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[Putnam]

This was a run-of-the-mill crush. Something you would expect from anyone of my age.

She was a pretty girl. Heck, I still know her. She's still a pretty girl. I just don't have a crush. At all. There were a few things that, in my mind, set her apart, though:

1. She played the same instrument as me. I didn't know it at the time, but music was something that invaded my life just as much as it is in mine now.

2. She was pretty. I liked to pretend this wasn't a factor. That was bullshit.

3. She got better grades than me and many considered her to be smarter, me included. Ohoho. That one got me riled. And by that, I mean crushing.

Naturally, the majority of this was an ideal. The issue is how long I spent to build up this ideal. I had this crush for 3 years and didn't say a single word. Nowadays, this is kinda hilarious to me. She's not scary. The issue was me. And I was a wimp.

The entire effort I made to... something... this girl (Seriously, I can't even ascertain my motives in this situation) is that I could (and still can) tell the difference between her and her twin sister on sight. They keep different lengths of hair and play different instruments. Whoop-dee-doo. I can figure it out now on sight, immediately, when they're making an effort to appear similar, but that's what we call being around someone for long enough. Anyway, it was hilarious. I wrote things. Angsty things.

One of them, I posted on GameFAQs and used her real name. This being GameFAQs, it was posted on a livejournal for all to see. I regret this for her sake, but my emotional disconnect with my past actions is enough that I can laugh at myself all day. Anyway, to nobody's surprise, she found it. Got mutual friend to talk to me about it. Nothing interesting happened. We have an amicable relationship now, made up of nothing significant. We still play the same instrument. She thinks I'm a genius, but then everyone does (It kinda bothers me, but I like to milk it for humor). There's nothing more to say; that is the entire depth of our relationship. "S/he thinks I'm a genius" is assumed by half the population of the school, so that's not special, either. This is the best-case, all things considered.

My entire psychological state up until my junior year of high school from last year of middle school were based entirely around this envy-crush I had. I was pretentious as fuck. I thought I was surrounded by idiots. Literally used that term in my head. Then I joined Bay 12, where people actually are smarter, and got a hobby, which distracted me from doing useless shit all day :V

Lesson: GameFAQs is not where you post personal info! Also, don't get crushes. Also, hormones and the internet do not go together. Also, you'd better have a large group of friends who won't ditch you for being incredibly creepy. Also, get hobbies. Also, be friendly. There are lots of lessons you can get out of this funny little story.

Now, point of discussion: have you done anything that make you look back on yourself and just say... "how could I be so stupid?"

[Trapezohedron]

I've done everything you've done, well, except the GameFAQs part.

I've had a crush on a girl, who's crazy intelligent and pretty enough. It went somewhat like the first part of your post, but I eventually said to my brothers that I had a crush. They then hacked my facebook account and checked to see who it was. They concluded she wasn't pretty enough to suit their standards and basically mocked me for it. They asked me why I didn't fall for that other girl (who was prettier, I'd admit, but she lacked brain power. I'm attracted to intelligence), and why I had a crush on that girl instead? I told them because she was smart and such, but they were just laughing at me.

I just gave up. It was an unconfirmed crush anyway, so I stopped. I became jaded, because my brothers can choose who they want to date and if I did, they'd make horrible fun out of me? F**king unfair, bros. It was stupid of me to say that, and have a crush on an idealized version of a person anyway.

[Putnam]

Yeah, my crush is still, like, #1 Top Single Girl In High School or whatever. Not sure if she's single, never bothered to check, same with her sister. I don't believe in leagues, but... hehe, me back then? That's funny.

[Xantalos]

If I remember correctly, though I've purged most of it from my memory banks, the first couple of times I felt attaction to a member of the opposite sex resulted in a few days of discreet staring followed by disintrest.

[Putnam]

Ah, discreet staring. One of my fonder* memories.

*fonder means most hysterical

[Flying Dice]

I deliberately "friendzoned" (I use that with a substantial degree of hesitance) myself a few times because I cared more about certain girls as friends than as potential romantic interests. :|

[Max White]

I didn't get my first kiss until after highschool.

[Xantalos]

I deliberately "friendzoned" (I use that with a substantial degree of hesitance) myself a few times because I cared more about certain girls as friends than as potential romantic interests. :|

I didn't get my first kiss until after highschool.

How are these stupid

[Max White]

You weren't there! You didn't know me!

Actually to be fair on myself, I didn't know me. My life got so, soo, sooooo much better once I got some independence and had to feed and dress myself. I could take myself to the doctor when I needed it and find my own way home when I had to, and it is great. Boosted confidence, let me actually interact with people, and turns out I really like interacting with people.

[Pnx]

... I've never even had a first kiss...

[Flying Dice]

I deliberately "friendzoned" (I use that with a substantial degree of hesitance) myself a few times because I cared more about certain girls as friends than as potential romantic interests. :|

I didn't get my first kiss until after highschool.

How are these stupid

It's stupid in my case because I was deliberately shutting myself off from romantic interactions during the time when people are generally given a greater degree of license to practice not being complete idiots in relationships. Kissless virgin at 20 and I don't particularly care; physical attraction is a scale from abstract appreciation of beauty to minor annoyance and romantic attraction is something to admire in stories and friends, as well as a mild potential for future interest. More simply, I don't particularly care about my lack of relationship. Though if I'm going to be completely honest with myself I have to admit that that's a rather massive fabrication I've put up so that I won't think about how desperately painful it is to be alone, because I'm terrified of the nonexistent risk involved and have essentially no passive social awareness.

So in other words I'm a coward, I know I'm a coward, I know that my rationale is idiotic, but I can't bring myself to care enough to do anything about it, and I'm completely passive in all varieties of relationship so it is unlikely that anything will happen outside of my own (lack of) initiative. Perhaps I'd have made for a good child in a time and place where arranged marriages were common because I'd go along with whatever my family arranged without complaint, and isn't that a depressing thought. Maybe I'll have dealt with my social motivation and confidence issues by the time I'm retired.


What the fuck was that?

[Putnam]

That's what happens, man. Sometimes you get self-reflecting. At this point, you either do it more if you like it or keep a squirt gun around if you don't.

[Xantalos]

That was sort of my views.
Sort of.

[Sirus]

... I've never even had a first kiss...

...high five?

[Trapezohedron]

... I've never even had a first kiss...

...high five?

...high five. :|