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[Nicholas1024]

Leave the room (claiming you'll check with the cook/whoever takes care of these things), to ask another Jasmine whether someone who has had the real thing could tell the difference between imitation squid and real squid. Assuming the difference is minor, order imitation squid in the style that was asked for, and tell them to delay it for about 30 minutes (maybe more, I'm not sure how long it takes someone to get dead drunk.) Then return to the pair we're entertaining, inform them of said delay, and ask them if they're still interested or would like to change their order. Subtly encourage the male to drink heavily, hopefully to the point of collapse.

Also, take a glass of wine for yourself to be polite, but do not drink heavily, merely sip at the cup slowly.

If the difference between real and imitation squid is major, ask the other Jasmine's advice, and ignore the above paragraph.

[Chink]

Leave the room (claiming you'll check with the cook/whoever takes care of these things), to ask another Jasmine whether someone who has had the real thing could tell the difference between imitation squid and real squid. Assuming the difference is minor, order imitation squid in the style that was asked for, and tell them to delay it for about 30 minutes (maybe more, I'm not sure how long it takes someone to get dead drunk.) Then return to the pair we're entertaining, inform them of said delay, and ask them if they're still interested or would like to change their order. Subtly encourage the male to drink heavily, hopefully to the point of collapse.

Also, take a glass of wine for yourself to be polite, but do not drink heavily, merely sip at the cup slowly.

If the difference between real and imitation squid is major, ask the other Jasmine's advice, and ignore the above paragraph.

+1

[Aseaheru]

Agreed.

[Ozarck]

check up on the manncorp item on the newslink. We come from there. We are interested.

[Harry Baldman]

"Uh, excuse me, I'll go check with the chef about your order," you say.

"Go right ahead," Mr. Love says, and you leave quickly for the kitchen, finding Jasmine Fifty Three, who is picking out the wines for Jasmine Fifty Four to carry back to the table while Jasmine Seventy Eight is standing next to the appliance section uncertainly. There is a hint of impatience about Seventy Eight.

"Jasmine, I have to ask, can somebody who's had real squid tell the difference between that and imitation squid?"

She turns to you, pondering this question while handing a nice bottle of Hubert 2181 to Jasmine Fifty Four.

"Not usually as far as I know, the taste and consistency are largely the same, really."

"Oh, that's good. This guy wants to have a squid, boiled whole. Can you do that?"

"Ah, that's different. Imitation squid comes in blocks, not squid-shaped things. That's going to be a problem to produce."

"So what do I do?"

"Well, I could try to whip up a convincing squid out of the things around here, though it certainly won't be easy. Still, probably could do it, and it could pass inspection, provided they're both kind of out of it."

She then inspects the wine rack and grabs two bottles of Marbitz Ltd. 2170, then gives them to Jasmine Fifty-Four before turning to you again.

"That does have a certain risk to it in case they catch on, though. What do you think?"

You think about this for a moment. For some reason, your mind wanders back to Mannkorp, your kindly creators, and this is enough for the newslink to provide a sizable amount of exposition on the latest bit of news surrounding them. It seems like Carl Goodman, current chairman of the executive board of Mannkorp, who are collectively known as the creators of the wildly successful Jasmine Thyme, Bruce Schumacher and Gina Jarvis lines of engineered people and the inventors of the modern persistent engineered TV icon, has chosen to appear at the next General Innovation Convention to represent Mannkorp in a presentation that will apparently unveil the 'inspiring new direction' of the company according to inside sources. Rumors persist of the precise nature of this unveiling - some say they are ready to usher in a new generation of revolutionary engineered creations, while others imply that they may plan to capitalize on the possible innovations in the cybernetics market that are almost certain to result from technological visionary Harvey T. Johnson's revolutionary new designs.

The times, they are a-changing either way, you guess.

Spoiler: Current News (click to show/hide)

You may focus on one item of news per unit of time, obtaining additional information on this subject.

• The Engineered Derby ends with the victory of crowd-favorite Leaden Claw, world unaided top land speed record beaten at last.
• Scientists predict tectonic activity will intensify in coming years.
• Crime is at all-time low as world police force becomes 100% engineered.
• Carl Goodman to represent Mannkorp at GIC, 'inspiring new direction' rumored.
• Engineered population booming, experts worried.
• YXW frontman Joseph Greenthaal dead at 32!
• Chelo CEO sighted with wife, mistresses express concern.
• Breaking news: magnetic rail accident in East City causes mass destruction.

Spoiler: A Description of Jasmine Thyme Model 376 (click to show/hide)

Name: Jasmine Thyme Model 376

Gender: Female

Attributes: heightened senses of taste and smell, increased manual dexterity, improved intellect, unobtrusively good looks, improved interpersonal ability, slight owner fixation, cranial netlink implant.

Skills: skilled chef, proficient at maintenance and repair, proficient at making smalltalk.

State of Mind: agitated due to uncertainty, internal emotional pressure.

[Chink]

"It's certainly the best we can do for them. We might as well try it."

[Aseaheru]

Seconded

[Nicholas1024]

So it comes down to it, what's more important, the law, or the wishes of our owner? Considering the circumstances, I think the law wins out here. Actually getting the real squid could easily get our owner in trouble (and being a willing assistant to that would be bad for us as well), and if we manage to pull off the fake-out, there's no harm done.

Even in the worst case scenario, I doubt we'd get more than a reprimand (or perhaps fired if worst comes to worst.)

So yeah, get the imitation squid, ask how long she'll need to make it as realistic as possible, and remember to inform our patrons of the delay. (Don't forget to ask if they'd rather have something else because of said delay.) Also, perhaps add a little extra time onto said delay, to make sure that they'll be suitably "out of it".

[Ozarck]

Also stay alert and see if they drop any more hints regarding whatever it is Mr. Greasy is trying to get from Mrs. Wealthy and Powerful.

Focus on the breaking news.

[weenog]

Perhaps we should tell our guest that his request is illegal, and that, while we are sufficiently flexible to assist our clients in less than legitimate activities, we don't default to preparing for such, so as to avoid bringing trouble onto our clients.  Ask if he would like us to proceed anyway, or would prefer to order something else.  Ask for more time (ostensibly in order procure a real squid, actually to let him get drunk and to make the fake as good as possible) if he still wants the squid.

Remain polite and non-judgemental in tone at all times.

[Ozarck]

If all else fails, be prepared to beat someone with a haddock.

[Harry Baldman]

"It's certainly the best we can do for them. We might as well try it. How long is it going to take?" you say to Jasmine Fifty Three.

"Give me half an hour, and it'll be done and done well. Delay them until then," she answers, moving quickly to the ingredient machine and selecting several things.

"Yes, was already going to do that. Now, come with me," you say to Jasmine Fifty Four, who has gotten some wine glasses in the meantime.

You go with her back to the table, allowing Jasmine Fifty Four to place the wine set on the table. Also, you pass Jasmine Seventy Nine, who appears to be going back into the kitchen right now. You are glad to find another chair at the table. Mr. Love and Ms. Bartolucci appear to be sitting and smiling at one another. You take a seat and lay out the situation after taking a deep breath.

"Mr. Love, Ms. Bartolucci, I checked up with the kitchen, and found that we can get you real squid."

"Yay!" says Mr. Love, quickly taking a bottle of wine and hiding it in his jacket pocket.

"Hooray!" says Ms. Bartolucci, raising her hands in the air.

"However, this is marred by the fact that getting real squid is rather illegal. Squids are critically endangered."

"Well, that's a downer," Mr. Love says, before throwing a greedy glance at another bottle.

"A total bummer, one might say," Ms. Bartolucci agrees.

"But we can get you some. We normally do not, as we don't wish to bring trouble unto our clients. But it certainly is possible."

"I'm feeling lucky today, Jasmine! Give unto me that which I have asked for!" the man proclaims.

"Are you dangerous enough, Jerry?" Ms. Bartolucci asks, pointing at him and smiling.

"I'm more dangerous! Just watch me!" says Jerry, punctuating his words by stealing another wine bottle.

"Very well... it shall be done. You should have your order in thirty, maybe forty minutes," you say, pretending to scribble down on your request pad, then dramatically push the confirmation button.

"Forty minutes? Damn, that's long."

"Eh, we got time. Lucie won't be flying in for at least two more hours."

"Oh. Well, let's wait away, then."

"Perhaps a drink?"

Mr. Love thinks for a moment, then nods. "Yeah, sure. Why not? Not too much, though. Gotta keep sharp. Haven't seen Lucie in ages."

"Wonder if he's still like he used to be?"

"Wouldn't put it past the prick, to be honest."

Mr. Love quickly opens the carefully-sealed bottle of Marbitz Ltd. 2170 and takes a swig, swilling a bit before swallowing the stuff.

"Not bad, I guess," he says, filling up Ms. Bartolucci's glass completely, spilling a little wine on the tablecloth. He then tries in vain to close the bottle, spilling a little on himself as well as Ms. Bartolucci sips her wine carefully. As he does this, you think about the breaking news. Well, not immediately. Your first thought is whacking the uncouth lout on the head with a haddock, or at least a long block of imitation haddock (which would probably hurt more, actually), and you spend more than a few seconds entertaining it before you dismiss it as probably counterproductive. For now. First, the news.

In breaking news, it seems that operator inattentiveness is still a prime concern in today's world, as just three hours ago there was a huge head-on collision of two high-speed trains in Inner East City, and it seems like there's a death toll of at least three hundred, possibly more. In addition, the accident has caused more than ten million dollars in losses as priceless city infrastructure has been damaged. The operator, a *REDACTED*, is currently being questioned about the events. More details to come as our sources gather information.

That redaction felt like an electrical jolt through your brain. It's never happened before, and it feels really odd.

"Goddamn rotten piece of shit bottles," Jerry says through clenched teeth, snapping you out of this moment of external reflection. "Never could get the hang of them. Well, as long as it's open, you want some?" he says, looking at you. "You look a bit too tense, really. You could use a drink. Loosen up," he says, filling your glass before you can reply.

"Hey, Jasmine, can't you call up news stories at will? Tell us a little about what's happening. It'll help pass the time."

Spoiler: Current News (click to show/hide)

You may focus on one item of news per unit of time, obtaining additional information on this subject.

• The Engineered Derby ends with the victory of crowd-favorite Leaden Claw, world unaided top land speed record beaten at last.
• Scientists predict tectonic activity will intensify in coming years.
• Crime is at all-time low as world police force becomes 100% engineered.
• Engineered population booming, experts worried.
• YXW frontman Joseph Greenthaal dead at 32!
• Chelo CEO sighted with wife, mistresses express concern.
• Breaking news: magnetic rail accident in East City causes mass destruction.

Spoiler: A Description of Jasmine Thyme Model 376 (click to show/hide)

Name: Jasmine Thyme Model 376

Gender: Female

Attributes: heightened senses of taste and smell, increased manual dexterity, improved intellect, unobtrusively good looks, improved interpersonal ability, slight owner fixation, cranial netlink implant.

Skills: skilled chef, proficient at maintenance and repair, proficient at making smalltalk.

State of Mind: agitated due to uncertainty, internal emotional pressure.

[Aseaheru]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Dont really see how those collisions would happen unless they replaced the computers with organics...

Snide comment about the news. Still, the retraction IS odd...

So its just a ===>?

[Chink]

Ask them what news topic they would like to talk about, then talk about that topic.

[Harry Baldman]

"What news topic would you like to talk about?" you ask, not even touching your drink.

"Something alarming, I've been feeling a bit too secure lately."

"What? Why would you want to find out something alarming?"

"Helps keep on edge, you know."

"Oh, come on, why can't we just relax?"

"Eh, been relaxing all day. Party starts soon."

"Jasmine, something funny, please."

"Something shocking, will ya, Jasmine?"

A strange shiver passes over you as you consider the mostly contradictory requests. What to do now?

Spoiler: Current News (click to show/hide)

You may focus on one item of news per unit of time, obtaining additional information on this subject.

• The Engineered Derby ends with the victory of crowd-favorite Leaden Claw, world unaided top land speed record beaten at last.
• Scientists predict tectonic activity will intensify in coming years.
• Crime is at all-time low as world police force becomes 100% engineered.
• Engineered population booming, experts worried.
• YXW frontman Joseph Greenthaal dead at 32!
• Chelo CEO sighted with wife, mistresses express concern.
• The end is nigh, experts say.

Spoiler: A Description of Jasmine Thyme Model 376 (click to show/hide)

Name: Jasmine Thyme Model 376

Gender: Female

Attributes: heightened senses of taste and smell, increased manual dexterity, improved intellect, unobtrusively good looks, improved interpersonal ability, slight owner fixation, cranial netlink implant.

Skills: skilled chef, proficient at maintenance and repair, proficient at making smalltalk.

State of Mind: agitated due to uncertainty, internal emotional pressure.