Year 104, part 3Imp, vampire mastermindLate AutumnI'm getting impatient with this vampire. I made a new juicer for him and had him bricked into it. He won't escape this time. I ordered the lever pulled to poke him full of holes and left him to stew for awhile. Everything went according to plan, but when we pulled up water in the bucket it was laced with disgusting yellow pus instead of delicious vampire blood. He must have gotten an infection from the earlier wounds. The peon that I had test drinking it just turned green and puked for a week straight. He was torn apart when I pitted him against an antman, so I can only assume that the vampire transformation was a failure. I have the vampire fished out of the well to heal from his wounds while a new juicer is constructed.
No sooner had I given those orders when I learn that a second antmen siege has arrived. How many of these creatures are there down in that cave? They find yet another hole in our perimeter wall. Hopefully this is the last of them.
I close the main entrance and order trap spiders positioned along the cliff ramparts. If they make it down the cliff through the traps and rain of bolas, they will have to make it through the ogres. I don't mean to lose any kobolds to this siege.
I order my military to stay within the burrow and fire through the ramparts, but Goat has a better idea. He charges across the cliff bridge to take on the approaching horde with only his trusty ogre Obabo. At first, it seems like he will succeed: his bolas sending legs and arms flying left and right. Then I see a flying drone dive down and tackle him right off the bridge. I order yet another coffin made.....
....but then I hear a report that he survived the fall and is busy killing the antmen who fell into the chasm. Obabo jumped down after him, and together they slaughter the antmen. As soon as we finish off the antmen on the cliff, I order a stairway built so that our victorious champion can climb out of the chasm. I am amazed to see that he is no more maimed than before the battle!
As the remaining antmen flee back toward the cave, a terrible beast emerges. It sprays dust everywhere, just like the one that poisoned all of the war beasts I had guarding the depot before. I am about to order the gates sealed when I get a report that it had encountered the fleeing antmen and immediately destroyed itself and them in a burst of dust.
WinterOkay, the vampire is no longer oozing pus and the new juicer is finished. This time I have them use a steel spike instead of wood. My witch doctor says that it can't get an infection if it is completely dead. So I order water added and then the lever pulled until the well just contains a delicious vampire paste. I try drinking the blood, but I don't notice anything. That damned drow lied to me! If I hadn't fed him to a drake when he demanded that I actually let him go, I would feed him to a drake for lying!
Luckily I have another drow prisoner to question about this. After a disappointingly short amount of drake mauling, he tells me that there is a ritual involved. A little more mauling and I have the recipe. I test it out on a fisherbold to make sure that it isn't a trick, and then I pit him against the drow as a test. He makes the drow vomit everywhere with a stare, and then tears it apart with his tiny little hands. I guess it worked!
I perform the ritual again for myself, and I can't believe how powerful it makes me. I find that I no longer need to eat, sleep, or drink water. I am stronger and faster than any normal kobold; I may even be as strong as an orc. I can make others nauseous with a stare. I do have a strange thirst for blood, though.
I proceed to turn the 9 kobolds I deem most important into vampires before I run out of blood: Nav, Goat, Meph, two skilled crafters, and 4 warriors to form a bloodguard. If we need more, we can always juice the fisherbold vampire. I order closets built for the peons to sleep in so that we can feed in privacy, and I appoint the weakest kobold in the camp to give the lash those convicted of murder with a wooden bola thrower.
One of the new vampire celebrates by making a truly legendary chef's hat for Meph
Late WinterThree scouts arrive at the same time to tell me that a drow caravan, more antmen, and an orc siege have arrived. How many times do I have to beat these antmen before they learn their lesson? I currently have 83 prisoners: mostly antmen. I guess I could use some more live targets and chitinplate to armor the ogres. The orcs are a concern, though. They brought cavalry, archers, and berserkers, led by a fearsome looking general named Uzo.
The drow manage to sneak past the orcs while the caravan guards distract them. They bring the steelclad sauropods that I had been wanting, which makes me very happy.
As my bloodguard equip themselves with the thoroughly poisoned and hexed weapons I have created for them, I question one of the orc captives about this Uzo. He must have been exaggerating, because he claimed that this Uzo was not only the clan lord of the orcs, but also a god and a vampire lord of incredible speed. He just looks like a naked orc with red eyes to me. We will have to see how he stands up to our newfound power.
My lifelong goal of becoming immortal complete, I relinquish control of the fort to Goat and Nav. There is nothing more that I can gain from being in charge that I can't gain through threats and violence.
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