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[dree12]

A bit of background.

I had a brief crush on a girl that goes to the same high school as I (I am male). We flirted around, chatted, etc., but I never got the chance to ask her out. Eventually, she started to ignore me, because these things end as quickly as they start. But then I made a stupid decision to try to win her back. Needless to say, it didn't work.

Now I've moved on in life. I've found a new girl, etc. But the girl I used to like hates me now because of what I did. As very few people (i.e. no others) hate me, this feels really awkward. I don't want to confront her, because that would probably make things worse. But I feel that a laissez-faire approach isn't exactly perfect here either. If nothing more, I'd be stuck in this position for a while. To make things worse, we share a friend circle—her friends are also my friends.

So I'm at a crossroads here. I can either do something and risk making things worse, or I can do nothing and blindly hope time can fix things. I know I made the mistake, but I'm still unprepared to take the consequences of it. As you can doubtlessly see, I'm desperate for a solution (otherwise, I would not be asking here of all places ).

I live a good life and don't mind these small things. But I'd probably feel more successful if I can fix this.

Any advice?

[Lectorog]

Talk to her, find out if she can not make a problem out of things. Trying to ignore her won't make her hate you less.
Is there really a risk in making things worse?

[Flying Dice]

It's almost certainly better to try to work things out. Barring the possibility of you having done something that gives her a legitimate reason to hate your guts (which we can't really know, given what you've told us) there's no real reason not to do so. If it works, great! If she hates you more, at least you tried to make amends.

[Vector]

Yeah, just say "Hey, can we talk about what happened" or whatever.  If you admit that you were a tool (I have no idea what you did, so that's just the default epithet I'm going to go with), you might be surprised just how amenable most people are to discussion.

. . . Also, you may want to clear it with current-girl first.  I'm not saying she's your keeper or whatever, but I've discovered retroactively that people don't like it when you move from "cold war" to "detente" with ex's without asking first

[weenog]

Might've said some nonsense about only having eyes for her and loving her forever, in the course of trying to woo her.

[Vector]

Might've said some nonsense about only having eyes for her and loving her forever, in the course of trying to woo her.

You know each other personally, then?

. . . Yeah, that's probably something she's not going to get over for a while.  I wouldn't talk to her for, oh, five years.  I'm not even kidding about that.

[Tiruin]

Be honest and sincere.

Approach as your intention says that you want to clear things up between you two - no ill blood. You did a mistake, admit it in front of her. Doing something may make things worse, but they also may make things better - you've presented the dark side and not the light

...And I guess you're already taking the consequences? I mean, you think she hates you - explain that point to her and what you think you've done and say what made you decide to apologize. Any reason why you're apologizing anyway? The consequences exist in the mind of a person unless its mutually agreed upon by both parties. (I'm not that knowledgeable in french about how you approach though).

Just act. Clear it up in a way that doesn't speak of grandeur intention - don't pretend to be something you're not, and go for it.

It gets better in mostly all situations given that case of person-person approach than any other method. Or so my experience dictates.

[dree12]

Might've said some nonsense about only having eyes for her and loving her forever, in the course of trying to woo her.

Nothing like that. I was probably too pompous though, and tried to get us on good terms again even when she clearly didn't want to.

Be honest and sincere.

Approach as your intention says that you want to clear things up between you two - no ill blood. You did a mistake, admit it in front of her. Doing something may make things worse, but they also may make things better - you've presented the dark side and not the light

...And I guess you're already taking the consequences? I mean, you think she hates you - explain that point to her and what you think you've done and say what made you decide to apologize. Any reason why you're apologizing anyway? The consequences exist in the mind of a person unless its mutually agreed upon by both parties. (I'm not that knowledgeable in french about how you approach though).

Just act. Clear it up in a way that doesn't speak of grandeur intention - don't pretend to be something you're not, and go for it.

It gets better in mostly all situations given that case of person-person approach than any other method. Or so my experience dictates.

The consequences aren't severe. We share a friend circle, but I have to take care not to participate in any social events she does. It's annoying, but not really destructive.

My point of view here probably doesn't do her justice. I know she isn't a cruel, heartless person. But I can't do anything around her without making her visibly mad. Most people find me good company, which is why this is such a shock. I feel the burden would be on me to apologize and try to set things right.

Thanks for all the advice! I'll put ahead a third option I have to the crowd. I can also get one of my friends to help set things right. It'd mean I wouldn't have to confront her, as confronting her would make her angry and less agreeable, but it'd also be seen as less sincere. What do you think?

[weenog]

Do not operate through a proxy.  This is your mess, you clean it up.  Regardless of how she reacts, if you "get one of my friends to help set things right", every last person in that shared friend circle will remember that you lacked the courage and responsibility to face consequences and handle your business yourself.  That'll hurt you more than the superficial hatred of a failed high school relationship could.

[Vector]

Do not operate through a proxy.  This is your mess, you clean it up.  Regardless of how she reacts, if you "get one of my friends to help set things right", every last person in that shared friend circle will remember that you lacked the courage and responsibility to face consequences and handle your business yourself.  That'll hurt you more than the superficial hatred of a failed high school relationship could.

This.  Look, if someone's being destructive to you and won't talk about it, then I think it's time to call in intermediaries.  Or if there's a lot of backlash to a large number of people.  But if it's really just the two of you and it's just a little old skirmish, don't get someone else to muck your issues.

[nenjin]

I've fallen into at least one awkward situation in a group of shared friends. My advice? Don't talk about it. Let it go. Being overbearing is what got you in trouble in the first place, remember?

Everyone has maturity issues, and the best cure for that is time and perspective. If you're not craving her company, the best way to fix things is to back off, keep growing up as a person, and let that stand as a testament to how absurd things used to be. If this is highschool stuff, trust me, in 5 years, you're all going to be very different people.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

What exactly did you do? Because with what you've said so far it seems to me like she should just suck it up.

[LordBucket]

Any advice?

Tell your current girlfriend what's going on. Explain to her openly and honestly that there's a girl with whom you used to share a crush, but whom you never asked out, and who is now angry and envious because you didn't. Explain to your current girlfriend that you're telling her this because you value her, and are glad that you asked her out instead of this other girl, but nevertheless this situation exists. Explain to her clearly that you're not breaking up with her, you're not cheating on her, and that you're telling her all this because it's important for her to know, you want her to be your girlfriend and are happy that she is, and because this sort of situation sometimes goes horribly wrong and you want to avoid anything going horribly wrong. Then truthfully answer any questions she has.

That's my advice.

[Flying Dice]

Agreed on LB's point here. Make sure your girlfriend gets the story straight from you before you do anything else.

[Catsup]

Needless to say, it didn't work.

Now I've moved on in life. I've found a new girl, etc. But the girl I used to like hates me now because of what I did.

she needs to move on, not you, its her problem so tell her that the next time she flips you off. Thats about all you can do.