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[Thuellai]

I've just been saddled with the single most useless dwarf on the planet.  I ran him through DGC and he got these results:

'Guidance for: Athel, ♂
He has the look of a good Socializer. He will make a poor Miner, Bowyer, Carpenter, Wood cutter, Engraver, Mason, Animal dissector, Bone doctor, Crutch walker, Surgeon, Suturer, Butcher, Dyer, Grower, Milker, Miller, Tanner, Thresher, Fish cleaner, Fish dissector, Armorsmith, Furnace operator, Metal crafter, Metalsmith, Weaponsmith, Gem cutter, Gem setter, Bone carver, Clothier, Glassmaker, Leatherworker, Stone crafter, Weaver, Wood crafter, Strand extractor, Pump operator, Siege operator, Swimmer, Armor user, Biter, Dodger, Wrestler, Comedian, Observer, Close combat dwarf, and Ranged combat dwarf. He seems like a very poor Trapper, Diagnostician, Brewer, Cheese maker, Cook, Herbalist, Fisherdwarf, Mechanic, Siege engineer, Appraiser, Building designer, and Organizer. He would be horrible as a Record keeper, and Student. He is too direct to Lie.'

Letting him die would be a mercy, and it will probably happen, because I'm embarking on a tundra.

Four of my dwarves are clumsy, some very much so.  A couple are flimsy.  Three have meager creativity.

I'm not sure this is a dangerous settlement so much as a dwarven eugenics program.

[The_Falconer]

So it's a noble??

[weenog]

If he's good at social skills but he can't do the broker thing because he won't lie, he might make an effective Mayor.

[nightwhips]

I think you need a hammerer, right away. Never too early for justice.

[SixOfSpades]

'He has the look of a good Volcano Explorer.'

[laularukyrumo]

I have to say that you might have one of the worst migrants ever.

For worst embark ever, look up Sol.

[wierd]

Expose him to vampire blood, and entomb him as a lever puller.

For being so lazy and useless, the proper punishment is to make him unable to sleep, eat, or drink ever again, and make him look FORWARD to having something to do.

[weenog]

Just don't task him with any critical levers.  Booze withdrawal slowdown screws up reaction time a lot.

[Thuellai]

Alright, so

Things went surprisingly well despite a full three of my seven dwarves having no labors at which they showed any talent at all.  I named them Bait, Shield, and Redshirt, and organized a militia.

Bait died in a tragic wrestling accident and was replaced by a migrant peasant, Bait the Second.

Everything was going pretty well...  but that all changed when a necromancer attacked.

In some dramatic defiance of logic, the only survivor of my now-expanded and iron-armed militia was, in fact, Redshirt, the one I was most sure would die stupidly at some point.

I'm down to eleven dwarves, and my mason's time is occupied with pumping out coffins, but I did successfully slay the necromancer and his forces.

EDIT:  Migrants have no sense of self-preservation.  Literally minutes after the zombies were cleared out, fifteen new dwarves showed up.  Redshirt is now militia commander, leading a five-man squad, and I got a high master metal-crafter - with my stocks of gold, he's consistently pumping out crafts worth enough to practically buy a caravan.

Apparently he prefers platinum.  I guess I'll have to order some off the next caravan, I bet masterpiece platinum crafts are absurdly valuable.

[wierd]

Congratulations! Redshirt is now Zapp Brannigan! The incompetent commander!

[Aseaheru]

I want to see how this turns out.

[paldin]

I believe this is how the Redshirts of Star Trek fame ended up being commanders between the original series and next generation. There comes a point where somebody hits the improbability jackpot and survives all encounters that otherwise killed everyone else, and gets promoted for extreme heroism (or just for lack of alternatives).

You know you can train dwarfs' stats to improve? A screw pump is cheap and if you hook it up to a millstone, it can serve a purpose other than just keeping him busy. When I have too many dwarfs to equip or too little metal to equip them, I churn out screw pumps instead. Sometimes I'll even build an artificial damn and have them fill the reservoir. Sometimes I enable pump operating on all my dwarfs just to prevent friendships from forming when they're idle. Drafting everyone and giving each squad a barracks is unreliable, and also because military dwarfs can becomes friends with each other.

[Thuellai]

Well, it was all going pretty well

Then a necromancer showed up...  at the same time as a caravan

At first things were working out - the caravans killed the zombies, a couple goblins that thought they could sneak it got caught in the fray... but the necromancer was sneaky enough that he just kept raising new things as they died, and eventually it hit critical mass.

EDIT:  Despite valiant attempts, my last remaining ten dwarves were overwhelmed by the zombie menace.

On the plus side, someone tumbled down the volcano shaft and found candy at the bottom.

I might just reclaim.  For the honor of Redshirt, First to Die!

[Thuellai]

Before my last two wrestlers died valiantly throwing themselves at the necromancer and his 80-strong undead horde, I found ANOTHER candy vein.

Definitely gonna reclaim.  Will the necromancer still be there?  Any tips for murdering him and his undead?  It's not an evil biome, so once I get rid of the necromancer there shouldn't be any spontaneous revivals unless another necromancer wanders by (I figure I must be close to a tower, so that's not impossible...  but I have a volcano, so I can probably destroy these corpses by dropping them into the lava from high above)

[Kaos]

what is DGC? where can I get it?