Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

No.

5 (17.9%)

Hell no.

23 (82.1%)

Total Members Voted: 28

[laularukyrumo]

Well, I didn't expect to get taken away from my computer for several hours due to being conscripted for physical labor.

Save's uploading right now RIGHT FUCKING HERE, CLICK THIS GODDAMN LINK, and here are my unedited player logs. I was intending to do the writeup in-character as The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs At Midnight (Source of both big-font quotes), but that fell through for Reasons.

GAMEPLAY NOTES:

First order of business: rename all children so that it is blatantly obvious that they are children. Cull most of them in secret, because kids are stupid. Save the oldest for tasks requiring expendable workers or bait.

Holy crap, this fort. Nowhere near enough workshops to do things. Did very minor labor restructuring, forbid everything on the surface and called everyone to get the fuck inside, removed miners from military for now--will reassign them PROPERLY at a later date, but until then, need them for mining. Need to lock fortress down.

THE FUCK. Some kid started a party. Putting the kibosh on that.

Spent a good amount of time dealing with ALL THE ROTTING THINGS. Butchered a couple corpses and skeletons, but most of the ones laying around are too small to butcher, so they were moved to the new garbage dump to rot without offending anybody. Which reminds me, I should engrave some slabs, and/or bury some dwarves in coffins.

Ordering a hospital started.

Digging out a burial chamber.

Saint got possessed. Made a nice floodgate, but, no EXP. At least it'll make good FB bait. Because you KNOW those are going to be coming.



Just realized we have a starving soldier in a cage. WTF? I'm gonna be fixing that. Hope that lever in the dining room isn't important, cause it didn't say what it was linked to so I deconstructed it.

Got a message that "Female Caligula" was throwing a tantrum. I couldn't find her.... Eventually I found her, in the dead/missing list. Her upper body is gone. No combat log. Stocks screen zooms in on her still-owned clothing, but no body was found. The Usurper is apparently dead.

FUCK. Water pressure. I forgot about that. Was digging out the hospital... prepping the well, dug the fortification to let water in... aaaaaand I flooded the hospital. Almost flooded the whole fort, but I got a wall up in time by CONSCRIPTING FUCKING EVERYBODY as a mason. Titus is now a dabbling swimmer. I thought he was a goner, too, but no casualties. This time.

Found Female Caligula's corpse. She was in one of the cages. God dammit.

Any dwarf that aged up to adulthood during my reign or can reasonably be assumed to have grown up inside the fortress have been given names of the form "Tiny ____", where ____ is a given name beginning with "t". Because alliteration, and because knowing who to sacrifice if sacrifces need to happen is generally wise. I'm mad, though... half the dwarves in this fort are kids. We're up to 42 out of 97 now.

I butchered SO MANY damn animals and I don't know why, but the dwarves don't want to haul the food up to the food stockpile, so stuff rots like crazy around here. I deconstructed the butcher's shop and rebuilt, in case there were stockpile links fucking with it. I'll do the same with the food stockpile. I really hope I don't have to Minecart Stockpile this fortress.... ugh.

[Sabretache]

Nothing can kill Titus. A Tsunami hits him and he just starts to 'dabble' in swimming for fun.
Nice Write up, sounds like the kids are giving you problems...maybe build another hospital if you get what I mean...

[laularukyrumo]

I didn't even get to build the hospital. I was split between managing rotting stuff, trying to figure out WHY THE FUCK dwarves won't put food in the food pile, installing beds in the new dormitory, and digging out and defining the hospital, and when the flood happened, I was able to get the walls up, but then I just sorta forgot about the hospital, and then, DF had to take a backseat.

The good news is that the injured guy in the stairwell who was the whole reason for the hospital, actually DID get rescued. Or dead. I don't know which. But he's not there anymore.

Caligula may or may not still be in the cage, I don't remember.

[Sabretache]

Rescued??? Dead??? Whats the difference these days?

[Matoro]

Rescued??? Dead??? Whats the difference these days?

The rescued ones are still able to fuck everything up, while dead can only scare your dwarves. Know the difference!

[CaptainArchmage]

You can just remove dwarves by building a cage and unselecting the dwarf from it. To get the bodies out of the cages, designate a reclaim over the cage. Also redwarf me as Undead Female Caligula, Risen Exiled Ex-Usurper King.

Rescued??? Dead??? Whats the difference these days?

The rescued ones are still able to fuck everything up, while dead can only scare your dwarves. Know the difference!

The dead can also rip limbs off your dwarves or scare them to death. The good scenario though is when they were active fisherdwarves activated, because then they keep on fishing for you in the afterlife. You just need to bury or memorialise them to get the fish back. This has very high abuse potential.

[laularukyrumo]

You can just remove dwarves by building a cage and unselecting the dwarf from it. To get the bodies out of the cages, designate a reclaim over the cage.

The problem with this is that it requires knowing that the dwarves were in the cages in the first place. I didn't find that out until it was too late.

[CaptainArchmage]

So any sign of The Master? He's up now.

[CaptainArchmage]

Very well I'm taking up my turn then. This went to second page? Seriously?

Goddamnit gateway timeout. Now I've lost what I wanted to post.

Journal of Caligula, Undead Exiled Ex-Usurper King

13th Timber 102

I am back, motherfuckers. Some asshole decided to let me dehydrate in a cage, but I have returned. Sparkgear, meet your new master! Its time to get this fortress in order. There's a dwarven caravan arriving and the Outpost Liason has appeared too.

I found some "DUMB KID" with a big number next to his name was living in my room. I naturally kicked him out. "DUMB KID" is not a noble house you ignorant hillbillies! No sirree!

Ashtar the Great is back. His spirit landed in a Clerk. He now calls himself Ashtar the Greater, and he will be keeping our fortress records for us.

I took a quick look around the fortress, and I do not like what I'm seeing.

This. Some idiot decided to carve out a well in a workshop. LRN2PHYSICS, ASSHOLE. The water pressure has apparently flooded the place. We had two well rooms already though, except now someone decided to carve out a spider's dick right next to the stairwell.

16th Timber, 102

Note from Captain Archmage: All errors are intentional.

The food stockpile was set to take from somewhere else. I've fixed that now.

Orcish thieves arrive at our fortress! They are beaten down by the caravan guards in a timely manner! No casualties! Carp ediam etave Caligulae!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the trade depot, the animals engage another Orcish thief!

Another orc is dead! Let the trading commence!

1st Granite, 103

A new year dawns upon us! I found out why the previous overseer had so much trouble with food. Orders to ignore food were set. I have corrected this gods-damned oversight. We also traded with our traders, though we were unable to obtain as much as I hoped. Food seems to be in chronic shortage, we are able to produce just enough to feed ourselves but not enough to do more.

I have ordered the area around the fort to be walled off, to keep out any further ambushes. Make the blocks faster! Why do you even bother with coffers?

20th Slate, 103

The wall is done! I had to order the dwarves to use raw stone since the blocks weren't coming in fast enough. We're completely walled off.

To get food production back in order, I'm going to have some potash made.

28th Slate, 103

Dear Diary,

MORE DAMN MIGRANTS! MORE DAMN MIGRANTS! WE'RE UP TO FUCKING 148 DWARVES NOW! THIS PLACE IS A MESS! WE HAVEN'T DUG ANYTHING OUT SINCE I TOOK OVER! GODS DAMN THIS! I NEED TO BUILD MORE FUCKING TOMBS. AND DIG OUT MORE GROUND. AND FIX UP AN ENTRANCE. RIGHT NOW.

20th Felsite, 103

Dear Diary,

The food crisis is over. I have traded the entire stockpile of socks for the food on the Elven caravan. I could not get the gate build quickly, so I just walled off the place after the elven caravan got in.

15th Hematite, 103

Dear Diary,

I am once again feeling like my old self. We have booze production underway, and the elven caravan is packing up. I'll need to get them out through the walled-off area, but I think the will be packing up the items we traded for a good while now. I traded all the socks, mittens, gloves, and two pairs of trousers for the entire supply of wood and food, and some of the cloth.

While the caravan was around, one of the clothiers went into a fey mood and made a tunic.

The tunic is extremely valuable.

The Secret of Hell...

Secret of Hell...

THE SECRET OF HELL, I MUST LEARN OF IT

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHHAAAAAAA
AAAAAHHAHAHHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Whoa man, what did I write up there?

Diary, I feel like I must do something.

Note by CaptainArchmage: This log is long enough so I'm continuing it below in another post.

[CaptainArchmage]

Alright, since The Master and Matoro were unable to play their turns, I have put down Matoro for Wednesday 17th and The Master for Thursday 18th, pushing Japa back to Friday 19th, by a full day. Good thing I put in that buffer there.

I'll do what I can to salvage the clusterfuck of a fortress we have. I'm going to get rid of those fortifications and move them a level up. I'm going to report on the Orc Thief incidents we're also having.

I can flush the flooded workshop room, since until the caverns are breached we won't have any grass growing there. That's no problem. But seriously guys, this place looks like someone stuck together pieces of many fortresses.

[laularukyrumo]

This. Some idiot decided to carve out a well in a workshop. LRN2PHYSICS, ASSHOLE. The water pressure has apparently flooded the place. We had two well rooms already though, except now someone decided to carve out a spider's dick right next to the stairwell.

I see you found the hospital. 

[CaptainArchmage]

This. Some idiot decided to carve out a well in a workshop. LRN2PHYSICS, ASSHOLE. The water pressure has apparently flooded the place. We had two well rooms already though, except now someone decided to carve out a spider's dick right next to the stairwell.

I see you found the hospital. 

Was the hospital supposed to be in the Flooded Workshop or in the Spider's Dick? The Flooded Workshop looks otherwise well planned, but the Spider's Dick has the junkpile, so I'm really not sure.

In other news, dwarves were under orders not to haul food, which is why they didn't move it. I've fixed that now.

Trading has finished. We got some lye from the traders, so we should be getting some soap now.

[CaptainArchmage]

Alright world, I'm making a backup at this point. I reserve the right to revert to this backup if, on my computer, the save becomes unplayable. This is going to be a kind of player-oriented strange mood. Expect some crazy shit to happen. Mwhahaha. Mwhahahahahahahahahahahaha.

The Journal of Caligula
Undead Exiled Ex-Usurper King

Date goes here
1st Malachite 103

Dear Diary,

I've decided to compose you something, in honour of me, in honour of the Fortress of Sparkgear, in honour of our citizenry, and the great work we are doing at this place. Because this is so important, I have chosen to write the work in my own blood.

Down, citizen,
Down beneath the Earth,
The gate to salvation lies down beneath the Earth,
Citizen, dig,
My minions, dig
We dig for glorious victory,
Down beneath the Earth we go!

Description by CaptainArchmage: At the base of the page there are scorchmarks. The next few pages of the journal have been completely charred. The charring is local to the individual pages, and the journal shows no signs of being damaged otherwise.

Date Goes Here
10th Malachite 103

Dear Diary & Citizens,

The holy metal calls us,
From deep beneath the earth,
The divine gate now calls us forth,
To our rightful dominion over all.

10.5 Malachite, 18,356 A.A.
11th Malachite, 103

Dear Diary & Citizens,

I forgot over the last few days, but I let the elves out. We've once again sealed off the surface, but the gate is being linked up to a lever. We now have a lot of booze. I will now keep on digging, to our blue salvation.

3.14159 Turnabout, e15 i831 X321
24th Malachite, 103

Dear Diary & Citizens,

I am finally, finally carving out the adamantine. We're going to get all of it.

Let the adamantine flow,
Down, down, down, down,
But where shall ye stop, ambitious one?
Now? Or Never?

9th Whenever, 103
9th Galena, 103

Dear Diary & Citizens,

Migrants! The animals were hit by a goblin ambush.
We got all dwarves inside though, congratulations.
The merchants are due, humans they are.
Using the outside depot, they may be,
Should they fight off our goblin foe.

I'm feeling like another one now, whilst Titus Drake carves out the adamantine.

Citizens, citizens,
Your supreme overlord desires you,
To haul the adamantine up,
Into the store.

-10 Alphus, Year 1 After Breakthrough
27th Galena 103
-1 Alphus, Year 1 After Breakthrough
Note by CaptainArchmage: This strange date has been scribbled in afterwards.

Dear Diary & Citizens,

The humans came,
The goblins fled,
Deep down below,
A threshold met.

1st Alphus, Year 1 After Breakthrough
28th Galena, Year 103 Old Calendar

Dear Diary & Citizens,

It hath been done.

Drawing of me and Titus Drake, before
The Gate

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Note by CaptainArchmage: the writing ends with a few stains of blood, from deep within the lungs. It appears that the individual writing needs a better set of lungs to cope with what is going on.

CaptainArchmage: Yes, that is Caligula and Titus Drake engraving the gate to the HFS. It has only been engraved. There are demons a long way down, and this is so far up we don't have a clear view of what's down there yet. They won't be able to get through into the fortress unless you dig it open, but some of the creatures have webs. You could probably farm the webs for a source of silk.

Let me get the save uploaded
SAVE UPLOADING: PLEASE STAND BY

SAVE UPLOADED: http://dffd.wimbli.com/file.php?id=7829

[Sabretache]

Titus Drake no longer wants to live in this fortress...

[CaptainArchmage]

Titus Drake no longer wants to live in this fortress...

By the end of my turn, you'll need a new heresy meter. This won't be covered under warranty.