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[GreatWyrmGold]

It's clearly some variety of chocolate, non-cheese, cake.

[LordBucket]

She was waiting for me to lose (bah!) so she could gloatpost that picture afterwards.

It wasn't the gloating so much as that there are a couple relevant memes that would have been easily invokable in my entry. For example, imagine if somebody had a vampire as an avatar and they went up against somebody with "StakeThroughTheHeart" as a username. It would be very easy to write puns and wordplays for. Celestia vs Cake would have been like that.

[Imp]

She was waiting for me to lose (bah!) so she could gloatpost that picture afterwards.

But look at the expression on Celestia's face.  That's more a look of fear or horror than glee to me.  She's not savoring the bite she's about to take, looks more like she's looking for a way to get out of not actually eating it.

That pony may have been made to eat her own words or something, like they'd been cheesed into a cake or something.  Not quite the victory picture I'd use, unless I were Cheesecake.

[Xantalos]

She was waiting for me to lose (bah!) so she could gloatpost that picture afterwards.

But look at the expression on Celestia's face.  That's more a look of fear or horror than glee to me.  She's not savoring the bite she's about to take, looks more like she's looking for a way to get out of not actually eating it.

That pony may have been made to eat her own words or something, like they'd been cheesed into a cake or something.  Not quite the victory picture I'd use, unless I were Cheesecake.

She got ambushed by paparazzi while pigging out.

[DaveTheGrave]

Cant wait for this shit to drop.

Also if I lose, seeing as i'm the only one with a score of 2, would that me we have a tiebreaker match? Or is this straight west side, you lose you get shot type o' deal?

[TCM]

Cant wait for this shit to drop.

Also if I lose, seeing as i'm the only one with a score of 2, would that me we have a tiebreaker match? Or is this straight west side, you lose you get shot type o' deal?

The latter. Score is permanent, once you're on the scoreboard is stays with you for every tournament.

[DaveTheGrave]

Cant wait for this shit to drop.

Also if I lose, seeing as i'm the only one with a score of 2, would that me we have a tiebreaker match? Or is this straight west side, you lose you get shot type o' deal?

The latter. Score is permanent, once you're on the scoreboard is stays with you for every tournament.

Nice, nice. Hoping to get that 3-0, and eventually 5-0, then use that in a rap.

[TCM]

Before I get into this, I want to say I'm really glad that both contestants went all in for the finale. I mean, damn, look at these verses!

Y'ALL READY FOR THIS?


FINAL MATCH:


DAVETHEGRAVE


VS.


LORDBUCKET


WE GON' HAVE ONE HELL OF A TIIIIMMMMMEEEEE-

RIGHT NOW!

Oh shit its lord bucket, fuck it.
Make this little bitch go and suck it.
He thinks he's big like the rest, but she's just watered down.
Im the underdog, coming out nowhere, taking over this town.

If you gonna dump your contents on me, take a step back.
I got body armor, I can take all of your flak.
If you increase your power, you still cant penetrate me.
Its not my fault all the bucket bitches wanna hate me.

If your gonna step into my domain, take a seat kid.
After you read this, the bucket'll lose its lid.

You imbecile, I'll fill you up with lyricism and pure hate.
Maybe one day you'll get a date.
Use you and abuse you, make you a slave state.

Too bad your not made of stainless.
Cus this is a permanent record of how i'm painless.
I'll gut you of anything clever you had to say.
Your illogical rhymes will only come off as "Gay".

Good opening, I like it. Nothing stunning but just some hard attacks and establishment of character.

Second verse goddamn son. Look at that wordplay.

Third verse, bloaw!

Fourth verse has a great finish. I love it.

Final verse has a suburb ending, but the last two are the weakest of any. If you're going to do a gay insult in 2013, it better be a damn good one. Not the best way to end a series of great lines by turning it into this.

The rhyme
Here's round three: kobold vs goddess.
Chilly little lizard? See her holy hotness.

I'm not sold 'bout you bein' a mage.
I'm thousands years old. What's your age?
Get offstage, you teenage page.
I read your rhymes and enter 'sage'

Dave's so grave, but I gots the groove,
Be my kobold slave while I bust a move!
I'll pave your grave, then remove...
Your headstone with my hardened hoove!

I'll dance on your name like a rowdy rave,
Can't ditch 'dis dame, or her rhyming shockwave.
I'll prance through this game, while you hide in your cave.
Put you to shame, while I live in fame
You can't match my claim, or the heat of my flame.

Game's all done, thanks sucker, for your visit.
See this sun on my flank? Pucker up and kiss it.


Analysis

Word count: 136
Words involved in rhymes: 42
Rhyme density: .308


Here's round three: kobold vs goddess
Chilly little lizard? See her holy hotness[1]

Rhyme scheme
AB (three, goddess)
AB (See, hotness)

Onomatopoeia
chiLLy LittLe Lizard
Her Holy Hotness

Notes
[1] There's both a metaphor and a pun here. Kobolds are biped lizards. Lizards are cold blooded. I'm calling him "chilly" to point out that he's cold, while comparing his coldness to my hotness, which brings us to the pun: I'm saying I'm hot as in sexy...but as Goddess of the Sun Celestia can also claim to literally be hot.


I'm not sold 'bout you bein' a mage.
I'm thousands years old. What's your age?
Get offstage, you teenage page[1].
I read your rhymes and enter 'sage'[2]

Rhyme scheme
AB (sold, mage)
AB (old, age)
AAA (offstage, teenage, page)
-A (sage)

Onomatopoeia
'Bout you Bein'
Read your Rhymes

Notes
[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Page_(occupation)
Page as in young male servant. The general theme of this verse is that while I'm an immortal goddess, he's basically just a kid and doesn't have the experience to keep up.

[2] http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/sage

A somewhat common statement (also written as “Sage goes in all fields”) in reply to particularly horrible threads, in which “sage” is placed not only in the email field, but also the name, subject, and body of the post. This of course has no additional effect compared to including “sage” only in the email field; it is used purely to express extreme disgust in the thread in question.


Dave's so grave[1], but I gots the groove,
Be my kobold slave while I bust a move!
I'll pave your grave, then remove...[2]
Your headstone with my hardened hoove![3]


Rhyme scheme
AAB (Dave, grave, groove)
AB (slave, move)
AAB (pave, grave, remove)
-B (hoove)

Onomatopoeia
Grave Gots Groove
Headstone Hardened Hoove

Notes
[1] http://www.thefreedictionary.com/grave
3. Dignified and somber in conduct or character

He'll obviously anticipate grave in the context of being dead, so instead I'm using grave in the context of him being gloomy and boring, while saying that I've 'got the groove' and am an awesome rhymer

[2] Note that I'm not killing him, and even at the end of my rhyme, he's still alive. He's not worth my time to kill. I'm just going to let him die, then pave over his grave and remove his headstone so that he's forgotten. Thus any defense he puts up about me killing him will be wasted.

[3] Singular of plural


I'll dance on your name[1] like a rowdy rave,
Can't ditch 'dis dame, or her rhyming shockwave.
I'll prance through this game, while you hide in your cave.[2]
Put you to shame, while I live in fame
You can't match my claim, or the heat of my flame.[3]

Rhyme scheme
ABC (dance, name, rave)
-BC (dame, shockwave
ABC (prance, game, cave)
-BB (shame, fame)
-BB (claim, flame)

Onomatopoeia
Rowdy Rave
Ditch 'Dis Dame

Notes
[1] http://www.usingenglish.com/reference/idioms/dancing+on+someone's+grave.html

Idiom: If you will dance on someone's grave, you will outlive or outlast them and will celebrate their demise. This makes sense, since as an immortal goddess, of course I'll outlive him. Grave is in his name, so by phrasing it as dancing on his name I invoke the idiom while simultaneously pointing out that I'm making fun of his name, plus the rhyme.

[2] He's a kobold. Kobolds live in caves.

[3] Recurring theme with the hot pun


Game's all done, thanks sucker, for your visit.
See this sun on my flank[1] Pucker up and kiss it[2].

Rhyme scheme
ABCD (done, thanks, sucker, visit)
ABCD (sun, flank, pucker, kiss it)

Onomatopoeia
See Sun

Notes
[1] Reference to Celestia's cutie mark: the sun on her flanks.

[2] I am, of course, telling him to kiss my ass.

"Onomatopoeia" should have been "Alliteration."

Opening up, LB puts his/her status and some diss wordplay. Aight', aight'.

Second verse is an attack on DtG's...magical prowess. This is a nice verse, but would be a lot better if Dave had ever commented on being a master wizard like some other rappers in this tournament. It's still a fly verse.

Third verse's first two lines reek of outdated jive turkey, but the last two lines are full of enough force to hit really hard.

Fourth verse carries over the momentum, threatening Dave under a never-ending stream of insults and disses.

Last verse finishes with an ass-kiss, now that's how you go about a battle rap.

Spoiler: THE VERDICT (click to show/hide)

MATCH 1 WINNER: LORD BUCKET


It was very hard to choose between two raps full of wordplay and hard insults, but Lord Bucket's stellar finish was a lot stronger than Dave's sixth grade punchline. Though if Dave's entire part was as strong as his second verse, it would have been a different story.

The first point has been decided! But the battle can still go either way as we enter:

MATCH 2!

DAVETHEGRAVE

VS.

LORDBUCKET

IT'S ALL ON THE LINE MOTHERFUCKERS!

In relevant news, I've changed my perspective on judging you guys. I was basing y'all on either modern of gangster rap artists, and neither was working, everyone has a rhythm in stark contrast to those two period. So I wondered, who do all my players rap like?

Then I got it.

You're all 80's rappers. That's a compliment by the way. Just listen to Eric B. and Rakim and tell me you guys don't rap like this.

[Xantalos]

Not bad,  both of you!
Though now that I see LB is established as Celestia I know some choice insults that I could dish out.

[LordBucket]

Second verse is an attack on DtG's...magical prowess. This is a nice verse, but
would be a lot better if Dave had ever commented on being a master wizard

Check the tagline beneath where his avatar would be if he had one: "Dave the avatarless kobold mage."

Also, why are we having a second match? When Dave asked if this was by points or single elimination you said it was the latter.

[TCM]

Second verse is an attack on DtG's...magical prowess. This is a nice verse, but
would be a lot better if Dave had ever commented on being a master wizard

Check the tagline beneath where his avatar would be if he had one: "Dave the avatarless kobold mage."

You think I give a shit about taglines?

Dutifully noted. :3

[DaveTheGrave]

sent.

[LordBucket]

I'm still waiting for an answer to my previous question about why we're having a tie breaker round when before the final match TCM specifically said there wouldn't be one:

Also if I lose, seeing as i'm the only one with a score of 2, would that me we have a tiebreaker match?
Or is this straight west side, you lose you get shot type o' deal?

The latter.

[DaveTheGrave]

I'm still waiting for an answer to my previous question about why we're having a tie breaker round when before the final match TCM specifically said there wouldn't be one:

Also if I lose, seeing as i'm the only one with a score of 2, would that me we have a tiebreaker match?
Or is this straight west side, you lose you get shot type o' deal?

The latter.

Final match is best 2 out of 3, not tie breaker.

[LordBucket]

Final match is best 2 out of 3, not tie breaker.

Hmm. Ok, I missed that in the rules. I see it now, thanks.