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[Toaster]

You could say wearing that you could do... both.


"Fucked if I know, bro.  You're the one with no pants.  But hey, clearly you think the material is high-class- see why I say it's worth more?"

[lawastooshort]

"Fucked if I know, bro.  You're the one with no pants.  But hey, clearly you think the material is high-class- see why I say it's worth more?"

Ooh, nice move. I 30 second-photoshopped a hitler in a boathing suit, but it was horrifying so I deleted it, went to bed, and had nightmares all night. It was a bit Speedostalinish but less pelvic thrusty.

[Harry Baldman]

What.

The führer, scourge of europe and one of the vilest men in history, was now wearing a boathing suit and a goatee. John couldn't believe this, he was outraged and furious. He could not comprehend what had just happened and was determined to state these feelings inside of him in the most eloquent way possible.

"What?"

"I have to say, I was a little skeptical about a spell called 'Goodify German' at first, but, as you can see, it is definitely not something to scoff at, eh?" she says, tapping her index finger at Hitler's new kind, open and accessible visage.

* * * * *

"Er, dude, you might be the best person to ask that. We just walked in fully dressed to see if the lawyers had sorted out the paperwork - you're the publicly naked one in all this... I mean, I know it's your own premises and all, but it's not really your house and your kinda left the door unlocked... Look, pop some clothes on and we'll not talk of this again, eh?"

You could say wearing that you could do... both.

"Fucked if I know, bro.  You're the one with no pants.  But hey, clearly you think the material is high-class- see why I say it's worth more?"

"Ah," Klein says, getting up and inspecting the pile of magazines he was sitting on - they look clean, surprisingly enough. After scratching his chin a moment, he speaks again.

"I'm starting to remember what happened here. The magazines. Something's definitely up with them. I found this really disgusting one that had its centerfold stapled shut and was plastered with all sorts of dire warnings. And then I got... hypnotized by a different one. I suspect these aren't safe to actually sell, guys."

[Gamerlord]

This... this must be scientifically studied. WE MUST FIND MORE GERMANS.

[lawastooshort]

"No way dude, they're safe - they're divine, that means good, right? Right? We had a contract, man! You just sell 'em as the best gentleman's literature ever no returns or something! And who's gonna believe some dude who comes in and tries to return a magazine because it fecking hypnotised him, eh? Eh? That ain't gonna hold up in a court of law or even just in common sense, dude! As if a magazine would hypnotise you, unless you're some kind of mentalist nutjob!"

Halesey tries to not become irate.

[Pancaek]

"Well, that certainly was different. So, now that we've indulged you in your request, I'd like you to answer my question. Why exactly have come here and gone of the grid like you did?"

[Harry Baldman]

This... this must be scientifically studied. WE MUST FIND MORE GERMANS.

"Exactly. I was thinking of going over to the German Embassy, maybe I could find some there, you know, but I don't think they'd let me in and even if they did, I'm not sure they'd let me back out after I was done, you know?"

"No way dude, they're safe - they're divine, that means good, right? Right? We had a contract, man! You just sell 'em as the best gentleman's literature ever no returns or something! And who's gonna believe some dude who comes in and tries to return a magazine because it fecking hypnotised him, eh? Eh? That ain't gonna hold up in a court of law or even just in common sense, dude! As if a magazine would hypnotise you, unless you're some kind of mentalist nutjob!"

Halesey tries to not become irate.

"Well, what I'm saying is that I probably could sell them off once, but I might get into trouble over it with whoever they've probably got investigating the nonsense that's been happening. I'm sure somebody will know to point people my way if they start to ask questions. So, I don't think the wholesale strategy is going to work. Maybe I could sell it as some kind of specialty thing, but I definitely can't start distributing this stuff, obviously weird as it is. I can't really explain it, but one of the magazines I read - had some kind of war goddess in it, it made me feel like I had to kill something right then and there. I'm a bit fuzzy on what happened afterwards, though I'm sure I would remember if I actually offed somebody."

"Well, that certainly was different. So, now that we've indulged you in your request, I'd like you to answer my question. Why exactly have come here and gone of the grid like you did?"

"Because of magic. Once you get it, nothing's really the same. Suddenly, everything you once did has new, way cooler alternatives. You can go to school, hang out with friends and live the life you used to, sure, but you can also spontaneously materialize things, research magic, commune with mysterious forces and seek ultimate power. Suddenly, all that normal stuff becomes... irrelevant, to put it mildly."

[Gamerlord]

TO THE EMBASSY! WE WILL GOODIFY THE GERMAN PEOPLE!

[lawastooshort]

"Damn," says Halesey, unirately. "That sounds disappointingly reasonable. Well. Problem is, we kind of need to get 50 grand for interior decorating - like, paint, soft furnishings, that kinda thing, and, um, well - since I first looked at the gentleman's literature, I can't even remember if I have a job. I unstapled the centrefold. So, y'know, we can't work out what to do except sell this amazing stuff."

[Pancaek]

"Shut up, samuel, you're not exactly helping here. I understand your fascination with your new found powers, but you are aware that you're going about this the wrong way, right? Let's not even get into what distress you're causing the people who love you. You talk about communicating with other beings and getting ultimate powers, but right now you're attracting attantion to yourself by running from home. Sooner or later, the police are going to get involved in this, and when they learn of your powers you'll be used as lab rats and disposed of. You're already trying to go all out and all you can do is goodify german people. I mean, shit, you look like a smart girl, at least try and be a bit subtle about it all. Because right now, you're well on your way to scaring some poor police officer who will shoot you dead out of panic. "

[Harry Baldman]

"Shut up, samuel, you're not exactly helping here. I understand your fascination with your new found powers, but you are aware that you're going about this the wrong way, right? Let's not even get into what distress you're causing the people who love you. You talk about communicating with other beings and getting ultimate powers, but right now you're attracting attantion to yourself by running from home. Sooner or later, the police are going to get involved in this, and when they learn of your powers you'll be used as lab rats and disposed of. You're already trying to go all out and all you can do is goodify german people. I mean, shit, you look like a smart girl, at least try and be a bit subtle about it all. Because right now, you're well on your way to scaring some poor police officer who will shoot you dead out of panic. "

"That's a... pretty reasonable point, I guess. I doubt anybody's going to involve the cops, though. This is the Lower Esplanade, after all. It'd have to be a pretty bad day for you to see a cop in this area, and last I checked, none of us missing kids are popular and white, so that's two strikes against the law intervening already. Add Mr. Lee being involved, and police are straight out. But yeah, pissing off Mr. Lee probably isn't that good of an idea, especially now that we know he cares enough to send people after us. By the way, are you guys magicked up?"

"Damn," says Halesey, unirately. "That sounds disappointingly reasonable. Well. Problem is, we kind of need to get 50 grand for interior decorating - like, paint, soft furnishings, that kinda thing, and, um, well - since I first looked at the gentleman's literature, I can't even remember if I have a job. I unstapled the centrefold. So, y'know, we can't work out what to do except sell this amazing stuff."

"Sorry that I can't help you with this, then. A lot of it is pretty good stuff. I could pay you 10 bucks for the issue with the muses, if that helps."

[Gamerlord]

Yes we are!

[Toaster]

Larry, listening to this, was getting annoyed.  "We could sell you potatoes?'

[lawastooshort]

"I'd probably offer the potatoes for free if two lawyers didn't know we'd been here. Hmm. Ten bucks is probably a deal, if you give us enough bags to take the rest away too."

Halesey turns to Larry, careful not to be heard by the non-magician.

"So... perhaps we need a more vortex-centred way of getting cash? Or we could try some other bookstores. Maybe ones that won't get naked straight away. Damnit man, I thought we were getting like ultimate power or something, not setting up a market stall. Shit."

[Toaster]

Larry snorts.  "This is all a bunch of crap.  Why can't we stick his head in a potato until he agrees?  Or rip open that stapled one at him?"