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[Dredonius]

You really should never have gone on that cruise. Unfortunately, since your AWFUL PARENTS decided to make you come along, you're stuck on a DESERTED ISLAND in the middle of the PACIFIC OCEAN. Fortunately for you, your awful parents are now under the sea, probably being eaten by ravenous hagfish.




The problem at hand still stands, though. You're on a deserted island. How the hell are you going to get...

FOOD

SHELTER

A WITTY COMPANION

A OVERARCHING STORYLINE

A FANTASTICAL FULLY-GROWN BEARD



Perhaps you should check some of the drift on the beach. Maybe your wallet or cruise ticket is still in there...

[freeformschooler]

>Find Wilson

[Remuthra]

>Examine nearby rock formation.

[IronyOwl]

>Find Wilson

This. We'll go INSANE without WILSON's entirely reasonable suggestions and witty dialogue.

[kj1225]

>Grow bread through shear willpower.

[Blade Master Model 42]

>See if that white thing on the right is a sheet, or cellophane. Either way, win!

[Remuthra]

>See if that white thing on the right is a sheet, or cellophane. Either way, win!

>Instead, pick up garrote.

Remember, MPSA means item-weapon duality.

[Blade Master Model 42]

I still hope it's a piece of cellophane, on an island this small, a solar still is likely to be the safest source of water.

[Dredonius]

>Grow bread through shear willpower.

What.



You need none of this accursed BREAD. All you need is a LUXURIOUS BEARD. This is an outrage. An insult towards all survivalists on deserted islands. Shame on you.

>See if that white thing on the right is a sheet, or cellophane. Either way, win!

>Instead, pick up garrote.

Remember, MPSA means item-weapon duality.

This doesn't seem like a sheet, or cellophane. In fact, it looks very much like a sail. Maybe it's the sail from the CRUISE SHIP you were on with your parents.

It might not make a good GARROTING ARMAMENT, but that certainly looks like a good BASHING BATON in the center.

[Remuthra]

>Examine inventory system.

[TCM]

Reflect on the existences of all of the campers you've murdered.

[kj1225]

>Grow a GLORIOUS BEARD THROUGH SHEAR WILLPOWER!

[Sensei]

>GROW A GLORIOUS BEARD THROUGH SHEER WILLPOWER

Also, take stock of all the the junk that's within immediate view.

[Blade Master Model 42]

Disassemble the sail. If you find another rigid object, you can create a rough lean-to for shelter.

[Dredonius]

>Examine inventory system.

You open your FANCIFUL INVENTORY CHEST.

Inside, you can find the two lines of text that your great grandfather inscribed into the surface.

Your FINESSE DECK, which shows your FINESSES, and what's happening to you at the moment.

And, your ITEMIZATION BOX, a part of the chest where your items are stored.

>Grow a GLORIOUS BEARD THROUGH SHEAR WILLPOWER!

You grow a pair of FANCIFUL SIDEBURNS. Unfortunately, this is still not a GLORIOUS BEARD, and you are quite ashamed of that fact.

>Take stock of all the the junk that's within immediate view.

Currently, on the DESERTED BEACH, you can see four items.



A BELL-SHAPED OBJECT and a WOODEN BOARD (Perhaps a piece for a future shelter.)



You're not sure what this is, but if you want to venture out to get it, you'll have to be better prepared than tattered clothes. Maybe a better BEARD as well.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The BEARD is the levelling system, so growing it all at once isn't really what I'm hoping for.