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Interviewer:So what is your story, Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of Burger?
LLaPoB: Where do you want to start?
Interviewer: Preferably your childhood. Were you adopted by an evil wizard?
LLaPoB: No, nothing like that. My parents were a bit strict, but fair. We lived in a relatively quiet suburb.
Interviewer: In the shadowlands of the darkest dream?
LLaPoB: It got a little dark in my room since it was closer to the center of the house. I had those glow-in-the-dark star stickers on my ceiling. But no, it was a small suburb in a farming community.
Interviewer: Ah, but you must have been bullied by your peers and you must have been secretly studing the magic arts, in an attempt to gain revenge upon them when you become the one true GOD!
LLaPoB: Hey, who's telling my life story? I never had an abusive childhood, I grew up in an ordinary town, I WASN'T adopted unlike my brother, and I-
Interviewer: Your brother?
LLaPoB: Yes, my brother. He always was sort of weird. Playing with fire, eating small animals, being a general nuisance. I heard he changed his name to Joseph, or something like that. Maybe it was Jotaro?
Interviewer: Speaking of names, what is your true name? Or do you wish to keep that a secret from the listeners?
LLaPoB: Ah, my name? It's just Sam Brewer. Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of Burger is what the Caelians call me after I opened up my restaurant bar up in the mountains. *laughter* And they called me crazy for building one there.
Interviewer: Your restaurant?
LLaPoB: Don't tell me you haven't been to Spenta Bar and Burgers? I heard they're opening up a chain underwater to serve those fish folk! It really took off when the Eagle Kings became regulars. They always talked about how great it was before the Big Guy came and grounded them. I always listened to them, and when they looked especially down, I said my bit and they cheered up. I guess my family brew helped too.
Interviewer: So why aren't you running your restaurant chain now?
LLaPoB: Because I sold it. I only own the original, up near the Palace of the Eagle Kings.
Interviewer: But the revenues...
LLaPoB: *Laughter* Look, you think I was born into phenomenal cosmic power and divinity? Nah, I used the proceeds from the sale to fund my education into the magic arts. Divinity doesn't come cheap you know, and neither do textbooks. *Laughter*
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