Mission Two: Mister O’Donnell: 2.4
Get the feck away from anything burning.
"Feck all this for a lark," summarises Father Lars, a little too competent at arson for his own liking.
"Feckin’ feckers."…Without even getting naked, the model of priestly self-restraint turns away from the raging inferno that was so recently the Rolly Island Dairy, and walks briskly up the road towards Termonfeckin High Street.
"Gobshites."Single-mindedly focused on the mission, he doesn’t look back.
”Arsebiscuits."He breaks into a light but dignified jog.
”What the feck’s a feckin’ arsebiscuit anyway?"Try to ram that fecker off the road!
Up ahead on Termonfeckin High Street, the blare of police sirens wails piercingly through the night, bringing the locals to their rapidly twitching curtains as the valiant cops resist Father Nkuto’s brutal Mass.
The police milk float driver whines the milk float to within a few feet of the pedalling priest.
”Right, you fecker!” they shout through a special police megaphone,
”Yield to the forces of the feckin’ law or we’ll be forced to ram you off the gobshite road, yer big bastard!””Feck off, yer big pair of gobshites!””Is that your final answer, yer shitebiscuit?””No! Me final answer… me final answer is feck off, yer great big pair of hairy bollocks!””Ooooooh, yer big eejit! You stinking toadarse! Right, take this, you great fecker!”…With a vicious slight nudge to the left, the cops lightly knock the back wheel of Father Nkuto’s bicycle, inflicting a -1 penalty on him but nothing worse than that!
Move in front of Mr. O'Donnell's float and brake rapidly, diving through the front windshield into the fecker I'm here for! Take away his shotgun!
”Arrrrrg!!” screams the terrified Father Nkuto, unbalanced by the police float and hurtling precariously along at speeds in excess of six miles per hour,
”Fecking shite!”A tremendous idea strikes him, and he increases the franticness of his pedalling, barely able to keep the bicycle under control as the back end wobbles and slides under the pressure of the police milk float’s vicious slight nudge.
…Suddenly he brakes rapidly, flies over the handlebars, launches Bishop Lennan’s bicycle into the air, and smashes his face on the tarmac ahead.
He scrambles over to see, with horror, Mister O’Donnell bearing down on him at top speed in his milk float!
He has no more than five seconds to take evasive action!
Just as Father Nkuto is preparing to take evasive action Bishop Lennan’s bicycle tumbles from the sky, piercing the unfortunate priest right in the groin!
”Arrrrrg!” he screams, again, taken by a sudden wave of prudishness,
”Me feckin’ testicles!! Shite!”Pinned to the ground, the situation looks hopeless!
Mister O’Donnell bears down on Father Nkuto!
Mister O'Donnell laughs!
The night sky darkens even further over Nkuto as the milk float looms menacingly above the stricken priest – but at the last moment he rolls to the side, letting the milk float pass harmlessly over him as he presses himself into the ground between the left and right hand wheels!
…Suddenly, with the righteous force of crotch pain and the milk float directly above him, Father Nkuto leaps into the air, severely piercing the floor, bursting through and grappling with the thieving gobshite and knocking him clean out of the holed escape vehicle onto the road behind!
…The fugitive float wheezes to a halt as O’Donnell and Nkuto wrestle together on the floor, the priest miraculously keeping hold of all of his clothing and the criminal eejit keeping hold of his shotgun!
SERPENTINE PATTERNS! SERPENTINE PATTEEEEEEEEEEERNS!
Father Fusco sees the commotion ahead and panics!
”SERPENTINE PATTERNS!” he yells, trying to command the milk float by the very strength of his tremendous holy voice itself, and failing,
”SERPENTINE PATTERNS! FECKIN’ SERPENTINE PATTEEEEEEEEEEERNS!”…Fusco swerves from left to right to left again, wildly passing the wrestling priest and the wretched bastard target, and suddenly finds himself heading straight towards Bishop Lennan’s grievously crashed bicycle!
”Shite!” he realises,
”Bishop Lennan’s feckin’ bicycle!”Almost bringing the speeding swerving death-trap of a milk float under control, Father Fusco Jr. wangs it hard to the left to avoid the Holy Bicycle, toppling the float over onto its side, skidding along the ground for several metres and being flung skywards as the float hits the curb, flips over into the air, spins three or four times, and explodes in a ball of flame as it hits the storefront of the local greengrocers.
…Silhouetted against the burning shopful of vegetables, Father Fusco Jr. falls gracefully to the ground not far from Mister O’Donnell.
”Shite.”Shite!
Lit by the flashing lights of the police milk float and the rising flames from Father Fusco Jr.’s most recent arson attack, Mister O’Donnell manages to prise himself away from the lecherous grip of Father Nkuto and whips out his shotgun as he takes a step or two back.
”You little fecker,” he mumbles at the crazed and bleeding priest.
…Mister O’Donnell misses quite entirely!
”Shite.”…He aims the second barrel!
”You little gobshite.”He blasts Father Nkuto’s priest hat to smithereens!
”Feck.”With Father Fusco, move up and sandwich O'Donnell's float between our two floats.
Quite entirely failing to coordinate her actions with Father Fusco Jr., Mother Superior Superior drives carefully up to Mister O’Donnell’s milk float, looks over her shoulder, and reverses with an insistent beeping.
…Slamming her foot down, Mother Superior Superior starts repeatedly ramming O’Donnell’s milk float towards the burning wreckage of Father Fusco’s!
Look for a useable mode of transport and get back to chasing the target. If in range, fire at O’Donnell.
…A long way back down the road – some two hundred metres at least – Father Reilly looks dejectedly around.
It is, despite the tremendous fire behind and the doing-its-best-to-catch-up fire in front, rather dark.
He sees no transport!
Father Reilly starts walking towards the last known position of Mister O’Donnell.
Suddenly Father Lars bursts past him in a brisk jog .
… … … … … …
Estimated Order on the road:Father Fusco Jr., Mother Superior Superior, Some cops, Father Nkuto, Mister O’Donnell, Father Lars, Father Reilly.
Name: Mister O’Donnell
Health: [12/12]Milk Float Health: [4/10] | Abandoned
Skills: Inventory: Shotgun, 2x
Rocket Propelled Grenade, Tacks, a Key.
Name: Father Nkutu, formerly known as Father Curran, Harry Baldman
Health: [8/14]Bishop Lennan’s Push Bike Health: [2/5] | Immune to explosions (NB: not
exploding) | +1 to defence (NB: push bike defence, not priest defence)
Skills: Tis But a Flesh Wound! |
Tough GobshiteInventory: Sniper rifle,
KnifeName: Father Lars, Toaster
Health:
[2/10]Skills:
Competent ArsonistInventory: 2x
MolotovName: Father Fusco Jr., Greenstarfanatic
Health: [6/10]Skills:
Competent Melee ArtistInventory: KnifeName: Father John 'Don't'cha Know' Reilly, micelus
Health: [4/10]Skills:
Competent MasserInventory: Sniper rifleName: Mother Superior Superior, Digital Hellhound
Health: [10/10]Milk Float Health: [9/10]Skills: Competent Melee ArtistInventory: Fireproof HabitNotes.I don’t know if I will be able to fit another turn in before I will be unavailable for 2-3 weeks. Apologies and please come back when I do.
Author
Topic: Hitpriest: Path of the Assassin: On a break. (Read 19876 times)