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[lawastooshort]

Mission Two: Mister O’Donnell: 2.6

Charge forward and molotov the arsebiscuit!

"Praise the LORD for delivering unto me this glorious holy shower!" cries Father Lars as he pulls out his last Molotov and prepares to charge the arsebiscuit O’Donnell.

"Amen."

Dramatically running towards the fugitive’s crumpled milk float through the misty spray of Holy Steam and the raging backdrop of Burning Greengrocer’s, Father Lars’ Holy Presence swings menacingly b

Treading the narrow path between Holy Water and raging fire, Father Lars readies his last Molotov and charges towards the enemy of the church, his tremendous Holy Presence subjugating all who witness it and scarr

Although he is quite naked, Father Lars feels that his tremendous Holy Presence is, if anything, despite the lack of the uniform of his faith, rather more tremendous that normal. He feels he could subjugate the heathenous O’Donnell with merely one quick flash of his Holy Presence; with one quick reveal O’Donnell might see the wrongfulness of his ways and repent, returning unto the church that… thing which he had stolen and which escapes Father Lars’ mind just this minute.

Yea! Father Lars feels tremendous, and tremendously Holy, and tremendously Present, almost as if frozen in a special and particularly Holy Frozen Moment between the rivers of Holy Steam and the rivers of Grocery Fire.

As he dashes, Father Lars shows his Holy Armpit to the world and, with a vigorous over-arm throw, launches his Holy Molotov at Mister O’Donnell.

It arcs slowly across the dawn sky,

…It lands right on that feckin’ eejit Mister O’Donnell’s gob!

It shatters!

It explodes!

It sends dribbles of flame flying in several directions!

Many of these directions are the direction of his milk float!

O’Donnell’s milk float explodes!

It shatters!

It sends shards of sharp slivers of metal flying in several directions!

One of those directions is towards …Father Lars! Another is towards …Father Nkuto! …Two more are towards the on-looking police officers!

…When the vast cloud of smoke and debris finally clears, there is nothing but wreckage left of Mister O’Donnell’s float and, next to it, there is only a singed and naked body left to bear witness to O’Donnell’s terrible empire of crime.

Content with her holy work so far, Mother Superior Superior simply follows along on foot, encouraging the others with a boisterous prayer.

…Meanwhile Mother Superior Superior keeps watch, standing up against a lamppost not far from the smouldering wreckage, intoning a mellifluous and encouraging prayer on the subject of the Holiness of Jellied Eels and Whyfore That They Shan’t Be Eaten on Shrove Tuesdays Which it is the Lord What Said it.

While they're busy, retreat to a notable distance from O'Donnell's float and shoot it with the sniper rifle. Hopefully that'll finish the fecker off.

…And meanwhile, Father Nkuto walks nonchalantly away from the burning carcass of milk float and aims.

He wonders if it’s really worth pulling the trigger now.

Errr

The cops, realising that the miscreant has been, if not apprehended, then at least prevented from furthering his career of crime, start taking a few details.

One walks over to his police float to get out a clean notepad and to check with the duty sergeant if molotovs are legal now.

…   …   …   …   …   …

Spoiler: Players & Notes (click to show/hide)

Estimated Order on the road:
Father Lars, Some cops, Father Nkuto, Mother Superior Superior.

Name: Mister O’Donnell
Health: [-1/12]
Milk Float Health: [-10/10]
Skills:
Inventory: Shotgun, 2x Rocket Propelled Grenade, Tacks, a Key.

Name: Father Nkutu, formerly known as Father Curran, Harry Baldman
Health: [4/14]
Bishop Lennan’s Push Bike Health: [2/5] | Immune to explosions (NB: not exploding) | +1 to defence (NB: push bike defence, not priest defence)
Skills: Tis But a Flesh Wound! | Tough Gobshite
Inventory: Sniper rifle, Knife

Name: Father Lars, Toaster
Health: [4/10] | Naked
Skills: Competent Arsonist
Inventory: 0x Molotov

Name: Mother Superior Superior, Digital Hellhound
Health: [4/10]
Skills: Competent Melee Artist
Inventory: Fireproof Habit

Notes.

[Harry Baldman]

Nah. No point. Instead, see if Mr. O'Donnell's corpse is currently unattended. If so, fetch the keys from it if somebody hasn't already. And the shotgun, if available. If not, then just leave quietly to rest and recuperate, taking Bishop Lennan's pushbike with me. Don't ride it, just take it along with me. Leave in any event, even if thievery successful.

[Toaster]

Loot the key (and the RPG rounds) if still there, then abscond quietly into the night.  If accosted by the police, Mass at them until they repent whatever sins they might have committed.

[Digital Hellhound]

Take key, if remaining. Convince police officers Father Lars is innocent if he is accosted.

[lawastooshort]

Mission Two: Mister O’Donnell: 2.7

MULTI-PRIEST SQUABBLE-OFF!

keys

key

key

ROUND ONE!
Father Nkuto: 4
Father Lars: 6
Mother Superior Superior: 6

ROUND TWO!
Father Lars: 6
Mother Superior Superior: 6

ROUND THREE!
Father Lars: 5
Mother Superior Superior: 4

Something very much akin to the noble game of rugby is re-enacted on the streets of Termonfeckin as the three heavily wounded and, in one case (the very reverend Father Lars) heavily naked men and woman of the cloth grope and grasp and grapple with each other until suddenly Father Nkuto gets a firm hold of something that really shouldn’t, even when not naked, be held that firmly without mutual consent and he propels himself out of the ruck with all the force his religiously appalled sense of gender can muster.

They grapple on; Mother Superior Superior unafraid to grasp any part of naked man of the cloth, elbowing Father Lars deftly in the nose-joint – yet the flow of blood does not interrupt Father Lars’ rising tide of Deadly Latin.

As Father Lars gets to his feet, chanting with the virulence of one who has a key to pick up and intends to do it even if a horrendous murdernun tries to stop him, blood spurts amusingly from his broken nose.

Mother Superior Superior’s knees begin to buckle. She begins to go down. She covers her ears and her eyes.

”No!” she cries out, ”Feck!”

”Oh yes, you dirty feckin’ eejit!” shouts Father Lars, ”Oh feckin’ yes!”

Mother Superior Superior begins to repent!

Whilst Father Nkuto sneakily fecks off with a shotgun down his trousers and the Bishop’s pushbike between his hands, Mother Superior Superior begins to repent!

The brave nun collapses to the ground.

Father Lars looks for a cassock lying around to hide an RPG in.

There are no non-worn non-burnt cassocks.

He looks at the cops.

The cops look at him.

He stands up, naked except for the key on a chain around his neck and an RPG in his hand.

He picks up a pair of spare RPG rounds, turns to the cops, and walks off into the dawn.

”I’ve got a feckin’ Mass to do…”

…   …   …   …   …   …

Spoiler: Players & Notes (click to show/hide)

Name: Father Nkutu, formerly known as Father Curran, Harry Baldman
Health: [5/14]
Bishop Lennan’s Push Bike Health: [2/5] | Immune to explosions (NB: not exploding) | +1 to defence (NB: push bike defence, not priest defence)
Skills: Tis But a Flesh Wound! | Tough Gobshite, One skill to pick.
Inventory: Sniper rifle, Knife, Shotgun.

Name: Father Lars, Toaster
Health: [5/10] | Naked
Skills: Competent Arsonist, One skill to pick.
Inventory: 0x Molotov, RPG with 3 rounds, 500 Euros.

Name: Mother Superior Superior, Digital Hellhound
Health: [5/10]
Skills: Competent Melee Artist, One skill to pick.
Inventory: Fireproof Habit

Notes.

[Harry Baldman]

I'll take Competent Masser, for those situations when being a tough gobshite isn't enough.

[Digital Hellhound]

I'll go with Competent Stealthiness or somesuch, if you please, lawas. Turns out a nun's habit is perfect for sneaking around.

[Toaster]

I'll take Competently Hardy, given I spent half this mission limping around.

[lawastooshort]

Hello chums! Bad news, I'm afraid.

I don't think I can make enough time to run two rtds anymore, for various good real life reasons. I'm loathe to drop this one, because it makes me giggle to write it, but although I have a longer-than-one-mission story plotted (no really) I think that my other game probably has more longevity. It also started first - and matches my burning aspiration to be a Serious GM tackling the Big Subjects.

So I think we have to go on a break. I'll try to only sleep with one other rtd whilst we are on the aforementioned break, and I apologise heartily in advance for when I slip and wake up naked next to a brand new game set in the ancient (or is it?) world of the Aztecs.

I'll always be thinking of you though: the spirit of burning fecking nudity flows through me like vomitous blood, and writing a priest update is like joyously bleeding all over my keyboard.

[Digital Hellhound]

Yes well. Carry on and do as you wish. We're really not gonna hire an Irish Hitpriest to come after you.

[Toaster]

Armed with fire, nudity, vomit, and a Tremendous Holy Presence.