Tristepin walks into the arena alone, Ophidia is nowhere to be seen. He looks around, decides to begin, when suddenly...
Ophidia appeared on stage in a poof of black, sulfurous smoke. She raised her arms, and jets of flame spouted from behind her. After a moment, a band of evil demon fiddlers began playing Team Shadowknights Intro music with a sound roughly like cats and ravens being boiled alive in the same pot.
"TREMBLE, MORTALS! Tremble in anticipation! For here comes the horrible! The vile! The cruel! The unjust! The obnoxious!
Everyone put your hands together-and pray, though your Gods can't save you now! FOR THE BLACK KNIGHT COMETH! His heart is cold as his lance arm! Watch the limbs fly with speculative grandeur! He's bound to put on a bloody show! The very powers of Hell come crashing down all around you, and there is no escape...from the BLACK KNIGHT. Pride, Lust, Wrath and Envy-he's got all the best sins! We leave the gluttony, greed and sloth to you! Don't forget to visit the Shadow Baroness's House of Infernal Treats before the fight-because you can't enjoy a good lancing without a cold mug of Imp-ale! First mug free, highly habit forming!
Now-cheer and clap, if you value your meaningless lives! After we're done here, it's the world! So get used to grovelling before your new master!
Here comes the mighty BLACK KNIGHT! NOW, SCREAM AND WAIL IN TERROR!"
The Demon fiddlers began their second horrible set-adding boiled dogs to cats and ravens. "They'll be here all week!"
The Black Knight storms in atop Tenebra. The crowd screams in terror and applauds from sheer fear. Except for one girl.
:
"Go shadowknights!"Ophidia - "Use my demonic um, 'eloquence' to rouse up the crowd in favor of Team Shadowknight!"
Ophidia - Rolling against Eloquence (5) ... 9 ... Failure! No effect.Automatic Action - Squire Introduction - Ophidia rolling against Eloquence (5+2) ... 2 ... Success! The crowd is scared silly and they love it. The crowd will cheer on the Black Knight today,
+1 Lancery. ((I loved Ophidia's speech, but decided I couldn't give automatic wins so gave a Maximum of +2 to the skill, based on the submitted introduction speech alone.))
Tristepin waits for the wailing and forced clapping to die down. He clears his throat, and raises his arms...
''My Lords! My Ladies!
And everyone else here NOT sitting on a cushion!!!
Today, you find yourselves equals! For you are all... EQUALLY blessed! For I have the pride, the privilege nay, the pleasure of introducing to you a knight, sired by knights! A knight who can trace his lineage back centuries. I first met him atop a mountain praying to God for forgiveness for the blood of his enemies spilt by his sword! Next, he amazed me further when he saved a fatherless beauty from the ravishing of her evil uncle!
In Fibblewibble, he spent a year in silence, just to better understand the sound... of a whisper...
And so without further ado, I give you the seeker of serenity, the defender of virginity and the warrior of these lands, the one, the only, Sir Hemingsworth Norton TiiiiiiIIIIINKLEBOTTOOOOOOOM!''
Automatic Action - Squire Introduction - Tristepin rolling against Eloquence (6) ... 10 ... Critical Failure! The audience feels a strong sense of deja vu... they think... yes.... yes... they've heard this speech before! A man named Chaucer gave this speech at last year's Tourney! The penny drops slowly, spinning to a slow standstill as they murmer and reach a consensus. Tristepin is a plagiarizer! The coin rests on heads, and they want Tristepin's head. The Barons guards step aside as they storm the arena to mob the handsome young Squire.
Tristepin rolling against Brawling (1) ... 3 ... Failure!Tristepin tries to defend himself, to throw some punches, but his mind is full of posies and fluffy clouds. Now he regrets reading poetry all morning. They give him a good beating for his troubles. He's black and blue but nothing is permanatly damaged. His humour has been thoroughly disjointed.
Eloquence -1.
Hemingsworth atop Honour trots surruptitiously into the arena. The Knights and Steeds line up at either end of the run.
Tenebra - "In love I may be, But that won't stop me terrifying you, intimidate Honor."
Tenebra rolling against Violence (6) ... 8 ... Failure!Tenebra snorts, flares his unholy nostrils, stamps the earth and evil eyes Honour, who takes all this as a sign the stallion is returning her affection. She bats an eyelash and whinneys affectionately.
Black Knight - "Use my highly trained reflexes(Lancery) to keep a hold on Tenebra."
Black Knight rolling against Lancery (6+2) ... 2 ... Success!The Black Knight grasps flank, mane and ear to secure a better grip of his steed, and succeeds in finding a nice compromise between craven posturing and determined lance man.
Equine Affinity +1.
At the other end of the tilt track, House Tinklebottom is preparing...
Hemingsworth - "Use love poems to inspire my lance!"
Tristepin
Ardent, August
Rapping, Robing, Rousing
Mender of wounds, Sayer of Songs
TenderHemingsworth rolling against Charm (4+2) ... 2 ... Success!The lance, though an inanimate lump of wood a farmer once stilted on to herd sheep, hears the Squire-taught poetry from the valiant knight, and finds a will within itself to hit the bad dude on the other team.
Lancery +1.
Honour - "Honour will psyche up for the tilt."
Honour rolling against Sentience (3) ... 7 ... Failure!Honour tries to access areas of her mind not usually accessible to horse kind to anticipate and plan for something that no ordinary horse could normally do. She comes to the conclusion she is, however, a pretty ordinary horse. Though exceptionally pretty.
Their pre-joust rituals finally completed, the chevaliers position themselves and look to the grand stand. Anselm sips his tea. The Lady gives a loud Oink! and they charge, lances tilted, ponies galloping.
Tenebra will buck when near Honour, forcing Equine Affinity roll.Black Knight rolling against Equine Affinity (3+1) ... 8 ... Failure!As the steeds approach, Tenebra shakes his head throwing off the Black Knight's lance.
Miss Lancing.
Hemingsworth rolls against Lancery (5+3) ... 5 ... Success!Hemingsworth's lance hits!
Black Knight rolling against Equine Affinity (3+1) ... 1 ... Critical Success!The Black Knight's grip of Tenebra is so strong and so in tune with the demonic horse's stride that Hemingsworth's lance lands square on 1 tonne of hellish rampaging knighthood. His hand is jolted by the immovable impact...
Hemingsworth rolling against Lancery (5+3) ... 8 ... Success!His lance snaps out sidewards, with a flick of the wrist he spins it around his whole body and catches it with his off hand. Both riders continue to the end of the track, then turn for a second pass.
Tristepin - "Tristepin tries to encourage the crowd to support Norton, particularly when he's had a good strike in. He shows good sportsmanship by applauding any really good hits the opponent does."
Tristepin rolling against Eloquence (6-1) ... 8 ... Failure!Tristepin mumurs something about the skills of his Knight but his swollen lips prevent anything audible from coming out. An old woman in the crowd next to him looks at him pitifully and lays a hand on his shoulder.
Invoke gods of lancery by inscribing a sigil in the air with my lance! Use placebo effect &/or actual godly empowerment to better my skills! Roll with lancery!
Hemingsworth rolling against Lancery (5+3) ... 3 ... Success!Hemingsworth recalls the rune for "poke" and approximates its form in the sky by waving his lance around. No god views this as they are debating the true nature of Antigones, but the wrist movements do limber up his muscles that aid with lance aiming.
Lancery +1.
Tristepin shuffles a little nervous... and still in pain. A good start, but he'd wished it had ended already.
''Come on, Tinklebottom!''
He continues to try and get the crowd behind Tinklebottom.
Tristepin rolling against Eloquence (6-1) ... 1 ... Critical Success!Tristepin does what Samuel Stone tried in half time, but with a bit more refinement and grace. Plus he doesn't choke on a boa. The audience goes wild and chants Hemingsworth's name incessantly. Hemingsworth is now so worried that failing will spark an arena invasion, he is scared witless. With no wits, he can bring all his mental faculties to bear on lancery.
Lancery +2.
Ophida began dancing about seductively and facing the other knight, her demon band playing in tune.
Swish left, swish right, heel stomp, hair flip and jump...
Action: Use my demonic 'charisma' to distract the enemy rider!
Ophidia rolling against Eloquence (5) ... 9 ... Failure!Ophidia dances seductively, Hemingsworth watches. He has no wits. He sees the demon trying to entice him, but his mind can only think about the tip of his lance. A group of local men in the audience, however, fall under her spell and become enamoured. One man takes off his dirty onion stained shirt and throws it at Ophidia, it lands over her head.
Get my head in the game. This is no time to thinking about that lovey looking behind...focused Tenebra!
Tenebra rolling against Sentience (6) ... 8 ... Failure!Poor Shadowknights, Poor Tenebra! He tries to purge his mind of Honour's behind, but alas he likes big butts and his mind cannot lie.
Honour stretches out any tight spots after that first tilt. She has to stay at top performance.
Honour rolling against Prancing (5) ... 8 ... Failure!Honour stretches each leg in turn, leaning this way and that, hoping to release the tension in her muscles. She kicks her legs to shake out the anxiety and kicks a stable-hand in the back. He goes flying, and Honour stops her routine quietly before it's complete and before she does permanent damage.
The riders charge again! The ponies need to roll stamina, if they fail they stop and the opponent gets a +1 to Lancery.
Tenebra rolling against Stamina (3) ... 5 ... Failure!Tenebra charges with guts, but grinds to halt a quarter of the way down the lane. The Black Knight sits atop like a duck, keeping his lance in aim.
Hemingsworth Lancery +1.
Honour rolling against Stamina (6) ... 2 ... Success!The valliant steed of good charges straight and true.
Tenebra will buck when close to HonourThe Black Knight rolling against Equine Affinity (3+1) ... 2 ... A Successful Roll!Tenebra bucks again, but the Black Knight clops his steed round the ear and waits for Hemingsworth to approach.
Hemingsworth rolling against Lancery (5+Infinity) ... 10 ... Critical Failure! ((After he got so many bonuses too!))
Hemingsworth is so assured of his lance hitting, he waves to Lady Gruntesque on the way, his lance dips, digs into the ground and vaults him over the railing and towards the Black Knight.
Aim for the joints of Tinklebottom's armor.
The Black Knight rolling against Lancery (6+2) ... 1 ... Critical Success!Being still, it seems, greatly aids the Black Knight, kind of like an anti-Sundance Kid. He stares down the shaft of his lance with one eye and aims for the joints of Hemingsworth tumbling towards him from the sky. Falling knights, it seems, are easier to skewer.
Lancery +2.
The Black Knight rolling against Lancery (to hit) (6+4) ... 8 ... Success!The Black Knight digs his spear into the ground, points it up in the air and screams, "NONE SHALL PASS!" Hemingsworth, helplessly tumbling from the heavens, lands on the lance on his....
Black Knight rolling to-hit roll ... 3 ... Left Arm!Black Knight rolling damage roll (2 dice from bonus, best one picked) ... 8 ... 3 ... Serious!Hemingsworth's leather armour is no match for a sharpened wooden lance, which passes straight through and shatters his left humerus. It is bloodied and mangled and presently unuseable. He can make a partial recovery with tender care, such that perhaps his squire or the hospital may provide.
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Topic: Medieval Jousting Heroes - Stage 1 - Nantes - Day 1 (Read 27801 times)