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[webadict]

Confession

I'd like to start with a confession. I have not been a good game moderator. I have been lax. I have been lazy. I have been loathsome. I have been lackluster. However, I have realized my failings as a GM. I recognize my faults in both my administration and systems. And so, for this, I wish to test my limitations once more, if you would have me.

I will run on determination, diligence, admiration, and recognition. I will give you a game. The inner workings of my imagination shall write forth the words you will read in hopes that you transmit the scene to your own mind for full enjoyment. I shall remain diligent throughout the game. I may falter, and if that so happens, a swift kick should be administered. If you enjoy the game (which I hope you do), then please let me know. If you believe there would be more fun to be had if things were changed, let me know. I will try to recognize these on my own, but I may not be able to.

In return, I ask your consideration, creativity, and commitment. Consider your fellow players and your own character, for you are not playing yourself, but rather someone entirely different. This does not give you the right to murder your co-players (on purpose) unless they allow it. After all, this is a game, and ruining the game for others is not what this is about. Be creative in your actions, your gestures, your speech. If your character would do it... Do it. Commit yourself to the character and the game.

Thank you if you read this and didn't immediately give up. That means a lot to me.


Rules

The game is relatively simple. You determine the action of your character. I roll to see whether or not your action succeeds or not. That is pretty much the extent to which the rules work, but let's go into a little bit about what the rolls mean.

[1] - 1 is bad. No, not bad. Awful. You have not only failed what you were trying to do, but made your goal even harder to obtain. Let's assume you attempted to open a door. Instead of opening it, you locked it. From the other side. And the handle fell off.
[2] - 2 is bad. I mean that this time. You didn't do what you wanted. That door you tried to open? It's not open. Curse your natural appeal to good-looking doors and your propensity to simply stare at them!
[3] - 3 is okay. You didn't completely finish what you started, but you didn't necessarily fail, either. You managed to open the door, but, as luck would have it, there's a pile of garbage behind that door, blocking your way out.
[4] - 4 is good. You did what you wanted. Nobody is gonna keep you down! You opened the door, and the tunnel ahead is clear as day.
[5] - 5 is great! Excellent! Super! You did more than you wanted! You opened the door so fast, the door splintered. But, inside the door was an antique portrait of President Taft, your favorite president of them all!
[6] - 6 is amazi... No, wait, I mean kind of not good. It's accomplishing things you wanted in a bad way. So, that door exploded. And those shards are headed right for your face.

This applies to normal rolls. There are instances when 6s and higher are good, and that usually applies to certain combat-related rolls, such as attacking.

Assisting takes the higher of the two rolls. This can mean a 6 instead of a 5. You may hinder an action, taking the lower of the two. Please be considerate of your fellow players when doing this.

You start with 6 Health. This can change depending on your actions. When you reach 0 Health, you are Not Quite Dead. You can still be brought back, but your body won't work. When you reach -1, you are Dead. There is currently no way to revive anyone that has died, but if you manage to catch them before they die, you can save them.

If you feel a roll did not turn out the way it should have, such as a missed bonus, or something else, let me know. I will attempt to rectify the situation as best as I can.

Character Creation

You'll need to fill out a few things before you can play.

Name:
Class:
Race:
Sex:
Description:

 - Your name is obvious, so if you need help with what that is, I don't think you can play.
 - Your class is any sort of occupation your character has. Whether you're a Warrior, a Mage, a Pirate, a Carpenter, or even a Tie-Dye Shirt Guy, you still have class.
 - Then, choose a Race. Or species. Or whatever. Human, Elf, Dwarf, Half-Dwarf, Cat, Third-Dwarf, Magical Girl, Bacteria... Preferably something tangible, since you'll all be human-sized anyway.
 - Next, choose your sex. Are you male? Female? Neither? Some sort of other option because you're from a different planet? I don't know your character's life!
 - After that, describe your character's life so that I know it. Be detailed. Do you have an arch-nemesis? Are you the leader of a gang of roaming horses? Is your goal in life to touch the sun? Do you know secretly how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Are you seeking revenge on the third grade bully who knocked over my ice cream cone when he tripped me and then laughed at me in front of the girl I had a crush on so she hated me? The choice is yours!
 - Finally, post your first round action!

Since I don't particularly enjoy the "first-come, first-serve" rule that's here, I will take the top 5 character's posted by some random interval between now and later. If there are only 5, then congratulations, you win by default!

The World

You live on the world of Asthuria, which consists of one continental mass (and a few small islands near the coasts). This continent is also called Asthuria.

You are currently on a merchant ship headed towards the biggest of these islands, called Asthuria Island, which is located off the eastern coast, for various reasons. The captain of this boat, Sir Nautingham, wears a blue uniform and cap, and is rather boisterous, occasionally wearing an eyepatch for no reason.

I should mention, at this particular moment, there is a pirate ship rammed into it, with pirates ransacking the ship and the merchants fighting them off.

Sir Nautingham yells at you to help.

You are on the deck of the ship. There is a single cannon pointing away from the pirate's ship, as it's on the opposite side. A few merchants and pirates are lying dead on the ship, along with their weapons. Currently, Sir Nautingham is engaged in a battle with 3 pirates.

What do you do?

[kj1225]

Name:  Kyle Johnson
Class:  Medic
Race:  Half demon (Lust type).
Sex:  Both leans towards male.
Description:  Six foot six. He has red hair and eyes as well as a tail with a spade on the end. He is tan from being out in the sun for a long time. He prefers tight clothes that a darker. He hates harming people for no reason and would rather everyone stop fighting and just do the do. His keeps his hands clean as possible at all times so he can always work on patients. He has only on one occasion taken a persons soul and that was in his time in the army as a field medic. He still has nightmares about it when he gets stressed. He has never wielded any weapon bigger than a knife. He left the army after he got a wound that caused him to have to walk with a cane. Sometimes he thinks about doing horribly perverted things to people he meets.
Kyle starts moving towards the cannon to turn it around.

[scapheap]

Name:Slice
Class:Brawler
Race:Slime
Sex:We are all hermaphrodites, but I prefer a female form
Description:A red fluid that take the shape of a human female. Details like eyes and clothes are present.

Currently drunk after walking in some spilled beer so engage in drunk fu with the pirates.

[Lalasa]

Name: Wisteria Silver
Class: Explorer
Race: Normal Human (Boo)
Sex: Female
Description:

At 5'5", Wisteria is a fit and athletic 26-year old woman.  Twisted into a ponytail, Wisteria's platinum blonde hair is shoulder length if it wasn't ensnared by the devious scrunchie.    Tan from all the !adventures! she's had, her natural color is actually significantly lighter.  She has the athletic build that could make a man jealous, but her bust is lacking so girls don't care.  Ocean-blue eyes rest above a small and thin nose, and her thin blonde eyebrows are long.  Childish lips finish off an oval face that slightly resembles a pixie's.  Like any good explorer, Wisteria wears a thick brown jacket with weasel fur trim and lining.  Tan cargo pants, full-length, adorn her legs, while a cream sweater hides underneath the coat.  If it's too hot for this ensemble, she also has clothes for the heat, which comprise of short tan khaki pants, a cream cotton tank top, and a wide-brimmed hat.  For both outfits she wears heavy-duty brown hiking boots and a large leather backpack.

Everyone knows that girl that never shuts up.  Ever.  Only she keeps talking and talking and talking... that's Wisteria.  From the very moment she learned how to speak she's been abusing the ears of pretty much anyone nonstop.  Try to find what you need from all the chatter, and it's finding a needle in a haystack.  Other than this fact, Wisteria has an enjoyable personality that likes adventure, discovering new ideas and objects, meeting new people, and traveling.  Secretly a fan of plushies, she hides a mummy one in her large bag.  She is always energetic and optimistic, refusing to see how things could possibly go wrong, so if they do go very wrong, she either declares it can't get any worse and will therefore get better... or be crushed.  This quality makes her come off as rather naive. 

Wisteria's wealthy parents were always supportive.  They just didn't support all the talking.  Instead, they offered Wisteria a dream, telling her that she would one day make a great explorer.  Imbued with money and education, Wisteria set off to fulfill this dream, never knowing that the only reason her parents convinced her for it was because it would make sure she was far from home.  Through sports, training, and athletic conditioning, Wisteria built herself to withstand what would most likely be the harsh conditions of the wilderness.  She read survival guides, studied past civilizations, and looked through the journals of successful archaeologists.  For Wisteria, her celebrities were historians and her hobbies were languages and geocaching.  Once she deemed herself ready and her parents approves, she set out with their monetary blessing to visit as many locations as she can and learn as much as possible about the world.  Thus, she actually hasn't really discovered anything cool yet, which she hopes to remedy by traveling to Asthuria Island.
-------------
"So Captain, what sort of pirates are they?  Violent or nonviolent?  Did they come to take the ship or our money?  Do you think I could bribe them?  How much would they want?  100 Asthurians?  200?  300?  Hey, can I try asking them what they want?  Can I?  Please?  They're quite boisterous, maybe I could help calm them down?  Hey, Mr. Pirate!  Hey!  This is not the situation for death and carnage!  This is a situation for diplomacy!  What language do you all speak?  Can we negotiate?  I really like this ship so I really don't want you to take it and stuff..." Wisteria calls out from the entrance to the belowdecks.  Salty air assaulted her sense and further served to imlant in her brain the fact she was really exploring!  Mother and father will be so proud!

"Mr. Pirate, this is my first trip and I'm so happy!  I'm going to find out all this stuff about Asthuria and why we exist and solve so many questions, you won't believe!  Hey, are you still fighting?  Don't make me come over there and pull you off like I had to once with a kid and the school bully.  Boy, was that bully a jerk!  So he pulled on this other boy's hair......" she babbles, edging away from the fight while looking for a weapon.  No sense getting into a fight with pirates without something to poke them with!  Wisteria includes commentary on which weapons would be best of course.

[Pancaek]

Name:Unit 357p90, callsign "tiny"
Class:Sapper (combat engineer)
Race:Clockwork man
Sex:No actual sex, but looks male
Description:Unit 357p90 Was made by the collective genius of multiple high-ranking dwarven engineers. He's about 1.9 meters tall, strong and entirely made out of living metal. The outer frame is made out of dull grey metal adorned with shrapnel impacts and other blemishes, and his head looks more like a medieval knight's helmet than a human face, with two eye slits and holes where his mouth should be.  Though it was not their intention, this unit has aquired sentience. Unable to fully control him, the engineers planned to scrap him, so he ran away from the workshop and took small jobs to pass the time. He has worked as a mercenary, a construction worker, bodyguard and even as a toymaker.
He enjoys making things, breaking things, and blowing things up. His favourite weapons is pretty much anything that goes boom. Though, in a scrap, he likes to use shotguns and blunt objects. Not build for speed or agility and due to his large size, he is rather clumsy at times, but makes for it with endurance and strength. In melee he's best at defence and slow, heavy blows while in ranged combat he prefers the shotgun for its simplicity of use.
He can seem cold and unsettling when first meeting him, but does not truly harbour any ill will towards anyone, the concepts of good and evil still slightly muddy to him, even after all these years. Not one for many words, he takes things rather literally. 
------------------

"Sir, do you require assistence in this matter? It would seem your enemies have the numerical advantage."

Look around for a suitable weapon and attempt to single out one of the three pirates. Keep on the defensive and strike when an opening shows.

[BFEL]

Name: Asthuria Slim
Class: Shady Character
Race: Sentient Shadow
Sex: Male. He has a shadow penis. You just invisioned a shadow-penis.
Description: One of the ever-present Shades, Asthuria Slim was the personal shadow of renowned thief Ohsothatswheretheguardbarracksis. That of course, wasn't the thiefs real name, but no one could really ask it after the guards splattered him. Its not good to be a renowned thief, so Asthuria Slim has vowed instead to be the back-alley Shady Character. That leaves a bit more latitude for fame. And it would make his parents happy, the traditionalist sods!
As for appearance, Slim is your typical Male Shadow, in that he is mostly formless except for a rough shape of a male. Also the Shadow Penis. But don't worry, he keeps that hidden under his Leather Trenchcoat. It has lots of pockets. Its pockets have pockets. All of them hold more then can actually exist in a single space at one time. Its where he keeps his Ill Gotten Goods.

Attempt to sell a dropped sword back to its owner.

[Harry Baldman]

Name: Lurf Aedwenneth
Class: Wrestler
Race: Half-Orc-Half-Elf
Sex: Male
Description: Lurf was born about 60 years ago in a peaceful elven commune as the result of a rather steamy love affair between two star-crossed lovers, an orcish scholar and an elven moneylender. Though their love was, alas, impossible due to the standards of the time (unlike today, when you could probably marry a dog if you paid the right person enough money) and his father's standing in the Elven Usury Union, it nonetheless bore fruit in the form of twins - a son and a daughter. The son, Lurf, stayed with the moneylender, which gave him several advantages. Firstly, he has been rather well-off for most of his life, which has allowed him to pursue whatever occupation and hobby he wishes - the former being a capable enforcer, the latter being wrestling. Secondly, his rather great hairiness, his somewhat inhuman and intimidating features (combining the meanness of an orc with the unapproachability of an elf), and his considerable natural strength mean that he is rather good at what he does. So good, in fact, that he has chosen the adventuring life after long deliberation, abandoning his luxurious home to take up the lifestyle of a wandering warrior. This eventually led him to the ship to Asthuria - he doesn't know what that is, but he supposes there's things to wrestle there. Aren't there always?


Lurf wasn't one for many words, really, particularly when fighting.

Grab a pirate fighting the captain from behind, chuck overboard.

[JackoftheBox]

Name: Hank
Class: Gravedigger
Race: Zombie
Sex: Male or so he thinks (parts of his body had a bad habit of rotting away)
Description: Hank is a short, rather muscular and completely hairless rotting corpse with two dead yellow eyes. He is prone to heroic acts when reminded of his glorious fantasy past. Otherwise he can be quite dull, mostly because of his strong sense of duty towards his profession.

Hank doesn't really remember who or what he was before the gift of eternal life, but he likes to think that he was a dashing young gunslinger riding a talking horse named Von Peterson, trying to stop the schemes of his evil twin Pepilo and his band of villains called Gang the Black Gang. But now those days of glory are over and he was given the heavy burden of burying the dead. Part of his newfound responsibility is also to make sure the dead stay the way they should, buried and dead.
 
As time went on and on the people around Hank started to get older and older till they all died. Hanks graveyard was now full and not a single person was alive in his little town, so he gathered his trusty old iron spade and the maggot family living in his guts and set out to find a new place where his talents would still be needed.
------------------

Hank murmurs something ineligible and starts to check the bodies on the floor for signs of life.

[SOLDIER First]

Name:Fyle Hauser
Class:Really Big Pet
Race:Fox person
Sex:Male
Description:Fyle was just a normal fox living in the Generic Forest.
One day a little girl wandered into the forest and took him home for no apparent reason. Everything was fine until one day he touched a magical rock or something and turned humanoid. Some pirates or whatever found out about him and took him into the ship. His one goal in life is to get back to that little girl.

He has orange, black and white fur, like a normal fox. He likes playing with people and is an all-around cool fox-dude.
Also he can talk.

Fyle looks around to see if any of the bodies was the jerkbag who took him here.

[TCM]

Reservin' a spot.

[Powder Miner]

Oh my God yes, it's not first come, thank you!
Anyway, sheet'll pop up in this post in a bit. I have homework to do.

[webadict]

Turn 1

"So Captain, what sort of pirates are they?  Violent or nonviolent?  Did they come to take the ship or our money?  Do you think I could bribe them?  How much would they want?  100 Asthurians?  200?  300?  Hey, can I try asking them what they want?  Can I?  Please?  They're quite boisterous, maybe I could help calm them down?  Hey, Mr. Pirate!  Hey!  This is not the situation for death and carnage!  This is a situation for diplomacy!  What language do you all speak?  Can we negotiate?  I really like this ship so I really don't want you to take it and stuff..." Wisteria calls out from the entrance to the belowdecks.  Salty air assaulted her sense and further served to imlant in her brain the fact she was really exploring!  Mother and father will be so proud!

"Mr. Pirate, this is my first trip and I'm so happy!  I'm going to find out all this stuff about Asthuria and why we exist and solve so many questions, you won't believe!  Hey, are you still fighting?  Don't make me come over there and pull you off like I had to once with a kid and the school bully.  Boy, was that bully a jerk!  So he pulled on this other boy's hair......" she babbles, edging away from the fight while looking for a weapon.  No sense getting into a fight with pirates without something to poke them with!  Wisteria includes commentary on which weapons would be best of course.

[5 + 0/1 (best RP bonus!)] - Sir Nautingham stares at her for a second, along with the three pirates. The pause goes on for a few seconds before he finally talks.

"Are you daft? They're PIRATES! You can see the men they've already killed!"

Wisteria pulls out a handful of Asthurians and waves it. "Is this enough? Because if it's not enough I don't really have anything else. I mean, I've got some things, but I don't really-"

One of the pirates cuts her off. "Girl, shut up! We're trying to-"

Wisteria throws the money at him. This takes him off guard, as the one pirate instinctively tries to block it with his sword, only to have Sir Nautingham skewer him. The two other pirates takes this opportunity only to be met with with an ear-piercing scream as Wisteria is frightened by the combat before her. Sir Nautingham quickly finishes off the other two.

"Thanks kid!" he yells, grabbing a rope and swinging onto the pirate's deck. At this point, Wisteria sees a shiny spyglass where Sir Nautingham was standing. She quickly pilfers it.

Shiny Spyglass gained!

"Sir, do you require assistence in this matter? It would seem your enemies have the numerical advantage."

Look around for a suitable weapon and attempt to single out one of the three pirates. Keep on the defensive and strike when an opening shows.

[6] - Tiny sends a chat request with Sir Nautingham, but it appears to be no use! So, Tiny scans the environment for a weapon that he can use.

SCAN COMPLETE. ANALYZING DATA...

ANALYSIS CONFIRMS WEAPON ON SOUTH SIDE OF DECK.

RETRIEVING...

Tiny makes his way toward the cannon and begins arming it.

PREPARATIONS COMPLETE.

Suddenly, Tiny becomes aware that his INTERNAL MONOLOGUE MODULE NOW SET TO SILENT. Unfortunately, this has already drawn the attention of two nearby pirates. Double unfortunately, the cannon is facing the wrong way.

One of the pirates reaches for a pistol and fires!

[Dodge: 2] SYSTEM ERROR 126: PAIN.

-1 HP

Lurf wasn't one for many words, really, particularly when fighting.

Grab a pirate fighting the captain from behind, chuck overboard.

[1 + 1 (wrestling)] - Your efforts to grab the nearest pirate and chuck him overboard were not in vain. Instead, however, you appear to have grabbed the nearest merchant, and jumped overboard with him. Not to be outdone, the merchant believes you to be a pirate, and swings his sword at you.

[Dodge: 5] Luckily, your bear hug completely inhibits his movements, meaning that sword isn't coming near you.

You crash into the water, letting go of the merchant. Of course, you must've realized by now that you're in the Asthurian Ocean. And the worst part of the Asthurian Ocean are the sharks. That's right. Thuraxian Sharks. And some Asthurian Sharks, too.

Which are now swimming around you and the merchant.

Kyle starts moving towards the cannon to turn it around.

[1] - Kyle takes this time to run straight for the cannon. However, his cane slipes from under him!

[Dodge: 5] He manages to not land on anything sharp or pointy. Nope. In fact, it's fairly comfortabit'sapirateohgod. The pirate grabs him around the neck and starts to choke him!

[Break: 3] He doesn't manage to break free of the grip, but at least he's still able to breathe a tiny bit. Unfortunately, this pirate looks fairly angry. Angrier than usual, even.

Hank murmurs something ineligible and starts to check the bodies on the floor for signs of life.

[2 + 1 (death)] - Hank moans and groans trying to get to his feet. He had been having a nice time sitting, not using his putrid muscles. But, the life of a gravedigger is never over.

He comes upon two bodies and kicks them for signs of life. No movement. Clearly dead probably maybe.

But where do you bury these fellows on a boat?


Battle [4] - So far, it appears that the battle is in the merchant's favor. With Sir Nautingham giving the pirates a real taste of steel. He rallies his men for another round of battle.

Status:

Lalasa

Spoiler: Wisteria Silver, Female Human Explorer (click to show/hide)

HP: 6

Items:
Shiny Spyglass: Unknown Effect

Skills:
Exploring: +1 to explore, +1 to trap avoidance

Pancaek

Spoiler: Unit 357P90 “Tiny,” the Neutrois Clockwork Man Sapper (click to show/hide)

HP: 5

Items:
None

Skills:
Explosions Aficionado: +1 to explosives

Harry Baldman

Spoiler: Lurf Aedwenneth, the Male Orc-Elf Wrestler (click to show/hide)

HP: 6

Items:
None

Skills:
Wrestlemaniac: +1 to wrestling

kj1225

Spoiler: Kyle Johnson, Male Half-Demon Medic (click to show/hide)

HP: 6

Items:
None

Skills:
Medicine: +1 to medical

JackoftheBox

Spoiler: Hank, the Male Zombie Gravekeeper (click to show/hide)

HP: 6

Items:
None

Skills:
Death Dealer: +1 to death dealings

[kj1225]

Kyle thinks quickly and whacks the pirate with his cane.

[Pancaek]

"Clearly using the entire cannon is simply not optimal." He steps away from the cannon and takes one of the gunpowder packs instead. "For damaging me, insolent meatbag, I shall make you non-operational." He taunts, his voice metallic, flat and unemotional

light a fuse on the gunpowder pack, throw it like a grenade at a pirate that is not standing next one of my teammates.

[Cheesecake]

Can I still jump in?

Name: Cheesecake
Class: Cheesecake
Race: Cheesecake
Sex: Cheesecake
Description: Look at my avatar.

Join if it's alright. Be introduced in.