One morning, Twoflower woke from strange dreams in the middle of an unfamiliar village. He was clutching a bag of mushrooms, but seemed to have misplaced his clothing... and his memory of how exactly he'd wound up here.
"I must have had an adventure!", he chortled to himself. "Ooh! And there was that girl... what WAS her name?"
He looked around for a minute, but saw no place to put the bag where the truffles wouldn't be ruined.
Trying to remember his dreams from the night before, he wandered up to the nearest building with the assumption that he'd probably just left his clothing in there.
...or maybe not
"Oops! Pardon me!", Twoflower ducked quickly out as they stared at him before continuing whatever they were doing.
"That was a bit awkward, he thought - I must have left my clothes in the building on the other side instead.
"Er..." he stammered, "Er, have any of you seen my clothes?"
A woman in the back of the room waved at him energetically, "Twoflower! I thought you'd sleep out there all morning, you great oaf! Come in and introduce yourself to my family!"
Gingerly stepping through the door and repositioning his bag of mushrooms in a "strategic" place, he smiled shyly at the gathering. "Hello..."
The young woman's arm appeared once more over the heads of those in front of her. Pointing, she indicated the attractive older woman to his right. "That's my Ma and over there's Pa.", Twoflower shifted uncomfortably under thier stares of frank appraisal. He felt a bit like he was being measured for a holiday ham or something. "Over there's my baby sister Cindy and the middle sister Trudy. (Trudy giggled when his gaze fell upon her nubile form then was quickly whisked away with heated cheeks). "That's my younger brother Tommy and my older brother Simon.", she continued, oblivious to his chagrin. "That's Grandpa Godfrey and over there's Uncle Ambrose and Aunt Olivia."
Each in turn gave him a little wave and a smile (or in Trudy's case, a giggle).
Twoflower blinked suddenly, a bit of his memory coming back "Her name's Bobbi!", he thought to himself,
"She... I met her while I was hiking and she offered to share her lunch with me and show me some interesting sights... But how did I get here? WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES?"
Bobbi was grinning at him with satisfaction, but her mother shot her grinning daughter a sharp look before turning back to Twoflower.
"Do you know what you're carrying there, young man?" she asked him directly.
"N-no ma'am. This is my first visit to your island."
"You poor man", she replied with barely hidden laughter. "Here, when a young Eloi woman comes of age, she goes seeking the Black Truffles. Once she has found some, she shares it with the man she has chosen to be her mate and he accepts her offer by eating them with her. Those who share the Black Truffles wake to thier new life after seeing many visions. Bobbi's been on the hunt for less than a week. Such a quick find of a husband is a good omen. Welcome to the family."
Twoflower sputtered a bit, looking around wildly at the various expressions of mirth, complacency, and in Bobbi's case, infatuation.
"WHAT?!!!"
Giving him a 'significant look', Bobbi led the now thouroughly confused Twoflower out of the house by his unresisting hand.
"I... I don't remember anything about getting married!" he muttered in alarm. "You'd think you'd remember getting married..."
She shushed his lips with a gentle finger and merry eyes. "You asked me last night to show you 'around the whole island' and I shall, dear heart, for the rest of your days. I took one look at you and had to make you mine. Such pretty green eyes and such lovely brown skin! After sharing those truffles, you threw off those disgusting coverings and bared your skin to the stars as is right and natural. You followed me home and now I get to keep you!" she clapped her hands excitedly, then stroked his shoulder with affection.
"So all my clothes?"
"You left those filthy things hanging in a tree."
"And... all you islanders walk around without anything on at all?"
"Of course not! Didn't you notice that Trudy was wearing a quiver for her javelin thrower? Never mind. I know you only have eyes for me. You're SO romantic!"
They strolled through the village in silence for a bit, Bobbi stealing quick, proud glances at the man she'd caught and Twoflower still numb with shock.
"Ooo!" squealed Bobbi suddenly, "I bet The Protectress would know some good places to see. She's travelled more than any of us."
"Take this crossbow and these bolts to keep you safe on your journey", the Protectress urged Bobbi. "You can return them when you come back."
"I will!" Lilted Bobbi, "Come on, oh hubby of mine!"
We're, off to see the cyclops, the Unbridled cy-clops Yor! Because because because because because! Because of the the wonderful songs it sings! Lalalalalala!Bobbi had been skipping merrily through the grass, singing at the top of her lungs, swinging the crossbow this way and that while Twoflower kept a safe distance. Eventually, the day grew warmer and they stopped for a quick dip in a pool.
Twoflower still wasn't sure he was ready to be married, but his new "Companion for Life" certainly was a delightful traveling companion. He just wished the Islanders believed in wearing shoes. His poor blistered feet weren't used to such unprotected travel. Still, the breeze playing across his skin WAS refreshing and watching his new wife (His Wife! He was Married!) skip gaily along as happy as a bird... This mode of undress did have its pleasures.
A little after their shadows had begun their inexorable stretch to the east, he heard a high whistle. "Did you hear that?", he called to Bobbi
"Hear what?"
"A sort of whistle."
"No-oo, I was singing. I LIKE to sing!"
"You have a lovely voice, but listen for awhile and lets see if it happens again."
Smiling, Bobbi closed her rosebud lips and nodded her acquiescence.
A short while later, Bobbi stopped and crouched down, "There's something up ahead, darling. Try not to make too much noise, and we'll see what's there, OK?"
Crawling carefully through the long grass, she picked up a worn steel bolt.
"Somebody's been hunting here" she whispered to Twoflower before dropping it to the ground again. Pointing, she indicated another glimmer of steel in the grass ahead then to the steel bolt, raising two fingers. The whistle called out once more from up ahead. Drawing the crossbow taut and holding a bolt in her mouth, she motioned for them to continue.
He picked up the bolt and put it in his truffle bag to save as a souvenir. Oddly, there weren't any truffles there, just an assortment of coins.
Hearing another whistle, he looked around to see where his lovely wife was, but she had disappeared into the grass without a trace. He decided to keep on creeping along in the direction they were heading, thinking that eventually he'd catch up and they could laugh about his poor outdoorsmanship skills. Still, it bugged him: Where HAD his truffles gone?
Twoflower crawled over hills and around trees for hours until he noticed that the grass was changing into a downier, bluer breed of plant.
On and on he crawled, but of Bobbi there was no sign. There was no whistling either, so he stood up for a good look around. Nothing but grass and hills as far as his eyes could see.
"Bobbi!" He called out and was answered by a nearby growl.
Twoflower immediately dropped to his belly once more, feeling his nakedness acutely.
Crawling away from the direction the growl came from as quickly but silently as he was able, Twoflower came upon a small hole in the side of the hill. More growling came from its darkened recesses.
"Alrighty then...", Twoflower thought to himself "Be vewy vewy quiet...", then changed direction away from both sets of growls heading into the setting sun. Those growls did NOT sound friendly.
More growls erupted as he carefully, fearfully crept ever westward.
Soon enough, our hero found and crossed a river containing three weird furry creatures with bills.
They growled menacingly at him but kept their distance. Shaking his head at being afraid of some strange Island water rat, he set off west once more, not bothering to creep quietly through the blue plants any longer. (His knees were all bruised up anyway.)
The afternoon had passed uneventfully and it would be evening soon. He wouldn't want to be alone out here after dark - who knows what kind of predators came out at night when water rats had beaks like birds? Topping a hill, he was confronted by a trio of huge creatures. One of them spied him and bugled a challenge.
Twoflower ran for his life,
Diving into the river and swimming like his life depended on it, (because it did), Twoflower climbed up the far bank, put his head down and kept running. The bugling dwindled behind him as if he were drawing ahead of his pursuers, but he didn't want to slow down enough to check and be proved fatally wrong, so he just put one foot in front of the other as fast as humanly possible and sprinted on.
...Until suddenly he was sitting on his butt with a very sore noggin.
Rubbing his head ruefully, he followed the wall to his left, circling clear around to the other side before finding a pair of doors leading inward. He tested the door, but it was unlocked. So far, so good!
"Hello?" he called out, emerging on the other side of the wall, "Anybody home?"
A thundrous voice answered him,
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Topic: The luckiest tourist EVER (Update underway...) (Read 88322 times)