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[Neonivek]

So I am thinking about my game again between the poorly named Evander Justice and his significant other the current unnamed female protagonist.

Now both Evander Justice and his wife (and I wish I had a name for her already because of how objectifying it is) are meant to have different personalities, likes, dislikes, and ways of going about doing things.

With Evander being more bookish and contemplative often with his solutions not being direct manipulation but rather seeking to understand what is around him.

With his Wife being more direct and hands on and her solutions coming from what she already carries on her then of new discovery.

So this means that she is essentially the active one in their relationship and yet this is sort of a time before relationships even really existed and yet it was somewhere I wanted to go.

Though when I look at media the guy no matter what is the active member of the relationship. EVEN WHEN the woman pulls the shots, it is only to direct the male to act upon her. The woman in media has such an expectation of being faultless and required to do absolutely nothing in a relationship that I am not even quite sure what a woman active relationship is.

So I guess I want to ask this. What is a woman being active in a relationship with a male, or even being "the active person" in the relationship keeping in mind the stigma of the male being inactive being.

Now I have some idea of what they initially liked each other for. Evander respects her wit and intelligence, something he would value highly, while she likes the way he treats her and things go from there.

I think that in the story of how they came to be. She is the agent because Evander is much too passive to take action upon it. Yet at the same time I think that she isn't someone who would actively seek a relationship either but would be the one who would initiate it.

So to help with this process I guess I'll ask you... What makes a woman active in a relationship?

[penguinofhonor]

I thought this was a Novel thread for a minute.

[Neonivek]

I thought this was a Novel thread for a minute.

Honestly if I had talent and amount I totally would make this a novel or short story.

But my attempts at creative writing are... lets say embarrassing. If people need convincing I'll write a story later on these characters.

[Eagle_eye]

He means Novel the user, who has a habit of posting questions for discussion completely out of the blue.

[Neonivek]

I think part of why males are often the active one in relationships is because the female has to be the "mature one" while the male is immature.

Thus the woman takes a passive role because she is always waiting for the male to catch up, discover he likes her, learn his lesson and what have you.

So the question is, what do you do when you want to see if you like someone who doesn't make any moves and what frustrations comes from that?

[Xantalos]

I think Neonevik and Novel have undergone that thing that Lindsey Lohan did in Freaky Friday.

[Lovechild]

Just use standard gender roles but flip the genders?

I think part of why women are often the active one in relationships is because the man has to be the "mature one" while the woman is immature.

Thus the man takes a passive role because he is always waiting for the woman to catch up, discover she likes him, learn her lesson and what have you.

[Max White]

I think part of why males are often the active one in relationships is because the female has to be the "mature one" while the male is immature.

Thus the woman takes a passive role because she is always waiting for the male to catch up, discover he likes her, learn his lesson and what have you.

So the question is, what do you do when you want to see if you like someone who doesn't make any moves and what frustrations comes from that?

Well it sounds kind of like your damned if you do and damned if you don't!
Look, it you are trying to avoid any sexist stereotypes then pro tip: You won't. There is always, always, always a way to interpret something as sexist one way or another. As soon as you start trying to guide a character based on their gender, you are doing it wrong.

If you want your female character to have an 'active' role, if such a thing exists, then maybe you have to let her make stupid mistakes so that the passive male character can be the voice of reason. Maybe they will just be less mature. This isn't a problem. You are allowed to have interesting female characters you know!

[Neonivek]

you want your female character to have an 'active' role, if such a thing exists

It exists. This isn't some holy grail of relationships it is something that exists in real life but that doesn't exist in media (mostly because media enforced gender roles even when it breaks them).

Hence why I am asking. so I can get a more clear idea.

[weenog]

You might want to try examining some real and fictional homosexual relationships.  It's easier to strip gender out of the differences between proactive and reactive members of a relationship, when there is no difference in gender.

[Neonivek]

You might want to try examining some real and fictional homosexual relationships.  It's easier to strip gender out of the differences between proactive and reactive members of a relationship, when there is no difference in gender.

I don't want to explore outright romance just yet, I mostly want to get the idea of how real relationships work.

Since even when dealing with "homosexual relationships" the stereotypes are there, but the gender has been eliminated.

Yet I think I am starting to understand the answer is that no one really knows because the question is too simple. Yet I still want some idea.

[weenog]

The answer is stop thinking of her as a woman and start thinking of her as a person.  If you can't do that, it's another problem, and one possible solution is to look at examples where the male/female difference is already conveniently eliminated for you.

[Neonivek]

The answer is stop thinking of her as a woman and start thinking of her as a person.  If you can't do that, it's another problem, and one possible solution is to look at examples where the male/female difference is already conveniently eliminated for you.

No I have that already as well as her themes.

But I want to round out a relationship so I want to know about this question.

There is a complexity with relationships in real life that I am trying to explore.

[Vector]

Personally?  I open doors, pay for dates, make presents, ask the dude on dates, take the lead when we're on walks, am spontaneously romantic, whatever.  I hate being the active partner.  If the guy I was dating would just frickin' do the same thing, I'd be happier.

I don't lead sexually but that's because I don't want to have sex.  I would happily lead make-out sessions too if I knew that I had any sort of control over what was happening.

[Neonivek]

am spontaneously romantic

Hmmm now that is something... combined with

If the guy I was dating would just frickin' do the same thing

And there may be something in there.

This makes a very strained relationship. A sort of understanding of how the relationship should go but without the commitment or realization of the other half.

Someone who takes an active role in a relationship who also expects active participation. That could be the complexity.

Yet from the other side what is there? What does he think of such a relationship assuming he isn't a jerk? hmmmm...