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[Siquo]

Wait, what? Did you just write that the best way to make a point is to be both unreliable and actively ask people not to believe what you say? That's a refreshing approach to persuasion. I'll try it someday.

I did. The most surefire way to be wrong, is to be sure about something. Taking all advice with a grain of salt (not too many grains, bad for the kidneys) is a Good Thing, and from that reasoning, serving your advice with a grain of salt is a positive thing. It will also not rub people the wrong way as easily, and they won't feel attacked in their current viewpoint, so it can increase the chance that they will actually listen to it.

Note: this doesn't always work, but it might. Sometimes. Also, don't take social advice from Aspergers on internet fora. It's bound to get you into trouble. (See what I did there? )

Edit: ah just got ninja'd

[Sappho]

Wait, what? Did you just write that the best way to make a point is to be both unreliable and actively ask people not to believe what you say? That's a refreshing approach to persuasion. I'll try it someday.

Please do not start arguing in my thread. This thread is for self-analysis, experiments, and friendly discussion. If you want to argue about Cracked, please do it elsewhere. It's enough to state your opinions here, add whether you agree or disagree with others if you like, but leave all sarcasm and hostility at the door. Thanks.

[scrdest]

Irony: today's Cracked article?

The 5 Luckiest Accidents That Scientists Passed Off as Skill

EDIT: Fixing bad copypasta

[Siquo]

Hmm, I stopped interpreting sarcasm and now take quotes at face value. That way, he really was astonished to learn a refreshing new way of making your argument.

[Sappho]

Ha, that's a good idea, Siquo. It's a shame I always expect people online to be flaming or trolling or yoloing or whatever the kids are into these days.

But it's not a bad idea for me to make it clear that this thread is really not the place for that stuff. I don't want arguments or hostility of any kind here. It's not a debate thread. It's my experiment thread. Opinions and ideas can certainly be shared, but if an argument begins, it can move somewhere else. You've got a whole internet to scream futilely at strangers who disagree with you. This one thread is mine. MIIIIINE!!! And it will remain a happy, friendly, encouraging place, whether you lot like it or not. 

[Siquo]

Ghegheghe I needed a new sig anyways.

[Sappho]

I am honored. : )

So it's a beautiful day outside, but I had a sleep attack and passed out for about an hour (in my own bed!). The afternoon taiji class started 15 minutes ago. Afternoons is push hands and sword form. I was planning to go, to make up for the missed training this morning. I was looking forward to it, actually. Usually in the afternoons I'm too tired from the morning to go. I'm awake now (obviously) but not really awake. My vision is still blurry, limbs still heavy. No way in hell could I handle push hands just now. I'm kind of angry, actually. I'm sick of missing things because I'm too tired. I slept enough last night, and I just had this little "nap," but I feel more tired than I did before I fell asleep. I can't even walk in a straight line. I'm glad I live alone because I don't want anyone to see me staggering around like a drunk (though I don't seem to have any problem telling you guys about it).

I suppose it could be a result of the stress of traveling to the dentist on a noisy tram, waiting in a chair for 40 minutes while a group of men talked very loudly standing right next to me, mildly freaking out in the chair as the dentist scraped my teeth with that hook they have, and the strange sensation of the stuff he put on my tooth to desensitize it, which got on my upper lip and I can still feel/taste it, followed by the tram ride home.

The worst part is, aside from the dentist visit, I haven't really accomplished anything today. No writing, no drawing, no exercise except my 3 sets of 6 push-ups today. It's beautiful and sunny outside and I'm sitting on the sofa in my pajamas constantly fixing typos because my half-limp fingers keep hitting the wrong keys. I should be outside with my friends playing with push hands and laughing and planning to go out for drinks afterward.

This is incredibly frustrating. I'm gonna try some caffeine and chocolate. If I can wake myself up by 5, I can still go for half the class. Better than nothing. If not... Maybe I'll just go back to bed and sleep until morning and try not to worry about having lost a whole day.

[Tiruin]

This is one beautiful thread and I'm watching this.


Query: Are you sticking to a regular sleep schedule or at the very least not sleeping according to how you feel (erratic schedules of when to sleep regardless of time of day)? Also don't overdose on the caffeine--stimulants to the body are good in moderation when you need the extra perk, but rely on them too much and there will be spikes of energy shifting you from 'I can totally do this' to a state of crashing due to fatigue.

The last part was just a generality as I'm unsure how the case is there

[Sappho]

At the moment my sleep schedule is as close to regular as I can manage. I mean, I'm getting up early every morning except Monday for training, so I have to be in bed at a reasonable time. On the other hand, if I try to go to bed when I'm wide awake, I'll just lie there thinking and thinking and worrying about oversleeping the next day and keeping myself awake even longer, and further associating bed with not sleeping. I've heard if you can't sleep after a while you should get up and go do something relaxing like reading a book, so the bed area doesn't get associated with being awake, and you should never do anything but sleeping (and sex, if you're lucky enough to have that option) in your bed. I suppose it's probably a bit late for that with me, but I still make an effort. And I'm conditioned to waking up early, so much so that when I don't have to wake up early, I still can't sleep any later than about 7. I figure that's a good thing, keep a bit of regularity in my schedule and try to be awake whenever the sun is up.

When I feel like I'm going to fall asleep, I have to fall asleep if I can. When I say "sleep attack" I really mean it. I can either stumble around like a drunkard trying to stay awake, or I can just lie down and take a nap. If it does turn out to be narcolepsy, they say that you shouldn't fight the sleep attacks, just let the nap happen. Usually when you wake up from it you'll feel better for at least a few hours. Sometimes I'm not so lucky but usually they help.

I try not to use too much caffeine, but it's tough because I love tea. Real, proper tea, which happens to have loads of caffeine in it. I don't usually crash from a cup of tea though. If I really need an energy boost, tea is not usually enough anyway. Caffeine works differently in tea, depending on the type and how you prepare it. I use coffee when I really need the energy, and I try not to do that too often (which is easy because I don't like coffee). Or, if coffee isn't on hand, I might drink some soda or something, but I try to avoid that stuff.

In any case, the sleep attacks are not caffeine crashes, for sure. All the tracking of myself for the month I was doing so demonstrated that regardless of caffeine intake, I tend to be sleepy all the time, and the spikes of sleepiness are always around the same times of day (or in the same situations). The correlation was almost universally to stress. The more stressed I am, the more sleepy I get. This is separate from anxiety, which tends to keep me awake. I'm thinking maybe one of the reasons I don't fall asleep easy enough at night is because, being at home in my space, the stress of the day is gone, relieving the sleepiness, but that frees up my mind to panic about everything that happened that day and will happen the next day (especially social interactions), so the anxiety of that keeps me awake. Hmmmmmmmmm.

As might be evident by the fact I'm here writing this, I did not manage to wake up enough to go to training. I'm really frustrated. I made myself do 6 push-ups to fight the sinking feeling of having failed for the day, but it didn't wake me up. I tried to just go back to sleep, but I guess the bit of caffeine did its job in keeping me awake because although I can't think straight, I also can't sleep. Well done, self.

[Sappho]

Last night before bed I had a glass of wine, to help me sleep. It did not help me sleep actually, but it did keep me from waking up this morning. I dragged myself out of bed 45 minutes late and stumbled groggily into training at 8:45. I was half-asleep right up until the end. I made some nice food for lunch which was cool, then I pretty much passed out. I spent the afternoon alternating between napping and feeling really depressed. I think I did 3 or 4 extra sets of 7 push-ups but they didn't really help (at least I can be getting stronger). At one point I got so depressed I was crying for no reason, then angry at myself for crying for no reason, and spiraling thusly onward until I decided I needed a push to get my ass moving and do something. Since there was no one else around to push me (the cat was lying on his back on the floor and generally being no help at all), I imagined my taiji teacher had just showed up for a surprise visit (nevermind that this is impossible since I live on the 2nd floor of an apartment building with no doorbell and you need 2 keys to get in).

Guys, imaginary friends can be really surprisingly helpful. I had him act the way I figure he really would in real life. First comforting me, then seeing that I need someone to kick my ass a bit, then demanding that I get up immediately and do some standing with him (taiji exercise). "Together" we focused on how it was feeling, how my body was adjusting to it, how my standing practice has changed over time. Then he asked if I felt a bit better, and when I said yes he said good, now get to work cleaning up this mess, no excuses, no buts. As in real life, he smiled and said it in a half-joking way yet it was clear that he was the authority and I'd better hop to it. I picked up the floor in the living room and kitchen and vacuumed, and did a bit of tidying of clutter. It's still not perfect but by the time I stopped there was a definite improvement and I felt somewhat better.

So I guess the verdict for the day is: push-ups good but not gonna cure any depression on their own, imaginary friends are a highly effective motivational tool, no wine before bed.

I hope no one I know in real life ever reads this, guys.

[Sappho]

Someone advised me to read this: http://www.urbandharma.org/pdf/mindfulness_in_plain_english.pdf
It's a how-to-start-with-meditation guide, and apparently can help overcome chronic terminal ennui. Haven't started on it yet (of course), as procrastination is way more important. Will report if I get results.

I've been reading through this a bit more today. First of all, I'm 25 pages in (about a quarter of the book) and it's still just introduction, going on and on about all the reasons why I should keep reading, all the amazing things this book will teach me to do... eventually?

More importantly, though, is the descriptions of what Vipassana meditation is all about. From what I understand so far, it basically seems to be training people into autistic (detail-oriented) perception: really seeing and thinking about everything going on around you all the time - hearing every sound, seeing everything for what it really is. This is what I do already, what I've always done, what I can't turn off. When I see "grass" I actually consciously see each blade of grass, and some part of my brain is always thinking about the fact that this grass is actually billions of tiny factories for turning sunshine into more grass, and how young each blade of grass is, and how quickly each will die and turn into dirt, and the different ways it can be killed. I notice every detail of growth in my houseplants and can spend hours looking at them. When someone rude bumps into me walking down the street, my mind floods with possible explanations for his rudeness, the bad day he might have had, the rude person who might have bumped *him* earlier and put him in a bad mood. I'm always conscious of how transient everything is. Especially since I started all my little "experiments," I'm always fully aware of how fleeting my moods are, how impermanent absolutely everything in life is.

And the book is saying that this way of viewing the world and thinking about life will bring you peace. This is where I do a double-take. This kind of awareness takes a level of processing above and beyond what a normal (neurotypical) mind does, and it's constantly overwhelming. That's why autistic people have such difficulties! We're trying to process way more than our brains were designed to process. There's a reason people see only a generalized outline of reality: because it's all they can handle, and it's all they need to continue the species.

I'm very curious to see how this little manual will explain how this kind of awareness can bring you peace. This ought to be very interesting!

[Tiruin]

...crying for no reason, then angry at myself for crying for no reason, and spiraling thusly onward until I decided I needed a push...

...imaginary friends can be really surprisingly helpful.

I can really relate with these parts :/

Just the notion of someone comforting and helping you when you're down and not alright with what's going on in your perspective really gives a boost to morale.

[Siquo]

Someone advised me to read this: http://www.urbandharma.org/pdf/mindfulness_in_plain_english.pdf
It's a how-to-start-with-meditation guide, and apparently can help overcome chronic terminal ennui. Haven't started on it yet (of course), as procrastination is way more important. Will report if I get results.

I've been reading through this a bit more today. First of all, I'm 25 pages in (about a quarter of the book) and it's still just introduction, going on and on about all the reasons why I should keep reading, all the amazing things this book will teach me to do... eventually?

I'm very curious to see how this little manual will explain how this kind of awareness can bring you peace. This ought to be very interesting!

Haven't read beyond a single page yet, will do so in the coming week, so don't hold it against me if the book sucks

[Sappho]

I haven't been tracking much of anything, but I also haven't been doing much of anything. No writing or drawing or painting, only minimal cleaning, a LOT of sleeping. A lot of feeling depressed. Today, however, I'm feeling good. Analysis must take place, obviously.

Today is the free day from training. Yesterday I intentionally pushed myself a bit too hard. There's only one week left of summer training and then I have to work full time for 2 weeks! So yesterday morning I went to training (a bit late but not too much). I was sleepy the whole time. Could NOT wake up all the way. Hadn't slept much the night before either because a few of us had gone out for drinks after afternoon training and I got home way too late. Anyway at the morning training a bunch of people were planning to go to a pub for dinner after the afternoon training and I agreed to go with them, which meant I would have to go to afternoon training too.

I went home, made lunch, had a shower, and tried to take a nap, but just as I was on the edge of falling asleep I realized it was time to leave for afternoon training, so I dragged myself back out of bed and out into the world. I was pretty lethargic the whole time, just couldn't snap out of it. I probably wasn't a very good training partner because I couldn't provide much resistance, and my reaction time was uselessly slow. At the end, though, we headed to dinner. By this time I was already a bit overstimulated and was thinking maybe it would be better to go home, but I made myself go anyway. When we go to the restaurant I managed to sit next to my teacher and across from a guy I am starting to develop an interest in, so I had a comfort zone, but we were a big group and many of the women were laughing really REALLY loudly and I thought I'd lose it.

Fortunately by focusing on conversation with just one or two people I managed to feel a bit better, and in the end I had a nice time. When I finally got home it was quite late and I managed to get to sleep fairly quickly, completely exhausted from the day.

The really interesting part is that today I feel quite good. Although I did wake up once during the night, I slept much better than usual, and although I was groggy at first, it didn't take too long to wake up all the way, and now I don't feel particularly tired. I feel as though I can finally focus on some things - I will get some writing done today for sure. I don't feel the desire to lose myself in video games, and I haven't watched any videos yet, just listening to music in the background (even dancing a bit).

So, the question is, why do I feel so good today? I don't often feel this way and there has to be a reason. I have 2 theories, but it won't be easy to test them.

The first theory is that after two nights of not sleeping and two days of physical activity, my body finally overrode my brain and I got more "proper" sleep for a change, so I feel more rested today and not depressed. Past experiences would seem to contradict this though. Usually it doesn't matter how exhausted I am; I just don't sleep properly and am always tired.

The second has to do with this guy I'm starting to be interested in. Until just the past couple of days I never really thought of him in that way. I didn't know him very well. I tend not to be attracted to people physically until I get to know their personality - if they turn out to be someone I like, I start finding them physically attractive. (I consider this an advantage, since I'm not chasing people based purely on looks.) So I've been spending a lot of time feeling shitty and stressed about this girl I'm infatuated with. She was the only object of my affection. Now I have someone else to think about, someone who actually seems interested in me, someone who won't play the same games with me as the girl has. We had really nice conversations last night. Time will tell if I'm just on a rush from the idea of it, or if it is sustainable.

The same guy has also been making his own kombucha for years, and he gave me a large portion of his starter mushroom (SCOBY) so I can make my own. My first batch has been brewing for just over a day now. It's very exciting. Actually, I need to get some cheesecloth to cover the jar with (I'm just using a thin handkerchief now but it probably needs to breathe more), but I have NO IDEA where one buys cheesecloth. Can anyone guide me? What kind of store do you go to for cheesecloth? I also need it to try making soya milk.

[DJ]

Try farming supplies store.