Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Toaster]

And balance has been restored to the universe.


_{Now we just need some vomit.}

[Tiruin]

Use non-lethal tactics to subdue that guard. And if it works, try to search the man for any useful items on hand.

[lawastooshort]

Mission One: Mister O’Reilly: 1.4

Run along the outside of the house, setting the front entrance on fire as well if it isn't already. If the dog catches me, mass it into submission. If it does not, run out of the area of the estate and hide on a nearby rooftop.

Father Nkuto runs along the south wall of the villa, …outrunning the frenzied barking of the attack dog, who loses interest and wanders off back the way he came, and sprints wheezingly up the east side to the front entrance. …He searches about in his cassock’s many pockets: he’s run out of jars of petrol! Cupping his hands to shield his lighter from the rising wind, he forlornly sets fire to a small pile of dried leaves near the open front door and kicks them inside.

They smoulder and smoke very slightly threateningly.

…Job done, Father Nkuto flees the villa’s grounds and shimmies up a nearby drainpipe onto a convenient roof, from which he can survey the slightly smoking main entrance, the demolished front wall, and the two hundred metres from the front of the villa to the main road.

Walk menacingly further into the manor, still chanting scripture while looking for the mark. Or the papers. Either/or, really.

Inside, Father Anderson takes a right, comes face to face with a burning pile of rubble, takes what, in the smoke, he believes is a left and another left and perhaps another left, rushes along with the sound of the fire alarm all but bursting his eardrums, and come face to face with a burning, or rather slightly smouldering, pile of dried leaves.

They smoke at him very slightly threateningly.

…He appears to be back at the front entrance. He wonders if he was chanting the right kind of scripture.

Use non-lethal tactics to subdue that guard. And if it works, try to search the man for any useful items on hand.

…Clutching his injured groin, Father Pax leaps to his feet, and begins subduing his assailant with some rather pertinent Latin verses about the dangers of inappropriate food on religious fast days! …The security guard parries with a rather good question!

”Well Father, that might very well be the case, but don’t you think that should rightly be an ecumenical matter?”

”I… but- um…“

Follow Father Auburn with rifle drawn. He can go first. I insist. If, for some foolish reason, he decides to lay hand on me, exorcise that foul ghost with a Sanctified German Suplex.

Father Auburn, recognizing another priest due to their identical choice of disguise, shoves Father Crimson towards the sound of the hounds and heads upstairs. With no clothes that could catch fire, he should be safe.

”Excellent disguise, my priestly brother! Now you distract the dogs while I go upstairs to look for our, as they say, feckin' target. Err, the fire - is of no significance.”

"No. That feckin' dog can't get here. This place's on feckin' fire. Dogs hate fecking fire. Go ahead, brother, but know that I shall be right behind thee, for you could make for quite the useful meatshi-- er, Holy Vanguard."

HOLY PRIEST-OFF!
Father Crimson: TWO!
Father Auburn: SIX!

Father Auburn shoves Father Crimson through the rubble-strewn ring of fire and into the mouth of the waiting attack dog!

He runs upstairs and then-

Bite the feck out of that reddish priest!

Burst in there and clear the way! By shooting Father Auburn, to clarify!

…Whilst the vicious dog barks happily at Father Crimson and rubs himself up against his naked leg, a fully dressed armed bodyguard bounds down the stairs into Room 3 to clear the way for his client, rolling into cover behind a sofa and busting off a shot with his pistol at the naked priest as he does so!

…The terrifying nudity clearly puts him off, and the shot goes wide!

Rush down protecting Mister O’Reilly! Get him out of the burning building! Feck!

Covered by Armed Guard Two, another bodyguard runs downstairs directly in front of Mister O’Reilly, ushering him into Room 1 as he also aims and fires towards the naked apparition in his client’s burning living room.

…A bullet passes right through Father Auburn’s shoulder! He grimaces and fecks and shites in pain!

Mister O’Reilly and his bodyguard get away into Room 1 and slam shut the door.

Spoiler: Map of the target area (click to show/hide)

…   …   …   …   …   …

Spoiler: Players (click to show/hide)

Name: Father Nkutu, formerly known as Father Curran, Harry Baldman
Health: [10/10] | Overwatching main entrance on a roof
Skills: Tis But a Flesh Wound!
Inventory: Sniper rifle

Name: Father Crimson, Errol
Health: [8/10] | Naked | Room 3
Skills: Competent Bullshiter
Inventory: Assault rifle

Name: Father Alexander Anderson, ragnarok97071
Health: [4/10] | Main entrance
Skills: Competent Bayonet User
Inventory: Blessed Bayonet

Name: Father Auburn, Digital Hellhound
Health: [8/10] | Naked | Room 3
Skills: Competent Heathen Impersonator
Inventory: Armoured Bible

Name: Father Pax, Tiruin
Health: [3/10] | Far right corridor
Skills: Competent Flashbang User
Inventory: Flashbang

Name: Mister O’Reilly, Target
Health: [10/10]
Skills: ??
Inventory: ??

Name: Security Guard One
Health: [8/8] | With Father Pax

Name: Armed Guard One
Health: [8/8] | Headed Room 1 with Mister O’Reilly

Name: Armed Guard Two
Health: [8/8] | With Father Auburn

Unique Special Priestly Discretion Level Ups Available if You Survive!
Father Nkuto: Take The Shots!
Father Crimson: Geronimo!

[Harry Baldman]

Observe the windows and front entrance from vantage point with the scope. See if I can get a good view of O'Reilly or any guards until the end of the turn. If so, aim at them, priority on O'Reilly. If not, look for some sort of gas pipe to aim at and shoot open. Bonus points if there's a gas stove I can see from here.

[Tiruin]

He isn't attacking me. By right of a good security guard, he should at least be behind me, tying my arm and twisting me by the muscle around the wrist.

Why isn't he attacki-..hmm.

"Say, you understand latin fluently..."

Begin conversation, try to befriend guard, and compliment him on that strike at my..err, manly parts. Because that was sincerely an astounding attack.

[Digital Hellhound]

'Ah, well. Shite. We don't have time for this fecker, Father Crimson!'

Pursue O'Reilly and the bodyguard. Impersonate the atheist housekeeper on the way to catch them off-guard, then BIBLE them into submission.

((How does that damage roll work? Why was it 3 damage? Did I get my Bible damage reduction?))

[Errol]

"Feck you! Er, um. Easy, Fido..."

Tame the dog and sic him on the armed security guard. Wait for his fetch with rifle drawn.

[ragnarok97071]

head to room four and wait for them to try to get out that way. then stab the bastards and see if lucky charms explode everywhere.

[lawastooshort]

Mission One: Mister O’Reilly: 1.5

Begin conversation, try to befriend guard, and compliment him on that strike at my..err, manly parts. Because that was sincerely an astounding attack.

Act all bemused and then get the hell out of the burning building with the innocent priest if possible.

…Not terribly far from the smouldering pile of leaves, Father Pax shoots Arnold the Security Guard an even more smouldering look.

"Hey baby," he opens, "You understand Latin fluently..."
 
”Errrrm?”

"I uh… I enjoyed that uh ‘strike’ on my manly parts, you know…"

”Oh?”

"I um… I don’t normally try to ‘befriend’ strangers, but uh… well… how can I say? You’re a very handsome man… Perhaps we could get a coffee? Talk some hot steamy Latin?"

The security guard runs screaming down the corridor towards the pile of smouldering leaves, trips, flails about on the floor, catches fire, and half crawls half runs down the villa drive to safety!

His clothes burn off!

Have a shoot-out with the naked priests!

Tame the dog and sic him on the armed security guard. Wait for his fetch with rifle drawn.

Back by the burning rubble, the armed security guard is pincered between a naked priest with a Bible and a naked priest with a dog. And a Kalashnikov.

Seeing the naked priest with the Bible run past him towards his client and …a friendly dog amble over to lick his knee, the armed security guard shoots the priest in the arse!

…Father Auburn’s arse is horrifically injured!

Desperate for revenge after seeing his friend the dog re-tamed by the forces of evil, Father Crimson unleashes his assault rifle at the armed guard, …totally missing!

Hurry Mr O’Reilly out of the burning building.

Pursue O'Reilly and the bodyguard. Impersonate the atheist housekeeper on the way to catch them off-guard, then BIBLE them into submission.

”Ah, well. Shite! My feckin’ arse! Oh, I say, I don’t necessarily believe in the concept of a god! How about a cup of tea?”

…Father Auburn expertly impersonates the atheist housekeeper despite the burning pain in his rear and chases down Mister O’Reilly and his bodyguard, running into Room 4 – a vast open plan kitchen and dining room – bursting through the door and stumbling right into Mister O’Reilly.

”Aha!” he cries, raising his armoured Bible above his head. ”Take this, you big fecker!”

…Father Auburn smacks Mister O’Reilly in the face!

head to room four and wait for them to try to get out that way. then stab the bastards and see if lucky charms explode everywhere.

Suddenly Father Anderson bashes the door down on the other side of the room and darts across it, dodging past the tables and chairs and cooking implements and all that and leaping at the target with his Blessed Bayonet before him, …viciously stabbing O’Reilly in the back of the thigh!

O’Reilly cries out in pain, spins round, and draws his twin submachine guns!

…He covers the space around Father Anderson with bullets!

His bodyguard turns to face this new and less fatally bleeding threat, …and also shoots the obviously dangerous space around the bayonet-wielding priest!

Observe the windows and front entrance from vantage point with the scope. See if I can get a good view of O'Reilly or any guards until the end of the turn. If so, aim at them, priority on O'Reilly. If not, look for some sort of gas pipe to aim at and shoot open. Bonus points if there's a gas stove I can see from here.

…Far from the confusion and the burning and the nudity, Father Nkutu curses the solidity of the walls preventing him from getting a good view of O’Reilly and instead lets his scope wander over towards the small flames in the front doorway, ignoring the fleeing naked burning security guard and lingering thoughtfully on some sort of gas pipe a few feet inside the front entrance. He takes aim.

Spoiler: Map of the target area (click to show/hide)

…   …   …   …   …   …

Spoiler: Players (click to show/hide)

Name: Father Nkutu, formerly known as Father Curran, Harry Baldman
Health: [10/10] | Overwatching main entrance on a roof
Skills: Tis But a Flesh Wound!
Inventory: Sniper rifle

Name: Father Crimson, Errol
Health: [9/10] | Naked | Room 3
Skills: Competent Bullshiter
Inventory: Assault rifle

Name: Father Alexander Anderson, ragnarok97071
Health: [5/10] | Room 4
Skills: Competent Bayonet User
Inventory: Blessed Bayonet

Name: Father Auburn, Digital Hellhound
Health: [1/10] | Naked | Room 4
Skills: Competent Heathen Impersonator
Inventory: Armoured Bible

Name: Father Pax, Tiruin
Health: [4/10] | Far right corridor
Skills: Competent Flashbang User
Inventory: Flashbang

Name: Mister O’Reilly, Target
Health: [5/10]
Skills: None!
Inventory: Two x Submachine gun

Name: Security Guard One
Health: [5/8] | Fleeing Father Pax | Burning | Naked

Name: Armed Guard One
Health: [8/8] | Room 4 with Mister O’Reilly, Father Auburn, and Father Anderson | Pistol

Name: Armed Guard Two
Health: [8/8] | Room 3 with Father Crimson | Pistol

Unique Special Priestly Discretion Level Ups Available if You Survive!
Father Nkuto: Take The Shots!
Father Crimson: Geronimo!
Father Pax: Hot Steamy Latin!

((How does that damage roll work? Why was it 3 damage? Did I get my Bible damage reduction?))

You didn’t get your DR as I forgot – that’s now correctified. The damage roll works as a d6 for damage if your attack roll beats their defence roll.

[Harry Baldman]

In a bit of a tough position, Nkutu realizes that there is but only one right choice in this situation. And that is to turn to the Lord.

"Lord, if you want me to take advantage of the marvelous gas pipe in my sight and possibly incinerate my fellow feckin' priests along with the gobshite I'm actually here for, give me a sign! If you want those eejit servants to live outside your realm as penance for longer, abstain from giving me anything like a sign!"

If I see something that could be vaguely interpreted as a sign from God to take the shot at the pipe, do so. Otherwise take aim at the escaping guard. Witnesses, you know. Can't have 'em.

[Digital Hellhound]

'Feck! Nobody move or the big fecker gets it! This Bible has really sharp edges, y'know!,

Grab O'Reilly into a stranglehold and use him as a body shield. Back slowly out of the room (in case of failure, do so quickly)

[Errol]

360 noscope Mr. O'Reilly if Father Auburn presents him to me on a silver platter (or distracts him, or whatever). Otherwise, my mad aiming skillz shall be unleashed on the arse-sniping guard.

[Tiruin]

Mr. Pax looked around, confused at the reaction.

"Was it something I said? Must be directly translating into English. I wonder what he heard it as. Latin is a Romance Language..." language of the ancient romans...Maybe it was my verbal uncertainty? Confusing english-types.

Brush off the wound and pain, and head deeper in the direction of Mr. O'Reilly. Away from the flames.

[ragnarok97071]

After the target is grabbed (and thus immobilized and likely unable to fight back), stab him through the throat with one of my blades, throwing a second at the guard's stomach and drawing a third, since that one's out of the question for usin' right now.

[micelus]

Waitlist! (If there is one!)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Name: Father John 'Don't'cha Know' Reilly.
Health: [10/10]
Skills: Competent Masser
Inventory: Sniper Rifle
Starting Country: Monaco
Additional details or bio: Dont'cha Know who John Reilly is? If ya don't be a'knowin by now then I can't be tellin' ya. All top secret and everythin'. See? Word of caution ta ya: don't be mentioning the colour 'Red' ta him. or 'Blue'. Heck, don't even think of 'Green' either.