Mission One: Mister O’Reilly: 1.1
Mug nearest pizza delivery wanker. Acquire his uniform, pizza carton and facial hair, then fashion a disguise from it, put it on over the cassock and stuff the rifle under that cassock, claim it's my fecking massive... holiness when questioned. When all this is said and done, knock on the back door and infiltrate the mansion - if no gobshite opens, it might be time to kick the feckin' door in. The pizza service stops for nobody.
Father Crimson, Hitpriest Extraordinaire, stalks the streets of Termonfeckin, his massive fecking holy assault rifle hiding stiffly and awkwardly down his cassock as he strides through the miserable grey shiting drizzle.
It's mid-afternoon: pizza-delivery rush-hour.
He doesn't have long to wait. He pulls his sunglasses down to reveal his expressionless eyes as a local walks past: he's spotted his victim.
A feckin' pizza delivery fecker.
Father Crimson hates pizzas.
He follows the pizza delivery guy down the street. Past the grocers. Past the newsagents. Down a deserted alleyway.
...Father Crimson dashes up behind his victim, slipping on a discarded pizza box in the slippery wet, sliding forwards and crashing head first into the victim's arse!
"What you feckin' doing, you feckin' gobshite, trying to feckin' mug me or something you big dirty feckin' gobshite? I'll show you, you little fecker!"The pizza delivery guy is enraged!
As Father Crimson gets to his feet the pizza delivery guy attacks! He swings his fists!
...He smashes a horrifying blow into the priest's face and knocks the fecker back to the ground!
Father Crimson is enraged!
He pulls his AK out from its cassock-based hiding place and opens fire,
...spraying bullets all around the terrified pizza delivery guy but totally missing!
The poor man throws his pizzas to the ground, pushes past the downed priest, and flees back to the open street!
Approach the villa cunningly disguised as a tourist. Gain entrance by repeatedly claiming the villa is marked in the Feckin' Tourist's Guide to Rolly Island as a must-see destination.
Not far from where the cracks of automatic gunfire ring out – quite distinct against the quiet afternoon bustle of downtown Termonfeckin, a doorbell rings.
"What the feck you want, you little eejit?" asks the uniformed guard who comes to the door.
"This feckin' villa's marked in the Feckin' Tourist's Guide to Rolly Island," claims the eager looking man before him,
...entirely naked except for a rather solid looking bible that he keeps waving and pointing to as he talks,
"And I'd really feckin' like to see inside it! I've read such wonderful stuff, all sorts of shite about the amazing interior design and all that, gods, I don't think I could ever rest in peace until I get to see the lovely feckin' feckery that's in that there book, such a wonderful guide, I've...""Will you feckin' well shut it if I let you see the living room? I've had enough of you feckin' foreign nudist pagans bothering us at all hours... Come on now, and try to keep yer feckin' mouth shut... You're lucky it's not Freddy opening the door, he bloody hates tourists..."Alexander Anderson turns to Pax, thinking for a few moments before nodding. "I suppose we could do tha'. Lead on then, eh?"
"Two guard dogs, two unarmed guards, and two bodyguards who should apparently be close to the person's body, is my guess. The former two should be our first problems.
"I'll be our confidence man."
Go to the front door/gate, and begin greeting the guards at the door--probably expecting barking from the dogs, and begin making a casual conversation about the area: significant places of interest nearby, distance to the closest police station..Act like a lost tourist.
Not long after, the doorbell rings again. A second uniformed guard appears to greet a second apparent tourist.
"I say," says the priest, resplendent in his best Sunday cassock and terribly English in his best English accent,
"I say, I'm ah, I'm rather lost, you know. Is there a police station nearby?" ..."No there's no feckin' police station round here, you feckin' priest! I told youse lot before to keep the feck away, we don't want your kind round here! Feck off! Come on, feck off! Ooooh, I'll 'ave you, you little fecker! I'm gonna punch your face in!"The uniformed guard is enraged!
Just before he leaps out of the doorway to punch Father Pax's face in, Father Anderson sprints at top speed up the driveway towards the house.
Father Anderson is enraged!
He draws his blessed bayonets and dives at the security guard screaming as loud as he can.
"Get your hands off my fellow fecking priest, you arsebiscuit! En garde!"...The security guard steps out of the way as Father Anderson flies headfirst into the house, and then aims a good hard kick at the priest's arse!
...He crashes to the ground, wincing in pain as Father Anderson turns and
...stabs him right in the groin!
"Arnold!?" cries out the downed guard,
"Arnold, get yer feckin' arse over here, we've got uppity tourist feckers again! Where are those feckin' dogs?!"Try to climb over the fence and survey the villa's windows with the sniper rifle's scope while moving all about all skulking-like to make sure I get all of the things. Try to find that gobshite O'Reilly in this fashion. Failing that, find an open window.
Meanwhile, in the shadow of the bushes decorating the inside of Mr O'Reilly's garden walls, Father Nkutu skulks about, carefully passing from one window to the next with his scope.
...He can't get a shot off yet, but he's seen figures moving about on the second floor of the building.
… … … … … …
Name: Father Nkutu, formerly known as Father Curran, Harry Baldman
Health: [10/10]Skills: Tis But a Flesh Wound!Inventory: Sniper rifle
Name: Father Crimson, Errol
Health: [5/10]Skills: Competent Bullshiter
Inventory: Assault rifleName: Father Alexander Anderson, ragnarok97071
Health: [10/10]Skills: Competant Bayonet User
Inventory: Blessed BayonetName: Father Auburn, Digital Hellhound
Health: [10/10] | Naked
Skills: Competent Heathen Impersonator
Inventory: Armoured BibleName: Father Pax, Tiruin
Health: [10/10]Skills: Competent Flashbang UserInventory: Flashbang
Name: Mister O’Reilly, Target
Health: [10/10]Skills: ??
Inventory: ??
Name: Security Guard Two
Health: [6/8]I like how everyone
very neatly sidestepped the whole potential shoot out in airport security scenario by totally ignoring it.
Actions appear in initiative order, determined by d12.
I'll sort out the waitlist as soon as I can.
I was going to do it all in second person, but then Errol's turn happened.
((Can we be 'Sister' this time around?))
Er I don't think so although I hadn't really considered the idea.
((If I had to think of two words to describe lawastooshort's games, I think they would be "aggressively sacrilegious." Alternately, "actively profane."))
Really? I'd have taken "aggressively puerile", but I'm a very respectful person, in my own humanist way.
Author
Topic: Hitpriest: Path of the Assassin: On a break. (Read 19962 times)