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[Harry Baldman]

Father Nkutu looks at his fellow priests and the nun, then at the bicycle.

"Dibs on the pushbike!"

He believed that was the correct expression, yes.

Grab the bicycle and ride out, following O'Donell until he reaches a straight road that continues for a while. If he's already on one, don't ride after him. Just get out of the way of the rampaging milk floats of my fellow priests and take aim at O'Donell's vehicle, looking for either O'Donell's head, if it is visible, or some integral feckin' part of the milk float, like its highly volatile and flammable electrical system or something.

((Also, can I request a knife from the Bishop's armorer and can I get it on this mission already?))

[Digital Hellhound]

Claim a milk float and go go go. Hot in pursuit, although Mother Superior Superior does not approve of high temperatures.

[Toaster]

Lars shuddered at the sight of the milk float.  It brought back unpleasant memories.

At least he knew what they had a weakness to.


"Right!  Feck the fecking fecker!"


Take a milk float and go in search of a real lorry to steal.

[Greenstarfanatic]

Fusco Jr. took a few deep breaths. If he was ever going to get over his father's death, he would have to do him proud here.

"Oh, feckin' arse. Not more o' these."

He shuffles over to a float and starts it up, following everyone else.

[Errol]

By the way, I'm going back on the waitlist.

Name: Father Rouge
Health: [10/10]
Skills: Competent Dual Wielder
Inventory: Pistol x2
Starting Country: Vatican
Additional details or bio: Father Rouge is not only the greatest feckin' flamboyant arsehole to ever be a man of the cloth, but also a pretty actually darn good assassin. Well, as long as he doesn't try to show off too much. Really loves his guns, which he named Father and Son.

[micelus]

...Well they're electric, at least.

Get to the nearest phone, call up airport security and in the most appropriate tone, say the following:

"No time to explain. Mr O'Donnel's gone fecking nuts! He's carrying an extremely explosive device and plans to blow up the airport before flyin' off ta Brazil! He's currently driving a wee' milk float and is on his way! If ya hurry, you can probably catch him!"

Knowing full well the possible shenanigans that can be caused by riding a milk float, Reilly called for a taxi to the airport.

[Krath]

I'll go on the feckin' waitlist too. I can't believe I was enough of a gobshite to miss this.

Name: Father Flax
Health: [10/10]
Skills: Competently Hardy
Inventory: Shotgun
Additional details or bio: A fecking hardcore son of a wanker, Father Flax believes that the path to appeasing the Lord is not an easy one. Having once braved the feckin' Arctic snow, it is said his only fear is Bishop Lennan himself. In his spare time, he's an accomplished writer.

[lawastooshort]

Mission Two: Mister O’Donnell: 2.1

Claim a milk float and go go go. Hot in pursuit, although Mother Superior Superior does not approve of high temperatures.

Mother Superior Superior elbows her fellow people of the cloth out of the way, sprints over the to the nearest milk float, and revs the engine.

…She blasts through the dairy’s main gates, bursting apart the chain holding them shut and disappearing in a cloud of wheel spin!

As Mister O’Donnell turns a left at the end of the road, she is hot in pursuit, so slows down a little until she is just warm in pursuit, but still well ahead of her rivals colleagues.

She’s catching up with Mister O’Donnell!

Suddenly there’s a mad blur that passes her in the night and a bit of wild confusion!

He shuffles over to a float and starts it up, following everyone else.

"Oh, feckin' arse," grumbles Father Fusco, Mother Superior Superior’s nearest colleague as he ambles half-heartedly to the next milk float and sedately moves off through the wreckage of the burst gate.

…He has Mother Superior Superior in his sights as she slides round the left hander at the end of the road!

Suddenly there’s a mad blur that passes him in the night and a quick blast of siren!

Get to the nearest phone, call up airport security…

Knowing full well the possible shenanigans that can be caused by riding a milk float, Reilly called for a taxi to the airport.

"No time to explain," …explains Father Reilly in a husky voice down what he hopes is the line to airport security. "Mr O'Donnel's gone fecking nuts! He's carrying an extremely explosive device and plans to blow up the airport before flyin' off ta Brazil! He's currently driving a wee' milk float and is on his way! If ya hurry, you can probably catch him!"

With what he hoped was airport security in a bit of a panic and probably about four turns of faultless milk float driving away, Father Reilly puts down the telephone, walks out into the cold night air, and steps right in front of a passing taxi!

…He bounces off the taxi’s windscreen, flying to the ground and rolling about in a heap of cuts and bruises! The taxi speeds off!

Take a milk float and go in search of a real lorry to steal.

"Right! Feck the fecking fecker!" cries Father Lars, getting into the spirit of things as he fumbles with the key to his milk float.

"Oh arsebiscuits, feck this fecking fecker too!"

…Suddenly he manages to turn the ignition successfully, and the milk float ignites!

"Arg!" he wails, "A fecking fire bomb! Feck the fecking fecker who fecking well put that fecking thing there! Feck!"

The milk float looks suspiciously on fire!

Father Lars looks suspiciously on fire too!

Grab the bicycle and ride out, following O'Donell until he reaches a straight road that continues for a while. If he's already on one, don't ride after him. Just get out of the way of the rampaging milk floats of my fellow priests and take aim at O'Donell's vehicle, looking for either O'Donell's head, if it is visible, or some integral feckin' part of the milk float, like its highly volatile and flammable electrical system or something.

"Dibs on the pushbike!" shouts Father Nkuto, holstering his sniper rifle somewhere deep within his cassock and straddling Bishop Lennan’s pushbike.

…Screeching his tyres as he accelerates out of the dairy, Father Nkuto pedals along at unheard-of-on-Rolly-Island speeds! Passing first Father Reilly’s bruised body on the tarmac, and then Father Fusco, and then Mother Superior Superior as he skids round a sharp left, Father Nkuto careers wildly out of control through the streets of Termonfeckin!

Feck!

Just as he passes Mother Superior Superior and with Mister O’Donnell mere dozens of metres ahead, there’s the sudden wail of a quick burst of police siren. Father Nkuto looks over his shoulder to see a Rolly Island police float moving up level with him, its engine straining to bursting point.

One of the cops inside leans out the police float door, flowing blonde locks blowing in the strong six mile per hour wind.

”What the feck do you feckin’ think you’re doing, you feckin’ hooligan! Slow down, pull over, and put your hands on the wheel… eerm… on the feckin’ handlebars where we can see’em!”

Take defensive measures!

…Meanwhile, not far ahead, Mister O’Donnell takes defensive measures.

…   …   …   …   …   …

Spoiler: Players & Notes (click to show/hide)

Order on the road:
Mister O’Donnell, Father Nkuto, Some cops, Mother Superior Superior, Father Fusco Jr., Father Reilly, Father Lars.

Name: Mister O’Donnell
Health: [12/12]
Milk Float Health: [10/10]
Skills:
Inventory: Shotgun, 2x Rocket Propelled Grenade, Tacks, a Key.

Name: Father Nkutu, formerly known as Father Curran, Harry Baldman
Health: [14/14]
Bishop Lennan’s Push Bike Health: [5/5] | Immune to explosions (NB: not exploding) | +1 to defence (NB: push bike defence, not priest defence)
Skills: Tis But a Flesh Wound! | Tough Gobshite
Inventory: Sniper rifle, Knife

Name: Father Lars, Toaster
Health: [6/10] | Burning
Milk Float Health: [7/10] | Burning
Skills: Competent Arsonist
Inventory: 2x Molotov

Name: Father Fusco Jr., Greenstarfanatic
Health: [10/10]
Milk Float Health: [10/10]
Skills: Competent Melee Artist
Inventory: Knife

Name: Father John 'Don't'cha Know' Reilly, micelus
Health: [6/10]
Milk Float Health: [10/10]
Skills: Competent Masser
Inventory: Sniper rifle

Name: Mother Superior Superior, Digital Hellhound
Health: [10/10]
Milk Float Health: [10/10]
Skills: Competent Melee Artist
Inventory: Fireproof Habit

Notes.
I think there’s one milk float left. I wonder if you can guess what happens to a milk float that gets to 0 HP.

Please note: turns in d12 initiative order.

Yes, HB: Knife added.

I actually forgot to roll the dice first time round, and used the initiative roll for half the turn, then realised that a 7 on a d6 was impossible and started again, and two 1s came up again! Yay! I mean, oh no!

[Harry Baldman]

Accelerate in front of the milk float of Mr. O'Donnell, hopefully bringing the police in front of him. Weave evasively to avoid trouble.

[Toaster]

SNAFU


Stop, drop, and roll.   Get in the other milk float and go find a car to steal.

[Digital Hellhound]

Catch up with the fecker and crash into his (float's) backside. Let the police catch any nasty countermeasures first, naturally.

[Greenstarfanatic]

Put the feckin' pedal to the feckin' metal, and try to catch up to Mother Superior Superior! Or Mr. O'Donnell, even better!

[micelus]

Arsebiscuit!

Get up and procure dairy vehicle! Drive towards airport! Bleed!

[lawastooshort]

Mission Two: Mister O’Donnell: 2.2

Stop, drop, and roll.   Get in the other milk float and go find a car to steal.

Get up and procure dairy vehicle! Drive towards airport! Bleed!

In the increasingly brightly lit night at Rolly Island Dairy, …Father Lars trips, stumbles, and flails before falling into the driving seat of the last remaining milk float, setting it on fire with his flaming cassock, and whizzing off through the shattered gates of the dairy.

…He hits Father Reilly on the way out!

Father Reilly is set on fire!

Father Reilly is stuck spread-eagled to the milk float windscreen, burning and bleeding as it tears towards Termonfeckin High Street at over four miles per hour!

Put the feckin' pedal to the feckin' metal, and try to catch up to Mother Superior Superior! Or Mr. O'Donnell, even better!

Dozens of metres ahead, Father Fusco Jr. slams the feckin’ pedal to the feckin’ metal, skidding round a left feckin’ hander and whining down Termonfeckin High Street at probably five feckin’ miles an hour, the wind tearing tears from his eyes as he hunches over the wheel.

…He’s right behind that feckin’ nun! He’s got the target right in his sights! He’s got-

Feck!

Catch up with the fecker and crash into his (float's) backside. Let the police catch any nasty countermeasures first, naturally.

Mother Superior Superior has got the target right in her sights! She speeds along, all but pushing the needle out of the milk float’s speedo as …she suddenly drives over some sharp punctury tacks, skids, spins, smashes sideways into Mister O’Donnell’s float’s backside, and comes to an abrupt halt.

She might even be suffering whiplash!

…Suddenly Father Fusco Jr. smacks into the side of Mother Superior Superior’s milk float at speeds in excess of five miles an hour!

…There’s a sickening crunch of metal and a crack of shattering glass as Father Fusco Jr. flies through his windscreen and lands in Mother Superior Superior’s lap!

Get the feck out of there!

Squinting into his rear view mirror to determine what the commotion is, …Mister O’Donnell briefly loses control of his milk float and slams into a passing bollard!

…He reverses, revealing a rather large dent in the front of the float and revs his engine before trundling off again.

Suddenly he’s overtaken by a speeding Bishop’s bicycle!

Accelerate in front of the milk float of Mr. O'Donnell, hopefully bringing the police in front of him. Weave evasively to avoid trouble.

On his speeding Bishop’s bicycle, with his cassock billowing in the wind and his tyres squealing as he weaves evasively from side to side, …Father Nkuto passes Mister O’Donnell in a blaze of spinning legs with the cops in hot pursuit!

Suddenly Mister O’Donnell hits a passing bollard, and Father Nkuto shoots off in front!

Take down that speed criminal!

”Right, you fecker!” shout the cops in the police float as they pass Mister O’Donnell and try to catch Father Nkuto, ”You’re getting two feckin’ warning shots in the arse and then we’re going to take you down, you feckin’ speed criminal! We don’t like your sort on Rolly Island, you shiting fecker!”

As one cop holds the wheel as steady as he can, his partner leans out the side of the milk er police float, and pops off a few rounds at the delinquent priest!

…Father Nkuto feels a sharp pain right in his arse!

…   …   …   …   …   …

Spoiler: Players & Notes (click to show/hide)

Order on the road:
Father Nkuto, Some cops, Mister O’Donnell, Mother Superior Superior, Father Fusco Jr., Father Reilly, Father Lars.

Name: Mister O’Donnell
Health: [12/12]
Milk Float Health: [5/10]
Skills:
Inventory: Shotgun, 2x Rocket Propelled Grenade, Tacks, a Key.

Name: Father Nkutu, formerly known as Father Curran, Harry Baldman
Health: [12/14]
Bishop Lennan’s Push Bike Health: [5/5] | Immune to explosions (NB: not exploding) | +1 to defence (NB: push bike defence, not priest defence)
Skills: Tis But a Flesh Wound! | Tough Gobshite
Inventory: Sniper rifle, Knife

Name: Father Lars, Toaster
Health: [2/10] | Burning
First Milk Float Health: [3/10] | Burning | Abandoned
Second Milk Float Health: [8/10] | Burning
Skills: Competent Arsonist
Inventory: 2x Molotov

Name: Father Fusco Jr., Greenstarfanatic
Health: [10/10]
Milk Float Health: [9/10] | Abandoned
Skills: Competent Melee Artist
Inventory: Knife

Name: Father John 'Don't'cha Know' Reilly, micelus
Health: [4/10] | Burning
Skills: Competent Masser
Inventory: Sniper rifle

Name: Mother Superior Superior, Digital Hellhound
Health: [10/10]
Milk Float Health: [9/10]
Skills: Competent Melee Artist
Inventory: Fireproof Habit

Notes.
I had a very intense debate with myself about whether that first 1 meant that the milk float would explode, but thought that probably killing two players on turn two through no fault of their own would be, although amusing on certain levels, a bit harsh.

[Harry Baldman]

Speed down the road while massing the feckin' police into submission!