his teeth. This is going to suck, he thinks.

And yet somehow it seems to blow instead! To be perfectly accurate, his pants suddenly explode, disintegrating in a mystical, sorcerous light as Dave's as of yet unspecified undergarment, which seems to have alchemically transmuted itself into a mighty, amazingly tight magenta speedo of intensely rubbery texture, violently detaches itself from its former owner's unworthy legs and shoots off into the distance, tearing through several solid brick walls in its low-angle flight before sailing off into the sky, audibly and visibly twinkling before seemingly disappearing forevermore, leaving Dave without so much as a pair of pants, shoes or even a covering for his waist.

Myles, currently staring at the mighty magical presence Dave seems to be displaying, seems to have gone a little green in the face with magical envy. Monsieur Pilton slowly claps at the spectacle before him, face blank and eyes wide.

* * * * *

It takes Halesey a moment to realize what's going on, but now he is fairly certain this lady is probably a demon and thus likely to try and nibble on his soul and dreams for giggles. He turns to Larry and begins to whisper surreptitiously.

"Ohgoodgodshe'sanotherdemon. We need to strike first this time. Plus she's Welsh - careful. On three... one, feckshiteTHREE."

[Halesey's affinity roll: 6-->2]

Before the lady or, indeed, Larry, can say a single word, the dimensions screech and scratch as a hole is suddenly punched right in the lady's face - but not just any hole! It is the fabled extreme potato vortex of whispered rumors and horrifying bedside tales, a gateway to a dimension where the laws sane men obey are as unknown as anything else not made of or centered around potatoes!

[Demon Lady's body roll: 6-->4]
[Larry's body roll: 1-->5-1]
[Halesey's body roll: 6-->3]

The demon lady doesn't seem overly bothered, and merely gestures frustratedly at the two men. Halesey, in turn, beholds the storied miracle of the unholy vortexface with true reverence, paying no mind to the fact that Larry appears to be rapidly getting sucked into it! Larry, who realizes that it is up to him and only him to avert a repeat of the previous time he was left to face tubery doom, tries to muster up a mighty golem beam at the terrible Welsh demon just as he ventures into the interval of distances between himself and the lady normally only reserved for uncomfortable bus rides and sloppy makeouts.

[Larry's affinity roll: 4+1]
[Larry's finesse roll: 5+1

And even Larry could not miss at this distance, blasting the lady with an alkaline trouser golem beam right in the abdomen, blasting her and her hideous potato vortexface down the entire length of the street, her body smashing into a garage about a hundred meters away. Larry, having narrowly avoided the very real possibility of getting sucked through a face-hole that was definitely too small to accommodate a man of his girth, falls to his knees, beholding the trail of trouser golems stretching down the entire road. Wonder if the school bus will even bother to pull into this street now.

* * * * *

John guesses it's time to do a right and proper team huddle, minus the huddling because the other teams seem to be busy trying to make each other regret their respective existences.

"Alright, guys. There's that prick being attacked by yetis. He's got some right disgusting magic, though. How do you guys think we should handle this?  Do you think you could hurl your fridges all the way up there?"

"Washing machines. And I dunno. Let's check."

[Luz's affinity roll: 2]

Luz points her finger out at the night watchman, who appears to be currently summoning up more, even more powerful denture-holes to impede the yetis only one floor below, but no magic seems to come out. In other news, the power of one particular hole seems to put quite the damper on the yetis' attempts, pulling most of them right off the structure and simply disappearing them within its clacking, artificial mass like so many undesirable agitators.

"Hey, I've got an idea."

[Trey's affinity roll: 1-->2-1]

Suddenly, a whole mountain of cans materializes! Unfortunately, it seems to do so right above Trey, immediately tumbling down on him!

[Trey's body roll: 6-->3-1]

Trey stands stock still as the avalanche of cans washes over him, outstretching his arms and screaming shrilly as the unspeakably sharp edges and chemically irritating sealant lacerate his skin and cause terrible rashes! He screams at the top of his lungs for a good twenty seconds before he seems to run out of breath and go hoarse at the same time.

"Goddamn, that hurt way more than expected! That spell's pretty good, you guys."

Meanwhile, the night watchman seems to have finally properly noticed the three arrivals now that the immediate threat of the yetis seems to have been nullified.

"You!" he shouts, looking at John. "And you two! I should have known!" he continues yelling, pointing at Trey and Luz.

* * * * *

This town sure has gotten quite a bit less boring lately, one has to admit. From the dinosaur and shampoo monsoons, to mysterious vortexes popping up at all sorts of inappropriate places, to rumors of creatures never before seen by human eyes wandering the streets. It's only by reminding herself that all of the aforementioned things, in addition to being quite mysterious and new, also probably hold the very reasonable ability of making her very, very dead that one Henrieta R. Hippo, though known for quite a while now as Eta instead, manages to stay inside, as the authorities very heartily seem to recommend, to any degree whatsoever. Well, that and the increasingly tenuous grasp of a nice cup of tea.

But her increasing stir-craziness is not the important fact right now. Of more interest is the strange happenstance of not twenty seconds ago, a rather sudden moment of sound, fury and magnificence, and also extreme property damage. An object of purest magenta and mightiest purpose, something Eta might have mistaken for a meteorite were it not for the fact that it seemed to be flying in a more upwards-tending direction than meteorites normally are known to, and that her entire apartment stinks of slightly burnt rubber now. Whatever it was, it seemed to tear a rather messy hole through most of her bathroom fixtures in its destructive path, blasted a hole in her living room wall, completely wrecked her rather nice TV and straight-up incinerated a large part of her bookcase's upper portion before bursting into the next apartment and probably not harming it to any significant degree. The apartment right above that one, though, was probably another story entirely. And what's more, Eta seems to have spilled quite a bit of her tea on the floor as a result of the fuss.

All this seems to lend quite a bit of credence to the idea that maybe the authorities were talking out of their ass a little when they said that she might be safe indoors.
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darkpaladin109

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1249 on: April 11, 2014, 11:20:35 am »

Cast Evilize Booze on any nearby booze.
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Harry Baldman

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1250 on: April 11, 2014, 11:21:31 am »

Cast Evilize Booze on any nearby booze.

You don't have any on you, and you don't see any bums you could steal any from nearby. Must have been eaten by the dinosaurs.
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Toaster

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1251 on: April 11, 2014, 11:25:26 am »

((Clearly you need to go find a liquor store.))


Larry cheers.  "Suck on that, demon-bitch!"

Go evoke mucus all over her until she falls in her own face!


Spoiler: Sheet (click to show/hide)
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

Pancaek

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1252 on: April 11, 2014, 11:38:17 am »

"shit, I think he saw us. Allright, I'll handle talking to him. Trey, do you think you could cast that avalanche spell again? And Luz, do you think you can cast methhead sphere around him? You know, in case he decides to be a prick and won't cooperate."

John turn to the watchman

"Yes! Us! We have come for your women treasure leyline! Hand it over willingly and noone needs to get hurt!"
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darkpaladin109

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1253 on: April 11, 2014, 11:42:09 am »

Find a liquor store or bar.
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lawastooshort

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1254 on: April 11, 2014, 11:50:46 am »

Cast Hairy Mafioso Barrier and then instruct the barrier to accompany me as I walk up to the demon and show her the deadly centrefold I have left.

Yeah! Although I should seek clarification as to the status of her eyes under all that potato vortex, I guess.

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The Froggy Ninja

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1255 on: April 11, 2014, 12:42:01 pm »

Dave tries again as he now needs coverings.
Spoiler: Dave (click to show/hide)

Parisbre56

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1256 on: April 11, 2014, 03:46:40 pm »

Quote
The apartment right above that one, though, was probably another storey entirely.
((FTFY))

"Why, that was rather... unexpected." Eta said to no one in particular. "Someone could had been hurt."
She inspected her cup of tea. The dust covering it (much like everything else in the room) had attained was rather unappealing.
Well, there's a good cup of tea I won't be drinking.
She set it down on whatever nearby furniture was left standing and stood up.

Eta peeked through the holes the magenta meteorite menace had created on the walls of her once beutiful apartment, looking for anything of interest. Specifically, she tried to determine the origin of the rubbery projectile and whether or not any more were likely to come her way. After all, if some unsavory individual was bombarding her appartment or if some sort of rubbery apocalypse was taking place (not impossible, given the events of the past few days), it would be prudent to evacuate the premises and seek cover. Or perhaps I can find whoever is responsible for this disaster and... well, we'll see about that.

Look through the holes (both of them) for anything of interest. Try to determine what was the cause of the destruction and whether or not any more projectiles are incoming.

Also, glance at the bookcase, ensure it is no longer on fire.
It wouldn't do to have what's left of my house burn down.

I sure hope my insurance covers overturned meteorites.


Spoiler: Char Sheet (click to show/hide)

Nunzillor

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1257 on: April 11, 2014, 07:13:49 pm »

Spoiler: Character Sheet (click to show/hide)

Put me on the waitlist, please.  Let me know if there any issues with the character.
« Last Edit: April 11, 2014, 07:23:53 pm by Nunzillor »
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Harry Baldman

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1258 on: April 12, 2014, 02:40:10 pm »

Larry and Halesey, in what is sure to be a decision they will remember as a totally worthwhile one, decide to try and press their current advantage in order to eliminate the demon lady once and for all! Larry sprints off after her right away.

[Larry's body roll: 3-1]

By the time he gets there, though, the lady seems to have successfully risen off the ground and begun to float in his direction in a very subdued manner, her expression quite unreadable due to the potato vortex consuming her face. Halesey, meanwhile, attempts to conjure another barrier of hairy mafiosi.

[Halesey's affinity roll: 6-->4]

And he does indeed manage to create a protective criminal cordon of impressive proportions and formidability! Turtling up in the embrace of his hairy guardians, Halesey follows in Larry's footsteps, eventually reaching his compatriot just as he intends to unleash a mighty mucus avalanche on their mutual adversary!

[Larry's affinity roll: 6-->2]

His sinuses begin to tickle as the magic flows through him, and in all the excitement Larry completely forgets that he shouldn't put his hands in front of his mouth as he lets loose an eldritch sneeze of unspeakable filthiness! Fortunately, the power of the snot blast that follows easily sweeps his hand aside, but the inherent ew-ness of this is enough to give Larry more than a little pause even as the mucus flies toward the woman and, strangely enough, is sucked in entirely by the vortex, which appears to selectively increase in power for that exact moment! Not a single drop of the hideous discharge even touches her! Well, maybe a few drops do, but they seem to get absorbed again.

[Larry's body roll: 4-1]

And for a moment there, he feels himself slowly slide toward the demon until the vortex resumes its peculiar harmlessness! For some reason, this disconcerts him greatly! But then the barrier of hairy thugs that has shuffled up to his position parts, Halesey emerging from his mafioso shell and showing the demon one of the centerfolds! That familiar flame envelops the lady, her body burning without smoke and leaving no ash, vortex included! She does not even make much of a sound apart from a low hiss and a sharp crackle as her form disintegrates before the two wizards' very eyes! The demonic temptress tried to steer them from the right path, and now she is vanquished! Score one for the good guys!

* * * * *

John believes that some adjustment of strategy may be in order, and calls for yet another huddle, but more secret this time.

"Shit, I think he saw us. Alright, I'll handle talking to him. Trey, do you think you could cast that avalanche spell again? And Luz, do you think you can cast methhead sphere around him? You know, in case he decides to be a prick and won't cooperate."

"I can't do methhead spheres. That's Trey."

"That does sound like a good idea, though."

Huddle complete and plans made, John turns back to the watchman, clearing his throat and commencing the typical announcement of intent.

"Yes! Us! We have come for your leyline! Hand it over willingly and no one needs to get hurt!"

"How about I just put the three of you fuckers into the salty denture dimension? Bet you'd like that!" the unpleasant ginger shouts maliciously, then begins to move his arms in a menacing fashion.

[Trey's affinity roll: 5-1]

A small sphere of methheads suddenly materializes around him, however! And even though it falls apart within moments, the sudden proximity of the most unsavory city dwellers known to man is enough to give the ol' fellow a moment's pause, but no longer!

[Luz's affinity roll: 1-->3]

Luz's attempt at attack goes no better, as a top-of-the-range washing machine suddenly appears in front of her and seems to slowly, yet powerfully fly in her direction!

[Luz's body roll: 1-->4]

She is swept off her feet as the washing machine smashes into her, and the girl cries out as the bulk of the appliance lands on her and begins to rather rapidly crush her!

"Shit! Luz!" Trey yells and quickly moves to shove the thing off his girlfriend, giving the watchman all the time in the world to try and muster up a spell at the people who may or may not have cost him a pretty cushy job tonight.

[Night Watchman's affinity roll: 1-->5+1]

He gestures and gestures, but doesn't seem able to conjure whatever he is trying to conjure, probably that denture hole he was talking about earlier, at his enemies. Fortunately, they seem to be doing rather nicely at killing themselves presently, so he guesses it's all good. And the methheads around him seem remarkably peaceful and confused. Rather nice, all in all.

* * * * *

Myles guesses he needs a drink if he wants to check if this magic tripe will work out as poorly for him as it seems to be doing for Dave. And so he embarks on a quest for alcohol that takes him out of the alley and into the street, where he finds that all of the respectable liquor stores (and this part of the city, also known as the Classy Side of Town, only hosts respectable establishments of that sort, naturally) seem to be closed, while all the bars and clubs he manages to approach seem to have suspended non-regular (or, in the case of clubs, uninvited) access, or so say the signs in front of the doors and the large, immaculately-groomed bouncers in front of the doors.

However, as Myles wanders frustratedly down the streets, he notices a fellow in an expensive suit sitting on a bench at a bus stop, sipping from a dark glass bottle and occasionally checking his watch. He wonders if his powers would work on that, and whether it would be advisable to experiment with booze somebody is already drinking.

Dave, meanwhile, understands that bottomless is definitely no way to be in this modern world of restrictively conservative mores, and tries to summon up a distracting underwear storm to provide much-needed garments to himself.

[Dave's affinity roll: 4-1]

And though a storm fails to appear, he does manage to summon up a pair of underwear! And lo, it is glorious - a leopard-print C-string covered in what appears to be glitter, in fact. Mr. Pilton looks quite amused.

"Man, you remind me of Nate. What a guy he was. You probably don't want to overdo it with the casting, though. You don't seem to be really... open to it, so to speak. Kind of easy to see it in your movements, really. But yes. Anyhow, I've got a task for you. See, you have your matches and you've got the basic methods down. What I want you and also your partner to do is to get yourselves a whole list of spells, as many as you can, and then call my secretary in the morning. He'll steer you in the right direction. I assume you know how to reach him, right?" he says, looking questioningly at Dave.

* * * * *

Eta, not overly terribly disturbed by the apocalypse basically getting harbinged pretty hard in her apartment, sets down her tea on the unharmed coffee table in front of her, then gets up and commences an investigation undoubtedly reminiscent of the examination her insurance provider (recent events in the city have turned insurance into a very sorry business to be in already, honestly) will try to conduct within the next few days. That is, unless they just tell her to piss off instead, like she suspects they might have done to many other people this week with similar issues.

First, she looks through the holes, and finds that the object that tore through her apartment seems to have indeed traveled in a straight line - the outgoing hole gives her less of a nice view of her neighbors' apartments than one might have expected, and instead offers a rather small window to the dark sky. The ingoing hole, however, provides a different view entirely - Eta isn't entirely sure, but she thinks she can actually see people through the hole - far-off people in that alley behind Chez Ronardo's, if her topological skills haven't failed her. And those people seem to have very little in terms of destruction about them, though she does get the feeling that one of the fellows may be lacking in pants of any kind - it's a little difficult to see from this distance, but this is what she suspects. Not exactly par for the course at this particular hour and this particular lunar phase, but still not exactly a cause for great concern.

As for the somewhat good news, Armageddon does not appear to be in progress, and her bookcase is not so on fire that she cannot extinguish it in a matter of seconds.
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darkpaladin109

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Re: The Forgotten Art: 101 Uses For Potatoes and Vortexes Thereof
« Reply #1259 on: April 12, 2014, 02:49:45 pm »

Do eeet FOR SCIENCE!
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