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[WillowLuman]

Obviously dead people can't just go on doing what they were doing, but in this world they still get to do a lot more than dead people back home. So here's hoping Michael doesn't become too upset or despondent, and that we can make the best of this situation.

[Xanmyral]

I'm... Personally wondering why we haven't been shunted to the dreamsleeve yet.

[WillowLuman]

It's possible that, as an outsider, our soul isn't part of the whole cycle that this universe has going on. It might have taken on some of the qualities of the native souls, but doesn't quite fit into the cosmic cogs. Perhaps this world is treating our soul as a daedric soul, and it would have to return to its plane of origin to experience whatever's supposed to happen to it.

[Putnam]

Dreamsleeve recycling only really happens to those who aren't aligned to a particular AE, and we may be closely aligned enough to Azura to go to her realm...

But then again, I have a different idea that may have been hinted at earlier with comments by Vivec.

Wake up.

[LordBucket]

Episode 63: Madness in third person D minor

Michael can you hear us!?

: "Yes, I can hear you. Glad you guys are still here. I was having visions of spending eternity alone haunting this beach."

when you look inside yourself do you see any magicka that corresponds to us talking?

: "...you mean, when you talk, do I...oh, I think I understand. I'm not sure. Say something."

Yeah, you look dead, Michael. None of this happened last time. We're not sure what's going on now.

: "No, I didn't notice anything. I don't know if that means anything though. There've been marks and things I wasn't able to see either."

Actually, this IS sort of what happened last time, just floating above your body. It didn't last very long though, and you still might end up getting reset soon.

: "...you guys don't seem very certain. "

Wake up.

: "I don't feel any different. If I'm asleep, I don't know how to wake up."

Try to move around?

Attempt to move towards an object.

determine if we can move our... presence about.

: "Yeah, that was pretty much the first thing I tried. Problem is...and I don't know what to explain this...look, can you guys see what I'm seeing? Because this is really difficult to explain. I have no sense of direction. As in, like...I don't even know how to describe directions right now. I mean, sure I can see a mudcrab over there."



: "And I can see some reeds by the lake."



: "But I'm not entirely sure where I am. I mean, I cn see my body. But it's kind of over there. I suppose I could...ok, how about this. My body's right there. I'll try going towards it."



: "Guys, I don't know how to move. I don't have a body. No legs no arms...nothing. If I were asleep, even when I dream I have a body and use it to walk around. Do you have a body when you dream? Because I do. Now? I don't even know how I'm talking to you, let alone how to move."

Well, you know what casting a (pre-determined) spell at least *feels* like.

You could... try casting free-form?

: "Casting fleabite is just a matter of directing magicka into the spellform. It's like turning on a faucet. Or, I guess kind of like turning on a computer. Plugging it in and pushing the power button 'channels' electricity into it, and it does stuff. Knowing how to direct electricity from the wall into a computer by plugging in cables and pushing the power button doesn't mean you have any idea what the circuit boards are doing or how it does it. If I handed you a battery would you be able to build a cell phone to use the power? Sure I can cause magicka to flow. That's no problem. But I don't know what to do with it."

Channel magicka into your dead body?

I suggest you randomly try that at least though.

: "Well, ok. I'll give it a try."



Magicka is now 34/73

Yeah, that was pretty much what I expected. You guys saw that right? It's like shining two flashlight beams into each other. I can direct magicka no problem, but getting it to do anything...I just don't know how. The sun is streaming magicka through everything on the entire planet 24/7. Me streaming a little too doesn't make much difference.

try looking[Or however it is you perceive your surroundings now] inside your pack for a PAPER-WRAPPED OBJECT.

: "I just don't have the visual power to penetrate my backpack. Remember, even Divayth Fyr asked me to remove my armor when he checked me for marks. You're asking me to see through a backpack, the stuff in it, and some paper in order to see an apple? I'm sorry, that's just beyond my ability."

You're probably dead. But not THAT dead. You'll probably get better. Resurrection is POSSIBLE even in vanilla elder scrolls lore. And you can still hear us, this isn't another doomed timeline where you die and we and presumably a small part of you return to the you on the central timeline.

Tomb, center of lake, in either order.

try going towards the center/bottom of the lake

: "Well, that sounds like a great plan, but I haven't figured out how to move yet."

try to move or push our perceptions towards the center of the lake.

: "Oh, you mean don't move me...move my perception? Like, imagine I'm remote viewing or something? Ok, I'll give that a try."



: "Guys! I know what's going on! When you see, you see with your eyes, right? But I don't have eyes. They're over there with my body. So, how am I seeing? Here's the thing: I have a fully 360 degree view right now. There's no left or right because there's no external 'me' outside from frame of reference from which to compare. It's like I'm a single looking in all directions at once. I have a sense for 'up' and 'down because, well, the planet's right there. Towards the ground is down. But even that's kind of arbitrary. For example, the sun is over there, still below the horizon. What if instead of calling 'towards the planet' down, I said that 'towards the sun' was down?"



: "...gah, that's nauseating. Anyway, thing is, when you walk 'forward' that's the directio you're looking, you go forward. Now, EVERY direction is forward because I'm seeing in every direction at once. So I think that when I 'think' of 'forward,' I'm trying to go in every direction at the same time, forward just as much as back because I don't really have a front or back right now. So, all I have to do is ignore a bunch of directions, and only go in one direction. Ok, ready? Let's give this a try."



: "...ok, maybe not. I don't know guys. I might be stuck here. Ghosts typically haunt only one place, right? Maybe I can't move?"

maybe the rising of the sun will bring us back to life or something?

: "If I can't cast spells and if I can't figure out how to move, yeah I'm not really sure what else I can do but wait."

(Several hours later)



: "Good morning, sun!"

The sun gazes brightly upon Michael.

Nothing happens.

Celestia halp?

I'm expecting you to wave your hands around and magically fix it tia

: "So, umm...Mr. Sun would you - no wait. I guess that would be Mrs. Sun, right? Or Miss Sun? Princess Celestia? Is that you? Would you help me out here?"

Nothing happens.

: "Azura? This is Dawn, so this is your time. I guess you would know better than anybody if I'm the Nerevarine or not. And I want to help Morrowind against Dagoth Ur. Could you spare a ressurection?"

The sun continues to rise. Michael appears to still be dead. With nothing else to do to, Michael sings to pass the time. And possibly to keep from going insane.

: "So what's your favorite brony song, guys? Let's start with mine. *ahem* Human beings fascinate me being just the way they are! Tell me little pony can you push a cart or drive a car? Lyre is my instrument, but humans strum their sweet guitar..."



(Several hours later)

: "...somewhere out here is a pet that will suit you just right! I can't wait to get started, but first let me set a few rules..."




(Later that night)

: "...little lamb, little lamb. Mary had a little lamb its fleece was white..."



(the following day)

: "...forty six thousand, two hundred twenty one bottles of beer on the wall, forty six thousand, two hundred twenty one bottles of beer, you take one down, you pass it around, forty six thousand two hundred twenty bottles of beer on the wall. Forty six thousand, two hundred twenty bottles of beer on the wall...hey. Is that someone coming?"



: "Hey! Can you hear me? Hello?!!??!! He's coming closer! Yes, I'm saved! Dude, help! Help? You can't hear me, can you? Figures. Wait, why are you taking off my backpack?"

Michael screams and rants as the dunmer digs through his back and begins pocketing things. Gold, soulgems, your magic dagger, the Dwemer puzzle box Divayth Fyr gave you, a small paper wrapped-

: "Oh, now this is justice. Let's see what you do with it."

The dunmer pulls open the paper and gazes upon the golden apple, his mouth opening slightly and his gaze dulling. Suddenly he bites into the apple like a feral animal, clearly savoring it as juice and apple pulp dribbles down his face.

: "Oh my, this isn't what I expected at all! How marvelous!"









: "Who are you?"

: "I'm many things, dear boy. And several of those things are not ducks. Possibly even most of them, I've never been entirely sure. My what a delicious looking apple you have there."

The dunmer looks at it with a sour expression on his face and tosses it into the lake, then draws your viperblade from his belt.

: "It tasted awful. Where did you come from old man? I didn't hear you walk up. I don't take kindly to assassins."

: "Tut tut, drawing a weapon on a kindly gentleman like myself? What manners are they teaching these days? Well, I suppose I shall have to defend myself."

The man pulls a cane out of nowhere, reminding you very much of the way you've seen Awesomicus switch gear, then he holds it like a pen in front of him with most of its length over his shoulder.

: "Come at me bro!"

The dunmer looks at him, his stance, the cane, his clothes...and suddenly starts sweating.

: "Sheogorath?"

: "Indeed! Though I prefer being addressed as Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness. Or Bob. Or, Your Noble Royal Fluffiness of Pinatas Full Of Squirrels. Or you can address me at divided by zero The Palace, New Sheoth, Shivering Isles. But I don't check my mail much. Or my femail, for that matter. So you'd best simply talk to me now."

The dunmer straightens and speaks proudly.

: "Muthsera, are you here to test me?"

: "Test you? What a delightful idea! I was going to simply kill you, but what you suggest would be so much more fun! And don't call me Sera."

: "At this point I don't know if I should be glad I stopped myself from eating it r not."

: "I'll have you know that Hermaeus' apple was delicious. To certain species' tastebuds, at least."

: "Forgive me for discarding it, my Prince."

: "Wait, can you hear me?"

: "Of course, the test must be something suitable. Oh! I have just the thing!"

He pulls out a hot dog in a bun from inside his coat and tosses the bun into the lake, then hands the hot dog to the dunmer.

: "Your task, should you choose to accept it, is to find the tallest tree on Dagon Fel and cut it down with this hot dog!"

The dunmer accepts it with a skeptical look on his face.

: "Return to me when you have completed your task and I probably won't kill you. Or, no...am I supposed to kill you? I always get those two things mixed up."

: "My lord, where can I find you once I have done this?"

: "Well, don't ask me. I certainly couldn't tell you. I know where half of me is half the time. To say nothing of the other two halves. I'm sure you'll work it out."

The dunmer salutes, then eyes your body.

: "You wouldn't mind if I took the rest of his things, would you?"

: "Yes, I would mind very much!"

: "Oh, no. Not at all. Please, take it all."

Nodding, the dunmer grabs your bag and some of your armor and puts it on. Then strides of purposefully.

: "Did you have to encourage him like that? Earlier it looked like he was only going to take a couple things."

: "No, I don't have to do anything. But it's not like you were using it anymore. Just be glad he didn't drag off your body too. You're not using that either."

: "Yeah, I guess. Hey, so..umm, speaking of my body still being here, can you bring me back to life?"

: "Life? Where's that? Do they have good skiing there? I haven't been skiing in ages. Oh, wait! I'm skiing right now. Ahh, that's nice."

: "I mean, can you make me not dead? Would you? My body's right there, I just -"

: "Much as I don't care about whatever you're saying, I have a better idea. One that isn't completely stupid and boring. I'm going to make you a deal. Out of the goodness and kindness of my heart. Or possibly my spleen. Somewhere in my torso, anyway. My goodness and kindness both get around, if you know what I mean."

: "What kind of deal?"

He frowns for a moment.

: "No, I don't do deals. it's more like a...quest? No, that's not it either. Game! That's it.  Let's play...a game!"

: "A game?"

: "A game? No, maybe later. Let's have a contest instead. You can ask me five questions, and any questions that I can answer with a yes or no, I will. If you can ask five questions in a row that I can answer with a yes or no, you win the round. If you fail to ask five questions in a row that I can answer with a yes or no, you lose. We'll play four rounds, for twenty questions total. Whomever wins more rounds wins the game."

: "What do I get if I win?"

He smiles warmly.

: "The satisfaction of a job well done!"

: "And if you win?"

His smile twists deviously.

: "King-rook split."

: "I don't understand."

: "Fortunately your understanding is not required."

: "Will you at least answer the questions honestly?"

He looks horrified.

: "Oh dear, talk about looking a gift pony in the mouth! I'm not only letting you ask questions, I'm even offering to answer them too! And here you are making demands about HOW I should answer them? Well, if you only want ridiculous 'honest' answers, I have approximately three hundred trillion better things I could be doing right now. So if you'll excuse me."

: "...ok, I guess I can play. It's not like I have any better options available."

: "Atta boy, Michael! I knew you'd be a good sport about it! And since you've decided to be a good sport, I'll be a good sport too and even let you talk to yourself for a bit to think up some really good questions."

He looks at you conspiratorially.

: "Don't tell anyone, but I talk to myself too. The doctors prescribed fluphenazine, but I flush the pills down the toilet. It's not safe to mix medications, but the toilet hasn't complained yet."

Spoiler: Stats (click to show/hide)

Level 9
Health: N/A
Armor rating: N/A
Magicka 73/73
44.4 Intelligence (40)
42.0 Willpower (40)
45.2 Personality (40)
? Luck (50)

What do you do?

[Rabid_Cog]

Well now. This is interesting. Too bad we've already wasted 3 questions, but I suppose it can't be helped.

So, 17 to go. Any ideas? Note that he is not required to answer honestly, so the manner in which he answers is probably going to be of more value than the actual answers. This, of course, means that yes/no questions will most likely be the least helpful. Still, I'm not sure I want to lose his contest. "King-rook split" sounds ominous... The King could represent the soul and the Rook the body, which means that this becomes permanent.

Do not let Sheograth know that you've discovered a way to permanently kill Daedra.

I'm also sensing a problem: trolls will be able to propose questions and they will get added to the list.
Micheal, ignore all stupid and pointless questions!

[Descan]

What makes you think we've asked 3 of those questions? 2 of them weren't even yes/no questions, like "What do I get if I win?" and he didn't say "Ahaha! That's not a yes/no!" like I totally expected him to and vanish, so the game hasn't started.

[LordBucket]

he didn't say "Ahaha! That's not a yes/no!" like I totally expected him to

...so, he didn't do what you expected?

*nods slowly*

[WillowLuman]

Ah, Sheogorath was my second guess. All things considered, probably better than Herma-Mora.

Should we ignore stupid and pointless questions, though? We're most likely in this to win, not get information. Stupid and pointless may be just the kind of thing the madgod wants to hear. And bear in mind our answers aren't restricted to honesty, either.

Some suggestions, subject to voting:

Do the questions we just asked count? (Probably ask this one first!)

Are you going to try to break the Greymarch cycle this time?

Have you stopped beating your wife? (Hoping he may appreciate the questionable logic)

Is a hotdog still a hotdog if it's made of guar?

Would it be crazy to join up with Dagoth Ur?

Do your voices come from the internet as well?

[Mictlantecuhtli]

Spoiler: Question for people like Putnam&TES Lore experts (click to show/hide)

What do you think would happen if we convinced the Mad God to try his own apple? *Plausible considering his willingness for the absurd* I'm not sure how this summoning happened in TES terms. This is not a question for the GM/Michael. I'm not entirely convinced playing Sheogorath's game is in our best interest.

[Putnam]

Spoiler: Question for people like Putnam&TES Lore experts (click to show/hide)

What do you think would happen if we convinced the Mad God to try his own apple? I'm not sure how this summoning happened in TES terms. This is not a question for the GM/Michael.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

That was Herma-Mora's apple, or so says Sheogorath. If it were Sheo's apple, it wouldn't have much effect on him; it does what he wants, I'd imagine, though perhaps he would want it to make him explode dramatically.

[Rabid_Cog]

What I meant by ignoring stupid and pointless questions are questions like:
"What's your favourite colour?"
"How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck would chuck wood?"
etc.
Questions that both make us lose the game contest and give no useful information.

By the by, we are playing four rounds of five. Why not a single round of 20? What is the difference?

[Mr. Strange]

It seems we have to ask 5 yes/no questions in row to win the round, and win three rounds (that's 15 questions) to not "lose"...
And that we lose if more than five of our questions are not yes/no questions.

King-rook split sounds like chess jargon, since King and Rook are used in chess move "castling" together, dunno any more about that...

Ask
#1 if Sheggy intended to make a hot dog pun with his hot dog bun,
#2 if today (here and now) is fredas/friday,
#3 if he has accepted Eris Jesus Christ as his personal lord and saviour yet,
#4&5 from Hugo's questions

Do the questions we just asked count? (Probably ask this one first!)

Are you going to try to break the Greymarch cycle this time?

We need more (and better) questions...

[Putnam]

About waking up not working:

Darn. I guess we don't have some sorta sleeper CHIM (unless we have some sorta odd otherworld CHIM with different properties, which wouldn't surprise me much at all)

[IronyOwl]

Well this is all kinds of interesting. If I had to guess, and with the Daedric Lord of Madness I certainly do, "King-rook split" indeed refers to castling, a chess move involving moving the King and Rook together/past each other. Which is most likely a metaphor for ripping our soul from our body. Or away from our body, if we're not still properly connected.

So. The game. All we have to do, in theory, is ask five questions in a row that Sheo here can answer yes or no. In theory, this should be trivial, since we can just ask him trivial, obviously true or false things.

So in practice, naturally this is probably going to be bothersome, either because he's the Daedric Lord of Madness and therefore "is your shirt purple?" isn't nearly as clearcut as it seems, or because he's the Daedric Lord of Madness and therefore what he said the game was going to be isn't necessarily related in any way to what the game is. Alternatively, the danger comes from our desire to ask easy questions being at odds with our desire for answers from a... well, he's insane and indecipherable, so I wouldn't count too much on his info being tempting.

By the by, we are playing four rounds of five. Why not a single round of 20? What is the difference?

Pacing and strict requirements. Asking us to ask 20 questions correctly might be unreasonable, especially since the rules may be different than we expected. Asking us to ask 5 questions correctly in a row three times out of four is still pretty stringent, but much more manageable.

Notably, it means we have an "experiment" round, should we choose to use it. Might or might not be better to intentionally "throw" a round figuring out if he likes simple or complex questions, or physical or metaphysical ones, or philosophical or practical queries, or what. With only five questions, of course, there's no way we'd figure out all the pitfalls, especially if previous questions affect future ones.

Do the questions we just asked count? (Probably ask this one first!)

Are you going to try to break the Greymarch cycle this time?

Have you stopped beating your wife? (Hoping he may appreciate the questionable logic)

Is a hotdog still a hotdog if it's made of guar?

Would it be crazy to join up with Dagoth Ur?

Do your voices come from the internet as well?

#1 if Sheggy intended to make a hot dog pun with his hot dog bun,
#2 if today (here and now) is fredas/friday,
#3 if he has accepted Eris Jesus Christ as his personal lord and saviour yet,
#4&5 from Hugo's questions

Do the questions we just asked count? (Probably ask this one first!)

Are you going to try to break the Greymarch cycle this time?

Well, what's the goal here? Are we trying to amuse him? Softball him? Make the questions interesting enough as yes/no that he doesn't feel the need to extrapolate to make them interesting?

I'm not sure what I think we should do, but I do think we should at least try to codify what we're attempting and why, before the whims of a mad deity turns them all inside out and upside left.