BATTLE 2:
GAMERLORD
VS.
MCCLAY!
PONIES AND PENGUINS, LET'S WRECK THIS!
Hey little fairy,
Last name penguin,
I'm the bowling ball -
Knock you down like ten pins
STRIKE -
BITCH
Better start swimming -
You may be the emperor
But I'm the orca
Here to lecture ya
On the predation pyramid
And to be your torturer
Think you got what it takes
To rap against the Lord of the Game?
Calling yourself MC Clay
Sit back while I deliver the pain
And put you in your place
From verbal retaliation you better refrain
Gonna mould ya like putty
In my own image
And by the end of this battle
You'll praise me for your new assemblage.
Solid opener, insult, simile, exclamation, alright.
Second verse; Penguin puns. Not a big fan of only two rhymes in a six-line verse, I can't think of any way you could stay on rhythm and beat while rhyming this way, feels like I have to go motormouth to catch up with the latter rhyme, and I don't think you're going for a speed rapper style on this.
The first four lines of the third verse are fine, but then the last two fuck up the flow, especially the last one.
Final verse; nice opening line, but the first half and second half have totally different syllable counts. If you vocalize the last verse it never feels like it comes out right.
Oh shit, look its Gamer lord
Fucking hell, your more like Gamer lard!
Your call yourself a king?
Man you haven’t even got the proper bling!
I’m the lord of the swarm
I’ll fucking rip off your arm!
Penguinfiex’s represent!
With all your sin’s you’ll need to repent
‘bout what you did to all those hoes
And all those bodies, but who even fucking knows?
I’m the king of raps
A Holy Rhythmical
And if you mess with me I’ll show you my divine temper-or!
From Twilight to Cultist-chan
I’ve got more bitches than the Wu Tang Clan!
Your mustache when it sees my power
And see the way you’ve been looking at the xenomorph, time to go take a shower!
Your shawl looks like something my grandma would wear
Now go was the shame out of your hair!
Fucking peace, yo!
Opening with comparing your opponent to fat okay. "Your more like..." "Your call yourself..." Uh.
Threats are good, and you establish your character. Weird triple rhyme out of nowhere, but okay. Hmmph, doing hoes and killing people might be blackmail towards established businessmen, but not rappers. Next time, be more specific on what exactly your opponent did with hoes and bodies.
Rhythmical, divine, and a pun. Nice, except that Rhythmical and temper-or don't rhyme at all. >.<
"From Twilight to Cultist-Chan/I've got more bitches than the Wu Tang Clan!"
Time to establish some rules of rap etiquette.
1. Never claim any "Bitches" unless no one has claimed them. Seeing as this is the Internet, it's easy to find out that Twilight Sparkle and Cultist-Chan are not your bitches.
2. The exception to this case is when a specific rapper claims a specific bitch, and you claim that he has in fact trying to take your claim. EG. Tupac Shakur,
Hit Em' Up: "That's why I fucked YOUR bitch/Fat Motherfucker".
3. It's important to specify whether you mean this Twilight:
Or This Twilight:
4. Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothin' to fuck wit'. If you haven't, look up the lyrics for Wu-Tang-Clan's
TRIUMPH. That shit is how you write rap lyrics.
Moving on, "Your mustache when you see my power", doesn't make sense unless there is some deep pun or inside joke going on that I don't get. The last couplet would be a fine insult but "go was the shame out of your hair", Was? Wash? MCCLAY, WHY U DO DIS?
WINNER: GAMERLORD
Managed to keep his rhymes tight, and loaded up the puns.
Nothing against yo Mcclay, you had material, it just could have been executed better. Don't worry, there's always next time!
But seriously, stay off the Clan.
BATTLE THREE:
GREATWYRMGOLD
VS.
DAVETHEGRAVE
CHECK IT CHECK IT CHECK IT
THIS HERE'S FOR THE MOTHERFUCKIN' RECORD
Author
Topic: The Bay12 Rap Battle League; The End (Read 17358 times)