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Author Topic: The Forgotten Art: Approaching the Nexus  (Read 271067 times)

Digital Hellhound

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Re: The Forgotten Art: Cash 4 Gen-Lit (Needs waitlisters!)
« Reply #1140 on: March 14, 2014, 01:12:05 pm »

((I suspect they opened centerfolds-that-should-remain-stapled instead.))
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Russia is simply taking an anti-Fascist stance against European Nazi products, they should be applauded. ¡No parmesan!

lawastooshort

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Re: The Forgotten Art: Cash 4 Gen-Lit (Needs waitlisters!)
« Reply #1141 on: March 14, 2014, 01:51:21 pm »

((thank you DH for the solution and thus for helping us avoid premature use of wall of potato vortex pigeons.))

Unleash the fatal porn centrefold on the bean if Larry fails to subdue it.

« Last Edit: March 14, 2014, 02:57:47 pm by lawastooshort »
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The Froggy Ninja

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Re: The Forgotten Art: Cash 4 Gen-Lit (Needs waitlisters!)
« Reply #1142 on: March 14, 2014, 05:42:50 pm »

((What are the patron of the restaurant's response to my loud accusations."))

Harry Baldman

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Re: The Forgotten Art: Cash 4 Gen-Lit (Needs waitlisters!)
« Reply #1143 on: March 15, 2014, 07:14:43 am »

At fabulous Chez Ronardo's, a loud exclamation from none other than Dave suddenly interrupts the charming atmosphere.

"THAT MAN IS A CASTER OF WITCHCRAFT, SOWER OF CHAOS, AND A SATINIST!"

The patrons are a bit confused. They did not think that the place had much appeal for the inquisitorial crowd, but here is a man proving them wrong. It is most disturbing to the patrons, but not quite disturbing enough for them to actually react in much of a measurable way. Maybe the staff will take care of it, they think.

Mr. Pilton, though, is a bit more moved, and apparently feels the urge to comment.

"You don't cast witchcraft, idiot! You practice it! As, in, you're a practitioner of witchcraft! Get your lingo right!" he shouts from his seat, obviously making his companion a tad uncomfortable.

* * * * *

Larry did not expect it to go this well, and feels like he can take on the world now, to say nothing of the giant, hairy, floating bean in front of Halesey. "I got this, man!" he merely says, and aims one of his golem beams at the displeasing legume!

[Larry's affinity roll: 4+1]
[Larry's finesse roll: 3]

The beam of golems is rather questionably aimed, but it does seem to clip the bean very nicely, sending it spinning in place, but failing to cause it any harm. Once it stops, the bean looks rather displeased, and Halesey knows that he should probably do something right quick, and grabs one of the fatal porn centerfolds, unstapling it and pointing it at the bean, who looks right into it. Immediately, it begins to burn with a mighty, holy flame, though it does not seem to be harmed in any way. Uh oh.

"What the fuck is that supposed to be, anyway?" the bean asks before turning to Larry.

[Mafibean's finesse roll: 2+1]

It pulls out its gun, a real hand cannon from the looks of it, and aims it at the ground Larry's feet, firing a deafening shot that barely grazes the wizard's foot, causing a sudden spike of pain that Larry bets would be way worse had the bean succeeded in properly hitting him.

"I'm not fucking around here, you understand?" it tells Larry. "Try anything again, and I'm gonna put a bullet in your knee. And if that doesn't help, I'm gonna perforate your goddamn skull. You get me?"

The bean does look like it means it, and just as it looks ready to shoot someone again, it turns to face something - a rather short, well-groomed man in a business suit.

"And who are you supposed to be?" the criminal, flaming legume asks in an unfriendly manner. The man bows.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," he says, "but I was told to come here by a mutual friend, to locate two salesmen of adult literature. I may have a business proposition for them."

There is something strange about the man, and the bean seems to have noticed this as well.

"Hm... we might be interested," the bean replies, grinning at Halesey unpleasantly while keeping his gun squarely pointed at Larry.

* * * * *

John, having been unexpectedly failed by bureaucracy, turns to the dark arts for help, as people often tend to in times of great need. He opens the magazine.

"Might as well try this... ahem... great being that is currently inside of this magazine, what the hell should I do to get past this asshole?"

~I would advise using the most dangerous magic you have, so that he starts to take you seriously. Cause damage. Draw him out! Here, I'll help.~

John feels the magazine reach out to him, swallow his mind in its infinite space of knowledge.

[John's mind roll: 3]

It's a bit difficult to deal with the sudden flow of information, but John does feel something stick before the magic-space fades away, a new piece of magic that will hopefully prove to be his salvation.

Spoiler: John's New Spell (click to show/hide)
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Toaster

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Re: The Forgotten Art: Cash 4 Gen-Lit (Needs waitlisters!)
« Reply #1144 on: March 15, 2014, 12:58:11 pm »

"OW YOU FUCKER THAT WAS MY FUCKING FOOT!  WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?" The latter is aimed at the newcomer.
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

Pancaek

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Re: The Forgotten Art: Cash 4 Gen-Lit (Needs waitlisters!)
« Reply #1145 on: March 15, 2014, 01:15:45 pm »

Not quite what he needed, but he did seem to get infinite tries at this magazine, so that was a relief.

"Hmm, violence, eh? I think I can manage that. In fact I have a new plan." He walks back over tot he kids. "So, that didn't work. Now it's time for plan B. Where B stands for Boom. I'm going to need a bunch of methheads, right in front of that door. Do you think your spell can manage that? Or should we go...I...uh...I'm not sure, round up some methheads from the streets, or something?"

Read magazine once more! Ask the kid if she would cast methhead sphere near the door!

Spoiler: john (click to show/hide)
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The Froggy Ninja

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Re: The Forgotten Art: Cash 4 Gen-Lit (Needs waitlisters!)
« Reply #1146 on: March 15, 2014, 01:54:40 pm »

"Yes but witchcraft can refer to Wicca spells and rituals specificly as well as the act of preforming any spell or ritual."

Harry Baldman

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Re: The Forgotten Art: Cash 4 Gen-Lit (Needs waitlisters!)
« Reply #1147 on: March 15, 2014, 02:02:17 pm »

"Yes but witchcraft can refer to Wicca spells and rituals specificly as well as the act of preforming any spell or ritual."

"It's a craft, jerkoff, says so right in the name! You don't cast carpentry, do you? You... wait, you probably do, actually, never mind!" Mr. Pilton says and laughs.
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lawastooshort

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Re: The Forgotten Art: Cash 4 Gen-Lit (Needs waitlisters!)
« Reply #1148 on: March 16, 2014, 04:04:04 am »

"Please, ignore my friend's lack of manners. This bean just shot him in the foot and I fear it has left him a little irritable. A mutual friend you say? Well, we are indeed purveyors of gentlemanly literature, and we might well be interested in-"

SEND THAT MAFIOSO BEAN TO POTATO HELL! MAXIMUM POTATO HELL!

"-doing business with you... What do you propose?"

((or perhaps I should form a Mafioso barrier instead? Might be less dangerous?))
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Harry Baldman

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Re: The Forgotten Art: Cash 4 Gen-Lit (Needs waitlisters!)
« Reply #1149 on: March 16, 2014, 08:37:40 am »

Larry is displeased.

"OW YOU FUCKER THAT WAS MY FUCKING FOOT!" he exclaims, but the bean is unimpressed. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?" he then asks the newcomer.

"I wish to-" the man begins, but Halesey interrupts before he can get much of anywhere with his spiel.

"Please, ignore my friend's lack of manners. This bean just shot him in the foot and I fear it has left him a little irritable. A mutual friend you say? Well, we are indeed purveyors of gentlemanly literature, and we might well be interested in-"

[Halesey's affinity roll: 4]

Without warning, Halesey's eyes flash and a potato vortex appears right behind the bean, exerting a significant pull.

[Mafibean's body roll: 2+1]
[Larry's body roll: 3-1]
[Halesey's body roll: 3]

The bean drifts perilously close to the vortex, and looks fairly displeased. Unfortunately, Halesey and Larry are lifted off the ground a smidgen as well, owing mostly to the point-blank range of the vortex, and Larry in particular is pulled almost to the brink of the gateway into the potato dimension.

"-doing business with you... What do you propose?" Halesey concludes, but the man appears dissatisfied.

"Could you people stop this raging stupidity first, if it is not too much of an imposition?"

"I got just the solution."

[Mafibean's finesse roll: 5+1]

The bean now points its gun at Halesey's foot, and the strange firearm produces another immensely loud bang, a bullet entering into Halesey's right foot from above and going straight through.

[Halesey's body roll: 1-->5]

Halesey only narrowly avoids fainting from the pain - instead, he merely falls over and emits a very loud groan of agony.

"I would prefer it if you did not do that, sir," the man tells the bean, and the bean floats back a little.

"You can't say the motherfucker didn't deserve it, though," the bean replies, but the man seems unamused.

"Be that as it may, I require these two to provide me a service."

"You talk to me, then. They're my people now," the bean replies. "They fall into that vortex, I'm just gonna fish them back out," it says, effortlessly grabbing Larry and Halesey by their collars with the same hand.

The man sighs, looking at the two wizards, both shot to varying degrees through the feet, then at the bean, who still seems to be very irritable.

* * * * *

John guesses violence works. He struts over to the kids.

"So, that didn't work. Now it's time for plan B. Where B stands for Boom. I'm going to need a bunch of methheads, right in front of that door. Do you think your spell can manage that? Or should we go...I...uh...I'm not sure, round up some methheads from the streets, or something?"

Trey nods in an uncharacteristically sagely manner.

"Okay, here goes."

[Trey's affinity roll: 6-->5-1]

Suddenly, a rather huge bunch of very unsavory-looking, confused characters packed tightly against one another in a spherical shape one and a half stories high materializes into being in front of the school entrance. Truly, it is the hugest and most stifling congregation of methheads John has seen since he left his old apartment.

"That went uncharacteristically well."

"Shut up, Luz."

John, meanwhile, begins to examine his magazine again.

[John's mind roll: 5]

This time, the magic comes more easily - the boiling hot knowledge floods through him, many sediments of spells sticking in the overused coffee filter that is his brain.
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The Froggy Ninja

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Re: The Forgotten Art: Cash 4 Gen-Lit (Needs waitlisters!)
« Reply #1150 on: March 16, 2014, 10:03:08 am »

Well grammar issues aside, you are still a evil warlock bent on world domination for your lord Satin Dark Lord of Fabrics."

Harry Baldman

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Re: The Forgotten Art: Cash 4 Gen-Lit (Needs waitlisters!)
« Reply #1151 on: March 16, 2014, 10:35:36 am »

Well grammar issues aside, you are still a evil warlock bent on world domination for your lord Satin Dark Lord of Fabrics."

"... and the problem is?"
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The Froggy Ninja

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Re: The Forgotten Art: Cash 4 Gen-Lit (Needs waitlisters!)
« Reply #1152 on: March 16, 2014, 10:41:31 am »

Well being a evil warlock, Satinist, and dropping large amounts of dinosaurs and shampoo on the city is generally frowned upon...You were right Myles this was a terrible idea."

Harry Baldman

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Re: The Forgotten Art: Cash 4 Gen-Lit (Needs waitlisters!)
« Reply #1153 on: March 16, 2014, 10:45:59 am »

Well being a evil warlock, Satinist, and dropping large amounts of dinosaurs and shampoo on the city is generally frowned upon...You were right Myles this was a terrible idea."

"It is? Well, damn it, why didn't anybody tell me?"
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Pancaek

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Re: The Forgotten Art: Cash 4 Gen-Lit (Needs waitlisters!)
« Reply #1154 on: March 16, 2014, 11:25:04 am »

"Well done, Trey. Well done indeed. Now, lets back up just a bit and give this asshole a wake-up call."

Back up a tad with the kids, preferably get behind something rather solid. Then cast Detonate Methhead on the sphere of methheads.
Spoiler: John (click to show/hide)
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