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Author Topic: Hitpriest: Path of the Assassin: On a break.  (Read 19831 times)

Errol

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Re: Hitpriest: Path of the Assassin: Mission 1.1
« Reply #30 on: June 13, 2013, 01:50:07 am »

((I was born and raised in feckin' Rolly Island, so no problems with airport security here.))

Grumble, curse, stuff the rifle back under the cassock and pick up the feckin' pizza cases. As far as Crimson's concerned this is great feckin' victory as long as he gets away from the feckin' crime scene. Fast.

Well then stride into the villa like a fecking pizza delivery man totally not up to nothing good and deliver some pizzas with the Grace of God.
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Digital Hellhound

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Re: Hitpriest: Path of the Assassin: Mission 1.1
« Reply #31 on: June 13, 2013, 04:29:10 am »

'Feck,' Father Auburn said, hearing the ruckus and nicely getting across everything he wanted to convey.

Distract Security Guard Arnold with the Holy Word. And by that I mean clobber the back of his skull in with the Bible.
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Russia is simply taking an anti-Fascist stance against European Nazi products, they should be applauded. ¡No parmesan!

lawastooshort

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Re: Hitpriest: Path of the Assassin: Mission 1.1
« Reply #32 on: June 14, 2013, 06:23:52 am »

Mission One: Mister O’Reilly: 1.2

Quote from: Freddy The Security Guard 2
Smash the feck out of the feckin’ priest!

At the entrance to the villa, Freddy the Security Guard has just been stabbed in the groin by an errant priest and knocked to the floor. As Father Anderson comes in to apply the finishing blow, the enraged security guard does judo at him!

He throws the priest to the floor and karate chops the fecker in the neck! Father Anderson staggers blindly about clutching his face!

Watch the windows for movement. The feckers have got to move eventually. Try to get an ID on one or both. Failing that, start aiming for one.

Hiding in the bushes a few seconds’ sprint away, Father Nkutu is eyeing the windows through his sniper scope. The feckers have got to move eventually, he fig- ”HOLY FECK! HOLY FECK THERE’S ONE OF THE LITTLE GOBSHITES! FOXTROT ECHO CHARLIE K… KANGAROO, I’VE GOT THE TARGET IN MY SIGHTS! I’M TAKING THE FECKIN’ SHOT!”

Bam! Father Nkutu blasts the window to smithereens. A cry of ”Get down! Get down! We’re under attack!” rings out, followed by the cry of pain that one might expect to emit if, say, one’s arm was exceedingly lightly grazed by a sniper’s bullet.

Bam! Father Nkutu blasts the next window along to smithereens!

Bam! Bam! Bam! Father Nkutu empties the feck out of his magazine, blasting all sorts of holes out of the wall!

”I got ‘im! I got the fecker!” cries the Priest of Vengeance, wondering whether or not to strip naked and charge screaming across the lawn.

Not this time, he decides. Not this time.

Well then stride into the villa like a fecking pizza delivery man totally not up to nothing good and deliver some pizzas with the Grace of God.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Father Crimson rings a doorbell and whips out his AK.

An old man answers.

”I’ve got ye feckin’ pizzas, yer little fecker! And my little friend!”

”I… er… what? Oh shite!”

”Are you not Mister O’Reilly?”

”Errr no.”

”Oh. Feck. Ok then. Bye.”

Search the guard for anything which would pacify the dogs, or in the least aid us in getting inside. Getting inside is my main priority: search for ways to do such.

Back at the villa, while Freddy the security guard does judo to Father Anderson, Father Pax tries to search the guard’s pockets.

Father Pax unsuccessfully chases Freddy up and down the corridor, desperately trying to thrust his hands into the man’s trouser pockets!

Anderson coup-de-grace's the guard who he's pinned to the ground with his bayonet, and if another guard enters the room, spins around to throw one of the bayonet's at him before rushing in to attack in melee.

Having been judoed to the floor with violent and near fatal brutality, Father Anderson counterattacks with his blessed bayonet.

He slices the fecker up!

Distract Security Guard Arnold with the Holy Word. And by that I mean clobber the back of his skull in with the Bible.

”Feck,” pronounces Father Auburn, taking his tour guide’s moment of distraction as an opportunity to smash himself in the shin on the corner of a low metal coffee table.

Finding his previous utterance rather apposite, he decides to utter it again, but with considerably greater vehemence.

”Feeeeeecck!”

Quote from: Arnold The Security Guard 1
Run to the doorway and call the dogs!

”What’s that, Father?” asks Arnold, ”Oh, I know, I’m very sorry, but I’m going to have to leave our little tour for a moment there, there seems to be some kind of – FECKARSE, IS THAT SNIPER FIRE? SHITE! GET DOWN FATHER! I’VE GOT TO GET TO THE DOORWAY! MR O’REILLY’S UNDER SERIOUS ATTACK! YOU’RE UNDER ATTACK! I’M FECKIN’ WELL UNDER ATTACK!”

The security guard rushes out of the room and towards the main entrance, shouting for Bessie and Jessie the two killer hounds to come quick, come feckin’ quick yer feckin’ feckers we’re all feckin’ under attack!

Spoiler: Map of the target area (click to show/hide)
…   …   …   …   …   …

Spoiler: Players (click to show/hide)
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Hitpriest: Path of the Assassin: Mission 1.2
« Reply #33 on: June 14, 2013, 06:58:15 am »

See if I have extra bullets. If so, reload the rifle. Then run up to the house and use the survival techniques of the Congo to start a fire at the back entrance. Or just the back, if there is no such entrance.
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Toaster

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Re: Hitpriest: Path of the Assassin: Mission 1.2
« Reply #34 on: June 14, 2013, 07:56:05 am »

Two turns and only one naked priest?  No arson?  What is this malarky?
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

Errol

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Re: Hitpriest: Path of the Assassin: Mission 1.2
« Reply #35 on: June 14, 2013, 08:00:06 am »

Feck this all. Hijack a car and drive it straight into the fecking mansion of fecking O'Reilly. While reciting mass.
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Hitpriest: Path of the Assassin: Mission 1.2
« Reply #36 on: June 14, 2013, 08:04:51 am »

Two turns and only one naked priest?  No arson?  What is this malarky?

I'm trying arson this turn. After all, how else is one to put the fear of God into unbelievers?
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Digital Hellhound

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Re: Hitpriest: Path of the Assassin: Mission 1.2
« Reply #37 on: June 14, 2013, 09:10:25 am »

((Hey, I have a perfectly good reason for my nudity. That might be a first.))

'...why do I bother.'

Leave the guard and his hounds to it. Head deeper into the villa, keeping an eye out for important-looking papers and/or a way up. Maintain innocent nudist disguise throughout.
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Russia is simply taking an anti-Fascist stance against European Nazi products, they should be applauded. ¡No parmesan!

Tiruin

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Re: Hitpriest: Path of the Assassin: Mission 1.2
« Reply #38 on: June 14, 2013, 09:21:16 am »

Quickly break off and head deeper into the villa, in the direction of the gunshot while trying to sneak my way towards the target. If engaging any other person: Pacify via communication. Talk to them!
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ragnarok97071

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Re: Hitpriest: Path of the Assassin: Mission 1.2
« Reply #39 on: June 14, 2013, 09:56:37 am »

Well. Feck all this, then.

Recover from the judo and slice the feck out of the blasted gobshite that's gone and attacked me, all while ominously chanting scripture.
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lawastooshort

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Hitpriest: Path of the Assassin: Mission 1.3
« Reply #40 on: June 14, 2013, 10:34:23 am »

Mission One: Mister O’Reilly: 1.3

See if I have extra bullets. If so, reload the rifle. Then run up to the house and use the survival techniques of the Congo to start a fire at the back entrance. Or just the back, if there is no such entrance.

Father Nkutu ejects the magazine and slots in another with the trained and efficient motions of a deadly hitpriest, managing just about to get his breathing under control after the excitement of semi-auto magazine emptying. He jumps to his feet, leaps out of the bushes, and sprints round the house with the angry barking of dogs ringing in his ears.

He doesn’t stop till he gets to the back entrance. He looks around, getting naked still foremost in his mind, and produces a small jar of petrol and a lighter from within the depths of his cassock.

The back passage is soon aflame, licks of flame and burps of smoke shooting up the walls!

An alarm begins to sound!

Quickly break off and head deeper into the villa, in the direction of the gunshot while trying to sneak my way towards the target. If engaging any other person: Pacify via communication. Talk to them!

Ignoring the forbidden delights of the security guard’s trouser pockets, Father Pax sneaks off, down the long corridor towards the heart of the villa, trying to locate the direction of the gunshots, and failing. Suddenly he bumps into a sprinting security guard!

”OhhellothereI’mheretokillMisterO’ReillyImeanfecknonotreallyI’mheretoahhh-“

Arnold the Security Guard draws his fist, and karate chops Father Pax right in the eye! Father Pax collapses to the ground, clutching his groin and almost fatally injured!

An alarm begins to sound!

Leave the guard and his hounds to it. Head deeper into the villa, keeping an eye out for important-looking papers and/or a way up. Maintain innocent nudist disguise throughout.

Father Auburn hops about in the… drawing room? It looks like a feckin’ drawing room.

”...why do I bother,” he wonders, as he stalks across the room to a shut door. He stands upright against the doorframe, listening through the distant commotion to hear for any movement on the other side.

There is none.

”GET ON THE FECKIN’ GROUND I’M A FECKIN’ NUDIST!” he cries out, shoulder barging through the door into an empty corridor of silence.

”Oh. Right. Well. Ok so. Probably scared ‘em off.”

He dashes across the small space to the next door. Suddenly an alarm starts ringing! He raises his armoured bible, kicks in the door, and rushes into the next room! It’s a large spacious open plan dining/sitting area! It looks rather pleasant!

Suddenly there’s quite a loud noise right behind Father Auburn.

He turns round.

”Shite.”

Recover from the judo and slice the feck out of the blasted gobshite that's gone and attacked me, all while ominously chanting scripture.

Chanting the feck out of some ominous scripture he’s just remembered, Father Anderson deftly and daintily rolls and recovers, ducks as the security guard lunges at him with a deadly judo kick, and slices the feck out of the gobshite! The fecker drops dead to the ground!

The priest’s instincts take over and he ducks up against the wall to take cover, ominous Latin still droning away.

What sounds like a fire alarm starts ringing.

Feck this all. Hijack a car and drive it straight into the fecking mansion of fecking O'Reilly. While reciting mass.

Droning ominous Latin can also be heard on the other side of Termonfeckin, clearly audible above the squeals of tyres and the screams of carjacked innocents lying sprawling and bleeding from gunshot wounds in the road as Father Crimson fecks it all and blasts through town at eighty miles an hour in a souped up Land Rover. He’s doing his best to keep hold of the wheel as he manoeuvres his arms and legs out of his cassock, shattering the windscreen with the butt of his assault rifle at one time in a desperate attempt to see through the smear of some unidentified bodily fluid. He smashes through a six foot wall, crashes through a tall thick bush, and blasts across an open stretch of lawn without slowing down, without even being slowed down by the bump and sickening crunch as he mows down one of the ravenous guard dogs chasing Father Nkutu and certainly not at all slowing down before leaping out of the Land Rover fully naked except for a red headband and screaming his own particular version of a nice gentle afternoon Mass.

”GERONIMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

There’s a crunch of twisted metal as the front of the four by four collapses in on itself. There’s the sound of an approaching dog barking.

And then there’s an enormous explosion as the fuel tank explodes, tearing apart the wall that used to stand between Mister O’Reilly’s garden and his rather pleasant large spacious open plan dining/sitting area! Flames start climbing up the wall to Mister O’Reilly’s luxury hanging out lounge!

Father Crimson strides through the smoke, assault rifle at his hip, peering through the smoky gloom.

”Well, shite! Who the feck are you?”

Spoiler: Map of the target area (click to show/hide)
…   …   …   …   …   …

Spoiler: Players (click to show/hide)
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Hitpriest: Path of the Assassin: Mission 1.3
« Reply #41 on: June 14, 2013, 11:05:22 am »

Run along the outside of the house, setting the front entrance on fire as well if it isn't already. If the dog catches me, mass it into submission. If it does not, run out of the area of the estate and hide on a nearby rooftop.
« Last Edit: June 14, 2013, 12:12:37 pm by Harry Baldman »
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ragnarok97071

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Re: Hitpriest: Path of the Assassin: Mission 1.3
« Reply #42 on: June 14, 2013, 11:26:15 am »

Walk menacingly further into the manor, still chanting scripture while looking for the mark. Or the papers. Either/or, really.
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Quote from: Wing, via Discord
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Digital Hellhound

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Re: Hitpriest: Path of the Assassin: Mission 1.3
« Reply #43 on: June 14, 2013, 12:07:50 pm »

'Excellent disguise, my priestly brother! Now you distract the dogs while I go upstairs to look for our, as they say, feckin' target. Err, the fire - is of no significance.'

Father Auburn, recognizing another priest due to their identical choice of disguise, shoves Father Crimson towards the sound of the hounds and heads upstairs. With no clothes that could catch fire, he should be safe.
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Russia is simply taking an anti-Fascist stance against European Nazi products, they should be applauded. ¡No parmesan!

Errol

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Re: Hitpriest: Path of the Assassin: Mission 1.3
« Reply #44 on: June 14, 2013, 12:32:09 pm »

"No. That feckin' dog can't get here. This place's on feckin' fire. Dogs hate fecking fire. Go ahead, brother, but know that I shall be right behind thee, for you could make for quite the useful meatshi-- er, Holy Vanguard."

Follow Father Auburn with rifle drawn. He can go first. I insist. If, for some foolish reason, he decides to lay hand on me, exorcise that foul ghost with a Sanctified German Suplex.
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