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Author Topic: A Guide To Taking Over Tejekov  (Read 4391 times)

Fniff

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A Guide To Taking Over Tejekov
« on: July 04, 2013, 07:36:53 pm »

So we had the Bay12 Space Program, where some enterprising fellows came up with a plan to colonize Mars. However, what if the goal wasn't to create a nation, but to destroy a nation? There was some discussion about how the US could be taken over by an armed rebellion, meaning there's people interested in planning to take over a country, but since making a topic about to take over the US would end up with us all on watchlists, let's not do that. Instead, let's try to take over a fictional country that's a mix of Oceania from 1984, Soviet Russia and all it's incompetence, and Belarus. Welcome to the EXCEPTIONALLY GLORIOUS THEORETICAL PEOPLE'S STATE OF TEJEKOV, COMRADE!

Spoiler: Geography (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Population (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Government (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Military (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Districts (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Resources (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Economy (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Relations (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Espionage (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Rebellion (click to show/hide)

So, this is a discussion on how to perform an armed rebellion against Tejekov, or at least a war against it. You can discuss the political ramifications of such an action,  the economic impact this would have, the strategics required to take over it, and the tactics of implementing operations against specific Tejekovan targets. If you like, you can also talk about how Tejekov could defend itself against this or what Tejekov's existence would have if it actually existed. Here's a few rules on what's allowed and what's not.

1. Keep it to modern (Meaning whatever time it is when you're looking at the clock) technology and weaponry, and before. Tejekov may be frozen in time in 1950s Russia, but that doesn't mean you should start using 80 megawatt plasma rifles from 2077. Keep it to modern and before, rather then going completely theoretical, as you could just say "It's so easy, just atomize Tejekov with a carefully placed meganuke that obliterates all of it except the valuable resources" and destabilize the whole discussion.
2. Keep it reasonable. Tejekov surrendering to the US and giving up all it's valuables to become a puppet state is unreasonable unless the US soldiers are currently sieging the palace and repeatedly bombing the country, and even then the Glorious Leader would be sulking all the way through the peace talks, while the Ministry of the Interior ignoring one implanted agent mysteriously disappearing is reasonable.
3. Make sure it's all in fun and jest, and don't get annoyed if someone says they have a better theory then you. Don't bicker, please. We're all talking about invading a fictional country with weapons and people we don't actually possess. This is not the right place to be serious.
4. Please vary it up a bit more then "I bomb the country to smithereens". With the power of the US behind you, you could easily take down Tejekov. However, why not try to figure out how to use other angles? All out-war is often a last resort. How would you take out Tejekov by only using words? Maybe even set challenges for yourself, like taking over Tejekov without needing to kill a single person directly or indirectly.

Everyone has practically infinite resources at hand, unless they want to limit themselves to specific resources. I'll be on hand to supply info about Tejekov if needed. This isn't technically a forum game, it's more like an extended discussion about a hypothetical scenario, so don't put "I move my squad into Kanski to take over the farmlands there" or try to sign up for this with a character sheet.

Fniff

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Re: A Guide To Taking Over Tejekov
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2013, 07:40:37 pm »

Post reserved. Just in case.

LordSlowpoke

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Re: A Guide To Taking Over Tejekov
« Reply #2 on: July 04, 2013, 07:41:06 pm »

and Belarus.

SOLD LIKE THE BASTARD CHILD OF A CAPITALIST COMRAD-

for some reason i thought this is going to be a space program game?

i don't really want to break tejekov

it sounds like a nice place compared to its neighbors
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Fniff

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Re: A Guide To Taking Over Tejekov
« Reply #3 on: July 04, 2013, 07:42:31 pm »

You could be part of the TEJEKOVAN COMMUNIST ANTI-CAPITALISM SPACE PROGRAM.

It so far consists of a bottle rocket that exploded when it was launched, killing two Tejekovans.

Loud Whispers

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Re: A Guide To Taking Over Tejekov
« Reply #4 on: July 04, 2013, 07:43:01 pm »

WE ARE ALL GOING TO CERTAINLY DIE

LordSlowpoke

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Re: A Guide To Taking Over Tejekov
« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2013, 07:44:00 pm »

You could be part of the TEJEKOVAN COMMUNIST ANTI-CAPITALISM SPACE PROGRAM.

It so far consists of a bottle rocket that exploded when it was launched, killing two Tejekovans.

does this country have duct tape
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Fniff

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Re: A Guide To Taking Over Tejekov
« Reply #6 on: July 04, 2013, 07:44:59 pm »

Gentlemen, gentlemen, let's hear the actual plans before we start saying this shall result in everyone's death. Granted, it most likely will, but we might as well play it safe.

You could be part of the TEJEKOVAN COMMUNIST ANTI-CAPITALISM SPACE PROGRAM.

It so far consists of a bottle rocket that exploded when it was launched, killing two Tejekovans.

does this country have duct tape

I'd assume so.

LordSlowpoke

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Re: A Guide To Taking Over Tejekov
« Reply #7 on: July 04, 2013, 07:49:29 pm »

You could be part of the TEJEKOVAN COMMUNIST ANTI-CAPITALISM SPACE PROGRAM.

It so far consists of a bottle rocket that exploded when it was launched, killing two Tejekovans.

does this country have duct tape

I'd assume so.

I AM THE TEJEKOVAN COMMUNIST ANTI-CAPITALISM SPACE PROGRAM. IT IS ME.

first order of business:

-grab about 150 rpg-7 grenades
-remove the grenades proper
-duct tape the rockets together
-put a small capsule with a generally disliked animal on top, duct tape it to rockets
-grab a few dynamite fuses and rig them to something one minute, duct tape to rockets
-light fuses, fire whole assembly out of howitzer

we doing SCIENCE

we going SUBORBITAL

we crashing GENERALLY DISLIKED ANIMALS into THE OTHER HALF OF THE PLANET

YEEEEEEEE
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Fniff

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Re: A Guide To Taking Over Tejekov
« Reply #8 on: July 04, 2013, 07:50:45 pm »

Wouldn't they explode in the barrel, though? And extremely piss off whoever's on the receiving end (Probably America)?

LordSlowpoke

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Re: A Guide To Taking Over Tejekov
« Reply #9 on: July 04, 2013, 07:53:39 pm »

I do not know of a better way to get funding than blowing up a howitzer because we had no funding to fire our brilliant masterplans out of our own, safe cannons. That, and there might be sabots involved somewhere along the way. I made this up on the spot as should be clearly visible.
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Xantalos

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Re: A Guide To Taking Over Tejekov
« Reply #10 on: July 04, 2013, 08:01:58 pm »

Hehehehe
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Re: A Guide To Taking Over Tejekov
« Reply #11 on: July 04, 2013, 08:02:05 pm »

I claim Chief Marshal Overseer of the Ministry of Biological Investigation through right of nepotism.

First decree: Remove Kulaks.
All Kulaks in hospital to go to mandatory volunteer medical trials, after having been deemed fit to do so. All unfit shall be cleared by medical personnel as fit, and sent out of the hospital to work on Kulak farm resort.
Begin the testing of vaccines against naturally-occurring deadly pathogens on Kulaks.
Claim Schastlivyy hospital as HQ.

Fniff

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Re: A Guide To Taking Over Tejekov
« Reply #12 on: July 04, 2013, 08:04:05 pm »

Kulak is a really vague term in Tejekov, remember. You could basically be killing half of Tejekov and utterly ruining the argicultural sector.

Xantalos

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Re: A Guide To Taking Over Tejekov
« Reply #13 on: July 04, 2013, 08:06:46 pm »

Does Telejov have radioactive plants?
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Loud Whispers

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Re: A Guide To Taking Over Tejekov
« Reply #14 on: July 04, 2013, 08:07:29 pm »

Kulak is a really vague term in Tejekov, remember. You could basically be killing half of Tejekov and utterly ruining the argicultural sector.
How many Kulak in hospital? Cripple agriculture, Kulak starve and be of dead in happy hospital is good for ruins Tejekov.
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