Oh, my God.
I just finished reading through this thread, and I can say that it is simply an absolute clusterfuck.
I know, I know, it's the Bay 12 Forums, but this somehow goes beyond most of the shit we usually post.
If this is not in the Hall of Legends, it should be.
Thus, I have prepared a short eulogy in memory of Wagon.
Brothers, sisters, join me, as we honor the memory of our dearest friend, Wagon.
He (she?) was built with wheels of strong, sturdy wagon wood, (Where the hell does wagon wood actually come from? Is there such thing as a wagon tree?) and a heart of gold. Well, Wagon did not, as far as we know, have any internal organs at the time of his scuttling, but it's the sentiment that counts. We have not gathered here to mourn Wagon's death at the hands of Urist Sockeater, who, upon discovering Wagon sleeping with his wife, took an axe to Wagon, and scuttled him with a single blow. Nay, we have come to celebrate Wagon's life, and the contributions of his people to ours. Before we ever strike the earth, before we ever accept the cold embrace of soil and stone that Armok, in his unending gratuity, has granted to us, we must first embark on our journey, always traveling upon the sturdy shoulders of a wagon. Perhaps the oldest here among us remember an age when wagons and dwarves lived in equity, although that time has long since passed us by, as we dwarves did the undoable: we broke the unbridled spirits of the wagon. We made them our big, wooden bitch. Hauling booze and provisions across untamed wastes, the wagons have served us well. Although I spake of the conducive-ness of wagons as a whole, let me end my brief memorial of Wagon's life and untimely death by speaking about Wagon. Wagon was a dick.
May Armok have mercy on his soul.
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Topic: Here lies Wagon: may he rest in peace (Read 132005 times)