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[Iituem]

Let's play an internet game!  Namely, BLOC, where we simulate playing a third world country in the Cold War.

After many years of hard oppression by the vile and corrupt free and democratic former regime, the People have risen up and replaced the former elective system with one more suited to the long-term goals and development of the tiny island nation of San Mesa.  All Hail El Dictador!



Our fine island has for many years been supported by the export of tables, tablewares and hardcore cocaine.  We see no reason to change our stance on these matters, so our first job is to sell drugs to the Yanks.  Among the various economic policies we can enact, large-scale narcotics trade is an entirely viable option.  We do this a couple of times, getting caught by the Feds once and our reputation being tarnished by the act, but ultimately the policy pays off in spades.  We try drillling for oil, but to no avail.



With the drug money securely in our pockets we spend it on improving the lives of the everyday San Mesan; new concrete warrens apartment blocks, re-education centres schools and research facilities hospitals are all made freely available to the Mesan populace under our efficient and controlled Planned Economy.  No need for free markets here!  A handful of political dissidents, supporters of the old regime, attempted to cause trouble by protesting outside the new schools, so we had them shot and buried in the palace garden relocated to more suitable accommodation.  This helps stabilise our government, improving well-being in the long run.



We stay out of foreign policies for now, although our bungled drug smuggling operation put us firmly in the eastern bloc mostly out of fear of the Yanks.  In time we will have to correct this; time when we also have more money.  Our army is small, though, and we do not mind keeping it that way, but the brave soldiers who instilled El Dictador are really just peasants armed with old smoothbore muskets.  We expend valuable money training our glorious army and even purchasing fine bolt-action rifles.



With our economy stabilised, our people satisfied and our army barely sufficient for its purposes, we are ready to take on the world!  Specifically we are ready to take on another equally small part of Latin America that cannot resist us in combat, because we are not completely suicidal.



For countless years the tiny island of Los Pastelitos (even tinier than San Mesa) has been in dispute between San Mesa and the neighbouring tiny island of SmashinslutsBOX (the new Generalissimo was drunk when signing their constitution).  SSB is a perfect nation to project force upon; a larger GDP than our own, a reputation as a Pariah State (most likely for drug smuggling), no alliance to protect them and the majority of their undertrained, underequipped army already returned to the fields to aid in growth.  The Pariah status is essential; declaring war on disreputable nations actually helps our reputation, which we seriously need to restore after the 'Special San Mesan Stimulants' incident in Miami.



We send the Generalissimo a communique establishing our intent, then set about the glorious action of WAR!



Our own military, thrice the size with better training and top-of-the-line bolt-action German Mausers, prove more than up to the task.  The tiny SSB army shatters in the face of such seriously outclassing opposition and the island of Los Pastelitos is given up to San Mesan hands.  Our GDP has leapt up from $121M to $156M with this single capture.  All Hail El Dictador!

[Playergamer]

Good luck.

[Bdthemag]

Prepare to run out of things to write about after you get to 400 GDP.

[Iituem]

I expect this tiny nation to crash and burn quite spectacularly, yes.  But remember the Bay12 motto.

On a related note, some decisions to be made here!  Quite lucky with that one target for military assault, but soft targets like that aren't easy to find.  While the goal is to become a Cruel and Unusual Empire, we have some decisions to make about how we go about that.

Should we...

Continue Military Expansion
or
Wait, Growing our Economy Quietly

Focus on Large Armies
or
Train and Equip Our Armies

Continue to Assault Evil Nations (No Rep Damage, Rep Bonus)
or
Assault Neutral Nations (Rep Damage)
or
Assault Good Nations (Huge Rep Damage)
or
Play the Field, Assaulting Neutral Nations when opportunistically possible and then taking out Evil ones to level up our reputation again

Note that if our rep hits the lowest rung the UN will invade, wiping us out.

[CognitiveDissonance]

PTW!

My suggestions:

- Grow for now
- Focus on upgrading military first
- Play the field, be opportunistic

[Iituem]

The Generalissimo of the SSB responds with taunts and threats.  El Dictador answers his petty grievances with magnanimosity and promises a redress of his issues via extreme violence when the time is right.  In the meantime, the proud San Mesan army swells to 16,000 fine young soldiers who are, at great expense, put through a near-Spartan training regime.  Although wildly undersupplied, these young Adonises rival the best of the Navy SEALS in training and physical fitness.  Much of this is paid for by an unexpected spike in global oil prices, draining the San Mesan reserves in exchange for ludicrous amounts of money.



The remainder of the oil money was spent on industrial initiatives; a Great Leap Forward emphasising the establishment of dozens of new table factories.  Despite a certain amount of risk, the initiative paid off with dividends of annual GDP growth for San Mesa.



Meanwhile, our next target Glorious Liberation Spot has been discovered.  The Democratic Republic of Somalia, a rather stable Authoritarian Democracy under President Blackbeard, sporting a fine Planned Economy of $183M, is considered a part of the Axis of Evil by the UN, making it a ripe target for invasion.



There is good and bad news, however.  The good news is that their military is half that of the Glorious San Mesan Reserve.  The bad news is that they are similarly equipped, also trained to Spartan-like levels, and have an untapped manpower and vastly superior growth prospect; in all-out war they can potentially produce more troops.

Then again, fortune favours the bold.




Although the Glorious Reserve won the initial battle, the true test will now come as the enemy responds to the attacks.  This is likely to be a protracted war, taking several months to fight as both sides commit more and more resources to the war effort.  El Dictador spends the remainder of his war chest recruiting soldiers to fill the ranks of those lost and retraining them to the brutal standards expected of the San Mesan Reserves.  Will the Glorious Dictatorship achieve victory and peace at the cost of the bloodthirsty Somalian pirates and entirely legitimate Somalian traders?  Will the San Mesans suffer a humiliating defeat?  Find out next time, on BLOC!

[Iituem]

Captain Blackbeard responds to our completely unprovoked and barely justified attack liberation effort by raising a series of powerful levies, striking back with 21,000 men against our glorious reserve of 20,000.  The armies clash at the recently gained island of Los Pastelitos, with a clear victory to the San Mesans.  We fill out our military reserves and train them, but monetary reserves are still low.  El Dictador takes a risk with the Columbians... and it works!  Five hundred thousand Yankee greenbacks pour into our coffers, giving us the edge in our planned war.

Our manpower is halved, but military readiness swells to 30,000 elite troops.  We are risking our all with this war, but there will be time enough to demobilise when the fighting is over.  The next retaliatory strike by the Somalians proves equally ineffective, losing 7,000 men to our 3,000.  The fight brings parity to our forces however, and even after conscription and training we are 29,000 to their 30,000 men.



But we have an advantage.  The Elite Spartans fought against in the early stages of the Somalian war have largely perished, leaving a weak and undisciplined core of troops.  Though the Somalians have 30,000 men, they are little more than an undisciplined rabble.



Our ships, manned by brave elite Mesan soldiers, come upon the hastily conscripted Somalian fleet while cruising.  In a short but effective battle two warships are sunk at the price of a mere gunboat.  Victory for San Mesa!

The budget remains stretched, and our reputation is acceptable.  El Dictador appeals to the empty pipes and open veins of America, and his risk is rewarded!  Five thousand dollars of acceptably dirty money flows into the San Mesan warchest, ready to be deployed against the hated Somalian free traders pirates.  The resulting conscription and training however leaves the the economic growth of San Mesa something to be desired.  Once again El Dictador turns to the captains of industry, commanding fresh table factories to be produced and passing laws mandating the purchase of cutlery and tablecovers by all visiting Yankees!  Although largely successful, not all elements of the Great Leap Forward took off and growth did not reach its full potential.



Finally, El Dictador decided to employ some diplomacy by attempting to blackmail the Somalian Captain into surrender.

[Playergamer]

The GDP is probably worth more to you then the troops and money, in all honesty.

[Chink]

How many Oil Wells have you drilled? Nevermind, it appears I was mistaken. I thought you had succeeded on your prospecting.

[Bdthemag]

Considering he's a low GDP nation, none. You can only really invest in oil wells once you get beyond 700~ GDP.

[Iituem]

The GDP is probably worth more to you then the troops and money, in all honesty.

It is, but the manpower loss from the protracted war would be painful and I like the guy's attitude.

[Iituem]

Captain Blackbeard shows sense and capitulates, accepting the offered terms.  El Dictador graciously withdraws from Somalian territory, coffers and ranks swelled.  The Somalian tribute is spent on new tenements for the people and expansions to the cocaine fields to help restore the flagging San Mesan economy in the face of such depopulation.




With a fat, swollen army of 40,000 Elite soldiers (admittedly still all wielding Mausers), El Dictador decides not to demobilise the army as planned but to continue his reign of terror liberation.  A new target, the fat and disreputable nation of the DMZ (whose government's stated goal was brothel-keeping and embezzlement), is selected for the wrath of the Glorious Army.  With an Elite but numerically inferior army (10k) of similar equipment, the DMZ cannot hope to withstand our glorious advance!



The Premier of the DMZ respondes with an update on the recent pimping out of his military; his army swells quickly to a full 28,000 Elite troops, all equipped with state-of-the-art (for 1914) Lee Enfield rifles.  Fortunately the buildup coincides with the arrival of the remainder of the Somalian surrender package, $400,000.  While the money could certainly be used to develop our armies further, an extended war would now be most costly.  Once again, El Dictador extends the olive branch of diplomacy.



To the relief of the San Mesan Reserves, Premier Delgado accepts the offered reparations and agrees to peace.  3 million barrels of oil are sent to the DMZ and El Dictador visits a whorehouse in celebration.  One drink and cocaine fuelled orgy later, El Dictador makes promises (mostly to the whores, as he is not answerable to his government) to focus purely on economic development for a time, given the mixed results of recent warmongering.  He places the would-be warchest into endowing a school instead.  This leaves the budget strained once again, so El Dictador plays the Gringo Roulette and sends several hundred pounds of hard cocaine across the sea.  The gamble fails this time, and San Mesa's formerly Angelic reputation is soured with the UN.  El Dictador shrugs it off; there will be other times to drug the Yanks for their cash.

A new version of the San Mesan flag is released by the Department of Propaganda Public Information.  This fine new symbol illustrates the violent founding of San Mesa, the historical importance of tables and the country's reliance on cocaine exports to prop up the economy.



With the government stable, the populace adoring and quality of life good for most San Mesans, El Dictador opts to try a risky strategy.  Although the various brothels of the DMZ cannot be closed down throughout San Mesa, there are still many prostitutes and undesireables in the streets.  El Dictador opts to deal with these ruffians by rounding them up and forcing them into slave camps gainfully employing them for the public good.  Fears of massive public backlash prove remarkably unfounded, as the San Mesan economy booms on the backs of the underclass.  Economic growth soars back to the heady heights of $10M/month.

All Hail El Dictador!

[OREOSOME]

PTW

[Iituem]

El Dictador betrays his campaign promises to the whores after his 'labour conscription' program leaves San Mesa a Pariah state.  He launches an offensive against the weak nation of Polandstan, currently embroiled in a war with the NiggerJew Republic.  The NJR appears to be a corrupt dictatorship of the highest order, so naturally the San Mesans involve themselves on the NJR's side.  Resistance ultimately proves futile and the highly productive coastal factories of the tiny coastal village of San Juan are seized.  The haul shunts San Mesa's GDP up to $263M.



The recent acquisitions are not without problems, however.  San Juan is populous and conditions are terrible; it costs over $428,000 to establish a series of clinics and hospitals to restore the quality of life in San Mesa's new outpost, nearly one and a half months' taxes.  The good news is that the brand new San Juan General Hospital and the various "ŁEl Dictador's Clinics For the People" have resulted in a boom in preventative medicine.  The San Mesan quality of life is now comparable with that of the fat Yankees, and all without their dependence upon the corrupt "Free" Market!



Even San Juan, with its fine new conditions, has undesireables.  The larger ginger population in the tiny coastal town offends El Dictador, so he rounds them up and places them in concentration camps employment centres.  Assembly lines of slaves mandatory workers produce fine tables for the global market, far more productively than the Great Leaps Forward of times past.  Growth soars to $18M/month, with a predicted GDP of $306M in the coming month.  Meanwhile, the free populace of San Juan are so happy with their Developed lifestyle that they still Love El Dictador and the government remains Unsinkably stable.  Sure, the nation has become Isolated from the UN, but sacrifices must be made for progress!



El Dictador, pleased with the booming economy, seeks out his next target in the San Mesan Imperialistic Landgrab.  The tiny island of Texistan, off the south-east coast of North America, comes to his attention for its serious domestic troubles; guerilla rebellion is tearing the nation apart.  Such a target would certainly make an easy attack, but El Dictador is wary of its reasonable standing with the UN.  Instead, he takes a little advice from Chairman Mao.



At the same time, El Dictador is made aware of the equally troubled state of Niggertits (so many drunken Premiers...) and takes direct action to liberate its people from the constant internal warfare.  The action is condemned by the UN, but San Mesa merely remains Isolated from the rest of the global community.  The addition of Las Batidores, meanwhile, swells the GDP of San Mesa to a fat $390M.  Unfortunately, this makes El Dictador's threat to the island of Texistan invalid; the UN would crush San Mesa for invading so weak a target now.



The recent suggesful war against the coastal NT Republic and its drunken Premier has left San Mesa rich but also a dangerous target for opportunistic sorts.  El Dictador comes up with a brilliant strategy; selling off portions of land to rich eccentric billionaires!  Las Batidores has a number of small outlying islands, full of long golden beaches and glorious sunsets.  Rather than allow mere tourists indulge in such activities, El Dictador makes them a privilege for the extremely wealthy.  This also leads to a small amount of foreign investment, but none of it trickles down into the San Mesan economy.  To help restore social equality, El Dictador mandates minimum wages for the servants of these rich billionaires.  Unfortunately, despite raising wages several times San Mesa is still considered party to a 'mixed' economy.  More drastic measures will have to be taken.

[Privatisation is a pretty terrible action.  So is foreign investment.  So is minimum wage raising.  These three actions alone have undone days of work on the poor populace of San Mesa and brought us down to a low of 6M growth.  Truly terrible.]