Turn Two: I cast "Orphans to Ashes"
((...I'm still dueling you 
))
Arthur paid no mind to the tavern falling apart burning. It wasn't mirror mages, so IT WAS FINE!
"For my HONOOOOOOOOOOOOOR and for GLORRRYYYY!"
Arthur got out of his seat and went for a flying kick at the Illustrious Joe Bridger.
Oh, you still want a beating, do you?
Joe Bridger, in his amazing wisdom, changes his mind about crashing through the wall, and instead employs his abilities to punch Arthur!
One-and-a-half-legs Arthur, ever the opportunist, takes this excellent opportunity to start a footfight with the
illustrious Joe Bridger. He jumps out of his seat with the force of not one, not three, but TWO disabled veterans! The now-unoccupied wooden seat flies across the floor, breaks some hapless pedestrian's leg and bursts into flame upon contact with a stray fiery log.
Joe accepts the duel. He, too, stands tall, focusing on those things which make the least sense in this world so they may guide his fists to new heights of unpredictability.
... As if by some deity hewn of pure nonsense, reality warps inward onto itself. Then leftward and, finally, upsidedownward. Joe feels threatened which now means he feels protected.
... Arthur says some ancient martial arts words, now face to face and foot to foot with his foe. He claps his hands together, squats to the floor, builds up power and finally executes a FLYING KICK. He executes it right past Joe's face and all the way into the wall at the other side of the room! Joe has no idea what just happened, but it must have been the right thing because otherwise why would it have happened? Insane asylum logic makes everything a lot clearer.
Wound acquired: Arthur: Smashed-up leg!... Arthur is surrounded by flames. His wooden peg leg flares up and may soon be consumed by fire in its entirety!
Wound acquired: Arthur: On fire!... Joe Bridger, also on his feet, notices the adventurer table catch on fire right beside him. Luckily, he half-cartwheels away before the fire can get to him.
Alfred Lichenstein scratches his head, doing some quick mental arithmetic. On the one hand, the highly flammable tavern is now, in fact, on fire, which will quickly result in the immolation of each and every person inside. As Alfred recalls, the local firefighting force does less fighting against fire, and more fighting with fire. Indeed, the odds of survival are dim, at best.
On the other hand, free booze!
Alfred absconds with the unbartended barrels of ale! Preferably outside!
... ... Alfred, feeling quite smart for not joining in on the brutal fire duel, quickly looks around for some barrels of ale. Luckily, he doesn't have to look far: he finds some smaller, easier-to-carry barrels right next to the bar. The enterprising scientist rushes over, grabs some barrels and hops out a nearby hole in the wall.
Alfred finds himself in a forested area outside the Ravenous Orc. The fire has not yet spread to the surrounding forest. He also looks down at his stolen ale barrels, only to find they are EMPTY! No wonder they were so easy to carry outside.
And then reverting to an ingraned PALADINS CODE, he bumrushes the nearest person and flees the tavern!
With a swiftness, Keddic attempts to grab the nearest teammate or helpless civilian and run out of the Tavern!
... ... Keddec, heretofore imbued with the righteous pluck of ten or eleven or TWELVE paladins, lets out a mighty RIGHTOUES ROAR passed down throughout the generations. He gathers up
several screaming schoolchildren, the most noble sort of rescuees to rescue, in his arms. He then runs toward the same hole in the wall that Alfred just exited the tavern through.
Sir Hauberkson runs toward the now-flaming hole which Alfred exited through. He hears screaming, but this is no time to be distracted! A mighty leap carries him safely through wreath the flames and into the forest outside.
"Fear not, children: you are safe," says Keddec, rising to his feet once again.
"I have saved you from the burning tavern!"Unfortunately, Keddec looks down and sees that, while he escaped unharmed, the children have been immolated to dust through exposure to extreme temperatures and lack of paladin-like armor.
Wound acquired: Keddec: Ruptured morale!"Fire! Grab the vittles!"
Since the waitress is indisposed, look for delicious vittles on my own. If found, escape tavern. If not, settle for grabbing a chair.
... ... Yumkhan, nearly as enterprising as Alfred, runs around the non-burning sections of the tavern, looking for delicious vittles. He manages to find a snack in the chaos, but it burns down to ash within moments!
Yumkhan instead grabs a chair and sits on it, watching the fiery chaos in glee. This time could have been better spent escaping the crumbling tavern, but alas, the lovable glutton has yet to learn how to structure conditional actions!
Alfred and Keddec are in a foresty clearing outside the tavern. Arthur is backed against a flaming tavern wall. Yumkhan and Joe are still inside the tavern, away from the flames.
The tavern will collapse entirely in ONE turn.
Name: Keddec Hauberkson
Class: Bloodshaped Paladin
HP: 50/50Status: Ruptured morale!Actives: Bloody Sun Stance,
BloodshapePassives: Sir Bleeds-a-lot,
Has Taken Several Classes in EthicsItems: Unpolished Iron Sword, Paladin Armor
Name: Alfred Lichenstein
Class: Enlightenment Knight
HP: 50/50Status: None!
Actives: Back Alley Operation,
Sword Full of SciencePassives: These Calculations Are All Wrong!,
One Point Twenty One JIGAWATTS!?Items: Enlightningment Rod, Almost Wizardly Lab Coat
Name: Joe Bridger
Class: Persuasively Insane
HP: 40/50Status: On fire!,
ReversedActives: Your Mundane Rules Don't Apply to the Illustrious Joe BridgerPassives: Persuasive Babbling,
Unsettling Sights and Sounds,
Sanity-sustaining MonologueItems: 100 gold pieces, Posh Hat, Upperclassman's Clothes,
Necromonk's Brew Name: One-and-a-half-legs Arthur
Class: Leg-a-mancer
HP: 40/50Status: Smash-up leg!,
On fire!Actives: Passives: Striking Resemblance to a War Veteran,
Foot of the North Star,
Damnit, This Always Happens!,
Highly Flammable ProstheticItems: Wooden Cane, Adventurer Clothes
Name: Yumkhan Yambik
Class: Ravenous Barbarian
HP: 50/50Status: None!
Actives: EmptyPassives: Stomach of Power,
Bone-lickin' Good,
High Metabolism,
Frightening FigureItems: Uncomfortably Large Club, Peasant Clothes
Poll
2 (14.3%)
Author
Topic: Roll to Be Below-average Adventurers [1.2: I cast "Orphans to Ashes"] (Read 5148 times)