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[_Ivan_]

Sometimes your simply compelled to share.

My fortress is being menaced by a huge one-eyed ass. Pray for my dwarves. Pray for me.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[Swonnrr]

Noun

ass (plural asses)
 1. Any of several species of horse-like animals, especially Equus africanus, often domesticated and used a beast of burden.

Other than that... That's a loooot of meat.
Get the kitchens ready!

[_Ivan_]

The main gate has been opened and all dwarves stationed just behind the corner. The hunting dogs chained there will be sacrificed for the good of the fortress. I hope they will at least get a bite or two in before it's over. The marksdwarves have been ordered to aim for the eye.

[Noobazzah]

Are you sure they'll be able to see they eye through all that wrinkly hair?

[Yerv]

Oh god, where do the webs shoot out?

[dresdor]

So its an ass that shoots webs?  Sounds like more accurate spider man.

[Broseph Stalin]

Noun

ass (plural asses)
 1. Any of several species of horse-like animals, especially Equus africanus, often domesticated and used a beast of burden.

Other than that... That's a loooot of meat.
Get the kitchens ready!

Mmmm ass-meat.

[Stalker]

May Armok have mercy on your fortress. Tell us how this ends 

[wierd]

Noun

ass (plural asses)
 1. Any of several species of horse-like animals, especially Equus africanus, often domesticated and used a beast of burden.

Other than that... That's a loooot of meat.
Get the kitchens ready!

Mmmm ass-meat.

Obscure reference time! 20 dorfbucks to whoever figures out the source!

Spoiler: Obscure Reference (click to show/hide)

[acetech09]

So, let me get this straight. You're getting attacked by a big, meaty, hairy, trunked spider-ass?

This game, man. This game.

[_Ivan_]

That poor dog...

I was mistaken. It seems one of my hunting dogs had died of old age and there was a single dog left there to guard the hallway by himself. He stood without fear as certain death approached him. The hair on his neck stood on end, teeth bared, eyes fixated on the intruder; he let out a growl that unsettled even me. The creature 'fired' on the dog from a distance. Death was instant. "propelled by the force of the blow"; you can piece together the details.

The dog served his purpose however. Unable to fire again from the last attack the titanic ass rounded the corner casting it's hideous gaze upon the fortress proper. Over 100 dwarves stood there armed with crossbows. Sturdy and unflinching, they fired instantly (wouldn't you?). A single bolt to the head felled the beast and ended it's reign of terror.

The battle although brief, was rewarding. The butcher delivered 125 ass bones, 76 ass fat, 197 ass meat and a number of internal items that will go unmentioned. The bones have been crafted into various trinkets and baubles and stored away for trade. The mountain of meat sits in a stockpile next to the kitchens waiting to be processed and the fat was turned into tallow, which will be made into soap as a gift for the next elven caravan.

All in all, a good day in my fort.

[Vattic]

Not sure who created this, but it deserves posting again.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[PatriotSaint]

Dorfsoap Co. has a new product it seems.

I've sent them a suggestion to bring trade to the Elves, under the pretense that this soap is in fact quite luxurious.

"Ass Soap for me! Ass Soap for you!"

[Oaktree]

Not sure who created this, but it deserves posting again.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Looks like a royal ass-kicking is going on there.   

[acetech09]

Tonight, we dine on ass kidney!